Holidays can be bad and life is a challenge
 

I for once am starting to want another relationship but no one in mind. I did not plan on falling for Doug, the neighbor who passed but it just happened and it was so sweet when it did. I guess that now that the Holidays are approaching I am starting to get down and such. Last year I was alone both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Holidays are very depressing for people like me who have no one. I have a some neighbors I could probably see briefly but what do I do the rest of the day? I know that I should not be worrying about it now but I'm afraid I've already done so in the back corners of mind that nag at me about it until I get depressed.

I suppose when I get use to the hustle and bustle of school and such I should feel better. I have this echo in my head from my ex's voice saying how I'll never be nothing. It's been ingrained so much in my brain that I can't seem to shake believing it at times. I keep putting one foot in front of the other though and hope and pray that things will work out. I just feel as though I should have control over life and don't feel like I do to my liking. Perhaps that was my pitfall with my ex, with him controlling me it was out of my hands. I need to figure these things out no matter how painful it can be because I do not want to repeat the pattern of being with an abusive man.

befuddled2

I think you are speaking very wise words tonight.
This is very healthy sounding to me.
Yes the holidays are particularly hard when you lose someone close.
Jeff and I have worked at a soup kitchen for thanksgiving...it definately takes your mind off your own troubles...see how truly blessed that we are.
bizi

you are strong
 

Dear Befuddled,
I usually spend Christmas with my Jewish friends.
We might see a movie. Most of the time, we go out for Chinese food.

It is better than going to visit a Christian family because if I am around someone celebrating Christmas I might get sad -- I don't like Christmas or miss it since I stopped celebrating it about 25 years ago but it might get to me to be close to others celebrating Christmas.

So I think Dec 25 will be Chinese Buffet day!

It's all very confusing because hubby was brought up Muslem and doesn't have any Christmas memories.

Anyway, I guess I am trying to say, that this can be a difficult time for many. But it doesn't have to be.

Christmas is Tuesday -- that's what someone on this board used to say. It doesn't have to be a day to feel sad. It is just another day.

Yeah, easier said than done.
I feel what you are saying -- even if I am too wordy.

Mari

ps
I will admit that I get sick of the crap that goes on forever with advertising on tv, the songs, the crap in the mall. I was out earlier in the week and saw the trees up in the mall. All of that can get annoying after another 8 weeks.

Some years I make a plan to do one thing that is important -- like go to a concert of kids singing Christmas songs, . . .

If I have a plan I feel like I can appreciate the time of year without feeling burned by it.

Thanks for putting up with my blabbering.

Thank you Bizia and Mari.

Bizi, I hear what everyone is saying about volunteering but since I took care of Doug all summer I've kinda gotten tired of doing for others. I just want for someone to pamper me and do for me for a change. I guess there comes a time in a person life's where they feel like I do. And thank you for the compliment about me talking wise.

Mari, chineese sounds wonderful. I don't mind your rambling. It is good to do so. I don't mind the decorations most the time cause I'm always wanting to decorate for Christmas. I may go visit my friend in the nursing home this Christmas.

befuddled2

I agree with it being time for you. Pamper yourself. You deserve it.

I wish the holidays weren't so bleak. I still have a hard time with my husband. The holidays were always hard for him. I just try and give him space and let him talk about what hurts him when he feels like he can.

Maybe I could listen for you too? Seems like the best way to help this time of year. :hug:

Mrs. Bear,

Thank you. I would love that, for you to listen to me. The days are not so bad when I can go visiting the neighbors or out to the grocery store. I hope you hubby will have a better time with the Holidays.

befuddled2

You betcha!

Even if I can't reply every day because of work, I try to read what's happening here. So know that I am listening. K!

Thank you Mrs. Bear,

I'll be spending Thanksgiving with a neighbor having a T.V. dinner.

Guess who's moving into Doug's apartment? doug's oldest brother!

befuddled2

Did someone say Chinese food?:D

Holidays always get to me too. I usually go into a depression, I am going to try this year not to. I don't know exactly why it happens.

