Stressful move causes relapse then older brother dies unexpectedly
 

Funeral is this weekend and I'm unable to be in the sun or any light. All of my symptoms have returned to full force.

How do I go on? I'm so sick and tired of this. Will I ever be able to go out in the sun again?

He was my only sibling and I looked up to him my whole life. Only being 4 years older than me, we were very close as we dealt with our parents divorce and beyond.

I hate my life. I want to grieve normally. Instead I can't use any electronics or do anything to distract me from this torment. This is torture. Coming up on one year since I ruined my life with a simple accident.

Only way I wrote this was with sunglasses on. The phone screen is too much. Conversations are too much. How do you process this loss when you are so debilitated?

Crying now. Will try to keep fighting.

I don't know what to say. My heart goes out to you.

Your family should understand if you can't manage to attend. Perhaps someone could Skype the service, so you could get a chance to grieve by, at least, listening to the service.

At this difficult time, try to be kind to yourself.

This is terrible to hear, my heart too goes out to you, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I don't know what to say other than my thoughts are with you, and it can't stay as bad as it is right now - everything changes, and things just have to go up from where you are now.

My condolences.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I totally get it.... There will be good days and bad days - and tomorrow will be better!

Stay strong! Hang in there!

I'm sorry to hear this Danny. I can't imagine having to cope with such an emotionally powerful situation involving a dearly loved brother while enduring PCS.

My thoughts are with you.

Thinking of you Danny.
That's such a terrible loss. :(
You've had way too much loss in your life already.

I'm so sorry for your loss Danny.

I can relate a bit, my mom passed away unexpectedly about a year after my injury. It was brutal.

I attended the visitations and funeral 6 hours away. I wore a hat and sunglasses the whole time inside and outside. I passed off funeral decisions to my dad and sister, no way could I make any decisions.

I stayed in a hotel instead of at my parents house like I normally do when I visit. It meant that for part of the day and night, it was quieter and away from all the heavily grieving people.

After, my recovery set back about 6 months according to my rehab team. All my symptoms flared horribly as well as a few I don't normally have.

It's ok to miss important life events due to our tbis but there was no way I was missing out on saying goodbye. So I didn't care that going was going to make me feel worse at the time, I would have always regretted not going.

You only get one chance to say goodbye.

I wish I had cut myself more slack for the way I felt after. I felt a good bit of pressure from my rehab team to keep attending appointments and therapy.

All the best to you. Be kind to yourself. Dealing with the death of a loved one is hard enough go without these injuries. My thoughts are with you.

Starr

Made it there and back in one piece. The burial service was brutal but I wore a hat which helped. I was able to speak to all my brothers loved ones and I even said a few words.

All in all I made it through this first part of the newest test in my life.

Thanks as always for the support. This community really does mean a lot to me.

Was thinking about you Danny.
A very difficult day.
Thanks for posting.

:grouphug:
Good job. Hope you can take some time now to rest and recover.
Thanks for letting us know how it went.
Thinking good thoughts for you.

Way to go Danny!

Bud

27th Birthday Today
 

What a horrible day. How do I experience any joy?

I'm having a very difficult time staying away from my phone. I will never get better at this rate. The memories are too painful to just sit there and rest, but that's what I need.

This really is a life or death situation. I'm holding on by a Thread.

I do have my girlfriend living with me in a fairly quiet house but she works long hours to support me. She's gone all day today.

I'm so sad, depressed, lonely and confused. Why have I been dealt with so many tough predicaments in a row? I want my life back.

Just keep holding on... that's all there is to do right now. Things will improve.

It sounds silly, but the thing that got me through the days, weeks, months after my mom died (besides my dogs and goats!) was coloring. It's almost as restful as just sitting, but without the stewing about my predicament or without having to remember the painful memories too much. It just required enough concentration to distract me, but not tax my brain.

I still color every day and find it relaxing. You can just google "adult coloring" and print off some designs to color or what I ended up doing is buying a couple coloring books from amazon.

When I'm coloring, I try to think of it as a form of therapy. My technique has improved since I started and I can now (sometimes) do slightly more complicated designs. (I have various visual issues, so all the lines made my eyes crazy and tired in the beginning.)

You're not alone, we're here and many of us have been through similar situations. Happy Birthday, Danny. I know it doesn't feel happy this year and that's ok. Maybe at some point in the coming weeks / months, you'll feel more like having a little belated celebration.

Just keep holding on.
Starr

Hi Danny,
I am so sorry about the loss of your brother. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to be grappling with a TBI and then, suddenly lose your brother.
Grief takes a toll on our bodies, for sure, and after attending the services, you must be exhausted. How lovely that you were able to summon the energy and emotional strength to speak at the service.

All I can suggest is do what you need for YOU to feel better and cope, no matter what that is. Processing grief takes time.....I know you feel tested Danny....it will get better. Take it a day at a time.

All I can tell you is, when I feel at my poorest, health wise(not necessarily TBI),
I have a doctor I go to for Vit C IV's and various other treatments like glutathione IV, B12 injections, magnesium/calcium IV...my doc tailors it to my symptoms and blood test results. Generally after a month or so of IV's etc a couple times a week I feel stronger physically. I also make sure I seek a therapists help when I get down, or at minimum, talk with trusted friends.

I hope you have people you feel close to you can turn to now. We are always here. I know you don't know me but, feel free to PM anytime.

Also, Debi ( St George 2013 ), just lost her husband suddenly and she is posting every day, telling us how she is doing....(in the Coping with Grief & Loss Forum). Maybe, if that works for you, give that a try.

With my condolences...you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Diandra