it's me... i'm sorry...
 

hi everyone...
i don't know what to do anymore... i feel like all i can do is just go away...
i don't want to come on here and be so down all the time... that's really not who i am. I used to be the one everyone in my "real life" called when they needed anything...and i would be there as fast as i possibly could.

I can't go to them... they've all shut me out.. though i would still be there for them if i could....


I'm sorry to dump like this again here... but all of you are the only ones that have an idea of how i am feeling... i'm not saying i'm going to do anything... but i wouldn't mind if i didn't wake up anymore...

i'm sorry...
abbie

Ohhhh, dear sweet Abbie. I struggle with that 'i don't wanna wake up anymore' as well. And I have some blessings in my life, some things...not so blessed. But, every now and then, that old 'It would be easier not to be here' thought comes around.

Who would expect people coming to a forum like this to be all peppy and happy all the time???? We understand.

If you need a break, that's fine. We all do that from time to time. But I, for one, would miss you a lot.

Life is difficult. I know for me, it's hard to be happy. Wouldn't it be nice if that were the norm? Big hugs and love.

((((((Abbie)))))),

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v9...uggiebears.gif

I'm sorry you're feeling so down. I've been there way too many times to count. I hate that anyone has to feel like that.

Don't go ridin' yourself 'cause you can't show up with a BIG OLE SMILIE FACE all the time. You don't need to be putting on airs with us. We understand. When you're feeling low, just snuggle up to us and let us hug and cuddle you. When you get your balance back, we'll all be standing in line for free hugs :p

I know how hard it is to just cope with day-to-day life when you just feel so low and so down. Try to do some good things for yourself -- flowers, tea in pretty cups, a nice bubble bath, dancing in your panties to some really great rock and roll music (while singing as loud as you can). A good steak and fries dinner might help too.

Let all the other stuff go for tonight. No washing dishes. No solving problems. Just take one night off. It'll all be waiting there tomorrow.

Keep yourself safe and loved. If we all stand together against the waves, none of us will fall. BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb

Dear ((abbie)) -- Just like smart and such good writers, doody and moose said, we all feel that way some time.
I know I wouldn't be in this forum if I didn't think about disappearing from everywhere most of the time.
So I understand what you're saying. I hope you do keep saying it here WHEN YOU NEED TO and I hope that's not often. Please take care of yourself. If you want to talk, feel free to do it here. [
B]We ALL understand and we care.[/B]

((((abbie)))) please don't be sorry. It least you are talking about your feelings, that's more than I'm doing. I need to practice what I'm always preaching.

I've started rereading a wonderful book by Anne Lamott. It's called "Grace (Eventually) Thoughts on Faith" and she makes me feel like less of a failure, less of a phony and I have actually laughed out loud several times.

This truely is the place to talk about how you feel and I promise to do that, if you will.

I feel like a speed bump! Hugs for the room.:grouphug:

Abbie , So many of your posts are so sweet and caring - please don't feel like you can only post when you are doing OK with things.

We want to be here for you too when you are having a really bad time and need some hugs and support:grouphug: :grouphug:

It's so sad when friends and family can't really understand how pain and other things can be so ongoing that the feelings can pile up and just overwhelm any of us at times.

When all we really need is some gentle hugs and a caring person to talk about it with. Not that we expect them to take away the pain, but that they just will sit and care.

:hug: Abbie :hug:

the essence of this special place is a never ending circle of caring :grouphug:

at different times, different ones in the circle are doing different amounts of the giving or taking of the caring....but the circle remains unbroken and the caring undiluted.

so take all the care being passed on to you Abbie and I pray it will encourage you and help you to remember that you are much loved here:Heart:

:hug: Abbie :hug: even though we have never "talked" I've read through everything you're going through and my heart goes out to you. :hug:

I mentioned this in a PM to someone recently, but I hope you feel the love and support you have here. I want to say more but it's not about me it's about you and I hope that you come back. It's hard to smile and pretend that all is well, but that's what this forum is all about. People care and I hope you feel that love coming your way. :grouphug:

((((Abbie)))))

It is often easier to be the giver.....but sometimes it is our turn to be the receiver....(((((hugs)))))

abbie...I hope you can feel the love in this thread..you have so many people that want to help....count me among them. :hug:

Thinking of you abbie....are you alright? :hug:

Just checking in....Good morning Abbie :grouphug:

abbie -- we care

i woke up today.... :(

(((Abbie)))

Sending you some cheer of some native aust. flowers and plants to try to lighten your day just a little ...

http://i156.photobucket.com/albums/t...australian.jpg

I woke up too Abbie. I was glad to see you here. :hug: I don't think you realize how supportive and kind you are to everyone here, so we like to return favors around these parts. :)

Depression just sucks. Just remember, it can go away and will. In the meantime, do you have a good therapist you can talk to? Are you on any kind of antidepressant? If not, you might consider doing those things to tide you over.

It really helps to talk it out, I think. Others can help you make sense of how you feel and why. Even though you may know what is depressing you, it helps to hear someone else put it into words that turn a lightbulb on in your head. It can help you get some perspective.

We care. :hug: And I'm glad you came by to let us know you slept and woke up.

How about this...totally aside from what you're talking about, but a hit to my self esteem today. Geesh. I had my annual review at work today. I really like my boss, he's new for a year now. Anyway, they fill out these weird forms that rate your performance in certain areas and the supervisor filling it out has to rate it from a 1 to a 10. Well, he got to the section about personality, which includes getting along with others.

.... He gave me a SIX! I've worked at this institution for 21 years, got a 10 rating from everyone I've ever worked for as far as personality and getting along with co-workers! I bout fell off my chair!

When I got back to my office I told my immediate supervisor what he rated it and her mouth fell open and she said, "YOU'RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT???"

*shrugs* LOL

So glad to see you abbie ... I hope to see you again soon
............................................

Doody -- I give you a 10

I'm glad you're still with us Abbie :hug:

Abbie, how're you doing there today? Thinking of you. I worry when you don't post.

Hi all,
I'm still holding on...
Not sleeping, not eating (much), I still feel like I did when I first posted.

I Love you all and thank you for caring!!!
Abbie

Of course we care....throwing you life rafts along with the hugs. :grouphug:

I hope today you're feeling a little stronger. Wishing you a good day, Abbie.

I wouldn't say I'm any stronger today... just that I was able to find a little peace.

Watched clouds roll by, listened to birds singing, bull frogs croaking, and the breeze rustling through the trees the only human around for miles was me.... for now... my soul is calm.



:hug:
Abbie

((((((Abbie)))))),

http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MIN...beingthere.gif

I'm glad you found some peace, Abbie.

Nature always makes me feel better. That's why I always recommend buying yourself some flowers. It's amazing what miracles little flowers can work.

There's one town near here surrounded on two sides by ocean. My son used to live there. He says he can feel his blood pressure dropping by 20 points as soon as he crosses the town line.

I'm very lucky. Here where I live we all have floor-to-ceiling windows across the back wall of our apartments. I can lay in bed and look out the window at the birds and the ducks and the swan and the Canada geese and the ponds and trees. :cool: Absolutely heavenly!!

There's a lot of beautiful things out there, Abbie. Let them surround you and fill your heart with blessings. BIG HUGS (and love).

Barb http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/26/26_9_4v.gif

You know
 

I do that to,remember when we use to look for wonderfull things in
clouds? When we were kids we would fuss over what we looking for.
I'm 60 now and just happy to see something peacefull up there in
those clouds. That's what i wish for everbody a day or even a moment
of peacefull. :grouphug: :grouphug: to all Sue

((abbie)) I hope and pray that the peace and beauty in your life continues.

The clouds were dark but all of a sudden in the middle of the dark ones a perfect bright heart shaped cloud formed... No kidding... I took a picture of it on my cell phone.

Since I have started painting I love to look at the clouds and see all of the shades, patterns and tones of colors that they have.
The sharp edged clouds or the soft blurred lines of a distant rain falling out of them.
I wish I could paint them more like I see them.

(((hugs)))for you, Abbie.

It made me smile to know that you found an unexpected sign in the clouds. I love to go through each day that way...you never know what will bring you a moment of joy or peace or giggles if you are open to it.

wow. It was really good to read what you wrote here, Abbie.
When you're in tune with nature like that it's a very healing thing. I always know when I'm down or heading down. It's when I don't notice the details. It's all in the details. Usually I see things that no one around me would even notice. It's a little like my drawing and painting and years ago with my writing. When I was too busy or too stressed or too down, I couldn't draw and I couldn't write and I most certainly lost sight of the details.

I hope you have many days like that to calm your soul.
I'm truly sorry though that your body gives you so much pain. :hug:

:hug: :hug:

Hang on tight there Abbie.

Thinking about you.

:hug:

Abbie


I've been there and its not easy, take every hour as it comes,
I was once told by a wise old nurse, when you feel so desperate to take time to foccus on yourself.

Start by waking up, then concentrate on everything you do, have a bath or a shower and wash like never before, pamper yourself, take extra time to look good. Then make your bed like a show house display, cook a breakfast like a king has been invited. Throughout the day take time to be special to yourself, like yourself and appreciate yourself.
Abbie, you may still feel low and desperate, at the end of the day but you are sowing seeds of hope into your subconscious mind that YOU really matter. And you do...very much

Take care of YOU.......