Dirk's daughter is supposed to come the week before, for a week, so maybe that will make a difference. She is 14, then again, who knows. He will be working, so I am it. eeekkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

All I do know is so far, I am cooking for both T-Giving and Xmas, fun fun fun...I did it for so many years, I really don't enjoy doing it anymore.

Nikko:grouphug:

Hi Wendy and Nikko:

Wendy I hope you don't get depressed for the holidays.

Nikko, I will more than likely cook for myself I suppose.

befuddled2

B.F.2

This is a sore subject.... i litteraly hate Xmas, as a child it was painful, as an Adult, i;ve tried for my children but deep down the best day for me is the 2nd ofJanuary.

It's the cost of it all that drives me insane, i spend it to please people, yet end up depressing myself till Febuary.

Having said that, over the last five years in my current job, i try to make a 'purse out of a pigs ear' so to speak.

Where i am many of the clients have no place to go and visit over Xmas, its a torrid time for many. This helps me foccus a little better, and i possibly save my emotional melt down until January.

It is rewarding though to share pleasantries with others, and occassionaly be a crutch to someone.

Over Xmas this year i'm really in trouble with my wife, [not really she understands, kids hate me though...L.O.L.] working 2-10pm xmas eve, 7.30-3.30pm xmas day. 2-10pm boxing day.

2-10pm new years eve, and 10-8pm new years day[ though i may be able to swap this shift]


BF2 i'm not suggesting you do this yourself over the hols, but a thing i did for the last 17 years was i cooked for my elderly neighbours their xmas dinner. Originaly it was 6 people then sadly over the years diminished to one for the last three years. Sadly she has now moved to a care home, and i've moved house.

This year will be very strange.

BF2 have a peaceful holiday season, together we will hope for a brighter future and this year illiminate the traumas of the past.

It is afterall,... memories that destroy our festivities not the actual festivities themselves..

PS when is 'Thanks Giving' in the US [And politely could someone explain its meaning, i have an idea, just want American clarification, in return i could expliain November 5th [Guy Fawkes night/Bonfire night in the uk L.O.L:D:D]

David:hug:

Dear David,

It is the fourth Thursday of November (and therefore a four day weekend. that weekend is the beginning of Christmas shopping).
... November 22 this year.
.... And almost every one eats turkey with other favorite or family foods. When I was growing up we always invited guests. That was part of the thanks.

The origins are confusing. It is one of those holidays that has kind of developed / evolved. Most of us learn in school that the settlers in New England celebrated a good harvest with the local Indians.
We have written records that they ate deer and bird that they hunted. They probably ate other local foods like fish and shell fish, corn that they had planted, nuts, and whatever else the Indians brought with them or helped them catch or grow.

http://www.history.com/minisite.do?c...2&mini_id=1083


Wikipedia is kind of dry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thanksgiving
President Lincoln established a set date for this holiday.



Is Guy Fawkes the one who tried to blow up something and overthrow the government? And um... How do you pronounce his name?

Mostly, Thanksgiving is about food.
Mari

Thank You David and Mari:

David, Holidays being evisioned as to what they should be like due to memories is one way of putting it in perspective.

Mari, thank you for the definition.

befuddled2

I am not sure what kind of shape I'm going to be in on thanksgiving,
or even if I'm going to be able to do what I'm supposed to be doing.

I'm having a endoscope, and a coloscopy on the 20 of November.
And then I'm supposed to travel 70 miles for thanksgiving two days
later. I'm hoping this works out okay. I can't say it will or it wont,
and if it doesn't I'll be home alone.

My mom, sisters, and all my family that will go will be having thanksgiving
at my mom's house, and also celebrating my nephew's 1st birthday.
Yes he is honestly turning 1 on this day. So his father who is now getting
a divorce has asked for permission to celebrate his day with all our
family on this day. I can't ask that they not have the whole thing
over there. SO I wont.

