Feeling like a failure...
 

It's been a really rough week for me...flare started Monday at work when a fellow employee playfully smacked my elbow while we were in a meeting. So my arm flared up and that was at the start of a 10 hour shift. So with my arm hurting I couldn't put as much weight on my arms while using my walker...which means more weight on my leg...so by the end of the night my leg was flaring. And then EVERYTHING started flaring...even my csection incision site which rarely gets bad (the internal one always hurts but the external one has never gotten this bad). I kept going to work tuesday and Wednesday and was off yesterday. I tried to take it easy on my day off but fell. Now today I had to call off work because despite sleeping downstairs and not holding the baby last night...I'm still in agony. Times like these I just feel like a complete failure...at work...as a mom...ugh! I'll get over it...but I just hate being so helpless.

you're not a failure catra. it's not you're fault you have rsd. it just happens to some of us. you are trying to do the best you can and that's all anyone can do. the fact that you get up everyday and keep trying is proof that you are a success in life. try not to be so hard on yourself. sounds to me like you're doing a great job. soft hugs.

Dear sweet Catra,

It is so frustrating when you get knocked back and all too easy to give yourself a hard time about it. We have all been there.

I am always struck by how strong and resilient you are. Working, parenting, all why trying to care for yourself...it's no wonder you flare sometimes! Who can balance that? Many people would struggle sometimes doing half what you do.

I am so sorry you had a tough week and hope the next one is easier on you. Give yourself a gentle hug from me and kiss the baby's sweet head. You are a wonder!

Sending healing love, :hug:

I don't have much in the way of positive wisdom...

I just want you to know, you are not alone. I feel like that everyday and no one seems to care except the few people here. Some days I can't even get out of bed and cry all day because it hurts too much to stand long enough to shower...

2 years ago, I was independent; a nurse. Today, I am pathetic. I get it.

You do a lot! You work and care for your family! It's understandable that you have some down days

Catra,

This RSD passage IMO is much harder for you than it is for me, because you are the mother of a young baby. But you are by no means a failure. A failure is someone who is able, but chooses not to be. You did not choose to have RSD. You did not choose to have a flare. I hope you get through this recent set back and you have brighter days ahead.

Velkyn,

I gave up trying to take a tub (I needed help to get in and out) or stand (the pain was unbearable) in the shower. I have a shower chair wedged in the tub so I can sit while I shower. The chair also allows me to get in and out of the tub without help from my husband. We have been married for over 40 years, but it was still mortifying to need his help.

Thanks guys. Sometimes I just need a safe, judgement free zone to let my thoughts out. I try so hard not to burden people with my own troubles and difficulties. Even at work...that other employee felt SO bad that she hit me like that and I know she didn't mean to hurt me...and it made ME feel bad to have made HER feel bad. Ugh! It can all just be such an emotional trap. The hardest part for me is taking that time to just REST and recover. With the baby at daycare today I am spending the day on the couch with my feet up...and I'm bored out of my mind and find that when I'm not doing things the pain seems even more intense because I have nothing to distract me. Please forgive my whining...

I gave up on showers years ago...I cannot take the water pelting me like that. I take warm baths every day...twice a day if I can find the time because its one of the few things that helps my body wide pain.

And now I'm having chest pains...feels like pleurisy which I've had before...inflammation of the lining of the lungs. This happens sometimes with bad flare ups and I'm left here wondering if I should bother going to the er or continue to rest.

Catra,

Do not risk pleurisy becoming something more. Please get it seen to.

Dave.

Catra, Is there anything you enjoy doing during "down time" that will distract you and allow your body to recover? Maybe reading a book in a warm tub? Calling your gfs with a hands free headset?

If you need to go to the doc or the ER, then GO! You know your own body.

One last thing, I had problems for years taking a shower. I actually used to sit on the floor to get as far away as possible from the spray. When I moved I installed an inexpensive Delta In2ition showerhead and it is so much gentler than anything else I've tried. It's essentially a big ring with a handheld sprayer inside that can be turned off if you wish.

Hi Catra,

I second Dave and Lit Love on getting checked out if you don't feel any better. You could try an urgent care center if you don't want to go to the ER. LL is right, you know your body. Remember when you went to the ER for the belly pain and it wasn't CRPS at all?

Take care of yourself and be well. :hug:

I am so incredibly sorry for the pain you are in. I cannot imagine having this disease more widespread in my own body. It seems impossible for those who don't have RSD to understand just how hard each.and.every.little.thing. is for us. I hate that you had to suffer that chain if unfortunate events. Last night a woman touched my arm behind mt elbow too and I almost started to cry right there. From that I had so many residual effects not allowing my day to become much of anything.

The fact that you have RSD and are a mom and work while in so much pain but keep pushing on shows how strong you are. There is no way you can go on not having bad days. Please keep your spirits up you can do this. Take it easy on yourself, try to make it through today. You are a superwoman! Thoughts and prayers are with you.

Much love is sent to you.

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support. This was one of the worst and longest flares I've had in a while...but I am now out of it for about 2 days and hopefully I won't see another one for a while. I can't tell you how much it helps just to have a place where people really understand what I am going through. It's been difficult adjusting my routines now that I have the baby...life is all about HER routines now. I have to find that balance again between work and my home life so that I can still take care of my health. I have all the faith in the world that I will find that balance...but it takes time...and in the mean time I will have bad days and rough patches. I appreciate you guys and your support so much as I struggle through this.

hi catra. i'm so glad you're flare has passed. just try to take it one day at a time and go easy on yourself. you are doing an amazing job taking care of your babies and deserve to take a break sometimes and rest. just always remember how awesome you are. you do so much as well as deal with the constant pain that rsd brings and i really admire you. soft hugs my friend.