rights for disabled in divorce
 

i am seeking a divorce and am finding out alot of information. i will keep you posted as i go through this. the first thing i have found out is that if you have been married for 10 years, you are entitled to receive ssdi off of your spouses income. this is an eye opener..

Harley....
 

I'm in the same hole, but here how it goes for me, cuz, i'm like a guy, ya know. Not only is she seeking money from my ssdi, and my long term disability from my employer, and income in perpetuity from my pension, and did i mention half my 401k? Half my bank account too. And the new car i bought for her in cash out of my savings account :confused:. She also gets the house, because of course i'm like I tol ya, a guy, eh, and we all know that even healthy guys don't get the kids, they just get "visiting rights". Did i mention that she has a job, and i suspect someone waiting in the background who probably earns 100K a year. And in my state, new rules, i have to put my 3 kids through college! And if i'm tardy with alimony payments, the "deadbeat dads" law puts me where you say? In prison until i pay up, yes, i said in prison:eek:
She'll get the gold mine. I get the shaft:D
Basically, i'm getting:grouphug:'ed and i don't mean "a group hug" neither:D:D:D
Her reason for divorcing me? "I've got to protect our money in case you have to go into a nursing home, I mean what would happen to us if you fell down and banged your head? What a disaster that would be? I'd lose all your money, you know i still love you":confused:
Makes sense to me, no? I imagine that i'm not the first person that this has happened to, or the last either.
I musta bin one baaadazz muthatruka in a previous life:eek:

Geez! I'm sooo glad my fiance dumped me when he found out I had PD. I can't imagine going through a divorce now.

cs..
 

check out this link...
http://forum.freeadvice.com/showthre...91#post1753991

it ****** me off.. as a disabled person, you would think we had more rights. im not givin up.

I don't know what state you are in , but I know someone in CA going thru this so looked up some info.

It might give sources or links to other states on some of the links.

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/california/cafaq07
http://www.divorcesource.com/CA/ARTICLES/borg1.html
http://californiadivorce.info/legal....rtoverview.htm

:hug: All I can do is pray and I will! :hug:

Hey Harley,
 

Dear Laura,

So sorry your marriage is on the rocks. You seemed so happy a few years ago. I wish I had known I could have had my disability payments based on my ex's pay. I collect less than $600.00 per month and my ex husband, to whom I was married 11 years, makes in the 3 figure income bracket. They based mine on my income which was mostly clerical work. Educated too late I guess.

Vicky

PS I too will pray for you.

Ya know...
 

I'm actually OK with this because i'm less and less a functioning human being, and her logic actually is a sound one. At this stage , all that matters is the next generation, I've done my job well, and it's time to go. Why have all the things that i've accumulated in life go to a nursing home? Isn't it better to give while the givin's good, and see my wife and kids live without the wolf at the door because they have to pay for me in a nursing home? My wifee is actually a pretty smart cookie for doing this (she got me to serve papers so it looks like i'm the bad guy). Just like PD, divorce is different for each one of us that goes through it. In my case it's not as bad as it sounds. I'll still have too much money to waste (money is the root of all evil, it's true), unlike some people who have to live on $600 a month and can barely feed themselves. I've got a big family , so i can spread it around more. Now why would anybody with a big family not be able to find someone to be a care partner? Well, i could i guess, but why make life difficult for somebody else? You know , in all these years that i've been on this board, i've never heard anybody say the God's honest truth; us Parkies aren't exactly easy to care for, especially if we get an attitude. I ain't no angel, and I yell like a bullmoose sometimes when i'm feeling really bad; why put anybody through that; it's just selfish. I think that i need to be alone, do the best that i can, see my family when i can, and look forward to the day that the Lord calls me home. Now what could be better than that. A life well lived, just a bit short, that's all. But some people don't even get that so i got nothing to whine about.cs

