Doug's in severe pain, incoherent, i'm crying
 

I can't stand to see Doug like I saw him for the past couple of hours. I called his hospice place twice. If doug is like me when he's hurting bad he just wants to be left alone. He did mumble thank you but that was the only coherent thing he said. I held his hand for awhile. His step-son is there now with Doug.

befuddled2

It's really tough...towards the end I was praying for Sharon and Eileen's death...I found it impossible to cope with somebody's suffering....I am so glad you were able to hold his hand. One night Sharon was hemorraging(sp) and she didn't call me...I found that so upsetting that she was alone and she didn't want to disturb me. When I found out, I gave her a good talking to...and said what are friends for.
When he is feeling better, ask him maybe if it comforts him for you to be there for him....that might also relieve your pain.
Bobby

I wish I had something more to offer then a cyber hug BF. I'm so sorry he's suffering so much. :(

So heartaching
 

BF,
I am so sorry that you are hurting and Doug has so much pain. I hope by now the hospice had gotten there or he goes to the ER. I know that is the last place he would want to be, but there at least he will have pain management.

I am saying prayers for you all.
I am glad he had your caring heart there. I bet that made hime feel happy inside even though he had the pain.

Hang in there, I am sending as much cyber support I can,
love
Di :hug:

Thanks everyone.

Doug's hospice nurse came about 3 hours ago and I just got off the phone with her again. Doug has a temperature of 104 and I hope he feels better tomorrow. I will make one more check on him in an hour and then try to get some sleep.

befuddleded2

((((((Barbara)))))),

http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MIN...bears-mini.gif

See if you can get this book either from your local library or from Amazon: Accepting Your Power to Heal: The Personal Practice of Therapeutic Touch by Dolores Krieger

My Brother used this on my Mom when I had her home in hospice care. It didn't take me long at all to learn how to do it. It brought her unbelievable comfort and pain-relief.

My son had an infected mosquito bite on his shoulder. I did the Touch on it just before he went to bed. When he woke up the next morning, it was GONE. No scar, no redness, no indication that he had ever had the mosquito bite.

To get a small idea of what it feels like, rub your hands together for about 10 seconds. Then separate the palms -- put them as close together as you can without touching. You should feel warmth and tingling. It transfers healing and love and caring to the other person, as long as you're calm.

I'm sorry that Doug is hurting. If you can learn The Therapeutic Touch, that's something that you can do for him that will really help him and it can be done when you're both quiet. You can even do it when he's asleep.

Remember, Barbara, that healing and caring and loving is being given to you by all of us. Whenever you start to feel overwhelmed, just stop and take some nice deep breaths and feel our support surrounding you and holding you up.

Bless you, Barbara. I'm so glad that The Universe found you to help Doug.

Barb :hug:

Thanks Barb, I just ordered the book. I am thinking about going to sit with Doug till morning while his roommate sleeps. I just do not know if I can make it. His roommate stays up late and sleeps till noon or 1:00. That's a long time for Doug not to have someone look after him.

barbara

((((((Barbara)))))),

Honey, do what you CAN do. This is probably the hardest thing that you'll ever have to go through.

There is no perfection. There is no right or wrong.

There is only love and caring and doing what you're able to do. You have to take care of your SELF, too, so that you'll have the strength to do this.

Doug will start losing track of time now. So ... he won't really be aware of the times that you're not there. What he WILL remember is the times that you ARE there. And he'll remember the LOVE and the CARING.

Always remember that we're sharing our strength and our love and our caring with you. There's always MORE when you need it.

http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MIN...dinghands1.jpg

Barb :hug:

I wish I knew what to say. You are a very special caring person and Doug is lucky to have you. Stay strong for yourself and him.

I hope today he is feeling better.

Sending you an angel to watch over you both and lots of hugs.:Girl(angel-flying):

Nikko:hug:

Thank you Barb and Nikko,

Doug is doing better today but then like his nurse said, it might get worse tonight. Doug spilt coke all over his bed spread so I have it in the washer now washing.

befuddled2

((((((Barbara)))))),

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/15/15_10_6.gif

Stay strong. Hugs.

Barb

Dear Befuddled,

'Sending you hugs.
Remember to take care of yourself too.

:hug:

Mari

I just have to say about the healing touch, I have had it since I was a child. When my father was cut up his middle, to remove the cancer he had in his stomach and throat, he would suffer tremendous pain, and he would lie on the sofa while I used my healing hands on him. My hands would get so hot, it was something he'd ask me to do when the pain was so bad and it helped ease his suffering.