Its just that I'm guessing they will probably have it without me. I'm of
the opinion I will be to sore to travel that day.

Now I don't begrudge anyone this, but I'm sad because the day after
thanksgiving is my favorite day to go shopping, its become a tradition
to do some shopping. And I'm sure I wont feel like it.

So tsk tsk, I wont be doing my fun day.

Now christmas, well its another headache year. Its the year that isn't planned.

Probably at my house.

donna

Dear Donna,
You have been going through some challenges.
Maybe you will get a break and these tests will not be a big deal with regard to recovery. What do the drs say about being able to travel two days later? Maybe you can call and ask the office staff what to expect. I thought that, most of the time, people are ok after these tests.
I was the driver twice for two people and they did ok. Really, they were fine.
But yes, holidays can be complicated to deal with, even without the extra medical stuff to think about.

Mari

Dear Mari

Thanks for the explanation , i had an idea it was linked to our Harvest Festival but didn't know the facts.

Harvest Festival here is only acknowledged in Primary schools and church, it is not like of old, Yours sounds much more of an occassion.

GUY FALWKES is pronounced forks.. as in cuttlery.

Yes he tried to blow up the houses of Parliment, with King James the first in it.

If anyone ever comes to the UK in November there is a town in West Sussex called LEWIS,, its very oldie-worldie with Tudor buildings, [ black+ white]
On November 5th the town has a Carnival and people dress up as Round heads or Cavaliers and drag trollies with burning caoal on, accompanied by giant effigies of people [ which i might add our the fire works themselves a bit dodgy and dangerous, but they've done it for years]

When you look down the street and watch the procession you feel like you have been transported back in time ..


David:)

Donna, I've had both of those procedures done and the next day I was basically fine except for the endoscopy but only because i had my esophogus stretched.

David, I wish i could go to UK but for many reasons cannot.

befuddled2

David,
One of my teachers told us his name is pronouced the same way we pronouce f**ks -- so according to this explanation, his name is pretty much unpronounceable here.

I'm glad to hear that she is wrong.

Mari

befuddled2
 

Dear Befuddled,
Hubby said that he wants to skip the turkey this year and eat his regular food.

I was so happy to hear that.
T-day will be a regular day for us. :)

Mari

That is great news Mari.

befuddled2

Oh, the holidays......I did buy a bunch of holiday decorations at the dollar store.

I already have a fake tree, it fibro optic, so it can be put outside or in, pretty plain, modern and pretty when lit up.:)

Not sure what I am doing to T-giving, I was talking to my mom about going out.

Xmas well not sure either. It's kind of a lot of work to cook for just the two of us. Maybe I will just do a spiral ham and some veggies.:rolleyes:

I really feel better when the holidays are over. I can already feel the stress of them. It would be better if I had family here, or I was back East with my friends. Oh well, have to try and do my best.:)

Last XMas day I ended up in the ER, not the first time, I have to not end up there this year.:confused:

Anyway, just venting............Nikko:grouphug:

Donna,
Perhaps you will feel better and maybe could make the trip....maybe you could take some immodium....I hate to break from tradition but this is only one year if it doesn't work out for you this year.
I am glad to hear that your test came out good...wonder about your "hernia" too...there will be people posting thru out the holidays...nice to know that we can keep in touch.
sleep well tonight.
NIkko, I think going out to dinner sounds like a great idea!
But I would eat out every meal if I could afford it:rolleyes:.
bizi

I have been just BLAH all week, I have so many things to do, but I just can't do them, no motivation whatsoever. Mom doesn't want to go out for T-day.

I didn't get a turkey, since it is just the two of us. Unless, I pick up a small fresh one today. We have a chicken in the freezer.

Just kind of crazy to do all the Thanksgiving stuff for just the 2 of us.
My mom feels the same way.

So, I guess it will be just another day for us.
I guess Xmas will be the same. Now, I don't know if I should even bother decorating.:(

I need to get out of this funk, my mom seems to feel the same way.:confused:

Nikko:grouphug: