Gimme a hand?
 

Hey ya'll, members of the welcome team were asked to submit a bio as a helpful FYI to the team. DM is a little slacker so I thought we could help her out with that while she's on vacation this week.


Let's start with the basics:


Hi! I'm Daisymay but you can call me DiM! In 1940, I was born into poverty. My father had only two chickens and a mule, but we did not know that we were poor. The scarlett "P" Mom so lovingly sewed onto my forehead was just her special way of idenitfying her beloved little "princess" (gagging myself!).

During my formative years the stars shone upon me as I developed my skills for the booming market of pole-hula-hoop-go-go-dancers. My gift helped me keep my family living in fine Fargo style with genuine cotton flannel unionsuits and bomber hats.

After graduating middle school, I was the recipient of the prestigious and coveted "PUBLIC" scholarship to high school! I was a freshman in my fifth year and wanted to be a veterenarian because I love children. Again, the stars shone upon me and into my life came a love like no other. He strode in, so tall and confident, so handsome and charming, I had to git me one of those!

I hadn't realized at the time just how much a camel can eat...

Let me think on this...I am laughing too hard at the moment!

Cindy your are just what the Doctor ordered. You can keep us laughing even when our moods are down. Keep going. I needed something like that it is a bad day for me.

OH MY!!!!!!!!! Too funny......EH?????

Suppose a camel can store lots of food in that hump!!!!!!!!

Next chapter please!!! :)

No, no, no, I did my part, you all have to add to it! There is so much information yet to share, have at it! Bring it on! DM won't be home for 10 days, we have plenty of time to get her bio all sewn up in a nice, neat package for her.

She'll be so touched!

One of the things I like best about myself (oh, it is so hard to choose!) are my pretty little toes!

I love to wear sandals, you know, like flip-flops of all kinds.

I polish my pretty little toes everyday to match my clothes!

Oh, and toe rings! I love toe rings. I could wear a toe ring on every toe!

I'm a Princess you know!:D

Cindy and Taff
 

I wass passing through dang you all made me pee my pants,it's so hard to
change those stupid things.....Thanks for the laugh and wet pants :eek:
Sue

*quietly high-fives Tally*

I don't want to choose. My bio is going to be all about me. Afterall I am "The Princess." I will be the Pampered Princess (not pampers!)

Along with all those beautiful rings on my shiney, polished toes, I have beautiful long nails to show off all the exquisite rings that my subjects have showered upon me. The ruby ring matches the one through my nose.

Want to see my tattoo?

I also LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, to camp. Oh yes! This pampered Princess loves to rough it! Most any weekend you can find me in the back seat of a car, I mean, you can find me in my huge motorhome. I love to camp in those city parks! Roughing means no room service and no soaker tub! Well, my DH does bring my breakfast in bed!

We have campfires too! Only our fireplace is the plug in kind. I don't like campfire smoke. It makes my pretty hair smell and my mascara run.

So come camping with me sometime. If we get scared, don't worry, we can always run into the house!

That's good! And don't forget...Keep the Rum and Diet coming.

Let's see
 

Lovely campfire,lovely toenails,wet drawers.and Cindy your beautiful,there's
something wrong here. Dry finally, :cool: Sue

After the camel is done with whatever he/she keeps in his/her hump or two, think what it looks and smells like:eek: I wouldn't want that job.

Let's see we have the shinny toe nails and polished fingers of the princess. The camel a star. What can I be a little puppy who gets her tummy rubbed and all the loving but when I leave a little present on the floor all that loving goes out the door.

I don't think Cindy is amused with us anymore. :(

AMN is not on this thread! Only DiM! AMN is waiting for more of "my" personal bio.

For instance (and maybe no one knew), I had to ditch the camel fairly quickly when he ate my favorite horachis and all that macrame` I had worked so hard to create. If you've ever wondered, Camel makes for a fine meal. But, I digress.

It wasn't long before I finished high school (only 8 years!) and I knew that I had to strike out on my own. I burned my first bra in 1972 at a Grateful Dead concert during the biker weekend in Sturgis, SD. My memory is a little foggy, but there was also some John Lennon music in the background and virtually everyone loved me!

My career as a dancer had begun to wane, it seemed like everyone was more interested in bark, berries, and leisure suits. Oh, how I longed for my days of glory, so short, but so sweet.

It was during this personal transition period that I was determined to find my new path. I also wanted to know more about the greater world and therefore, made a bold move. I packed up everything of value (it took all three of my milk crates) and headed for the big city to make my mark on the world.

When I reached Toad Hollow, I was overwhelmed with the bright lights and fast pace, but I was confident and undaunted.

I needed a job that would keep me living in fine style and continue to support my newest passion, painting pet rocks...

I have friends! Well, I have (A) friend! My one friend is Nappy! She is the bestest!:hug: Let me tell you about my friend Nappy!

hgkaiaioeakdkfja (Nappy has swooped in on this reply and duct tapes Taffy's hands to her keyboard)

(Taffy yells, I wasn't gonna say anything bad about you Nappy!)

I told you guys Dippy, it's not about me. Now tell me Tispy, who is it about?

(DM. It's always about Princess DM!)

What did you say?

(Nothing. Aw! Not the sock!)

Muffled sounds come from Dippy, I mean, Taffy, as Nappy stuffs a dirty sock and duct tapes it in her mouth!

*jamming second sock into Sappy's mouth*

Go ahead, DM, tell us more about yourself!

*stepping over Daffy, accidentally catching a finger underfoot*

whoopsie.:o

After searching high and low for jobs in Toad Hollow, I finally landed a job as a maid/room service attendant at the local motel. They were in need of my abilities to scout out itinerant guests and make sure that the food was of the highest quality.

Unfortunately, the local prison was in need of jobs so my talents were not put to good use and I had to find another job. I hear the quality of the service has taken a downturn.

I have moved on to the local country club entertaining the locals as a table top dancer. I am much more qualified for this position. Dancing on the tables brings in much more moolah and my pet rock collection has quadrupled!

(pops socks out of mouth!) Gasp! She told me that she got those curves ;) from exercising! But she never said what kind! (pops socks back into mouth)

:holysheep: And YOU believed her??? :ROTFLMAO::ROTFLMAO:

TIME OUT!! TIME OUT!!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!:Bow: :Funny-Post: :laugh::ROTFLMAO: :ROTFLMAO: :ROTFLMAO: :ROTFLMAO: :ROTFLMAO: :Thats-Funneh: :ROTFLMAO: :winner_first_h4h: :Grin-Nod:

:Scratch-Head: :Grin-Nod: :Doh:

Nooooo
 

More more ok PLEASE!!!!!! Sue

AMN: Great news! DM won't be on NT all week! She obviously does not have the help of a bookmark on her SIL's computer.:D

DM:

At any rate, as the 70s ticked away, I worked diligently at Buck's Barn at the golf course. I had incorporated the ceiling fans into my table-top dancing number and it was a big hit. By 1976, people were coming from as far as Iowa to see me perform. Nevermind that IA is just across a bridge from Toad Hollow, the simple truth is, I was becoming a national sensation.

The biggest hit happened when one night, I lost my grip on the fan blade right in the middle of my big number, Play That Funky Music by Wild Cherry. I hit hard, right into the lap of a young stud in his flashy disco shirt and Mr.T starter-kit jewelry. He was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen! Trust me, I had been around. His combed-out chest hair was more than I could resist and since I'd already hit on him from the ceiling fan, I decided to hit on him from his lap.

We had a glorious summer that year. His name was Danny and I had it bad for his charms and groovy ways. We celebrated the bicentennial with fireworks of our own and I have never been happier since...

Whew!

:D:D:D

AMN: Come on you guys! Time is wastin' away here and we don't even have her married off yet!

DM: Shut up, AMN... does this computer make my butt look big?

AMN: *smack*

DM: Ouch! Okay, let's see. Danny and I were joined at the hip and knew we were matched for life. We got a VW bus and lived in it down by the river while we saved for our dream house, a bigger van. By Christmas, we had even talked about getting married and the only place that seemed perfect for our nuptials was, naturally, Fargo. We found a charming seamstress who was able to make us decorative, matching white unionsuits, and we set a date, April 1. It was no joke, we meant business.

Our whole families attended our glorious service and the polka band played through the night as we joyfully celebrated our union with Yoohoo, Oreos and Pinochle all around. We were so happy and we were off on our honeymoon in wedded bliss. Say what you want about Toledo, we were in love and their bus service is top-notch.

A few months into our marriage, Danny surprised me with a shock that nearly knocked me over. It seemed that he had been gainfully employed throughout our courtship and had socked away a small fortune. I'll never forget my amazement when Danny handed me the key to a real house! There was even a fake owl in the yard to scare off unwanted rodents! The real surprise came when Danny explained to me that my recent, uncontrolled weight gain meant that we were going to have a baby!...

AND......when the baby was born, we named him Fargo...go figure..:p He was born with 10 toes ( on both feet)....He'll be walking in no time.:wink:

My hobbies are varied, but I count belching and passing gas as two of the ones that I most enjoy. Funny thing...the ladies quilting bee keeps changing their time and location on me without letting me know. Guess they're just forgetful...

...It was the most joyous time in our young lives so far, yet, we knew that little Fargy was special, and needed special attention. The only meaningful thing I could think of to do for our beautiful son was to give him the same gift my mom had so lovingly given me all those years ago. I had my scarlet "P" surgically removed and transplanted onto little Fargy's forehead, he was, afterall, a polydactyl...

