Help
 

Hi Everyone,

My husband moved out, I am fine about it. He never excepted the fact that I am in rough shape, even though it's been 5 years. I never even bothered filling for SSD. For one thing I could not drive at all at time or write out any paper work to do so. He never wanted me to even apply, I guess because of power and control.

Well anyway he is a workaholic among other things. He says he doesn't want a divorce but he certainly doesn't want a marriage. I am asking for alot less than I would be entitled. I want a simple life but with him all I have is chaos in my life. Any suggestions? Hugs, Roz

Hi Roz
 

I too, have a broken marriage. I moved out in Dec. (cuz I couldn't handle the house payments and got a cheap apt)
We both couldn't handle all the changes. We didn't like the "new" me. I still don't like myself much, but , yes...life is simpler now.
But now we must just work on ourselves. At least we can nap when we feel like it, roam the hallways at night, turn the tv and stereo on as loud as we want....and try to heal...no.....try to COPE , because, maybe there's no healing with us..
Take good care Roz! Here's to a simpler life!...
Hippy

Hi Hippy,

Was your husband a workaholic? All I am getting is bunch of games. If you can't play the game, I need to get out of the field.;) I am not supposed to lift anything over 2 pounds which is nothing. I am trying to be very very reasonable but how can you when they aren't. Do you or anyone else think it's just he doesn't want to have to help me at all, so it's easier just to stay married. Hugs, Roz

Im invisible
 

Man Roz im sorry to hear this. I do understand though because my wife has a hard time with some of the things she has to do for me. She will jump for my kids if the say frog, but im invisible.

Maybe he just needs to think about things? I wouldnt let him take advantage though, your intitled to be taken care of. Sure he might not like it, but you didnt make the laws, and they are fair. Im sure if you ask either party they wont agree, but that is my point. Each person gets what is fair, and that means concessions from each.

Really I hope that you get what you want, need, and deserve, and will be praying that way for ya.

Love ya much!
:hug:

BIG Hugs...
 

Oh, Roz...

I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with this now.. I hope that your son is close so you have the support that you deserve.. :hug:
You need to get what is owed to you.. Medical cost are very high and with your medical history money is Big.. Plus, what is yours is yours and you need to be taken care of... You are in my Prayers.. I do hope in the long run it will all work out for you and things can come togather..:grouphug:

Big Gentle Hugs :hug: :hug:
Dawn
:Heart:

Who knows?
 

I can't say how your hubby thinks, I quess, if the communication is still there, you have to ask. Mine wasn't a workaholic, he was a playaholic...in the long run, I guess any "'holic" is bad. Throw in a bit of RSD, stir it around, and, the problems multiply.
Sorry, I have no answers....counselling? talking?
Hippy

Oh Roz :hug:

I am sorry to hear this. What happened to...for better for worse. I guess he forgot those vows. I think he is being selfish and I am a workaholic so i can judge him on that front.

Do not compromise what you are entitled to for this marriage just to make it easy. Otherwise he is getting off easy.

Grrrrrrrrr this just makes me mad and I just want to give him a piece of my mind.
:grouphug:

Roz,

I am so sorry when things like this happen. Sometimes people are too afraid to work at it. So you need a little more help with things than you did "before." So what? I am sure that he also had "needs" that you attended to.

Where you want to go from here is up to you. You can take care of yourself even if he is not there. Get some counseling, even alone if necessary. It may not change anything with your partner, but I am sure you will feel better. (We all can use that from time to time.)

Know you have a lot of people here who do care about you.

:hug:

Mike

Oh, dear Roz :hug: :hug:

Whether you feel like it, or up to it, you must get a fair deal worked out, whether you stay married or divorce, everyone is so right about that.

I have been reading your posts now for 3 years, I get a strong impression of a man who is a control freak, is a workaholic, probably loves you, but can't handle a disabled wife. He works hard, in a "man's world", construction industry, right? and wants a wife who will kowtow to that stereotype. I've never got the impression you'd fit in with that stereotype....

You spent that time in the cabin, you know what living without him is like...you'll be fine. As long as you work out a fair deal with him. It may not have hit you yet, don't hesitate to come here and blast him from the rooftops. Though it sounds as if you still have some respect for each other...

And on that note I leave you------> artist wanders off muttering "the swine! the *****! the ba888st*rd!"

all the best :hug:

oh Roz... it's such a tough situation to be in.:(
And a very intense decision for both of you, not something to rush into.
I hope you both can come to some resolution- for the best thing for all in your family.

Roz
 

Please remember stress on top of RSD is the same as gas on a fire--it makes it flare! So take care and treat youself like the special person you are!! A little extra bath salts, favorite ice cream. rental of a new movie (Wild Hogs was funny) or a copy of the latest book....books are a nice change from reading prescription labels... And if those ideas are not exciting enought Maxine's said any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old...as long as she buys him a few drinks first :D Venting is good for letting off steam and we are here for you. And please do not sell yourself short, let hubby do all he can for you in the money department!!!:hug: Carose

why is it that so many men can't handle stress like this? my husband was very unsympathetic when i had my rotator cuff surgery (which was the worst pain ever until RSD) and having his mother here the week after the operation, i can see where he gets it. then when i was diagnosed with RSD he didn't give a rats *****. he did, however, find his way to my vicodin and began taking that. so then i had to hide it. then he found it again and took it again. he said he was taking them at night to sleep... he had a horrible sinus infection which turned into nasty bronchitis and was taking cough syrup with codeine and instead of calling the doctor for more, he just took mine. whatever. so i ended up throwing the rest of them down the toilet in front of him - nevermind that i needed them sometimes. so now my RSD has returned and i can't remember where i hid the rest of my pills. all this because of my husband's selfishness.

i wish i could just hug you all and cry. i am so sad.

Hi Angie,

Here is a book that I have found very helpful, I have had it for sometime. I personally am no certain religion, but I believe in prayer. Much Love, Roz

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Wor...781297-4279954

Hey Roz,

Not sure what to say here. I can't determine by what you have said if you are ok with this seperation or not ok with it. So all I can think of to say really is, whatever it is you wish to happen, happens........

I do realize you both have some thinking & sorting out to do.

And if you still wish too, you can always applie for SSD. You can do it over the phone. They set up an appointment to call on a specific date & time. I answered all the questions over the phone. At the time I could not have sat in their office to do it for nothing. They do send you a form stating all the info you need to have gathered for the phone interview, I think.

Good Luck,
DebbyV

Hi Roz,
Thanks for responding to my questions. I read your post and feel so bad about your problems with your husband. My husband is also disabled our marriage has gone through some bad times. Very stressfull. I don't knoe how we have made it this far. But my husband married me knowing that I had problems. Its a hard life with RSD and you have to find someone special to be able to deal with all that RSD brings. I've been lucky, when I really need him, he takes care of me. I think your better off. You don't need all of that stress. Stress is so bad for us. Good luck to you and I hope you find peace.

sue k.

Love, strength, and legal advice
 

Hi Roz,
My heart breaks for you, it really does. My husband left me when my [then] undiagnosed fibromyalgia and depression got too "annoying" for him. He said that if our marriage didn't get more "fun" he didn't want it any more. So he split, and here I am 10 years later having raised 2 kids into adolescence. Now I really know what pain and fatigue are! I wish I had met someone new, and fallen in love, but the fact is that chronic illness and kids aren't a great selling point in the romance market. Stress is an awful trigger for RSD and depression so please make a straight line for your psychiatrist if you have one (and if you don't, now is a swell time to give it a try).

Now - the practical side (the lawyer side of me) dishes out some free legal advice. You said that you never applied for SSD, and also said that your husband says he doesn't want a divorce: my dear, you need to do one or the other now, and FAST. This is no time for cherished slow thinking or decision-making (nice, but a luxury you cannot afford now). Of course the lame dude doesn't want a divorce! he doesn't want a divorce because he will have to pay you $$$ support, especially because you have a chronic illness!!
First, please file for SSD if there is the slightest chance you might meet the criteria. Most applications are denied the first time, so completely ignore the first denial and plan on appealing it.http://www.rsdsa.org/4/resources/pdf...20Medicare.pdf The RSDSA website has great help and instructions. this website has great website links in the stickies section.

Second, immediately [next 7 days] chat with a lawyer about filing a petition for divorce. This doesn't make you divorced - it just means that you've given a court a piece of paper asking for financial protection while hubby is gallumphing around doing his own thing.You can change your mind later and talk to hubby and go to counseling or what not for months or years, and even withdraw your petition for a divorce. But the second you notify a court, the court will protect your bank account, your right to 50% of his pension and retirement, your right to 50% of your house, car, and anything else he owns. And the court will order monthly payments for you. Can you afford to go a single month without your prescriptions? Or electricity? Call your grumpiest, non-romantic friend to help with this process. Nolo Press publishes the best self-help legal books. Sorry to sound so harsh, but your life and health are at stake.
Loads of love and very tender hugs. I have been there - it is so shocking and so hurtful - you do not deserve this. You are a very giving and powerful person, and have helped so many people right on this site. Best of luck to you, and please hang on...
xox

Hey Roz,

I don't really know what to say other than well, if you go into cross dressing you are sorted!

I guess men find this whole RSD thing so hard to deal with because suddenly you aren't the housekeeper, personal diary, cook and general dogsbody. It sounds like peace and quiet and simple living would give you a chance to sort things out, but please do what Molly suggested so that you are protected from your husband doing stupid things. I know that from my parents - when they seperated Richard didn't want a divorce because it would have made him look bad, but because he had always kept everything in his name he was able to remortgage the house then sell it without any of us knowing, (whilst mum, Char and I lived in it) and he did the same with all his assets, he moved them all offshore so that when mum FINALLY lost it and divorced him he claimed there was nothing he could give her and even made her pay the court costs because all his assets were off shore and his girlfriend wasn't in the UK. We are still dealing with the fall out of that situation so I beg you to try and secure things so that the money is there. There are so many things that would make a huge difference to my quaility of life but he won't pay for any of it because if I wanted to be better I'd be fine.

So please please lodge that information with a lawyer/ court.

Oh and have something pink and frosty with an umbrella on me!! (and lots of alcohol)

Love ya babes

Frogga xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Very wise advise given above - no matter how it may turnout -
make sure the finances are secured.
meaning he can't remove moneys from accounts , or run up huge bills!

So sorry to hear what's happening. I could say "been there, done that." But mine was when I was young and healthy. I know how difficult it is to try and just get a few things accomplished in a day with RSD, so going through a separation and possible divorce must be overwheming. I do agree with others in that you should get legal counsel asap. People can get really weird & greedy in a divorce. I know people who have taken out second mortgages and their soon to be exes didn't know. I don't know how but they did! People have cleared out bank accounts, safe deposit boxes, etc. And these appeared to be nice people!
Please take care of yourself.
Linmarie

Dear Roz
 

Roz, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this on top of your rsd, They have times when they just burn out it seems. I try to turn on the reverse neutering when i can which is not that ofter. It helps. But with each new failed treatment there is the anger it didnt "work" do you know what I mean... and not just from my husband but others. they become aggressive, bored or irritated Im not cured. Hang in there. Many times I thought Id be better off alone but Ive been very lucky mine has come around each time. we are in counseling though and I do belive that helps. Good luck and take care, Lisle

Hi,

I am doing fine. Everything is getting handled. Much Love, Roz