Down....
 

I have been feeling soooooo down these days.... Suicidal to the point I wrote a letter saying goodbye to everything and everyone.... DONT WORRY. i wont do it.... Im too tired to even try....

The reason: frustration and failure like always....

Saw my therapist and yeah, everything he says make sense, but my brain simply cant process the info, believe what he is saying and feel better... I keep feeling blue and miserable even with therapy, meds and supplements...

Sorry, I needed to vent. Im tired of feeling, Im tired of my brain being awake and saying silly things 24/7.... It wont stop....

Thanks for listening.

Sorry to hear this, Blue.
I'd wondered how you were doing. :hug:

Are these feelings by any chance related to just having had your Birthday and with on going studies?

If you've had any med changes lately or if you've been on the same dose of meds for a long time, it might be worth going to talk with the doctor who prescribes them straight away and explain how you're feeling at the moment. If it is your therapist who prescribes your meds then they're obviously aware. Please keep going for your appointments until this low mood goes away.

Please try to remember that you've felt this way before and you've got better and stronger. I'm just sorry you have to deal with all the ups and downs and highs and lows. You will feel better soon. You just need to get through this tough stage again and remember there are always people to talk with here at NT. Your friends miss you when you're not around but they'll always be there when you need someone to lean on for a while.

How long have you been feeling this low?

take care of yourself there.

Hey dear Lara !!

I have been down for a week but yesterday was the worse... My doc knows, but he didnt say anything about changing meds/doses (at least now)...

Im frustrated because I planned something for a long time and at the end, I did it wrong and failed (not school related). the story is long and boring so I just wanted to summarize it...

My therapist gave me a book about perfectionism which Im reading now... I never saw myself like a perfectionist, but readig the description the author gives in that book, well, it seems I am one and according to that book, that's one of the reasons I dont enjoy life (and never have)... I fint it actually "funny"... Like, oh Lord... Really ?

Anyway, thanks for reading :hug: I love you.

(((Blue))) You are always so hard on yourself! We think you are dynamite and then some! :D

Ha !

You made me smile dear ! :) :hug:

Dear blue,
Have you been exercising still? I know how much that helps when we get those natural endorphines working.
I am sorry that it has been such a struggle for you.
(((((HUGS)))
bizi

:hug::hug:

dear friend if i may
i read and reread reread
as my therapist i am with for several years
tells me life has been difficult for me
but i must remember i have people who i am
responsible for
therefore not an option
and i ask him
i am tired of feeling as i do
i do not look to be depressed
my brain never stops
hence i don't like being awake
i am tired of crying
no one to really grasp what
my innards ache from the depressing
situations i have no control over
i now mourn a job gone because
i cannot move as i did
i'm scared so scared
and i can't shut the lights out
another one stuck
i hate it
i sorry you are hurting
me

Hugs
 

Blue that perfectionism demon was once a bane for me...and counsellor helped me beyond it. It is nice being imperfect just like everyone else, I find.
Sending hugs for you at this time.
M56 :hug: :hug: :hug::hug::hug:

Im tired guys.... I have been doing everything I can to try to change the way I see life, the way I see people around me, the way I see my family... I try to modify the way my brain see things.... and nothing works... I take my meds, I take my supplements, I see my therapist and do (or try to) the exercises he gives me, I run in the treadmill at least 3 days a week and yet, Im aching.... My whole life is a pain.....

My silly brain cant enjoy anything, cant see beauty.... It on,y sees the negative side of everything.... That of course depress me and send me back to my past where I just see more mistakes, failures, frustration.... Im tired of being me and I really dont know what else I can do to change :(

dear blue,
I am sorry that life is so hard right now for you.
YOu have been in this black hole before and have come out of it.
I am glad that you came to share your feelings with us here. That you trust us enough to open up.
I know that you are tired and are hurting.
(((((HUGS))))
I wish I could give you a real one, so place both of your arms around your self and give yourself a hug from me. Do it, it feels good!
bizi

I'm sorry you are going through this. Been there myself.

