Hi Pam!
 

Hi,
You are doing a great job. http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/happy/applause.gif
I just want you to know that.
Mari

Thanks Mari, I sure didn't feel like it this week, but things WILL get better, I know they will. I talked with my T and she's rx'd me the paxil we've spoken about and I am going to pick it up tomorrow and hope that I should be feeling stronger and less fragile in a few days after I get that AD in my system. I haven't been around because I have been feeling so bad emotionally I didn't want to set anyone else off you know? :) But slowly I feel better now that we got through this week. We had an inspection to get through and I think we passed, that was so stressful to worry about, man let me tell you, what anxiety I've had this week over that.

I colored my hair today after they left and so I feel a little better, still sat here and cried for twenty minutes on the bed when I was feeling like a failure because of some stuff that happened this week, the usual, I do some stupid thing and can't remember where I moved something, like tonight it was the battery recharger for Jackie's New Bright Hummer we bought him for Christmas three years ago...But Mom will buy us a new one tomorrow so no worries. I am not going to sweat the small stuff. :)

How are you doing Mari? It's good to see you. :) How have you been sleeping and how is work going? That co-worker dealing with his own office well by now? :D

I hope that Paxil helps
 

Dear Pam,

I always feel better when I color my hair too. :)

You do sound depressed. Possibly these life events wouldn't even phase you at another time. I'm glad that the doc is getting you on a new med. I loved Wellbutrin and couldn't tolerate the SSRIs myself. But that's me. I know that Paxil can be a wonder med for lots of people.

Regarding my office mate.
The new office got paint. Now it needs the floor waxed. Mostly it needs the a/c fixed. Parts of the building are freezing and parts are warm. I'm not moving until the temp is as cool in that room as it is in my other room. (I like freezing!) One of my friends thinks that I am nuts for not moving and keeps threatening to bring in a fan from home.

The office mate is coping, but barely. He's still a mess and I am still furious (when I give myself a chance to think about it) over his pdoc's utter incompetence. And now I wonder if it is too late for my office friend even if he did find a genius and fabulous pdoc.
I mostly ignore him. When he asked me something today, I started to answer him and then told him, I couldn't deal with it. I was feeling scattered myself and didn't know the answer anyway.

Mari

Happy to hear that your office is getting done soon hopefully!
and that you seem to be able to have boundaries with your office mate.
What is up for your weekend?
bizi

You are so right Mari, I don't think these things would have hit me so hard that have been going on if I had something better then just elavil in my system which is all I've got until today. Abilify doesn't touch depression as far as I have seen, but what it does I am grateful for. I really hope things get better in a few days, I just feel so wretched, I mean I was stable and not depressed for years, but now that we've been mesing with my meds I just feel awful emotionally.

It's okay though she wants to help me with being a little manic, I mean lets face it you can't just cough up a full novel in two weeks like I did in August without a little mania. I know I get that way and usually that's all I do, is write, write and write some more. And the depression part of it never usually hit me, until I weaned off the wellbutrin, she felt and I agree because I was getting racing thoughts again, that it was triggering mania so we d/c'd it and talked about paxil. SO hopefully it will help me, if not I'll recognize it by our next apt and we'll try something else. :)

So sorry your office mate is having such a rough time, his pdoc sounds completely incompetant and making his suffer for nothing. If only he would have heard you when you said he needed to get a new pdoc when you brought it up, that's too bad, but you're not at all responsible for him so you're doing the right thing for you...so don't harbor any guilt about it, you did more then anyone else would have in regards to offering advice to him. I'd do the same, it's time to move on and ignore it and has been for a long while now.

As for our weekend, well I am feeling better today and think we'll have a fabulous time at walmart and wendy's with my mother, we're going to go to the library as we always do, run my recycling stuff by the place that you take it to and drop off some clothes by the church that we donate old clothes to. Tomorrow my little boy is eleven! :eek: LOL! He's growing up so fast, puberty is almost here and I am confused about it, HOW are we going to get him through it I wonder? I know it's getting better, he's hearing and understanding us better, but still I don't know how deeply that runs, you know? HOW much he really gets or not.

The other night at dinner I was totally sure Jack was out of his mind asking Jackie to get him a packet of parmesean cheese from the pizza place in the drawer we keep stuff like that in, we were sitting down and Jackie was still standing and by God he went and fiddling around in the drawer for about a minute, me still convinced he won't get it, and he got it!!! I was so stunned by it but it made me realize he is capable of more then I sometimes give him credit for. BIg lesson for me let me tell ya. Jack was all, "I just treat him like a regular kid because that's what he is..." and maybe he's right, I just am very opver protective over him and his feelings, but anyway, that's what our weekend looks like so far, today out with Granny and tomorrow cupcakes with whipped topping for icing. :D

I am glad that jackie was able to follow thruough.
Maybe you are right...he is capable of more.
Have a very nice weekend Pamster.
bizi

Hi Pam,

Please do post for support whenever you need it as this board is all about that. I haven't been keeping up with you as much lately but have been enough to know a little. I can relate to how a change in meds can be a hassel at times. I appreciate all you do here on the boards and want to thank you, thank you Pam. I hope that things will level out for both you and I soon. I didn't know about the depression but that use to follow my mania also. I hope to be more supportive now and keep up more soon. Take care and hugs to you my friend.

befuddled2

Had a nice day today, although it started off raning it ended up on a bright note. I bought the wrong kind of shoes for Jack at walmart so I have to go to Kmart and see if I can find them there. Anyway things are okay today, better because I picked up my paxil today, it was too late to take it, but it will be good for tomorrow to start in the morning. I at least don't feel like crying anymore, I think seeing my mom is good for me and its great to get out with her and Jackie.

I am glad you guys care, it's so nice to have good friends who understand what it's like to be cared about. :)

Pam

I hope you continue to have Jackie do small things for you guys.

This way he can feel like he is contributing.

Donna

(((((((HUGS))))))
bizi

We definitely ask him to do stuff, like take plates to the sink or bowls and stuff, get things out of the fridge. And his weekly chore is to vacuum, we do weekly chores and he enjoys running it. He also loves to help with laundry and dishes. So he does get to feel like he is contributing, we're really lucky he enjoys helping around the house. :)

THanks for the hugs bizi, I feel better today, today I started paxil, 12.5 mgs. I hope that it works out that the paxil works good for me, I know a good night's rest helped too. :)

Hi, Pam,
A good night's rest always helps! :)
I hope that the paxil does a good job for you.
Mari

We'll have to see how the paxil works out in a few more days, just had one dose so far and I expect it will take a week or two maybe before I start feeling better. :)

So I've just calmed down after Jackie and I were playing, and he mashed his face into my side-when he pulled away his face was all bloody! OMG I was instantly panicked. He's gotten nosebleeds before from picking too much, but this was just him being excited we were playing tickles and POOF he's ended up hurting himself. I was so scared, it wouldn't stop bleeding and we lost the clot twice because he blew out repeatedly.

It finally stopped bleeding, but I called the doctor and a nurse from the children's hospital called back. I had her on the phone while I was trying to get an ice pack on his face. I was so afraid his nose was broken but it's not. It's not black and blue yet and I figure it would be had he broken it. Honestly I was afraid we'd have to go to the ER and we still might have to if it starts up again more then twice, she advised us to go to the ER.

I panicked so bad I took one mg of avitan, which helped a lot, I was freaking out shaking like a leaf. I hate the fear adrenaline pushes into your system, I wanted to cry and couldn't. It's so hard being a mom sometimes. Wish me luck about whether or not we end up going to the ER. I hope we don't have to, but it might not matter, if he blows out this clot again and it won't stop bleeding I know we're going to have to go. :(

Hi Pam,

It sounds like you had quite a stressful time. I'm not a parent but could imagine how challenging it could be at times. I hope that Jackie will be okay and that you won't have to take him to the emergency room.

befuddled2

Hi Pam,
That's more excitment than anybody needs in one afternoon!
If you go to the ER, they will pack his nose.

I hope that you don't have to go, but if you do it will be ok. Really.


I think I remember that you could need 10 days to 3 weeks to feel better from a therapeutic dose of Paxil. What does the pdoc say?

Mari

It sure is stressful BF. I am so upset, it's just terrible chasing him around the apartment trying to explain he can't blow his darn nose! :eek:

I think she said it should help in about two weeks, that's what she told me that I could feel better in a week to two weeks. He alreadly lost one settled clot, and we're on the second settled one, he just blew it right out, and I just feel like crying. I wish I could say I have Mr. Supportive behind me but I really don't. Not even gonna go there, too upsetting to share. I just hate this right now. Hopefully the Paxil will start helping soon, I know soon is a relative term so a week or two and I won't be as upset I hope. :)

We live in hope...

Hi, Pam,

I hope that he and his nose are all right.

And try not to stress -- yeah I know -- easier said than done. I'm thinking about you. And hope that you can feel ok about stuff soon.

Mari

Pam

I'm hoping that Jackie's nose is doing well. I hope the second clot took
and stayed in. I can really feel for you if you end up in ER.

But it might be the best place to get the bleeding under control.

Donna

Pammy,
I hope that your day ended up being ok and that you were able to deal with what ever got thrown your way.
You are an awsome woman!
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Pam,
I hope that Monday goes better for you than Sunday did.

Mari

Well he did fine last night and we didn't have any more bleeding thankfully. Getting up early because we have a neuro appt today, just a routine check up but I am bringing up the nose bleeding issue and seeing if they want to DO anything about it while we're there, its a satelite office for a big children's hospital so they might be set up to do stuff that the ER wouldn't be, because I asked them if they were set up to cauterize and they wouldn't tell me. *Sigh*

BUt today is dose two of paxil and we'll see if it helps yet, I did feel something different yesterday, I don't think it was just in my mind either, it was like a small level of calm until this happened, then I had to down a lorazepam and I mean the full 1 mg daily dose too, and after that I was fine. I am sure today will be awful because the medical transport van we'll be taking is going to have a couple other people going and that always means waiting on other people and that they have to wait on us...I'd drive it but I am still a little too wigged out from yesterday and worried he could start bleeding and I would be alone, so no driving this hour long drive for me just yet. :p

Thanks everyone for being so supportive, we were really worried about our little guy, but I think it's going to be okay, though I bet he needs his nasal passages cauterized like one of my friend's son's had to be. Jackie had his adenoids removed along with his tonsils years ago so maybe this is a result of that surgery, who knows? He's had nose bleeds before and they always scare me. Thank you everyone for your awesome support, you're the best! :hug:

Pam

I believe that the transport with the van is a good idea. THis way
you can also give all your attention to Jackie if there is a problem.

I'm really impressed with the way you are handling this. I personally
believe I hear the paxil talking. You seem a lot more relaxed than
I have seen you in a while.

Donna

Hi Donna,

I definitely think the Paxil is helping even at day two. I just feel like you said calmer. We had no trouble today thankfully and we went to see his pediatrician too to get a referal to the Ear, Nose & Throat dr we'll have to see to get this done at. It can be done with a local anesthetic so who knows maybe they will do it right away the day we go in? I won't hold my breath on it but he definitley needs it done, she (his ped) agreed that it would be best for the ENT dr to perform it soon before he has more of these terrible nosebleeds.

I am getting ready to hit the hay, I was hunting for the camera software and finally found it, so I am tired and ready for sleep. :) Thanks for the kind words Donna, it's so good to know people care about us like I know I care about you and the others here. It really DOES make a difference in how I feel, the fact people care and are wishing us well makes me feel less alone. :)

Pam

I definately do care. ANd I really think you are doing a awesome job with
him. Its a very hard job with a special needs kid. I should now I raised three.

I even consider Derrick to be raised most of the time.

He is 16 but to me he is very much doing so well that he is a yound adult.

I am really working hard to get him to the next stage, I'm just so afraid that
he wont make the progress he needs at times.

But that is not the way it should be I now.

donna

It is so hard sometimes to move forward, I know how precious any progress can be. So far we're doing good this school year, Jackie is learning in class but things definitely aren't easy for him. I am really happier to have started paxil though, it IS definitely helping, I feel better, less prone to crying like I was last week. It's so hard...hard to not get worked up sometimes, but I am just doing my best and that's all anyone can ask of me. :)

I can't imagine how you did it with three kids Donna, but I know having just Jackie has me on my toes almost 24-7. I really admire you for all you've done with raising your family, you did good! :D

So glad that you are feeling better Pamster!
(((HUGS))))
bizi

Thanks bizi, I do feel better today, though I can feel the anxiety still the depression is lifting. :) Thanks for the hugs! :D :hug:

I was reading on the other boards tonight Pam and read that you were going thru some particularily stressful times.
I am sorry for this and hope things settle down for you.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Yeah I have been really suffering the past couple weeks with anxiety and panic over some inspection we had last week, no clue if the place passed so I am still having some anxiety over it. That and the way Jackie had a nose bleed last sunday, it would NOT stop bleeding! :eek: So I was having a really anxious time then too. We're going to get his nose cauterized so I am kinda leery about it and worried about it since I doubt they will get to do it when he's awake because he's autstic. But that's just what we're going to have to do. :p

Thank you for the hugs, it really helps to know people care bizi, hugs back at you with lots of love! :hug:

The good news is the T rx'd paxil for me last week, and I am feeling better now. Five days into using it I feel a lot less weepy, but still just as anxious...Hoping it will help with that because lorazepam is doing it for the moment, but I would like to stop having to take that for it if at all possible. :(

am hoping that you get a bite on your book....crossing my fingers for you.
bizi

Thanks bizi! :D :hug: I will keep everyone posted, but this business is slow moving so I don't expect anything for a couple weeks at least but then who knows? So far five agents have rejected this new book I was sure would be a shoe in....Still not about to give up though. ;)

Our tv died this morning so I think my mission for the day is to go tv shopping before Jackie gets home, he really is freaking out over it poor kid. :(

Good luck Pam

On finding a new Tv, I can totally relate to that one. My family would
be the same way.

Even though we have more than one Tv.

donna

We only had the one and we're using a computer monitor so Jackie isn't out of NO tv, I haven't been able to locate one locally that I like well enough so waiting to see what we want to do. At least this ATI all in one tv tuner card DID the trick, took all day to get it set up though, but Jack is awesome like that. :)

I wish I felt better today, I wish I could have slept in, but you know how it goes, you can't sleep in when you have a child needing to get on a bus...LOL! And by then it's not worth laying back down when you think of all you need to get done. :)

Especially with a TV problem

DOnna

It's cool the way things look better on a computer monitor then they did on the TV. We're talking about maybe getting an HD TV but I don't know that we're going to for sure or not. :)

So far today seems like another good day. I have to go get blood drawn and am sitting here drinking unsweetened iced tea for the caffiene because I can't drink black coffee. And I have to go return some shoes I bought the other day that were totally the wrong size. Hehehehe, but other then that it should work out to be a fine day. :)

I think that all tv's will have to be HD in the future so you might as well get one.
either that or have to buy a converter a year down the road or so...at least that is what I have heard.
WE have a 20 year old radio shack tv from my brother, Micheal and there is nothing wrong with it...but hubby wants a bigger tv...we will wait till this breaks or when they change to HD which ever comes first.
It is one of the only things I have left from my brother,
(who took his life at least 15 years ago).
So it has sentimental value to me.
After he died, I had a cockatiel bird of michaels who just up and died one day for no reason...it was very upsetting to my hubby and me.
We buried him along a stream on the campus of IU in Bloomington, IN.
anyway I don't know why I wanted to tell you this....
have a good day today Pamster.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

It's not surprising to me at all that you want to keep that TV bizi, I would too. It sounds like you picked a really pretty place to busy your brother's cocketiel, I bet it was really awful when it died like that. I am sure it was really a rough time in your life when your brother died. I am an only child so I never knew what it was like to have siblings. I hope you have a good day today too bizi! ((((hugs))))

Bizi

Wow, are you from Indiana or are you in Indiana now. I seem to either be in a fog most of the time. And its just dawning on me you know this state
pretty well or either you are here too.

Anyway if you are then from one Hoosier to another hello.

I am having a really rough week, just seems to not be getting better not sure what to think.

I'm just not having a good week. And I hope it gets better soon.

Donna

yes I am a hoosier!

Well Gosh I didn't realize that.

Hmmm, I knew you talked about things sometimes.

WEll hello fellow hoosier!!!>

donna