I have had trouble with this thread BF, only because it brings back bad memories of when my dad passed on and the months prior to his passing. I just wanted to thank the others too, for saying such kind things and being so supportive of you. I am here BF, I know you need us through this, so don't be afraid to lean on us okay?

You're a wonderful woman and as hard as this is going to be, you're doing it because you are a kind and loving person. I admire that so much. Hang in there, and stay strong. :)

Hi BF - How are things going? How are you holding up? How is Doug feeling?

Check in when you can.

Take care, Nikko:hug:

I don't think that Doug has very long left to live. He's gone downhill so rapidly. His cancer must be a fast one. I massaged his back, neck and shoulders, and then his feet. He feels so good to touch even though he is nothing but bone. I told him tonight I never thought I'd ever be massaging his feet. He said he never imagined it either. Then he said he's never had a woman massage his feet. If there is such a thing as itamacy without love making I think I'm experiencing it with Doug. I don't ever recall this feeling with my husband except maybe the night he asked me to marry him. And oh, btw, as of the 7th or 9th of this month I have been divorced. I've wanted it but at the same time it feels like a dirty word to me somehow to be a divorcee.

Doug's hospice nurse wants him to go to a nursing home but he don't want to go. I think that Doug's step-son is not liking me over there too much. His step-son told me this morning that Doug was okay and I didn't have to come over so I went out for hours. Then when I finally did get there it was 3:30 and when Doug and I were discussing his medicine times he said he just took it at 3:30 when he told Carl, here it is 3:30 and Barbara is just getting here as if I should have been there hours ago. He told me when I left that he enjoyed my company and thanked me for coming over. The 1st time Doug ate was when I brought over some water mellon around 5 and then again around 9:30 tonight when I fixed him something. His step-son doesn't do a thing for Doug unless asked of him. I had to keep asking Doug if he wanted something to eat and he may have never eaten today had I not been there. Once he got the small T.V. I gave to him he asked Carl for some bread to go with it which made me feel wonderful to hear him ask for bread.

I've got a lot of calls to make tomorrow to help Doug like trying to get him a will made up so his real blood cannot take his possessions. He wants to leave everything to his step-son but since without a will his step-son would not be able to inherit anything he may be left out in the cold. Some other issues also need attending to if Doug has little time left. At the moment he's basically housebound.

befuddled2

I forgot to thank all of you for all the wonderful support. And for those of you who have gone through it it has to be hard to read my posts about Doug. I really appreciate your support too.

befuddled2

Barbara,
You an Angel!!!!!!
There is software on the Internet to do a self Will. I was told by my dad's attorney when we had problems when the brother attempted to probate a prior Will, not the one he was omited from receiving the Ranch home, (He found out Brother commited fraud and did not want to have the home lost)...Anyway, the attorney told me there is no where that a will is recorded, no law that an attorney retains it, when they are prepared it is for the client and he takes it...(They lost dad's true Will, Final Will)

Another story, BUT he said you can write your Will on a napkin and it is legal (not that family may not dispute) But, He can do ohis intentions online and have it norterized and it will be legal. But make sure about that.

I am doing our Will with software and having it norterized. After knowing Dad's home was lost to fraud adnthe attorney did not even have a copy...why pay him?
Hugs to you
di

((((((Barbara)))))),

http://chocolate-moose.p5.org.uk/MIN...dinghands1.jpg

I thank G-d you're there for him, Barbara. I shudder to think what this would have been like for Doug without you.

I know it's hard for you. I truly believe that he came into your life to open up your heart again and to allow you to feel again and, most importantly, to learn that it was OK to love again.

Doug is blessed for knowing you. AND, so are we. BIG HUGS (and love). Stay strong, sugar. We're here for you :hug:

Barb

Update
 

Thank you all for all your support. I am really super tired today. I got Doug outside today for the 1st time since Sunday. I just had to help him in the wheelchair a little and wheel him out. He fell asleep tonight sitting up. He's over medicating himself with the morphine and that is bad. He fell this morning. When I came home from Walmart and Taco Bell I made reprints of a few pictures I had taken of him and his roommate. When I went back to his place he asked me could I do him a favor. I said, "what is it Doug?" He asked me could I make some copies of the picture I took of him. Well, since I had the copies already made I just handed them over to him and he said, "d*mn, you must be a mind reader." You have to excuse his french, he's high as a kite from the morphine. He had framed the 1st print of the picture I had given him but that was on ink-jet paper and not photo paper so when I was at Walmart I got photo paper. I made a bunch of calls this morning but mostly I got the answers from his hospice nurse. He's going to get an electric scooter maybe as soon as next week. We're planning on going to the county fair next month. He said he'd tie a rope to his wheelchair and pull me around in it at the fair so that my back won't give out. He is really comical.

