Another newby here
 

Hi all.

First, I want to thank all of the amazing contributors that I've already seen on this group. I've been cruising this support group for a little while as I recently have been gaining firsthand knowledge of TBI and PCS.

A little about me: I'm married with four children ages 5 to 13 years old. On Sunday September 21st our solid wood pantry door broke off the hinge and clocked me in the left temple. I didn't think too much of it at the time, I've had plenty of had knocks before, what's another mild concussion? I pushed on through the rest the day really not feeling too bad. Maybe a little bit dizzy and definitely had a headache but I didn't feel too bad overall. I felt a little tired. Just another bump on the head.

I'm a middle school language arts teacher and I went into work the following Monday. About halfway through the day I knew something was terribly off. I was feeling very dizzy, I was mixing up my words, and yes my students were pointing that out to me, I had a hard time concentrating and I had no appetite at all. I called my doctors consulting nurse line at lunchtime and she advised that I go in to urgent care as soon as possible. After some basic office test and a normal CAT scan I was informed that I had a concussion (what, really?!) and that I should take it easy for a couple of days if possible. I took the doctors advice and took the next two days off of work. I essentially slept those two days almost entirely. I think denial that something worse was wrong and partially due to my stubborn nature I went ahead and tried to return to work Thursday morning. On my 20 minute drive in I probably had the thought at least four times that "I really should just turn around and go home." When I got to work and went to sign in I broke down in front of one of our office secretaries. I told her I was still feeling a little dizzy and that I just wasn't sure if I was up to being there. She told me to let her know if I thought I needed to go home ASAP and I promised that I would. Once I got up to my classroom I knew that I shouldn't be there at all. I was so stupid to have gone in. Our head secretary came up shortly thereafter and told me (nicely) to pack up and I needed to go home. She wasn't going to give me the choice.
I have not been back to work since then. In the meantime I have seen my PCP who put me on the agonizing"total brain rest for a month", a neurologist, I have had an MRI of my brain and cervical spine (both clear) and I have just seen a specialist to get started on cognitive evaluations and other testing to see what treatments and specialists I need from here on out. I have almost all of the classic TBI/PCS symptoms and apparently some issues with my vestibular functioning.

I've been meaning to introduce myself for a while but today I feel I particularly need to reach out because I feel like I am on the verge of a breakdown. Or maybe I did just break down.

Yesterday was just a very long day and today all I want to do is sleep. Maybe my fatigue has contributed to my emotions right now. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed.

So here's my deal: I'm supposed to be attempting to return to my teaching job starting half time next week. Just 4 hours a day on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Right as I was going to lay down this morning I received a conference call from my principal, my HR lady and my literacy coach to discuss my return plans. I felt a little bit ambushed and totally broke down in tears after the conversation. I was completely overwhelmed by all the details and honesty of my situation. They seem a bit concerned with the accommodations and recommendations from my doctor and I didn't get the impression that they seem positive that I am really ready to return. I'm not sure that I AM ready to return. I was honest with them however and told them that I often don't know my limitations until I test them and that this is a huge trial and error period and we all need to be flexible. If I were in their shoes I would be nervous about me coming back as well. I have light and noise restrictions and we don't know what school environment stimuli might put me into overload. It's one thing to try to anticipate and think about the environmental exposures and then it is a completely different thing to actually BE in the environment.

I am absolutely terrified right now and not sure that I really am ready to go back. I feel awful because I had my husband call me and I completely broke down. He's so darn busy at work and I feel bad that I interrupted his work day and caused him even more stress. He has been absolutely amazing and supportive though… Most of the time! The last two months have not been easy. This sucks so incredibly bad and I've never been so scared.

What if I can't go back to work? What if I go back and completely meltdown? What if I can't handle the functions of my job anymore? I am a teacher. I need to be able to handle distractions and not get overwhelmed. I feel like I might be in denial...but I won't know what I can handle until I try it, right? I apologize for the lengthy post but I am freaking out.

Sweet C,

Welcome to NeuroTalk. I had to quote your post because your paragraphs were too long. Many of us struggle to follow from line to line when the paragraph is more than 5 lines. Proper paragraphs are not required here. Just put a double space very 5 lines or so.