The fake owl needed a companion and since I had so much trouble keeping up with the quilting bee group and so loved to sew, I added a fake goose to my porch to keep my owl company. I make clothes for my goose. Each day I make sure my goose is properly dressed. She has a complete wardrobe. Some of the clothes even match Fargo's.

About a year after Fargo's birth, I became very ill and Danny rushed me to the hospital once again. Lo! and behold, wouldn't you know it, I was having another baby! I just can't figure out how this keeps happening to me.

But guess what, this time triplets....all boys. And we named them Larry, Darryl, and Dwight. (Dwight is the name of my favorite Po-lice officer here in Toad Hollow!).

Oh my, what am I going to do with all these kids! HELP ME!! Somebody Help me!!

LOL!!!!


*kicking FG under the table*

DM: Whoopsie, I meant Dwayne!!!!! I don't have lesions.. it's... uh... menop... (nope, that's over...) uh... jetlag! That's right, since I'm an hour ahead... yeah, jetlag!!!

With all those kids, who can remember their names...should have named them all the same! Dwain, Dwayne, and Dwane.
:D

Yeah, you can probably tell them apart by counting their toes...LOL!

I know all the men folk here in beautiful Toad Hollow by name!

Funny, I can't think of a single woman for some reason. :Scratch-Head:

DM: Yes, I do know all the men in TH by name, and they know me by my tattoos.


As time marched on, Danny and I marched through life with our little army of sons who seemed to drip into life like a Florida thunderstorm. The boys and Danny did all kinds of fun things together on a weekly basis, hunting, fishing, karate, parachuting, pottery classes, and even cliff diving in Costa Rica.

I managed to locate my quilting bee friends from time to time around town but it seemed like the meetings were always ending by the time I arrived. It didn't upset me, everyone was always glad to see me as they rushed by me through the doors and sped away with thread and scraps trailing from their not-quite-shut car doors.

With the boys so busy all the time and my talents no longer in demand at Buck's Barn, I began looking for other ways to fill my days with purpose. A new fad was booming across the nation, I knew it was an absolute fact because I saw it on Oprah. For some crazy reason, women all over the country no longer felt that maintaining a home, raising children, and working outside the home was taxing enough and began flocking to the new health clubs to be physically abused by machinery.

I knew there was something in all this for me and I was determined to find just what that was...

Stiiiiiimulation!!

I had discovered what my aerobics instructor calls"the burn!"

My aerobics instructor is special to me. I cannot help staring when he works out. He keeps giving me private instruction in stimulation and I hafta say , I haven't felt this worked out since I was a teenager at the indoor outdoor barn dance back in my early days! I understand why they call it the burn now. I can whittle a matchstick out of a mountain ash tree with my thighs in a few hours after a workout with him. I also discovered the elliptical is a good way to fan the heat of that burnin'.

Now I know why Wiz uses it.:p

AMN: Holy cow! It's D-day! We have got to finish this before DM gets back!

DM: Where was I...

Well, my thighs burned through the 80s and into the 90s. Danny and I managed to raise a fine group of strapping, young bucks. I've never been sure how many because our house had a revolving door and my culinary talents were demanded around the clock by the pack of bottomless stomachs we called sons.

As the years wore on, the boys grew up and gradually left the kitchen in pursuit of their own life ambitions. It was as our nest emptied that I began noticing some symptoms of the not-quite-right. Finally, Danny talked me into seeing a doctor and it turned out that I had MS, then I didn't have MS, then maybe I have MS, but I definitely have FM, but it could be MS, but it's not MS. But, it still could be MS.

Being the social butterfly that I am, it seemed like the logical choice to find others who could benefit from my experience and sick sense of humor. I tried volunteering at the blood bank but was asked to leave when I jokingly shuffled the tube labels. Some people really need to relax!

Next, I tried to help at the local soup kitchen but when my sons showed up every day and complained that my cooking wasn't as good as at home, I stomped out in a fit of rage. The little ingrates.

One day, Danny came home with a new thing, a computer. Now, I'd heard of these on Star Trek and Lost in Space but had no idea that regular people could use them. I was hooked from the start. I honed my skills to such a fine point, I could now type "DM" in hundreds of colors and sizes!

As if that wasn't exciting enough, a friend informed me that my new computer was also a communication tool! Who knew!?!:eek:

Well, the internet and I got along famously, especially when I found so many nice pictures of sweet boys. Stiiiiiiiimulation!!!!! Danny didn't like that at first, but then he found some nice girls to chat with and he was happy.

Um, then, I found this forum and decided to welcome newbies. The end. —DM

P.S. Here's my latest pic:

Nice picture! Recent? It should be your avatar! You photogenic devil you!

Nice picture DM.

Did anyone ever tell you that you look a lot like Robin Williams? Maybe that's where you get your knack for the insane..:Crazy 2: