I Believe in God so...
 

I think this is the forum to come to for the support I am seeking. For years my 17 year old daughter and I have not got along. This last year has been the most difficult. The last 6 months have been the worst. I finally had enough of her lying, stealing and outright defience and I kicked her out of the home. My diabetes would get worse...my sugars would shoot up so high from the stress and I would have to go to bed and sleep it off. She had had brushes with the law and with pregnancy as well. She has been staying at a shelter in the next town and a few days ago got kicked out...permanently. There are no other places for her to go. I swore a while age that I would not let her come home again. Today as soon as we got here she shared with me about the shelter kicking her out and that she has been charged with assault against one of the other girls there. She says that she did not do it. She said she was there and she did come and try to get help for the girl as there were two other girls bothering her. She claims that because she was there, she has been charged! I have always stressed to my kids that it is so important not to have a criminal record!! That is not all of it.....She has NOWHERE to go! At first I refused to let her come back but decided to let her come home with of course alot of expectations of her. We have been thru this type of thing before, trying to make it work and she always messes up. PLEASE PRAY FOR US! Pray for whatever you think we need or just for God to be with us. I believe in the power of prayer but I have prayed in similar circumstances before and the changes haven't happened. I hope that by reaching out to all of you that God will provide us with whatever we may need to succeed this time. I love her so very much....and I do want her to be with me...so please PRAY FOR US!!!:grouphug:

oh Dorrie this really is a big thing for you to have to deal with. I do pray that God will bless you for showing mercy to your daughter, even when you have had to carry such a heavy burden from her.

I do pray too that this time it will be different Dorrie....that this will be a turning point for her.

I know in my own life, God really had to break me to make me into what He wants me to be...and it is an ongoing process.......so I pray this for your girl Dorrie...that this will be the point where she gets her life back on a positive course.

I pray for you too Dorrie, that God will strengthen you and equip you to help your precious child and that your health will not suffer because of it.

I pray too that He will send someone in to your daughter's life to help her through this. I know so often although as family we have the most love to give and much sound advice with it, yet often our loved ones wont listen to caution or advice from us, where they will sometimes give heed to the same words from someone else

we are here for you through all of this Dorrie:grouphug:

Cheri: You words could sooth the hardest of hearts. Than you so much for your prayers! It helps to know that someone else is asking for his help with us. Thank you for being here for us:hug:

dorrie
 

dorrie,

This a part of life that no one wants to see. We too went through a time with our daughter back a few years ago. We had to shut our doors to her because of her actions. She and her husband had lost a girl at 9 months to SIDs. Her actions were against what she was taught to her in her young age. It is hard to do that but we must set a good example for our kids. I am happy to say she is back in our lives as well with her husband and her other two kids.

My prayers are with you, yest take one day at a time. Put it into God's hands.

Darlene:hug:

Hi Dorrie! Wow! That's a tough one. I just don't have the knowledge in this dept to give you any "great" advice.... Cherie and Darlene posted great thoughts... I do want you to know that I will pray for peace in your home now that your DD is there.

Hopefully, this will be her turning point... take care of yourself.... :hug:

I wish all will be well with your family Dorrie. Take care of yourself. :hug:

Hi Dorrie

I've had my share of sleepless nights and worry over my son at that age. My boss (a pediatrician) used to say the turbulent teenage years are nature's way of separating parent from child. It brings them to the point where they both look forward to the child moving on and out of the house. :D

My heart goes out to kids nowadays because it seems the scale is set so high for them in order to really make it in this world. It's got to be a little terrifying when they realize exactly how much life costs - physically, emotionally, and financially. :eek:

She's at an age where she's going to have to make some choices in her life. The key to freedom in adult life is taking responsibility for our life, including the consequences of our actions. If not, the prison system will do it for you. This isn't about you having authority and control over your daughter, it's about her taking a little control over her own life. Hopefully, she won't fight you over this when she realizes you only want her to have a good life of her own.

She's got to realize there's only so much you can do for her. You can't grow her wings for her.