Here are some things that have always helped me when I get in terribly depressed moods. First, working out like a mad man has always lightened my mood. I take all the anger and frustration I have on the weights until exhausted. Not only do you relieve some of that rage, but you also bulk up. Just a thought. Also, I do things for other people. In my mind when I'm down and know I can't get out of that dark place, I figure helping others to find the happiness I cannot is a small consolation. I volunteer to help others, which brings a feeling of companionship, especially with animals.

Each day we continue on with our heads down, plodding forward, is a victory.

Thank you Bizi. You know I love you so much. Im keeping in mind that, like you said, I have been here, in this black hole and, eventually, managed to get out...

Thanks for the advices dear CovertBlack... I ran yesterday harder and faster than never before and, it did help...

I really want to get out of this dark days asap !

(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Perfect! Running is a great way to burn off those thoughts. Keep up the routine. It took a little while for me to notice an improvement in mood from exercise, but it will come.

Here is a little scientific evidence to back this up. This is but one study on the subject, but the first I found. All the best.

"There is scientific evidence to suggest that exercise alleviates symptoms of depression and may be useful in the treatment of mild to moderate major depressive disorder" (Dunn, Trivedi, Kampert, Clark, & Chambliss, 2005, p. 7).

Apparently I can't post links, but if you want the full paper message me.

Thank you so much CovertBlack !!!

I found the paper at pubmed :)

I have had a nasty headache all day today, I think it is my med :( so no running for me today but... Ugh, working on this... i have to defeat this...

I hope today is better for you! (((Blue)))

Thank Alffe :hug:


I wish I could defeat OCD forever ! Ugh.

blue
 

I struggle with that too. A frustrating disorder!

I really wish I had the words to take away the feelings that you feel. I wish I were near to give you a hug, or go for a run with you, or just sit and talk with you.

I wish there were some way that I could make you feel better. I too have discovered that I have OCD. It drives me nuts. I want everything to be perfect but I know that I am not perfect so that helps. But it drives my professors nuts because I am constantly pounding them with questions when I am stuck on a problem and need better clarification then what they are willing to provide at first.

I need to get off of here as this is finals week for me and I have to get up in a few hours but know that I love you and am sending you :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: and wishes that you are feeling better soon.

Abbie

as so do I
IT SUCKS
in my case i think
my OCD did not help my healing
and should have been addressed
before surgery
err to the side
"everything has a home"
sick indeed

((((Abbie)))) Hope your finals went well !!!

OCD is such a monster guys.... After years thinking my main problem was depression, now I know it is OCD which is obviously not helping with my depressed mood and actually causing it :eek:

Im exptremely tired of having 1 good day, 3 very bad days, 2 bad days, 1 ok day.... I know this is how life is supposed to be, but, they could be at least months... not days !!! I felt fine and calm like for 5 days and today again BOOM, here comes my obssessions for silly things... I mean, THE SAME SILLY THINGS that were bothering me the other day and that I thought I had got over.... :mad:

This is seriously making me sick on my stomach and head !!!

I am sorry that you struggle so.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

OCD and perfectionism
 

I think I am only mildly OCD and it manifests itself in my perfectionism and at work. What you said Blue really spoke to me. You should know that by sharing you will often help somebody by speaking something from inside the spirit that they need to hear. Thank you. You are a gift.

Blue Majo ~

(((((((( May you truly know you are surrounded by LOVE, in every circumstance ))))))))

You ARE worthy, just as you are!

Sometimes, it seems darkest just before a new breakthrough.
Rest when you can. Give yourself time to regroup.

I have not been able to participate here often over the past two years or so; yet, please know you are never forgotten. I send love and support your way, daily. So many other people do, as well!

You will overcome!
I have tremendous faith in you, Blue.

Eternal Love and Support, Dear Soul!
DejaVu

Sharing HUGZ
 

For everyone!

HUGZ in a comfortable color.

May all be well, and yes, I know well how hard it can be. One foot in front of the other.....that is the way to claim victory over the day.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:
M56

Amen! Amen! Amen!