Well, I am exhusted so I'm going to bed. I also washed clothes today and threw some of Doug's stuff in with mine and did some cleaning in Doug's apartment.

befudddled2

Sending you some hugs.

I haven't been on this thread to read in a while.

But I thought I'd make a comment about the stepson. He may think you are trying to take his spot in his stepdad's life. So the thing maybe that you need to help him work through this and figure out how to help his dad.

By showing him how to do the things his dad needs done. And then maybe setting it up so that he sees it as you coming so he gets a break, more than you coming to be with his dad. This way maybe he will like you being there much more.

And I would explain it to Doug when you can to a small degree as that you want his stepson to realize your there to help him too. So your letting it go this way too.

Donna

Thanks Donna,

Good idea.

befuddled2

Hi BF - you missed your calling, you should of been a nurse, you are so caring and supportive. You are much stronger than you think.

Just remember to get some rest yourself.

I think it's wonderful about the wheelchair/scooter, he is comical as far as saying he will pull you around, that's good, he hasn't lost his sense of humor.

I agree with DMom on the stepson situation too, I think it will ease the tension under these most difficult situations for all.

Do you have or had any pictures of you and Doug taken? It would be nice for you to have one.

I know you say you don't think Doug has much time left, but remember the morphine can also give a person to think that. Since morphine is strong and when taking it, the person seems out of it.

Take care of each other:hug: . Hugs, Nikko

Thank you Nikko,

I watched the movie, Bruce Almighty, over at Doug's house tonight with him. He had fell asleep with his legs on my lap and everytime I'd move or move his legs he'd ask me if I was alright. He didn't want me to leave. Without thinking before leaving his house I put my arm around him and hugged him. He reach his arm around me and hugged me and told me he'd see me tomorrow.

I don't have any pictures of Doug and me both but should get one taken of us together. The morphine does have him looking rather out of it.

And Donna, I did have a talk with Doug's step-son today a little and he did seem very receptive to me after that. Thank you.

befuddled2

Dear Befuddled,
This thread is hard for me to see.
So I just pop in once in a while and tell you that I am sending good thoughts your way.


M.

Thank you for your good thoughts Mari.

befuddled2

I said it could be the most beautiful time and it sounds like love is flowing.
Now I am afraid you are going to wear yourself out. What if you got yourself some nice bubble bath or something and treat yourself.
If I could cry, tears would come to my eyes. YOU ARE MAKING SUCH A DIFFERENCE TO HIS QUALITY OF LIFE. SUCH A HUGE DIFFERENCE. IT IS SO INSPIRING. you have to take care of yourself too....you have to pamper yourself in whatever way you can. Even though this is a very painful thread for me, I think this is the best thread. You are an angel.
Bobby

I pictured what you wrote about when you and Doug were watching a movie, and it was very touching and romantic. I wish I could of taken a picture.:)

Special moments in time.;) to treasure.:hug:

You are giving him so much strength and compassion.

Thinking of you both always.......

Lots of Hugs, Nikko:hug:

Hi Bobby and Nikko,

Thank you both.

Bobby, I feel it too. I am hitting the sack very soon.

Nikko, my brother will try to get a movie of us. Doug wants for me to talk about us meeting and such in the movie.

A few days ago Doug hugged me back when I hugged him goodbye and tonight I rested my head on his shoulder briefly and he did the same on my shoulder with his head. He is scared of dying while he's asleep so he fights sleep. At least that's what his step-son told me. Tonight I massaged his legs and feet until he fell asleep but he woke up when I moved his feet off my lap. I told him it was okay for him to go to sleep and that I was going home and he said okay. He closed his eyes and looked like he was going to sleep. His lights are off so he must be sleeping.

The 3 of us will try to take a bus to West Virginia horse track to play the slots in the casino there. We called up about it today. Doug is getting really excited about going and so am I. I had always wanted to go to celebrate my 1,000 days of not smoking but never had anyone to go with. My 1,000 days won't come till September so it will be an early reward.