It sounds like you need to have the vestibular testing done before move forward. You may also have a subtle neck injury. Not a bad injury but just some instability that gets inflamed and cause symptoms to be worse. A CT Scan or MRI will not show these subtle injuries. Some icing a good neck posture during rest and sleep will usually help.

It will help to find ways to moderate your duties at home. Getting rushed or feeling pressured to get dinner ready can be stressful. Try to write down a days activities/chores list so you do not have everything bouncinhg around in your head.

Others, especially the moms may chime in a give you some better ideas.

My best to you.

Thank you for your input Mark, the daily list is a fabulous idea. I find that I am easily forgetting things that I intended to do.

I apologize for the lengthy paragraphs. As I've been reading through previous posts for a while and based on my own reading capabilities I should have known better. I've been utilizing the talk to text feature on my iPhone so that I don't have to look at the screen very much and just got rambling.


Between my first post and now I received a second phone call from my HR and they sound like they are going to do their best to be accommodating and supportive. I'll only be going in to work for two hours at a time for two days next week to meet with my teaching coach and then we'll evaluate how I do with that experience. I plan on going in equipped with earplugs and my trusty sunglasses.

I'm still very frightened and completely uncertain that I'm at a point in my recovery where I can actually do my job even partly well. If there are any other teachers out there I would love to hear from you.

It would be great to hear from the other moms as well. This has been very challenging with four young kids at home. I've explained to them that mommy's brain can usually only handle focusing on one thing at a time right now and they need to reduce audio and visual background "noise" to help me.

I hate telling them I'm tired, I have a headache, you have to be quiet and turn down the glaring lights all the time. I've been trying to stay positive and limit distractions in order to be able to be present for my family but boy does it get hard.

Sorry about your injury, but welcome to our little brain boo boo club.

Have you undergone neuro-psychological testing? That is really the best way to pinpoint your deficits and evaluate how they're affecting your day to day life. It can also help you access useful cognitive therapies and help convince your employer of the necessity of being flexible and accommodating.

Are you getting any help with your emotional issues? Of all the things I've had to deal with since my TBI, the depression, anxiety and anger problems have been the most painful. Statistically speaking, TBI patients are at higher risk for suicide and substance abuse.

As moms, I know we're conditioned to worry about other people, but please don't ignore your emotional needs. Talk to your doctor, find a psychologist with experience with TBI, contact your local branch of the Brain Injury Society about support groups, come here and ask/say whatever you need to...

Although it might feel that way, you are not alone.

You are definitely not alone on your road to recovery. I'm pretty much a noob at this concussion recovery thing but there are some real gurus on here. There's definitely a lot of good information on this forum and we're all in this trying to support each other back to recovery :o

As much as a lot of people were work driven prior to their concussion you need to put your healing and family first at this point. I made the mistake of trying to tough it out and go back to work too soon twice and symptoms came back pretty bad so be weary of trying to get back to go-go-go mode too soon again.

This should answer your question, you should probably take some more time if you can to rest and de stress. Try to adjust to a slower pace for a little while and focus on the positive steps forward in your healing. They're too easy to overlook when other symptoms keep filling your focus.

I am sorry too for your injury.
I am in the beginning stages of my journey myself and really have no wise words, however, as a mother of a young one too (who seriously bounces off the walls with amazing energy both physically and intellectually) try to give yourself a break. Mark and Hockey in this forum has given me wise words to remember.
Peace.

My child was very young when I had my mva. Rather than telling her to be quiet all the time (which would have been unfair and frustratingly futile), I tried to be practical. Ear plugs didn't cut it, so I bought myself a pair of those industrial muffs construction workers wear.

Did I look odd, walking around the house in them? Probably, but who cares? She got to play with all her loud toys (and friends) without my head imploding.

To cope as a TBI mom, I think you have to learn to prioritize. To say my house is not as tidy as it used to be, would be the understatement of the century. If I expend energy on cleaning, I won't have it to take my kid to the beach. To me, that choice is a no brainer. (no pun intended ;))

If people are offended by my housekeeping, they're shallow and I don't need them around.

That's another thing TBI patients learn: don't surround yourself with negative people. I like folks who remind me how far I've come since I was injured, not how far I am away from my old self.

You will learn, quickly, who your real friends are.

Good advice Hockey. Not to hijack this thread here.... but I can relate. I am in town today taking my son to school and I am heading to grab some ear protection. Fantastic idea. I honestly struggle with this everyday and feel so guilty when overloaded with noise when I have an outburst of emotion.

I get it in regards to a tidy house. For me, over the years, I somewhat subconsciously have set up my house very simply. Never veared away from a toddler safe house, possibly.... but it works for the most part.

What I have learned through my PCS is that "you are only as able as your brain allows you". It took me a long time to accept this and I still have days that I don't, and my brain always wins.

The neuropsych doc that I seen explained it to me like this "your brain is a mass transit highway, and a concussion is like a tornado setting down on it. Even a small tornado can disrupt the traffic enough to create disruption. With the proper engineering, some of the roads can be fixed...and some are permanently demolished.

No disaster that occurs repairs itself quickly, what is done quickly in repair is temporary....

Hi Hockey, thank you so much for your response.

I find it crazy that I can feel so very alone in a household of 6! I do end up sequestered in my bedroom quite a bit as I just cannot participate in much of my family's activities without a lot of agitation. I am very grateful to have found this group.

I am actually in the initial process/evaluations for neuro-psych testing. I made it through half of my cognitive eval this past Monday when my therapist said she felt I'd had enough for the day. Apparently I have some visible physical ticks that signify I'm "done". Round two is this Tuesday.


I went to my first occupational therapist appt this morning, Nov. 21st. It's incredible how taxing it was! The "exercises" were so simple- for a person with a healthy brain anyway! I went home with such a headache, nausea and fatigue and napped for two hours before my kiddos came home.


I have a counseling session on Dec. 3rd and received I for for a local TBI support group which I plan to contact soon. I too struggle with some depression, anxiety, anger problems, sleep problems...and guilt. The prednisone taper I'm on right now is adding to my issues too. :(

It is so hard to cope with the fact that I cannot be the wife and mother I was desperately hoping to be this year. The last FEW years have been excruciatingly tough on my family and so imbalanced as I went through my Master of Education program and last year was my first full time teaching year. Talk about imbalance!


My motto this year was supposed to be "Relationships and balance". I suppose it still can be, I just need to do some redefining of what that means to me.

Thanks Seabass,

I IS a challenge to adapt to the much slower pace this injury has forced me into. I do know that for the sake of all parties involved I do need to be very careful with how I proceed and I guess the uncertainty of it all is very difficult for me to accept.

It is also hard knowing that my income is reliant on leave donations right now and not sure how long I can be floated by my the generosity and abilities of my colleagues. If things dry up, we don't have much in reserves. It's hard to put that "what if" stress aside.

I found out the hard way that the short-term disability insurance I thought I had voluntarily signed up for last year didn't actually go through. I never scrutinized the slew of paycheck deductions and it turns out we didn't have the numbers to enroll.

One of the good things that has come out of this is that my husband is taking a lead on our finances for once and we've drastically adjusted out budget. Who am I kidding? We often talked but never adhered - We actually HAVE a legit budget now!

I am going back to work next week for just two hours Monday and Tuesday to see how I do with behind the scenes type of work. I have promised to be honest with myself if I find I can't even handle that. I don't want to risk delaying my progress but also want to test my limits without pushing too far in the first place. That seems to be a tricky thing to do.

Such a great idea with the muffs Hockey. Was planning to get ear plugs this weekend. Will heck out ear muffs too. EVERY. little. Noise. is so loud to me! My kids are all pretty exuberant and I would hate to kill their joy of being kids because I can't handle it right now.

My kids are used to seeing me wearing sunglasses quite a bit as I can't expect them to enjoy living like vampires like I typically do when they're out of the house. We've had a few candlelit dinners which they thought was novel but probably wouldn't go over well as the new norm...maybe!

I've definitely been learning how to prioritize so that I CAN join in on important family things and I so hear you about learning who's my real friends. That's been an interesting lesson.

Foam ear plugs also work very well. I like the yellow cylinder shaped ear plugs. I twist them tight then insert them and they expand to fill the ear canal. I keep some beside my bed for nights when my wife is snoring.

Yes, there are some good plugs available.

I opted for the muffs because I have damage to my auditory nerve that causes intermittent deafness and sharp stabbing pain in my ears. Just touching the outside of my ear can hurt. The thought of trying to put something inside...

Also, big orange muffs are harder for me to misplace. :rolleyes:

I've been reading a fair few threads on here but dont often reply. Because they me me cry, feeling guilt, shame...and relief.

I'm a single mum and I'm really truggling to ope with it all at the moment. I'm in so much pain all the time, so sensitive to noise andight. School runs are torture and not helped by the staff and other parents giving my dirty looks and saying nasty things.

I look like crap, sallow, almost black-bruising eyes and lost weight.I honestly think a lot of them thin I'm a junky. But i just dont have time, energy or inclination to play stupid social games and get them on side. I wrote a letter to the headmaster explaining, hoping this would help...it didnt.

My house is a mess. I just cant tidy properly. I clean so we dont live in dirt/un-hygenic but it leaves me shaking, sick, dizzy. I keep snaping at my 6yo son. Ive told him to **** off. How awful is that??! Its just like the fustration bubbles up and thats all I can feel and its stutters out it swear words. I remove myself fro situation and can them calm down.

After I apologise to him and try to explain: he understands. He says he can see when the crack in my heads bad. He knows swaring is bad and doest do it, he said I didnt used to and knows I dont mean it. He's such a good boy but I hate that he has to be this understanding.

Today he came and gave me a hug and said "Im the only one in the whole universe who cares about you, arent I?"

None of my friends or family have been there, he's right. its so hard. I'm doing the best I can but I know its not good enough. Im behind on work and I just cant handle peoples negativty.

I live in britain and I have tan skin, im a self employed single mother who has benefit help. There is so much hate aimed at people like me: racism, sexism, classim and I used to e able to deal with it. Now it leaves me with dread and fury.

And guilt beceasue I start to think maybe theyre right. Maybe I am scum.

Which is stupid, beuase even injured we are a good family, trying our best.

This has turned into a bit of a whinge, huh? Sorry...

No need to apologise: this is the one place where everybody does get it. Brain injury, even under the best of circumstances, is very, very hard. In your case, you are facing some extra challenges.

You really sound like you could use some practical support. Have you contacted Headway, the UK Brain Injury Association? https://www.headway.org.uk

That could be the start of getting you the help you need and deserve.
Hang in there. :hug:

Thank you Hockey.

I was having a bad day yesterday. My son's been off school wih a cold/temp thurs, fri and today though he's well enough to go back tomo.

I think the disruption in routine and stress of dealing with a poorly kid got the better of me. Normally i'll rest for an hour after school run, work a few of hours then rest again before school pick up.

Its amazing how a small boy and a kitten can sound like a herd of elephants!

We've had a nice chat, reminding him to keep noise down, hold lego creations low not in my face, stand in front of my when speaking ect

I get frustrated and worry a lot, but I do know little and often and routine works. Just need this neurology apt to hurry up so I can get a CT scan and, hopefully, some advice.

I'll have a look at your link and see if its viable for me, though I dont like asking for help, or the thought of taking funding that could be better spent on others more needy than I.

Its also a dangerous time to be accepting help if social services get involved. Head injures and their symptoms are all too easy to twist into *crazy!*/phycological issues if someone has an agenda. I think this is why I'm pushing for apts/scans so there is clear evidence...just in case. At the very least they will show the break in my jaw bone: now the swelling has gone down there is a big dent which is plain to see.

All I want is for people to either leave me alone to recover or be positive/understanding.

How are things with you?

Hello Ash,

I read your post and it touched my heart. I can't even imagine what it must be like to go through this injury alone and having to care for a small boy as well. I hope that you can get a good diagnosis and follow-up care soon. It is frustrating beyond belief when you yourself know there is something wrong/ different with you, and you just can't quite explain how or why that is.

I just wanted you to know that most concussions do not show up on either CT scans or MRIs. And some neurologists I have seen didn't even think I had as serious a brain injury as I had, claiming my speech, balance cognitive problems were caused by new meds for pain or psychologically motivated. My neuropsychology testing proved otherwise, and I did 5 months of neurorehab in a specialty clinic.

I hope you will learn, for your sake, to accept other people's help, especially those around you. The body needs quiet rest for recovery and healing to occur. This is definitely not the time to "go it alone" because of how this injury takes so much from you and in so many different ways, some of which you may not even see yourself yet.

It can be hard to trust people who doubt you now, but I have found in my experience they just don't understand the scope of your injury, so the doubt can occur. It may be helpful to bring someone to your doctor appts. so that they can help you take down all the information and maybe that is how they can realize the extent of your injury, too.

Take care, M-i-m

We're in this together
 

Ash, as I am certainly learning right now, being a mother of 4, a wife and a fledgling teacher who's career is already in such turmoil, you need to try take it easy on yourself. You can only do so much and right now the most important things in your world are healing and being there for your son. All you CAN do is try your best.

I totally get the guilt and shame and so many emotions having a TBI brings up. This has been the most lonely, frustrating and humbling experience in my life. It's a huge comfort to know that we, in fact, are not alone.

While it can be difficult to block out those who are negative influences on your well being, whether an acquaintance or supposed dear friend, you have to try. You don't need that in your life. I too, hate the sidelong glances or looks of pity or strange looks from lack of understanding.

I hate being disappointed by those I had expected would be a support and have failed me so far. Sorry to sound crass, but screw them though. No one matters if they're not there to support you in some way.

I agree with Music-in-me to be sure to accept any help that IS offered. I've been learning to swallow my pride and accept help which is extremely difficult for me. I am used to being fiercely independent. Learning and accepting my new limitations is an enormous challenge.

A neighbor dropped off a box of donated food from their church yesterday and boy, was I a mix of emotions. I don't like being seen as a charity case. "That's not me! There are others worse off!" I can't help but think. The reality of it is though that my health, my career and my family's future is uncertain and the help IS needed and appreciated. It's tough to swallow.

All of it is tough but I feel hopeful though that together we can celebrate our baby steps of progress. Any forward movement is than none, right? :)

Thnaks mim and sweetc, I hope you two are getting help you need and not duffering too much. did you go back to work, how are you finding it?

Im starting to suspect my insistence on finshing projects may have delayed healing.

I know im trying my best, and we've only been late for school a couple of times...so thats good. My sons school has afast track prosecution odel and im so scared that if i'm late or too il in the morning im going to be fined thousands of £ or sent to prison. I've muddled up a lot of stuff with my benefits and had a hammering from balifs on my dorr for cuncil tax th other day. Scared to go up there and sort it out because theyre so horrible and will demand evidence i dont have.

I shouldnt be paying it as we dont have an income but they have conflated my study time with my work time fo my small buisness/self employed and have timesd the hours by minimum wage...even tho thats not applicable to my profession.

Things like this i find difficult to cope with, it takes alll y energy to provide routine for my son.

It is frustrating when you have to ut off those who aren helpful but also need support. I have been asking my mum to have my son a few sats but then she expects me to do favours for her and refuses to talk about the inury or what my sister said happened, i need to know so i can tell drs. She didnt even believe me about how hard/where id been hit as my sister just said the door gently bumped my shoulder, that she didnt slam it or see me. Lies.

I must be getting angry/swearing when i get frustrated with her because she just says im a horrible, disgusting b***ch who deserves what happened. None of my nice friends live near me, or the one that does cant rally get here and has her own little one. And shes very loud talkier lol.

I'll have a think about headway and mebe give them a call. What did you mean, sweetc, about IS?

I completely understand having just enough energy to keep routine with a young child.
That alone is a lot. Bring in all the other factors of sustaining a household, maintaining that household, social aspects, medical, remembering if I did that or did I remember to do this, even with lists. Did I talk to this or that person correctly. Geez.

I have learned the past few weeks that 30 mins of nothing, mid day helps immensely. I habe been getting this break like 2 days a week. My late evening time with my family is less taxing on me and them since I am not in overwhelmed, overstimulated mode. I find just the night time routine (teeth, , clean up, getting ready for the next day) after a regular day leaves me incredibly tired, bitchy and just plain done with the day.

Hey Ash, I was just emphasizing that the help really is needed and I need to get over myself and just accept it.

I haven't worked since September 22nd. My employer and I just developed a plan to have me start trying to assume some behind the scenes responsibilities this next week. I'm a teacher and definitely can't be in the classroom yet due to being easily overloaded so we're starting off small and seeing how I do with "just" planning lessons from home this week.

Hi SweetC,

New here as well and I can totally relate to the feeling like a deficient mom syndrome. My kids are 13 & 17, so they sortof get it, but I have never felt so irritable prior to this. I was very uninformed about concussions too.
Good luck with the return to work- glad you can ease back in.
Grace

Yesterday was just a very long day and today all I want to do is sleep. Maybe my fatigue has contributed to my emotions right now. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed.

So here's my deal: I'm supposed to be attempting to return to my teaching job starting half time next week. Just 4 hours a day on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Right as I was going to lay down this morning I received a conference call from my principal, my HR lady and my literacy coach to discuss my return plans. I felt a little bit ambushed and totally broke down in tears after the conversation. I was completely overwhelmed by all the details and honesty of my situation. They seem a bit concerned with the accommodations and recommendations from my doctor and I didn't get the impression that they seem positive that I am really ready to return. I'm not sure that I AM ready to return. I was honest with them however and told them that I often don't know my limitations until I test them and that this is a huge trial and error period and we all need to be flexible. If I were in their shoes I would be nervous about me coming back as well. I have light and noise restrictions and we don't know what school environment stimuli might put me into overload. It's one thing to try to anticipate and think about the environmental exposures and then it is a completely different thing to actually BE in the environment.

I am absolutely terrified right now and not sure that I really am ready to go back.



I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's hard, confusing and scary. If you don't see anything on the MRI's or CT scans, don't give up hope. Brain bumps are real and most times not seen on MRI's etc.

I went back to work and pushed through for weirdly- 2 years. Sadly, it was a constant 'Ground Hog's Day' and I not only never got better, I got worse.

I am not a doctor, but from experience, pushing through in order to not put stress on your family, or to not inconvenience your job, is the wrong avenue to take.

It became harder on my family because I did push through and work and was a zombie at home and a meanie bc I was so overstimulated and my uncharacteristic anger came out on them.

You may have trouble word finding, keeping track of what you're saying as you're saying it, spelling, doing easy math etc. but notice if there are improvements and if it's worse if you're fatigued. Tell all that to your doc and they can help you recover and get back to work.

Rest, patience, and no stress are the only ways to recover. So take inventory of what is a priority and if getting healthy is the main priority, then take some time for you to heal.

Welcome to the 'brain boo boo' club, where we can all heal together!

Welcome Grace. :Wave-Hello:

Thanks Kitt :)

Thank you very much ilikepolkadots,

What an overwhelming experience all of this can be. The symptoms you mentioned are things I experience plus some, and they're so annoying! It is really irritating that I've been making mistakes when trying to help my second grader with his math! Seriously?!

My symptoms definitely increase when I am fatigued or overstimulated. I missed a whole chunk of what my MIL was saying to me in the midst of a too busy room during Thanksgiving. I saw her mouth moving but my brain was just not processing fast enough to comprehend. It was really disconcerting.

Anyway, since my first freakout post my employer has been very accommodating and I have acknowledged that will not be back in my classroom for a while yet. I am not ready. They are encouraging me to take baby steps in taking on work responsibilities and asking me to be honest about when I'm overwhelmed or I've done too much.

This week I've started working a little from home planning lessons. It's been good for me mentally (for the most) part so far, but also pretty exhausting. I had to admit to my mentor teacher today that I was not going to accomplish all I had set out to do after I hit a wall and my brain definitely was telling me I needed to take a break. That was really difficult to admit but I had to remind myself that even a few weeks ago just thinking about reading my emails was too much!