I'm with you on this one cs. I like being alone. I am independent and if I feel really bad, I don't have to explain it to anyone. There is no feeling of putting on a mask. I stay in the house, except to feed and care for my horses. The horses and dogs don't care if I shake or drool. I'm not an embarassment to anyone. The solitary life is a good one! Furthermore, the demands of companions is often stressful and we all know what stress does to PD.

please - my advice looking back at my divorce
 

get a lawyer that is informed about PD, do not count on legal aid,
do not make any decision without a lawyer -if you can find an ethical lawyer,
hire them -ASAP...
do not sign anything that your former spouse tells you to sign - because they do not care about you now -
they may have a "replacement" for you already -
In my divorce - my ex - took what he could - lied -was combative -putting it technically, as I must right now
-this is a broadcast station for your ex-spouses attorney...
so now is the time for questions -only...
divorce laws differ state to state, my state has old laws for women -dating
back to -"the men own the wives"
you may have children of divorce classes -if so you must attend them, or
they can put you in jail for contempt,
also -
harley - do not leave your home, he can leave -he is not disabled or on medication,
secondly -if you leave -the "EX" can actually lie and tell any story they want
so they can keep you off "your own premices"
if you break the ex-parte -they can and will arrest you...
there is no morals now -this is a fight for money and stuff game...
there are no winners -
money and stuff are needful, yet try to be as peaceful as possible...
settling out of court would be a blessing...
and yes harley, in some states if your husband refuses to support you
you will be on state aid, [ medicaid] ebt aka food stamps- a small copay
like 2 dollars per script, but this alternative sounds like you are in a bad way already...
do not speak online - at all -
except for questions...
bottom line
life goes on... and you will be fine perhaps you are divorcing the disease? it is a blessing in disguise truly...
and when you married vows were exchanged and more than likely they said - for richer or poorer
through sickness and health, till death parts you both...
that was the contract: and yes, we maybe ill -but love is not suppose to be conditional...
we live a in throw away world, and that ideology hurts people as well...
:hug::hug::hug:

dear cs -
 

dear brother cs,
the definition for manipulation...

Shrewd or devious management, especially for one's own advantage
a great technique used by the spouse that wants the money,
but not the husband and or wife...
they are divorcing you for your own good? :confused:

this link is more informative
http://tinyurl.com/2qsjge

Harley and CS..Im really sorry to hear that you folks have to go through this mess..CS, ever since you mentioned having some marital problems a while back, I come here and read the forum daily, and hope that I will read some good news about your situation..:(

My prayers go out to you both

Letting Go
 

ol'cs and MKane, I can really relate to what you're saying.

I too have been having thoughts about letting my family happily go live their normal, healthy lives without me. I suppose some would call that depression. I sort of think of it as a practical alternative. I've also been thinking of divesting myself of most of my worldly possessions. It's getting so hard to do things that I used to take for granted. I can't work in my profession like I did before PD. Even hobbies are either too challenging or just seem pointless. I can't ignore the stress factor either. People, whether they mean to or not, add stress to my life. Maybe it's time to just let go.

Tena says it well...
"and when you married vows were exchanged and more than likely they said - for richer or poorer
through sickness and health, till death parts you both...
that was the contract: and yes, we maybe ill -but love is not suppose to be conditional...
we live a in throw away world, and that ideology hurts people as well..."

Harley, do not leave your home, unless you have other permanent living arrangements that will suit you financially. I hope you have a strong support group, too-in family or friends. I know nothing of the law, except it varies state to state, and there's too much red tape.
Good luck to you, and my prayers are with you.
Steph

K.Ibsen...very sad
 

to read your post titled "Letting Go". I certainly do not know your circumstances related to family, but I have to question whether or not they would be in complete accord with your thoughts about "letting go"..to live their normal healthy lives without you? Do you really think that they would/could be happy doing this? If so, then, of course...it WOULD be time to let them go. However, has it occurred to you that they just might NOT feel as you do...that they just might need you to "open up" to them so that they might have the opportunity to discuss what might really be in their minds and hearts about you? Is it possible that you're thinking about a choice that you THINK would be best for you withut really KNOWING how others feel? Could you just be ASSUMING that they would rather you allow them to go to live their lives as YOU THINK they would choose to do? I wonder just how you might feel if you could know that this would NOT be their choice? Would that not give you the strength and courage to continue to be part of their lives...knowing that this would be THEIR choice? Certainly, these are all rhetorical questions on my part but I felt compelled to "ask" them and to share them with you if even to give you something to ponder. As I said..only YOU know your circumstances so that none of the questions that I've posed would even be a consideration. I just couldn't read that title, "letting go" without responding in some way. If anything at all positive evolves from my writing, I will feel that I've done my best to try to change how you're feeling at this particular time.

Take good care...
Therese

sad
 

ol'cs

I feel so bad for you...
How awful of your wife to treat you that way

Therese,

I was just saying that I understood how ol'cs and MKane felt. I didn't say I was going to go out and do anything. I was just expressing feelings. I'm only recently diagnosed, so I'm still struggling with my own feelings--maybe I'll always be struggling with my own feelings. I don't know. This isn't exactly new to me, however, because my father had MS for many years. The surrounding family had a tough time with this. So I've been on that side, too. (I wrote a lot more but decided to delete it.)

Letting go doesn't have to be a sad thing or a bad thing. It doesn't mean that one would never speak to their family members ever again. It doesn't mean that one is giving up. To me, letting go simply means acknowledging that everyone has their own life to live. One of my father's favorite sayings was that we all have to "play the hand we're dealt." Well, I've been dealt the PD card as part of my life's hand. I'll have to accept that. The rest of my family will have to play their own hands, and I'm willing to let them, whether I'm in the game or not. I guess that's what "letting go" means to me. There's an odd sort of peacefulness or serenity in this notion of letting go--simply letting my loved ones live their lives as they choose to live them.

Peace to you all, however you may find it.

Now I Understand
 

K...I definitely misunderstood what you meant by "letting go"...felt that you were giving up...on life...you...family. How wrong I was and how beautifully you explained your feelings. I absolutely understand when you speak of an odd sort of peacefulness and serenity in the notion of letting go...and it made me think about parents who just will NOT let their children go...to live their own lives...and it made me feel quite good that I have done exactly that, and I thank you for reinforcing that I have done a good thing for my children...and there IS a peace and serenity in knowing that I have been able to "let go" in the sense that you have described, K.....thank you...

Therese

how sorry i am
 

Hi....I haven`t been here for a while and was so sad to come into this forum and see this thread. I so wish you well as you go through this turbulent time.You really do not need any of this harrowing uncertainty...but it has to be better than the strains of living with a partner who makes untold selfish demands of you. The times I have been through turbulence on a flight...I have emerged the other side to a scene of blue skies,a vast ocean and beautiful scenery.When the clouds have gone....I pray that this is what you will see Harley and Olcs....cos I reckon that ,knowing your wonderful creativeness Harlley, and your sense of "Reality " cs....and anyone else going through this....that you have been deprived of such a vision for a whileThe fog will lift and you can breathe good clean air again.
How lovely Therese to remind us that we sometimes are in danger of thinking we "know" what someone else wants...when in fact this may not be the case.
I know that I am guilty of that ..But I guess when the actions match the words that are spoken,there`s no mistaking what the situation is about.
Thinking of you both
Steff
x

Stormy Weather
 

Keep your right hand up and keep leading with your left. I know it's a fight you didn't want in your life again. But, we both know you will weather the storm out and will be sitting by the Ocean once again with a renewed love of your life. The long nights will pass away into the rear view mirror of yesterday. The road ahead will be fresh and new for you and your daughters and grandaughters.
Take care of yourself and keep that left jab moving fast and hard.

Jacob:thud: