I’m wondering if there’s anyone willing to pray for my child and our family?
 

We have been having a hard time for a long time but things seem to be very overwhelming right now. Our son is 11-years-old I’ll call him Mitchell – one of his names. He was subjected to persistent severe physical, emotional and verbal bullying from a group of boys in primary school. We withdrew him when he was strangled in the playground. He has finally agreed to and commenced counselling for related emotional and behavioural issues which mainly present as an issue at home. At the moment, there are number of stressors. He is due to transition to secondary school in January and we have concerns about which is the best school for him. We don’t want him to be returning to the same group who were bystanders to the bullying. However, we have been attempting to buy a house in the neighbouring zone to avoid this situation and keep coming up against financial barriers. I have an interview for the possibility of some casual work and I’m wondering whether this is wise or viable given his current well-being? I also have a serious chronic illness, RSD type two with extensive nerve damage to my neck and arms, and I’m not coping very well with his behaviour at home. Both my husband and I would like our relationship with him to improve as he is constantly pushing the boundaries at the moment. Please pray for healing, guidance, peace and strength-maybe a house too. Thank you Booklover

Hi booklover,
I'm very sorry to hear about what's been going on for your son. My son was in a similar situation at around the same age and younger so I really feel for him and you all. I hope that you're able to find a safe environment for your son to continue his education. I'll be thinking of you knowing you're going through this difficult time. take care there.

Hi booklover,

I knew the feeling of verbal and emotional bullying for years at school from age 11, so I have zero tolerance when I hear of cases now. Unfortunately, I had no support from my parents. I hope strong action was taken against the assaulters.

Counselling is the best place for your son to work out these issues while he is young enough that it not become an Anxiety or PTSD related problem.

I see no problem in you returning to work (if you are able) to better the chances of your son putting this behind him, but the best thing to do would be to ask his Counsellor.

Of course, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your son at this difficult transition time.

Dave.

Of course I'll pray for you, your child and your family. :hug:

People can be so cruel.....and I have to wonder what kind of family life those bullies must have if they're so mean at such a young age. :(

I hope you can find a home in the school district you want to be in. I'm in the USA but we have an online school for students K-12 and it's complete with state licensed teachers. And it's at no charge. If that fits your schedule that might be an alternative if things at the secondary school don't work out.

I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

My heart goes out to you and your son. As a parent, there are few things harder to witness than the torture (because that's what it is) of one's child at the hands of his/her peers. :hug:

Why this "Lord of the Flies" atmosphere is allowed to persist in schools is a mystery to me. Where else could some maniac strangle someone else with impunity?

I find it beyond outrageous that the schools, at least in our area, place the responsibility for changing the situation on the victim. The bullied child is sent off to learn how to be more assertive. OMG, no matter what, there is never any justification for physical or verbal violence. It's the bully who requires the behaviour modification.

Certainly I will include your son Mitchell in my prayers. It is best to remove him from the situation. Too many parents just send him out there and tell him to "toughen up", meanwhile he gets the crap beaten out of him. That's wrong. It's victim abuse. You are right to try to protect him. If you must move then do it. :hug:

Dear booklover,

Thank you for being a concerned parent, advocating for, taking care of, your child. :)

My niece was being bullied at school. She was placed in an independent study program, where there was a teachers to students ratio of 1:5. She loved the program, began to excel in all of her courses and eventually graduated with high honors and a partial scholarship toward college.
Changing the environment can be very helpful, very healing for children.

Offering prayer, meditation and energy of support and healing for your child, you and your family.

With Concern,
DejaVu

Thank you to all of you for your prayers and sharing your stories. I'm touched that you're praying for us and saddened that you and your loved ones have been affected by bullying. Unfortunately,Mitchell was affected by bullying for several years at his old school we were always advocating for him and they were always reassuring us they were addressing the issues but their lack of action made him feel more powerless. It was complicated he didn't want to be the one who had to leave his friends, my illness meant I couldn't drive him to another school in a different district and I was in and out of hospital during this time and lost the use of my right arm for a year. Nevertheless, I was keen for him to shift no matter what it took. When he moved to another primary school he settled in easily and is now the vice school captain. After leaving his old school, the impact on him has become more evident. He sometimes gets very anxious and feels the need to be in control of his environment. At home he's experimenting with using his power and I often end up on the receiving end of his frustration and anger. I often wonder what he would be like if he'd never gone to that school. This last week he has been so much happier and it's been so peaceful here,so thanks for praying for him/ us. We've also put in a letter asking for special consideration on compassionate grounds for the high school that we really would like to send him to. So we're really hoping they'll consider it favourably if it's not too late. I had the job interview they were lovely people. The interview went reasonably well but I had to disclose my injury on the pre-employment form and that may be an issue for them- one of the roles in the casual pool I can probably do the other may involve too much driving. Oh well I find out one way or another next week. Booklover

Praying
 

Booklover - you are among many who, here, care for this trauma to be lifted from your family. The conduct of bullying should not be tolerated....ever.

I was among those who have been bullied in my youth. It hurt to the core. I was "different." Later, one of our children was as well thus victimized. We stepped into the system and demanded it stop. Amazed we were the system would pay lip service to our child's situation, while unyieldingly protecting the "rights" of the bullies.

I am praying all will be well in your situation, and that of Mitchell. Praying those who act hurtfully will be convicted of the spirit to Stop It. Praying the system will embrace the children in its care to help them mature on healthy paths.

I suffered PTSD which is only now in later life being addressed in therapy I am receiving. Our child is similarly receiving such care. May the wounds of the spirit in your child be healed over so you all may have life full of joy.

How can this all turn out? It can inspire to the good. I ultimately became involved in the legal profession dedicated to helping others overcome difficulties. That is one of my personal joys.

Our child became a wonderfully talented artist whose music, humor, and sculptures are a blessing. Yes, more therapy remains to overcome the PTSD, but there is hope.

I pray that in your family, an upwelling of hope carries you all beyond this season of difficulty.

:hug: :grouphug: M56

Yes of course, we are willing to pray for you and your son
 

:grouphug::grouphug:

sending heartfelt prayers your way.

Booklover,

Prayers are with you and your family. My son and daughter-in-law finally removed my grandson from the school system during his 7th grade and began home schooling. The relief my grandson has with not having to deal with the mean nasty behavior is very evident.

My daughter-in-law really enjoys working with my grandson and he loves his "teacher". There are so many programs to aid in the Home Schooling of children. She can now work on the things that most need improvement. It has really turned out well for all concerned.

Last year would have been his freshman year in high school.(It was decided the Home Schooling would continue.) This is working out beautifully as well. I asked him last week "when do you begin school"this year? He looked at his mother and waited to hear the start date. He has built up confidence in himself which is so very important. He has become a lector at their Church once a month.

Again; the programs for Home Schooling are amazing. Additionally, many internet programs include teaching with the "teacher"(my daughter-in-law).

Of course, this is not for everyone. I, myself, had doubts. But seeing how well he is doing emotionally as well as the confidence in himself he has shown is amazing.

Praying all will work toward peace and harmony in the home.


Gerry

Hi Booklover....
 

When you get a chance would appreciate some updates on your son, as well as job possibilities.

Praying for you & family,


Gerry

latest update
 

Hi all,

Thanks for your prayers and kind thoughts. Things are moving very slowly here. I've been sick with an infection an asthma the last few weeks but I'm gradually recovering. I didn't get the job but I feel at peace about it as I don't feel it is the right time for our son as he is not coping well with the amount of change he already has to deal with. He did say he was glad I would still be around for him. I have been looking for a position for several years now and my health issues and the lack of flexibility around hrs /duties/gaps seem to be a major issue for employers. I'm beginning to think, sadly it's time to accept the inevitable, especially as both my health and my son's is so up and down. When I have less on my plate, I plan to consider volunteer work. In regard to houses, there has been nothing within our price range coming up in the zone although there are a couple of people thinking about selling. I have several real estate agents I meet with each week but so far no luck. We are we are ready to sell ours as it is a townhouse we have outgrown, although we will miss it as it is delightfully located near the river where you can hear the birds fly over and is close to parklands and walking tracks. Our son has been up and down but overall he is improving. He is stressed about not finding a house in the zone yet as all his friends are talking about going there. His latest thing is to refuse to go to counselling when he was just starting to make progress. School holidays start this afternoon. Your ongoing prayers for a breakthrough are much appreciated, Booklover

Thanks for the update. Sorry to learn of your health issues but it appears you are feeling better and that's a good sign. Obviously you are much needed at home especially since your son confirmed he is glad you will be around for him.

Pray all will soon work out.


Gerry

Enjoy the school holidays. I'm not sure where you are situated but the weather here is just gorgeous. The down time will do your son a lot of good as well. I'm hoping that something comes up in the school zone too.

You take care there.

Thanks Lara, we are in Melbourne. End of school holidays was enjoyable with lot's of my son's friends visiting. Now school has started back we have had some warm weather and he went to a friends for a swim after school, unusual for October in Melbourne. Yesterday, we went to see a house in the school zone but it was so expensive and in very poor condition not currently livable. There is a more affordable house just out of the school zone which is in really good condition auctioning Saturday. It would involve a complicated option of renting in zone and then renting it out. We're trying to see if we can make this happen but I think sadly we'll run out of time for this particular house. There's no point buying it if he hasn't been able to get a place in the school first. Houses and rentals in the zone have been so few this year and the prices have been pushed up by negative gearing and international buyers as it is a popular investment area. I'm hoping somehow it will all work itself out and we'll find a way.

Appreciate your prayers, thoughts, concerns Booklover

A brief update, as a last resort we have rented a place in the school zone and are making one last application. We missed out on buying the house in walking distance because we were in limbo as we still didn't have a place in the school.He is very sad that he doesn't have a place with his friends who have helped him move on from the bullying and was crying under the table one day. This is our last option along with an appeal. So if we miss out at least we'll know we gave it our best shot for our son. The whole process has been very tiring and stressful. I keep hoping everything will fall into place and get easier. I find it hard managing extra things with a chronic illness but I'm sure you all do.. I keep hoping we'll only have to shift once not twice.

Booklover

Thanks for the update.

Is this for transport purposes?

Is it the Education Department in Victoria who says you have to live in the zone or you have to live in the zone to get a school bus?

I'm pretty sure people up here in Qld can go to schools out of their zone if they have good reasons. Things may have changed over the years though. It sounds way too complicated for you unfortunately. It shouldn't be that way.

I'm wondering if you've spoken to the Principal at the school you want and if they can do something to help you. I would have thought a school would go out of their way to fit your son in under the circumstances. Afterall it's their job to give your son a safe and practical environment where he can be educated.

The school year is ending in a month or so, so hopefully this can all be sorted out properly before the end of January.

take care of yourself.

Thanks Lara for your care, most of the schools in our area including this one are designated neighbourhood zoned schools, by the dept. Transport is poor across suburbs but it's the zoning itself which dictates school catchments as the first criterion for acceptance is living in the zone. The fourth criterion is compassionate grounds and we sent a written application to the principal outlining the circumstances but we were knocked back as he said the school is full. He said we could appeal the decision to the dept which we have done. I think we should have a decision in the next few weeks or sooner.

It was certainly all much easier when we were young. I think the infrastructure and planning hasn't kept up with population growth so basically there aren't enough places locally for everybody who wants them.

Booklover

I have some wonderful news to share. :)We have been offered a place for our son in the high school we have been hoping and praying for (where the kids involved in bullying from primary school won't be going). We are so happy for him, and have a great feeling about the school. We are slowly packing up our place. We need to be completely shifted into the rental before the school term begins. We are hoping and praying our plans to buy a house and sell our town house will fall into place early in the new year, now we are not so strictly tied to school zones. I am finding the prospect of packing and shifting (twice!!) with RSD/and nerve damage to both arms a little overwhelming but trying hard to take one day at a time and only use/ open what we absolutely have to in the rental.

Thanks for all your messages of encouragement and prayers,

Booklover

Wow, that's such good news.

I'm very happy that everything is falling into place now. Sometimes it just works out that way when we are feeling overwhelmed and least expect it.

Moving is such a terribly stressful experience. I once needed to move twice in a month and it took months to recover. Summer is coming full on once again so you take care of yourself and keep really well hydrated when you're moving. I hope that you have some friends or family who might help you do that. It's amazing what we can do without when our lives are packed up in boxes. ;)

So pleased for your son and for your family.
take care of yourself.

Congrats!
 

Fantastic! :D

Ditto Lara; very sound advice.:D

Sometimes I forget to pre-treat for pain when I know certain activities are going to exacerbate pain.

I hope you have people willing to help you pack and move.

I am excited you have this option.

Hope to hear you are in your new place and all has gone smoothly.

Continued Love and prayers for you, your son, your family.

:hug:
DejaVu

:trampoline: Yeah! So nice to hear good news. I hope he thrives and blooms in the new school.

Thank you all for your kind wishes. Here's an update. It has been such a hectic time and computer and internet broke down so communication has been interrupted, now fixed. Very happy with our choice of school as the culture is what we expected. In the end, it has been worth renting a place for to get our son in the school though costly and I'm glad were not in the unit while we're selling it. Belatedly,we have been able to buy a place which is in the school zone, with settlement in June which ensures our son's education their until the end of yr 12. The auction to sell our unit is this Saturday 30 April. So we are hoping that goes well and we get our reserve price, there has been reasonable interest. Packing,moving,cleaning and gardening have been hard/painful work with me taking the lead. My pain specialist has also shifted during the process too far away to see him, fortunately he has referred me to a colleague locally who has turned out to be a worthy replacement. My dad and step mother have helped by sending over meals when we moved into the rental and assisted my husband move the small things which was much appreciated as they are in their mid 70's now and have 11 children between them. Now I can see an end in sight I feel a sense of relief- one place to look after where things don't keep breaking down with one set of bills and we can relax-last week in the rental we had no hot water and a sparking power point. Unfortunately, it's been stressful time for our family, exacerbating issues that were already there and my husband and I have begun seeing a marriage counsellor. Our son is unsettled at home but doing well at school. All my difficulties seem like such first world problems. The man who came to fix our phone/internet at the rental had a photo of two beautiful boys on his phone when I enquired about them he told me the 18 mth had died 40 days ago in an accident it puts everything into perspective. The man's name was Ali. Your prayers are much appreciated, for Ali and his family also..
Sorry, I'm so tired and rambly

Booklover

Booklover,
Hope and pray soon all will go well for you, your husband; and of course your son. All of you have been thru much pressure and strain. Glad both of you have decided to see a counselor.

I mentioned to you quite some time ago about my grandson being bullied so much that eventually his parents (my daughter-in law) are home schooling him. I thought when he reached an age for high school they might give it a try; but have continued his home schooling. A little over a year ago, they moved to another town about about 20 miles away from their previous home. He turned 16 in February and started working at a large grocery chain near their home. He is excited so all is turning out well.

Yes, you are right about putting everything into perspective. I will definitely add Ali and his family to my prayer list. You and your family are also on my prayer list.


Gerry

Gerry,thank you so much for your support,care and prayers for both my family and Ali's. I'm glad to hear your grandson is settling into his new town and has made the next successful transition towards independence and participating in the life of his community by getting a job. I imagine he's loving earning his own money.

I am so pleased to let you know and also those who have been praying for us that our home sold at auction, for above our reserve and expectations. It is such a relief. The lady in her late fifties who bought it is downsizing from a house with a big yard to our villa unit and was delighted with our place. She would like to settle before the end of the month which works out well, as it is just before our purchase settles. So after such a long time of looking it's all happening very quickly now. I am looking forward to moving into our new place and having more time for family, friends, and rest/self care (managing pain). Hopefully once we have shifted and unpacked we will all start to feel less stressed and more settled. For me there will be some other issues I've been putting on the backburner that I will need to follow up fairly soon after that- my neuro stimulator battery is rapidly running out and requires replacing in the 2nd half of this year and I also have issues with my professional registration requiring me to either get a job or voluntary work in the 2nd half of this yr - disability issues have been a barrier at interviews to getting a job, as soon as I disclose and ask for accommodations the whole interview shifts. Anyway, I'm working on tackling one thing at a time. I hope by the end of the year I've been able to make informed decisions and successfully follow through one at a time.

Booklover

Good to learn how quickly your home sold. You sure have a lot to do, but at least the end is in sight. You mentioned your battery running out. How long have you had the current one?

Is there any chance of getting on permanent disability?

Praying all goes as planned.


Gerry

sorry it's been so long to update ...lot's still happening
 

The good news first ...surgery to remove battery and leads went without any complications. Trialling Low dose Naltrexone at the moment was going well but now in middle of flare probably due to stress.( I am having an epidural blood patch procedure at the end of the month. ?slowcsf leak)

We're having issues with our 13 yr old son, he is again trying to control us with his anger at home. He kicked a hole in the wall on the weekend and makes threats, yells, verbal abuse etc. Lot's of conflict over doing homework and getting off electronics. School has put him on learning plan regarding homework. His behavoiur at school is much better than at home. We'd appreciate any prayers I'm feeling so overwhelmed and concerned for his future and the strength to get through each day. Consequences and talking with him seem to only fuel his anger. He blames us for everything. Then he comes and tells us how much he loves us later. We are just hanging in there... thanks booklover

Prayers now sent:hug:

Booklover,
Good to learn all went well with the surgery to remove battery/leads. Are you planning to replace with a new battery? Pray all will go well with the csf procedure.

So sorry your son is still dealing with these anger issues. Has he been to a doctor dealing with young adults and the possibility of Hyperactive ADD? This has to be so difficult for all of you.

I pray every day/night for intentions of all those on my past and present prayer list; including you and your family.

Please keep in touch.


Gerry

Thanks Gerry,

Regarding myself, I have decided not to have another battery as the old site was no longer an option and I didn't want to risk the spread of CRPS to the abdominal area, particularly given the diminishing benefits I was getting from it. The CSF procedure is fairly experimental but I have great faith in my pain specialist. It is low risk and as he is recommending it I think it's worth a try to see if I get any benefit.

It's funny you mention the ADHD possibility as the thought has crossed my mind as he/teachers complain about his poor concentration, fidgets and distractable. He is also impulsive although not so much hyperactive. Also would like to get him to paediatrician to have general assessment. He's been resisting it. I think he's concerned about being put on medication or diagnosed with something eg mental health issue ADHD. He's old enough to be aware of stigma.Let's hope we can make some progress as there seems to be more than one thing going on and unpacking it would be so much better than this stuck situation.

Things have been more peaceful here the last couple of days and I went out for lunch with a friend yesterday.

Booklover