Forward movement is good, even if it's at a snail's pace.

Oh the irritability!
 

Welcome and thank you Grace,

Man, I have never experienced the lack of impulse control when getting so irritated with things. If I'm way overspent(usually in the evenings) my poor family sees me at my worst and then I feel so godawfully worse about everything.

I'm learning to just excuse myself to my room much earlier when I feel I'm approaching my breaking point so I don't do anything dumb like throw a book or plastic bowl across the room. (Not at a kid!... Or my husband!)

Sweetc,

Good for you. It takes effort to excuse yourself. One way to help with these outbursts is to understand they are not coming out of the true person. They are a response of the injury/condition. When we can separate the action from who we are, we can learn better control.

I had to learn that I do not have a right to outbursts no matter how justified I may feel they are.

My best to you.

Of all the symptoms I've endured since my MVA, the lack of emotional control is, hands down, the worst - because it is the one that most hurts other people.

A couple things that can help to get a handle on this are learning to recognize triggers and developing "rebooting" strategies.

Sometimes, admittedly, I can fly of the handle for no apparent reason. However, in other instances, there are definite sparks.

I think most of us realize that we are vulnerable when we're tired and/or overstimulated. Additionally, I have discovered there are a number of other things that can set me off.

I can't cope with being rushed. To avoid this, as much as possible, I plan ahead for things I have to do. I find it helps if I make a schedule: eat at 8am, brush teeth at 8:15, leave food for cat 8:20, pack car 8:25, etc...

This seems to help me avoid a number of TBI behaviours, including procrastinating, anxiety over the notion I might forget something, actually forgetting something, losing track of time, etc...

I also budget way more time than might seem necessary, because, if I'm interrupted in a task, I generally can't resume it in the middle, and have to start it all over again.

That brings me to my big, big trigger: interference. Left to my own devices, I can get through things pretty calmly. It's people interrupting me, even when they think they are being helpful, that can set me on the slippery slope to an atomic TBI meltdown.

Getting out of the house, with my dawdling daughter, has been the trigger for some of my worst outbursts.

I agree 100% with Mark, that we do not have a right to this sort of behaviour. I do, however, wish that my family would "play fair" with me.

My neuro-psychologist explained to my husband, at some length, that I had significant frontal lobe injuries, and that the family needed to help me control my behaviour by moderating theirs.

For example, don't interrupt me when I'm working. It takes a lot of mental energy for me to stay on task. As I have trouble seeing patterns, my brain no longer seems to process a project, like cooking a meal, as a series of individual activities, in sequence, but as a giant whole.

If I'm interrupted, I will lose the thread and almost certainly have to start all over. That is very frustrating - especially if it's done repeatedly.

The doctor warned my family not to engage me in decision making when I'm tired. If they do, I might be inclined to adopt a ridiculous position. The more they point that out, as my brain get stuck in ruts, the more deeply I will dig in.

The specialist told my husband that, rather than argue, if he asks my opinion, and he gets a seemingly irrational and/or uncharacteristic response, drop the subject. Ask again is a day or two, and he will probably get a more reasoned reply.

All of that sounds like good advice. Sadly, my family can't follow it.

My daughter is a child, so allowances must be made. However, as she's entered the tween drama stage, I have, at times, felt that she was trying deliberately to provoke me.

I have explained to her that, while her behaviour was suboptimal, my response was over the top. I told her that, while I understand that a certain amount of rebellion and attitude is natural at her age, it's just another thing TBI mom can't handle appropriately.

I do not like to yell at her. I don't want her to learn that it's acceptable for anyone to lose control. If we can't find a way to coexist peacefully, for her sake, we might have to consider boarding school. Yes, it can be that awful. :(

My husband is, frankly, impossible. Let me say, at the outset, that he is not a bad person. It's just that his professional training mitigates against his being able to accept the impact of TBI. He has said, quite plainly, that he thinks I should be able to use my still considerable IQ to reason my way past my symptoms. He thinks I'm choosing to be weak willed and indulgent. ugh

He expresses this belief by doing pretty much everything the neuro-psychologist told him not to. For example, when I try to walk away from a situation, he won't let me. He will follow me, continuing to argue, based on his belief that I'm trying to "win" by avoiding a subject.

Not giving me space to decompress leads, just as the specialist warned, to my getting stuck in a thought rut. sigh...

So, absent support from my partner, I have had to devise ways to try and control my emotions.

Distraction can be helpful. I leave crossword and circle a word puzzles all over the house. When I feel myself getting upset or dug in, I start doing one. Changing tasks, seems to reboot my brain and get me off the emotional steamroller. Even shuffling a deck of cards or peeling a carrot can help.

In this instance, I'm using a deficit - my difficulty thinking about more than one thing at a time - as a coping tool. Formulating the next nasty thing to yell at somebody is more difficult than engaging in a simple, familiar, repetitive task, like peeling a vegetable. Given two options, my brain seems to default to the easier one. This gives me an opportunity to calm myself.

Anyway, sorry for the long post. As I said at the beginning, the TBI emotional issues are the ones that most trouble me. Old me was kind and calm. I HATE myself for the "mommy monster" moments. I really think that only other TBI patients can understand the anguish.

Ambushed. I get that feeling.

Adrenal system on high, provoking fight or flight surges. Anger a defense, and combination with frustration at inabilities.

Mix in an overwhelm of the senses, bright lights, many sounds or raised/multiple voices and I'm snarling or in tears. Sometimes both.

Have to breath, pull focus, and leave.

People can be callous and the world is harsh. Curtains closed at home is better.

SweetC, I find light work for the brain is good, helping make connections we need in sections that were strong before, but if I work too long I'll feel rubish for a couple of days. Regular breaks are good. How are you finding thngs?

Hockey, you make me glad I'm single. I suppose it must be difficult to see us change, but I wish that people would just accept and not compare. I have little patience with that, your husband sounds like he is intelligent why can he not understand that after your TBI you have less processing ability. Your intelligence remains, as do you, but you need to walk away and have the time to process//reason. That's just physics, without the emotional context.

One of the things I have always been conerned with, and tried to minimise, is the effect on my son. Children cannot undertand in the way that adults can and it must be difficult. Must be even more difficult when you through pre-teen hormones into the mix.

Have you tried going back to basics? Having a chat, you have changed, she is changing. Give her more respect and privacy and ask for the same in return. Have times/places/situations which are each your own. Time for sharing. Less about regulation and punishment, more about a more grown up, happy relationship. Perhaps encourage her to pursue an activty outside of the home, an interest of her own you can offer encouragement with.

My 6yo son has been acting up a little so we're using the calender for a reward chart again. Three smiley faces equals treats inc advent calender the next day. A sad face loses a treat. Stern face a warning. He's outgrown his bed so we're using it as an oportunity to update his room. He is, he informs me, a big boy now. (aka the Scorpion King who lives in a volcano)

In my house we have hulk mummy who sends my son running...for his swrod and sheild ready to battle.Or sometimes we are werewolves a la wolfblood. The absurdity and charm usually works a trick.

What a weekend
 

Hello comrades- misery really does love company, as sad as it sounds.

Ash used the perfect term- ambushed. I have unprecedented empathy for PTSD victims.

Friday was really bad for me. My office relocation was Thurs and the new space is nice and less traffic, but has more glare and a cold noisy airhandler. Add dizziness & nausea from turning in my chair organizing files-then driving home in the dark,picking up ingredients for pizza, only to find cozy napping teen daughters on each couch, dirty dishes in the sink, etc etc. Not the first time, nor will it be the last.

I have to admit that put me over the edge. Throwing things and slamming doors didn't help-- I will do my best to remember that. Not a proud moment. Pizza got postponed.

Just put some earplugs in my purse after thinking back to Saturday's sensory overload shopping. It pretty much counteracted my optimism after the morning's vision therapy session for my half-'dead' left eye.

We did end the weekend on a good note, choosing and cutting our tree. Between one daughter on crutches and my state, it was a real challenge. As often happens the tree seemed smaller at the farm...it's 12' tall...oops.
Stringing lights with vertigo is hopefully not something to be repeated next year!

Wishing you all a kind and gentle Monday,
Grace