Last night Doug massaged my legs becasue mine were hurting. Last night was a story in itself that I may have to tell one night soon.

befuddled2

I didn't see this before I posted the please check in.

Sounds like you both are soooooooooooo happy to be together.:)

Wow, more plans......casino sounds like fun.:)

When is the country fair?

Hugs, Nikko:hug:

Hi Nikko,

I'm not sure that Doug will be in good enough shape for the county fair. They are talking about PT as he can barely walk. I didn't see him all day yesterday as he was sleeping all day. I'm exhausted and will go to bed now.

befuddled2

Dear BArbara,
I hope you sleep well tonight.
know that you are fufilling a larger picture in caring for him.
You are a blessing to him.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Thank you Bizi.

I have been doing a lot of thinking this morning. I plan to call Doug's aunt today as Doug's roommate who Doug calls his step-son, has really been treating Doug inhuman in my opionion. Last night Doug's roommate said he's not Doug's babysittter and last night he locked Doug in the house and left saying it was okay because Doug was passed out. I really need strenght today.

befuddled2

OH NO.....that's terrible. How cruel his step-son/room mate, is being. I can relate to having to care for someone, live with them, like me and my mom, but to do what his step-son is saying or doing is damn right wrong. If he is frustrated that is not the way to deal with it, since Doug is so ill, it's make it all the worse.

Doug is so lucky to have you. Is his room mate keeping you from seeing Doug?

I would call Doug's Aunt today too, so she is aware of what is happening.

Sweety, God will give you the strength you need today, to do what you need to do. Hang in there and don't take any crap from his rrom mate/step-son, stick to your guns for Doug's sake and your sanity.

I hope you get to see Doug today, no matter what his room mate says. He could be reported for cruelty.

Sending prayers and wishing the best for everyone involved.

Lots of hugs, Nikko:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Thank Nikko,

I could not sleep last night and earlier called the American Cancer Society for advice. I could call adult protective services which may be my best bet but then they don't open till Monday. I barely see Doug at all these days. At least since his roommate found out I ratted on him for getting drunk when he fell off the toilet and ended up in emergency room. Doug's roommate never seemed to like me very much anyway.

befuddled2

Who got drunk and fell off the toilet? His room mate ended up in the ER? I'm confused here, I thought Doug ended up in the ER, or last I remember you didn't know what happened when you didn't hear from Doug, and you thought he ended up in the ER.

Adult protective services is a good place to start, they may be someone available on the weekends, I would check that out. There must be a hot line or something.

What did the American Cancer Society say?

I hope you get to see Doug today, make a point of it, no matter what his room mate says.

Good Luck, Hugs, Nikko:hug:

Hi Nikko,

Doug called his hospice nurse and she'll be calling him. I was over there when he called them. Doug has fleas so I do not want to stay long. Doug must have had a pretty nasty fall. I got him a slurpie. Doug hasn't been to the hospital all week. when I didn't see him all day that day he was holed up in his apartment all that time. Doug's roommate went by rescue squad to the ER this past Monday for falling off the toilet. I really think that now it's in his nurses hands.

befuddled2

((((((Barbara)))))),

Who the heck is this roomate/step-son?? I thought he was a relative?? Ex-wife's kid??

Is there a dog or a cat or something livng there too?? Where the heck are the fleas coming from??

Doug's being locked in the house and prevented from seeing anyone that can help him??

I think Nikko's right, you need to call the emergency number for protective services.

BIg HUGS. Stay strong.

Barb :hug:

first you have to take care of yourself first....this has really gotten so complicated and heart breaking...I agree with the others that you definitely need to call protective services. It is as if you have been put in a position to be Doug's guardian angel. Your posts sound so calm that I am really worried about you. This is too much stress. I also don't know if humans can catch fleas. I haven't heard of that one.
please please take care of yourself and keep us informed....
you are an angel
Bobby

I think the fleas are coming from the grass in the yards because everytime I walk outside is when the fleas bite me and not while inside Doug's house. He does have a housebound cat. His roommate is just an ex-girlfriend's son of Doug's but no relation to Doug. Doug's had the boy for the past 8 years so he thinks of him as a step-son. The boy's mom is an alchololic and had broken the boys fingers once so Doug took the boy to live with him at the boy's request. I need to document things before I call. Doug is okay now, just tore up from the fall the day before last. I'm afraid if I make too much fuss they will put him in a nursing home and that would kill him quicker.

befuddled2

:hug:

Please make sure you are taking care of your self first.

You are so kind and loving and giving.