My pointless thoughts.
 

so as not to hurt anyone else.
Forgive me.

Oh dear... darn, I'm really sorry to be reading this... but I have some more questions for you so don't go anywhere....

First, let me say how glad I was that you replied to the other thread - the one when I asked you about what makes you happy. You said:
Well, guess what... you thought of happy things!!! :hug:

After reading today's post, if I am understanding you correctly, you are waiting for courage. And if I am interpretting this correctly, you believe that it will take courage for you to harm yourself.
I really hope I'm not saying the wrong thing here... and I really hope that someone else has words to say this better than me....
but I think it takes more courage and strength to keep living ... so if you are waiting for courage - I hope that you find it so that you can rise up out of this fog :hug:

I'm so sorry that you think those who are being helped are weak.
That's not true.
It takes a lot of courage for the weak to reach out for that help.
I want that to be the kind of courage you find.

God knows I know how difficult a time you are going through.
Confusion sucks.
I wish you felt believed and I wish you could sleep.

(((hugs))) Addy

Thank you Addy for being the compassionate lady that you are. I'm struggling here to keep my anger under control but perhaps it wasn't made clear enough from the beginning.

Bamboo....this forum is about surviving! It's about helping each other stay alive....it's about trying to pick up the pieces after someone we love has successfully killed themselves. It's about trying to show what has worked for us in finding a way out of that black hole...it's about holding each other up..offering hugs (yes they do help!) and it's about being here for each other.

It isn't about judging how someone else manages to keep on keeping on! It isn't about veiled threats or blatant statements about the lure of death...
We all get it! We all have been there one way or the other

If you've read the stickies at the top of the forum (not just the one about feeling your own heart beat) but Pters wise words about our minds being so manipulative. About redirecting those suicidal thoughts..(no one said it was going to be easy!)...we all learn from each other...and we try hard.

Do you have parents? Siblings? Anyone who will grieve and struggle when you die? Some of us know what that is like.

All of us want to try to help you find your way...if you are saying that you aren't interested in trying then I think you need to find a new place to vent.

I, personally, hope you will give this place a chance to help you.

I'm really really sorry.
I didn't not mean to cause offense.
I always do that.
I'm sorry. Really sorry.

I won't post anymore.
Thanks everyone for your support.
I am sorry.

bye.

Bamboo

Dont stop posting , and never be sorry , for anything you say on here. We all care about you and believe or not, You being on this site has helped me. I have felt like you do many times but at the moment im fine and doing well. YOU TOO CAN GET WELL,


PLEASE STAY WITH US THROUGH THIS DIFFICULT PART IN YOUR LIFE, WE OUR HERE TO LISTEN TO WHAT EVER YOU HAVE TO SAY,


YOU REALLY MATTER :grouphug:

David. [i have to go to work now please post after 11pm to let me know your ok.. please...]

And you still don't get it! We don't want you to stop posting....we want you to lean, listen and learn from those of us who have been there!

:hug:

hey bamboo...nope none of us want you to stop posting.

i was taught by a wonderful 4th grade teacher named mr mccalister, to "get" something out of everything you read. even if it is something tiny. not to always try and "get" the whole thing.

we all really care and will offer lots of advice that come from the lessons life has taught us. you might read a reply and think huh? :confused: but maybe read it again. you might only "get" the love and caring because they took the time to reply.

many here have been where you are right now. some have lost a loved one who was there and didn't know or couldn't find a place for support.

you are safe here bamboo. if there are times that you don't feel able to post openly on the forum, you can send us all a group pm. we can respond that way.

if like alffe said, you aren't interested in trying, then saddley, this isn't the place for you. this is a forum for survivors and those who want to be.

Bamboo, Hi! We haven't met. My name (actually initial) is M. So people call me M. It is nice to meet you. I have been following some of your postings and let me just say, it is o.k. to hurt, but NOT to hurt yourself. Although those feelings may be strong, think of what you would do if your saw someone out in public literally hurting someone else who has no control, such as maybe a small child. Would you just sit there an allow that person to hurt, possibly kill that child? I don't think so, you have to good of a heart. And because of that, you can't allow yourself to hurt YOU! Again feelings may be strong, desire might be there, maybe even thoughts, but DON'T ALLOW YOUR HEART to accept it. Ask for help, from anyone, here, at a hospital, maybe even go to a church or kingdom hall (Jehovah's Witnesses) and ask someone there for help. People today live in a "me" world, but I do have faith that when someone ask for the type of help that you (and me) sometime need, they stop and give us that help or direct us to someone who can help.

Don't give up...continue to post here. :grouphug:

Bamboo

HA - you thought your point was thoughtless? It wasn't. Rubber balls......how's THAT for a pointless thought? :p

Your post made Alffe feel anger, but it's not what you might think. It's only because she cares so strongly. It can happen to those of us who have lived through the loss of a loved one or had to live day to day wondering if/when our loved one will end their life. If Alffe happens to yell at you, I suggest you listen to what she has to say because she puts love and care into every word. :hug:

I agree with Addy. It takes courage to face life head on and continue to survive. We all stumble and get hurt, but the trick is to keep on trying. If we're lucky, we'll get a few perks along the way that will bring smiles to our faces - joys we would have missed out on. If not, we can lie on our deathbeds and reflect back with a clear conscious - knowing we gave it our all and tried our very best.

I hope you will be able to find the courage to keep on living. You are here on this earth for a reason. :hug:

BAMBOO

I want to know what your so sorry about? is it posting your feelings and sharing your pain that your sorry for?
Well you should not feel sorry for this. This is a support website with people who genuinely care and want to help people like you who are in crisis.

Please remember this, Life is not a dress-rehersal, we get one crack at it. There are people out there who can help you get well. If you decide to stop posting, that is your choice,but you dont have to, remeber Guilt is part of Depression, but please get yourself help SOON. [ you are a diagnosis waiting to be confirmed, a cureable human being, and a SURVIVOR, JUST GET GET HELP NOW!!]

REMEMBER YOU ARE SPECIAL TO THIS WORLD.

David:grouphug:

Hey Bamboo... get back here... you've got nothing to be sorry about...

Have you read the words by ptr? They are on the top of this forum when you log in.

You came to the internet for help...
You found this forum.
I hope you continue to accept our offers of support :hug:

By the way, I like your idea about wearing a hat when you go out. What an interesting way to think that the world can be a little less overwhelming when you wear it.

I think that Vancouver, where I live, has the same climate that you do in the UK - it rains a lot, right? And now its winter... such a blah time of year.

Right now its beautiful outside when the sun shines - our trees and the ground are covered with beautiful yellow, orange, and red fall colours... I love it...

You know what I did today, tho... I went and bought a swim pass for the local indoor pool that's only about a 10 minute walk.

Anyway... I hope you are here reading this...

I hope you stay.
I hope you get the help you need.
((((gentle hugs))))

I'm sorry for the post. It was not meant to upset anyone.
I have had people in my life that have committed suicide so i did not mean to sound rude or non-chalent.
Things became very bad yesterday. But i managed to tell my sister how i felt and what i was doing. She phoned my parents who drove over and took me to the emergency walk in centre who then referred me to a psychiatrist. He gave me another anti-depressant and diazepram. He is also writing to my GP and following up the other psychiatric appt.
I'm now at home with my parents. I don't know how i feel.
I thought i should let you know because i will not be posting much now.
I'm sorry again.
Thankyou for caring.

I'm so glad to see you post Bamboo and to hear that you are getting help.
We are here for you dear girl. :grouphug:

Bamboo :hug:

Thanks for checking in. Hopefully, you'll soon be feeling you're planted firmly on your road to recovery. Do what you need to do to get there. We'll keep a light on for you in case you'd like to throw some more pointers at us - or just bounce around some balls for fun. :p

I am very glad that you reached out for help with your family.
THat is what families are there for to help each other in need.
It sounds like you are in the system now and hopefully won't be falling thru any cracks.
I wish you wellness.
Thank you for checking in.
Post when you are up to it....knowing that it is hard waiting to be well...baby steps in all of this...
((((HUGS))))
bizi

((((((((((((BAMBOO))))))))))))))) :hug:

:You-Rock:

YOU FOUND THE COURAGE!!!!!

Sending you warm caring thoughts... and doing a little happy dance :Dancing-Chilli:

I really, truly hope that you can check in with us now and then.
We're here thru the good times and the bad. :circlelove:

Bamboo

I am so glad you told your family how you feel. Please resist any urge to resist their help. At present your frame of mind is not a true escence of YOU it is distorted by illness. You may feel your family are overtaking your thoughts. THEY ARE NOT. They are seeing your life as it is NOW. From an outsiders point of veiew, but with the care of a family tie.

Please learn from my mistakes, TAKE THE PRESCRIBED MEDICATION YOU HAVE NOW. AND DO NOT STOP TAKING IT UNTIL DIRECTED BY A DOCTOR

Depression,Pyschosis, mental health proiblems , whatever you call it need HELP I hope and pray that your help is on its way .

Stay in touch

David:grouphug:

((((((((((((( bamboo )))))))))))))))

Thank you for letting us know. I know it was difficult for you to reach out for a number of reasons. You are very brave, and I thank you.

We care and we're here...

KD

If I may jump in...
 

hi Bamboo,

your quest for the courage to survive is more innate than you realize. For your namesake has spoke for you probably without your realizing it.

definition 1: Bamboo is a group of woody perennial evergreen plants in the true grass family Poaceae.

note the words perennial and evergreen.

definition cont.: Some of its members are giants, forming by far the largest members of the grass family.

you are a giant, you just have to see yourself as a giant. Most giants don't realize that they are giants. Giant, of course, not being in size but the size of your heart and courage.

definition cont.:They are of high cultural significance in East Asia and South East Asia

well, you are in England, but that is CLOSE to Asia, eh? :wink:

I think the definition below will please you.

definition cont.: When treated, bamboo forms a very hard wood which is both lightweight and exceptionally durable

does that NOT describe you? Fighting hard to live and having to be durable and resilient as you wade through the toughness of life??

did you also know that Bamboo is known for its long life?

it is very useful to make many things.

what I am trying to convey is that you may not have realized bamboo's properties when you picked the name, bamboo. But you are truly a bamboo(at least in the making)

courage is hard to find, but it is there, always. We just have to peel away the layers, no?

the person that holds the key to the lock is you. Unlock it, and you'll find the courage.

Perhaps it's time to watch the "Wizard of Oz" again. Pay attention to the Lion that doth seek its courage, when all along, its right there, within him...

as long as you post, as long as you talk about it. You are showing courage, you are staying alive, you are surviving.

regards, from another survivor

WOW :Good-Post:

:welcome_sign: ((guest)) - that was very insightful - thank you!

Addy

whoops, I mean quest :p not guest

:hug: Oh, Guest --- you're invited to my nest :wink:

I think you've helped Bamboo and you help all of us.
Please keep helping.

sorry
 

I quess I saw guest too instead of quest .... please ezcuse me :p:p

Quest


EXCELLENT

And welcome aboard.:D

David