I hope your young chick ;) can learn to fly straight, and I'll keep you both in my prayers.

Dorrie, I do hope that this time your daughter is ready for some change in her life but change can be very hard. Try speaking to your daughter to find out what is important to her, what she wants out of life, what type of job she would like to have, etc. Then help her with setting small goals and how she plans to achieve them. If there are set backs, focus on the positives and move forward. We can't change the past but we can change the future.

I know it is hard for you but you need to try and focus on doing your best and supporting her and if things don't go as you expect them to, you need to accept it and move on. Otherwise your health is going to continue to get worse and you won't be any good to anyone.

Your daughter is trying to find herself and hopefully soon she will come back around and remember all of the wonderful things you taught her growing up. LOL I know this is easier said then done but with God and the love that you have for your daughter, this too shall pass.

Remember to tell your daughter that you love her through her achievements and disappointments. It may seem to fall on deaf ears but she will hear it.

Hey everyone...thank you all so very much for your replies. I appreciate them so much. Today was an ok day for Katie and me. She came to work with me and volunteered some of the day and then she went to the YMCA for assistance in finding a job. She went to the doctor for a checkup and restarted her birth control with the intent of continuing it(thank goodness). Her Dr. id considering an anti depressant. This frightens me but my girl has a habit of cutting herself and has made a horrible mess of her arm. I woulf like her to have plenty of councelling if she needs meds. I do not see the point of putting someone on meds like that if they do not have councelling as well. She has alot of good plans and I hope that she continues to move forward towards a better life. I think the one day at a time is great as well. I learned that in AA.and have been very successful at living that way day to day. I guess sometimes life just comes at you too quick and we forget to do these important thing that truly do make a world of difference. Thanks again for all of your kind advice and prayers....they really do help me feel more assured.:grouphug:

Oh, shoot, Dorrie, you sound so frazzled and I'm sorry for this. I'll be praying that your daughter will find peace within and that the Holy Spirit will fill her heart with love for herself and others. She sounds so lost but God knows exactly where she is virtually all the time.

I'm praying also that these changes will not cause you any physical or emotional toll. Keep the faith, girl, God works nonstop even if we can't see where or how He does it.

Dorrie,
I believe in God, and pray daily for peace in my home.

Deep breaths, it is a teenagers job to break you, suck the marrow from your bones ;) , someone very wise said to me 'Just live long enough' .

Hang in there, they grow up eventually. My fridge has a magnet given to me long ago- "Better ask your teenagers NOW while they still know EVERYTHING!".

Now I have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up :p

Take care, it all works out for a reason.

I too pray that this will be a turning point Dorrie, for your relationship with your daughter and your daughter herself. It sounds like you have more than enough love in your heart, and hopefully your daughter will see that now, after having lived in that shelter for a while. May God bless you both at this time.

Idealist

just wanted to check in and see how things are going, Dorrie?

I do hope it is working out ok having your daughter home and that your own health and strength are holding up

thoughts and prayers lifted for you :hug:

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. I was just zipping thru as I haven't been here all week and saw your post Chemar. Just like you to think of others when your life is so full of difficulties. How are you..and how is your hubby? Silly question I know but I have thought about you each and every day..Please know that you are in my daily prayers! Katie and I are not doing too well at all. he came home and slept and does the dishes while I went to work but spent very little time here. Last night she decided not to come home at all. I told her from the get go that I will not tolerate that kind of behaviour and that if she did not come home by curfew each night that she could not stay here. She called this AM and tried to come out with excuses but I told her that she needs to find somewhere else to stay. I did not sleep and had to go to work today for a 10 hour shift. My sugars are high which makes me extremely tired. I stayed the day and now I am exhausted and aching. My sugars are still high but I can't do any more to try to get them down. I was very physically active all day...now I am just emotionally and phsically drained. I really hope I sleep tonigh. I contantly think about Katie and I am very worried...I wish that I wasn't as I am sure that would help my sugar levels but I have so much anxiety over it all. I just cannot understand why she would push the limits so soon and not really care about what I would do? She knows that when there is a big upset that my sugars just fly and seems to be oblivious to how what she is doing effects my health. Sorry for going on, Cheri....I need to stop chatting about it. Thank you for caring...God Bless you, sweetie

Hello Dorrie

I work with children/adolescents who some may say politely challenging?

Your daughter must be made to read this post.

When you are born ito this world the one-and-only rule you must stand by is respect other people, without this philosophy in life you will sadly encounter trouble and ruin, You are now mature enough to know right from wrong, you are obviously not yet wise enough to truly understand right from wrong. Wisdom comes from listening to those who have been before you in voice or word. When the time comes for the Penny to drop in your mind , that your life is spiraling out of control, i hope at this point all of your BRIDGES have not been burnt..

SOLOUTIUON,,,,, listen to those who love you because they truly want the best for you, You just dont know it yet..[DONT LEAVE IT TO LATE]

Thanks David. I will make sure that she reads it. I think that this is what I am most afraid of....Katie burning all of her bridges. I think she may have and that is why I let her back. I really thought she might be a little thankful that she was not out on the street. I really think that I am getting in the way of things unfolding the way they are supposed to. I think that I enable her to continue her behaviour by saving her. It is so hard not to. It tears at my heart and makes my feel unexplainably sad inside. I do believe that if I let her come back again she will do it again and again. Nothing changed in her. I changed as I cannot take it anymore..healthwise.Thanks for your post. Take Care, David

Dorrie

As the wonderful Mother that i am sure you are, you are doing your best, by your daughter, but there comes a time when children grow up and become ADULTS ..............and have to act accordingly.

Katie i am a complete stranger to your mother, until this evening i have never encountered her. But may i say this Wonderful Woman loves you deeply, and cares for you emensely, at this time and moment, life may be difficult for you, but Life unfortunately Sucks,.......... and persecuting your mum is certainly not going to help YOU. ...........when she is not there to help you, ...... life will feel more lonely and tortured than it does now. [kindly and i mean this sincerly you only get one mother in life cherish her]
Dorrie take care of YOU!!!!

Hi David. Thank you. I think for whatever reason, I sometimes need to hear from others that it is OK to take care of myself. I know that when we have kids they are our responsibility.I was a single mom for alot of years. My kids both know that I love them tremendously and I always expess that love towards them.... We have had a very difficult time over the years. I am a recovering alcoholic...sober 7 years on July 30 2007. My drinking did affect my kids but I have spent the last almost 7 years making amends for the past. I do believe I have shown her how sorry I am for long enough. I love her so much, but the stress of all of this is really making me sick. I pray to God for answers. I ask for his guidance and sit quietly and wait. In my heart I think that I need to get out of the way and let him take the reins. I alway tell Katie there are two paths in life....the right one and the wrong one and it all has to do with the choices that we make. This seems so straightforward and it is....however it does not appear to be in her plans at the present time to take the right path. Thank you again, David...your help is always welcome and truly appreciated....Dorrie

:hug: Dorrie, yes, it IS hard when we love someone and yet they are living a life that we know is harming them, us and others!

You HAVE to take care of you Dorrie, cos if you are not ok, then your ability to handle all this is impaired........

One thing is sure Dorrie, altho your own past mistakes and lifestyle may not have been the best example to her, yet I have seen kids make awful choices even when they come from the most "perfect" environments...so....where it is good that you can honestly reflect on your own faults and failings..and yes, there are consequences that resulted from those......still. you are not responsible for the choices your daughter has made, is making or will make.....those are her choices and her consequences. Personal accountability doesnt disappear because there are some extenuating circumstances

I do pray that she is safe Dorrie, and that God will orchestrate events in her life to help her make wiser choices and to realize that life has so much more for her than a downward spiral

And for you dear Dorrie, my prayers are that God would draw you into a peaceful place, where you truly can lay all these worries and burdens down with the certain knowledge that He can take it ALL and work it ALL together for good.

((((Dorrie))))


with love
Cheri