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My Bubba Pool is almost FULL !
Just needed to talk to my friends.
My emotions have been all over the place this past week. They put my new pool liner in yesterday. The guy said the hole in the liner seam was so big he could put his finger through it ! The liner is light blue with some spots of blue or black. Very bright and inviting. It makes me happy. Bubba's Pool. I have finally hired a deck contractor. Waiting on a start date and to sign the contract. And just as quick I'm sad :) It's been 8 months and 4 days since I lost Bubba. I can go days without crying but then it just seems too much and I'll cry on and off all day long. No more hysterical crying like in the beginning....just tears and sadness at my loss. Sometimes I just want to HIT something. Sometimes I've accepted that it was the best thing for him. He would have never gotten back to his normal self in mind or body and he was very vocal about not ever wanting to live like that. He always said "I'd rather die than be put in a corner with a potted plant on my head !". And he meant it. We'd see people that had issues like he would have had and he always said he didn't want to live like that. So that's acceptance I guess. Thanks for taking time to read this. Helps just putting it in writing for y'all to read. Debi |
Hi Debi,
When the pool is all done and ready for you to jump in, it will be like Bubba wrapping his arms around you with the water washing away all your sadness. The Bubba pool will bring sunshine into your life and caress you. It is OK to be sad and have a good cry. 8 months and 4 days are not a very long time when it comes to losing a loved one. I am sure in some ways it seems like a much longer time and in other ways, it seems like it was just yesterday. Take your time and be kind to yourself. You have done an amazing job of picking yourself up and learning to adapt to a new life without your Bubba. You have had one hurdle after another thrown at you, yet you manage to find the strength within yourself to carry on. You are an absolutely amazing person. Bubba, though gone physically, will never be gone from your life as he lives on in your heart. (Soon to live on in your pool, too.) He is in the garden that memorializes him. These are all tributes to the one you loved. Enjoy them and what they represent to you, his continuing presence in your life beyond death. The Bubba pool is also his gift to you for the healing powers it may bring to your pain. Bubba would be so happy that you will have something to help your suffering. When is the pool party? We are all coming to splash around. :) Got food, too? |
Oh Debi!! That's great news that your pool is nearly finished! And yes I would like an invite to the party too. (:
I was going to say more but I can't say it more beautifully than Hopeless just has. So I'll just say amen to that. (: xx |
Awww Debi....I'm so glad you come here to share your grief and that it makes you feel better. It warms my heart that you had such a dear man in your life and loved him so much.
I can't begin to know your pain and grief but please know you are being thought of and you are in my prayers. You have so many grief milestones you have passed in these last eight months and the pool is another one. I'm glad you have a warm and caring family surrounding you. Love and Hugs, D. |
Splash!
Hi Debi Wonderful news about the pool - :) Going through this difficult time of missing Bubba is part of your grieving. It's also a really strong sign that you had a wonderful relationship with him and a rich and rewarding lifetime together - you wouldn't miss him so much if you hadn't - so hold those good memories in your heart and know that he'll be there at that pool party - if not in person then in spirit. :hug: |
Sorry
Thinking of you Debi!:hug:
Hope the pool will help you. |
Debi,
Your putting everything into it's own little corner of your heart is indeed a tribute to his life with you. I so agree with Bubba's not wanting to live like those with issues like he would have had. Best of all; you realize he meant this and for his sake, you would not have wanted him to live like that either. Two very amazing people that deeply loved and understood one another. Looking forward to seeing some pictures of the pool and deck when completed. Gerry |
Y'all are the sweetest dang people in the whole wide world !
Things with the pool are moving along. Luke took me to the pool store today and we took a sample of the pool water. Lots of pour this and pour that information and so thankful Luke was there to listen to it all....lol...no way I could remember what to do even if they had written it down (which they did). Deck start date is Monday, May 16th if not before. The pool water is just beautiful and feels my soul with light. I've still got the weepy thing going on. I know part of it is because his surgery date is coming up.....May 20th.....he was in the OR for 10+ hours. And on May 29th we leave for St George Island minus our Bubba. So many awesome memories there. Luke's cell phone picture is his dad on the dock in St George fishing. I'm pretty sure it will be a teary drive down for me :( You know our marriage wasn't great all the time. I was 17 when we married and he was 22. I was always outgoing and he was a homebody. But when the chips were down and one of us needed the other we were there for each other. No questions asked, no fussing. Just comfort and caring and LOVE. I am so thankful the Lord did not take him on that surgery day. He was in a pretty p.i.s.s.y mood the last week before the surgery and for good reason. But it was taken out on me and I would not have wanted our lives together to have ended like that. I know I've told all of you before but....those 3 months we had together after his surgery were just a gift from God. He spoke of all his feelings for me and our children. I hold those words close to my heart. He wanted to talk about us all the time. I can remember so many times I would be doing something and he'd say "come and lay on the bed with me and talk" and I would. So glad I didn't push those requests to the side and say I was too busy. And of course all of you are invited to the pool.....any day, any time ! And what's so funny is I really, really mean it ! If you all lived close you would be more than welcome at my Bubba pool. Thanks again everyone. You, my kids and grandkids are my comfort now. And that's a big deal in my book. Debi |
Debi,
Your honesty, forthrightness is what makes you who you are; no pretense. "Love those kinda people". You are precious. Sure wish I/we could take you up on your invite; we would all be one big SPLASH!!!!!!!! Gerry |
People are not perfect beings and neither is the union of two people in a marriage.
Every marriage has its ups and downs, its good times and bad times, its trials and tribulations, but that does not take anything away from the lives you built together, the wonderful kids that were created, and nothing diminishes the loss you feel when you lose your loved one, the one you spent years with through all the times, good and not so good. Just because a marriage may not have been perfect, (NONE IS and if someone says theirs was/is perfect, they are not being honest with anyone including themselves) it does not take away any of the pain of losing your partner, your loved one, the imperfect persons we all are in life. Your love for Bubba and his for you, are very evident in the words you share with us. Thank you for allowing us to be a part of your life and your sorrow. |
Debi :hug:
I love reading about your Bubba Pool. :circlelove: We had a member years ago that would start a thread called "Pool Party" or "Party At ...you fill in whatever name or place..." Those threads were a huge hit and nearly everyone got involved. People would post what they were bringing to the online party.....what they were wearing.....who they'd be bringing with them, etc..... After a few post you really actually felt like you were there at the party! It was a lot of fun and got our minds off our aches and pains. :) Here is one of the old posts getting the party started.......http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/post1136457-1.html |
Kitty,
I remember Pooh's parties quite well. Hopefully, she will soon have another one. OR, maybe Debi will give us directions to her place for a "pool" party. I'm sure she would have a crowd. We could all bring "goodies" for eating. I would bring a nice fruit salad. Gerry |
Hi Debi,
Hope you and family/friends are enjoying some good old "splash" time at/in the Bubba Pool. Now you just might be able to have a little "splash" on the side while lounging. Any chance of seeing some pictures??? Gerry |
Hey Gerry !
Quote:
The pool and deck are done and yes we've been swimming a lot ! Next week the contractor is going to put a sealer on it and we'll be good to go. I would love for y'all to see it and plan to get with my daughter and see if she can load some pics for y'all when it's finished and decorated. I'm not able to get in it everyday as I'd like to but try to get in a couple times a week. My bedroom is right beside some of the deck so even when I'm in bed I can hear all the fun they are having in the pool and it makes me happy. I can't walk much on the bottom as it sets my feet off. I'm able to exercise using a float. And it is very relaxing when I'm just floating around like a bumper car lightly hitting the side of the pool and off I go to another side...lol Physically and mentally is still hard. I believe my SFN is now spreading. I've always had the deep aching in my arms and legs at times but never the burning on my upper arms as I've read others had. My t-shirt against my arm last night was very painful. The burning has always been confined to my feet. I just passed the 10th month mark of Bubba's passing. I haven't felt his presence since a week after he passed but I've been feeling him strongly lately. I think I'm suppressing my grief and I know that's not good. I feel a Bubba meltdown coming on and maybe I need it. I think of everyone on here daily and keep up with the posts every few days. Not sure if I posted about our family vacation at the end of May but boy was that hard. No Bubba and I left my 2 dogs at home.....that double whammy just about wiped me out. I'll be taking my dogs next year ! I did have good times but it was so different. I'm hoping this '1st' of having a vacation without Bubba will pass next year. Thank goodness my little granddaughter, Charley Ann, stayed in the room with me. We were roommates ! There I go....writing a book again.....and I appreciate anyone who reads this ! Thanks Gerry for remembering me. :hug: Debi from Georgia |
Debi,
I love it when you write books; so please please continue. I am glad all of you are enjoying the pool. I can just picture you bumping around from side to side. I am hoping for some pics; that would be great!!!!!!! Maybe you haven't felt Bubba's presence because he has become part of your life as it is now. He will always be there. Just every now and then a "sudden ping hits to remind you and" that's okay". Also, love the y'all....... Gerry |
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