Self Injury
 

Hi,

I'm interested talking with those who have been consumed with self-injury (SI).

I am 45 years of age and have been a superficial/moderate self-injurer on-and-off during my adult life. I also have been managing (more or less) depression most of my life too. I'm currently going through a really tough spell and would like to find some support from those that have been where I'm at right now.

I know from experience that sometimes talking about this subject can trigger some people to SI so I don't want this thread to focus on methods and the messier details of past accounts. What I'm hoping for is to share a bit about how I feel when I'm in that state of mind and how it's affecting my life.

So I put this topic on the table and would love to hear from you all.

Much peace and love from,

Lothlórien

I'm going to come to your rescue because I can't bare to have a newbie hanging out there with no responses. *grin

I have never SI'd but have a dear friend that did for years...I'm hoping she'll come respond to you. I know that there are a lot of misconceptions about it and that some people think it's a suicidal wish. It's difficult to understand how it can make you feel better but I understand that it does. :hug:

And that reminds me of the trout:

When a trout rising to a fly gets hooked on a line and finds himself unable to swim about freely, he begins with a fight
which results in strugles and splashes and sometimes an escape.
Often, of course, the situation is too tough for him.

In the same way the human being struggles with his environment and with the hooks that catch him. sometimes he masters
his difficulties; sometimes they are too much for him. His struggles are all that the world sees and it naturally misunderstands them.

It is hard for a free fish to understand what is happening to a hooked one.

-----Karl A. Menniger

Isn't that the truth. Thank you. :hug:

Me again. I need share some thoughts.

I've been so desperate to relieve the pain from my depression lately that I've started to SI again. This is the 3rd time in my life I've been in this place and unfortunately at the moment I don't want to stop. I've become very fixated on my injuries (cutting and striking). I've not come-out to my counselor or my psychiatrist yet because I don't want to stop although I know I should. (Guilt too, oh god)

It's getting harder to hide my actions from my family and co-workers. I feel like this is my only avenue for emotional pain relief right now and the thought of giving it up is very scary.

Can anyone relate to this? I know SI is not that uncommon in fact I've heard and read that so many times it feels dismissive. My head tells my this is serious but the messages I'm getting are that it's not a big deal unless you land yourself in the emergency department. :(

I never experienced this myself,but have a friend who does. What i
admire about this post,i sorry i'm probably saying all the wrong words.
But you sound so desperate for help,and what i admire, is that your
pain might bring out others who have the same problem and relate.
My friend choice and still is hide alway,afraid and ashamed. I'm
very proud of you,your asking for help,and i hope you get it. I not
sure how to help but i'm willing to listen. Good luck and many blessings
So many kinds of pain,i'm sorry,you going through this Sue :(

welcome to NeuroTalk Lothlorien :)

I did also want to let you know about the forums over at Psych Central where you will find a very active SI board as well as one for depressio. members there will I am sure be able to offer you a lot of support in both areas.

Of course that doesnt mean we want you not to be here too:hug: ...I was just offering that as an additional avenue of support.

Here is the link to the SI forum at PC http://forums.psychcentral.com/postl...ard=selfinjury


BTW, I am a big Tolkien fan and Lothlorien and the story of the Elves has always been very dear to me

Hello Lothlorien,
I can so relate to what you are saying...I'm a 51 year old female and have self injured off and on since my teen years... I've been able to resist the urges now for about a year or so, but it hasn't been easy. My preference of si was cutting and burning. I think the main motivation for me personally to stop was when my teenage daughter started telling me about her friends who were self injuring.... I have never told her that i myself was self injuring. I'm sure that day will come. I do remember the guilt. Not only over the actually act, but the lies i'd tell to cover it up. Please feel free to PM me if you'd like.
we are leaving to go on a 12 day vacation on Thursday but i'd love to talk if you want before then...
:hug:
vicky

Thanks, shiney sue
 

Thank you so much for your reply. Your words are just perfect. It helps so much when someone is willing to acknowledge your hurt and not judge. Your friend is lucky to have you.

For me the hiding is a combination of not wanting to stop SI behavior and not wanting to scare away my friends or be looked down on at work.

Thank you :hug:

Thanks for the link Chemar!
 

I'll check out the link right away.

I so love Tolkien's writing especially the elves and everything to do with Rohan (I'm a horse nut :rolleyes: )

Thanks again

Hi FeelinGoofy
 

I'm so happy to meet you, and everyone else.

I'll PM you tomorrow as I have to get my kid-o to bed just now. :)

I had a few minutes so thought i'd pop on and tell you i'd been thinking about you.
{{{{HUGS}}}}}
vicky

Thanks Vicky. *hugs*

Hey.... looks like we're on at the same time.... I just sent you another PM :winky: :hug:

hope you are doing ok Lothlórien:hug:

I never thought I would do it...
 

But, I actually did. During my last episode. I am schizoaffective. I was hospitilized again at the beginnig of this year. I actually, burned myself. I have been almost unconsciously, burning myself for years. Since my first rape, when, I was 14. That's when it started. I can remember it very clearly. Standing, at the guy who raped me's kitchen sink. Doing his dishes, right after, it happened. I'm really aware of it now. During my episode, it was so very apparent to me, and, quite literally, it scared the crap out of me!! I asked for help. I went to the hospital. Since, I'm aware of it now, I really think about it and make a conscious effort not to do it. I don't know what else to say, but, I understand. I can empathize. And, I hope you feel MUCH, MUCH, BETTER SOON!! Take care of yourself!!

Peace, and, Love,
Cgirl

Thanks Chemar :hug: I'm managing ok. I'm on a new drug combo for my MDD but I'm still in limbo waiting to see if it will work.

The link you gave me to the PC was great. I've made some good connections there too.

Thanks again. :)

Thanks Cgirl for sharing a bit of your stroy :hug: I'm doing okay at the moment, no SI for about 2 weeks. I'm hopeful my new drug combo will work better than the last.

I wish you well and hope to talk with you again! :)

Lothlorien

so glad you are finding PC helpful, Lothlórien:hug: and good to see you here :)

Just wanted to say hello. I dont know if you got my last PM or not..
:hug: