Major Venting
 

I’m not gonna start the morphine pump trial tomorrow. I talked to the work comp claims adjuster (aka liar), who told me that she hasn’t heard anything about it from my doc’s office, so they’re not going to pay for it. The doc’s secretary told me they discussed it over the phone, but phone calls don’t leave a paper trail, so w.c. has “plausible deniability”.

This is just another w.c. stall; they will eventually have to approve payment or fight me at a hearing, where they will lose and then pay for it and my lawyer. But I can’t believe how this news affected me emotionally; I feel total despair.

I have been looking forward to not waking up every hour or two to take another oxycodone, a chance to think without drugs and sleep deprivation clouding my brain, and I’m incredibly depressed. I know it will happen someday, but today I’m just plain crushed. And it doesn’t end there.

On Thanksgiving of 2005 I learned how severe my weight loss had become; I weighed 139 pounds. I began a crash course of eating, of trying to gain weight. It has been a hard fight. Almost every day for two years my stomach has felt painfully distended; I have to stuff myself constantly, so much that most of the time the weight of a blanket on by stomach is painfully heavy.

I’ve been doing this for two years, and I weigh five pounds less than I did in Nov, 2005.

I have always been healthy, so healthy I can remember every time I’ve been sick since I became an adult: five times. I haven’t had a severe cold since 1995. The only time I saw a doc for anything except my injuries was 1982, but today I saw a GP, and learned that my liver is way too big. It is so large, the GP thinks that’s why I’m having a hard time eating.

(I told my doc in 1996 that I didn’t want to have any liver enzyme tests. Why bother? I knew this would happen, but the only way to prevent it was to stop taking opiates, and that just isn’t an option).

I probably should have waited to see the GP, but I wanted to be sure there wouldn’t be any obvious problems that might interfere with getting the pump trial started. Now I know, but I don’t know what to do about it.

The GP wanted me to go straight to the hospital for more tests, but I refused. I’m not going to do anything about my liver. I have no desire to spend money or to suffer more just to extend a life I don’t enjoy very much, but I don’t know what to do about eating. Today, I feel like eating enough to keep me comfortable, but not eating to gain weight; but that means I start losing weight today. At 134 pounds, I won’t last long if I start losing. I guess I’ll keep eating, but my heart won’t be in it.

I’m not asking for advice or for sympathy, I’m just venting and you’re my victims because you’re the only people I know. I don’t see any point in worrying my family about it, yet, there’s nothing they can do.

I wish I had waited to see the GP once I learned the trial won’t start tomorrow; getting this news when I’m already totally depressed isn’t helping. I have no idea how long it will be before I begin showing symptoms of liver failure, and I don’t want to know. It could be a year from now.

I really mean it about not wanting sympathy. I know some of you will feel bad at reading this news, but most of you know that I’ve been hoping for a heart attack for a few years now. Like the Philosopher said: Aint none of us getting out of here alive.

Except: I believe Jesus is coming to collect His people before things get really bad, and I know that one mistake by any of several “world leaders” could turn things really bad overnight. Owell, I don’t have a vote in that.

Meanwhile, I hope I can start the trial soon. It would be nice to sleep eight hours and to wake up without a drug hangover and extra pain…Vic

Just sending you a HUG... because I understand!
:hug:

Abbie

Vicc,
I understand. I talked to a man once that told me to try and hang in there because the reason we are here suffering on earth is because God chose us before we were born to go through these trials or test what ever you want to call it. When God decides to take us, we that suffer so greatly will have the greatest rewards when we go. At the time he told me this, I was going through an awful time with depression. I couldn't understand why God did this to me.This man said alot more to me, too long to get into now. But it gave me some comfort that I needed at the time. I realized that God didn't hate me, and I belive all of us here will be blessed when we go. Some people might not agree with me, but sometimes it gets me through the day. I am praying for you and hope you get through this hard time.

SUE K.

Good old w/c always up for a stalling technique or excuse :(- but is is just that a stall - another darn bump in the road.

Can your dr or atty - or both - write a strong letter about the liver findings as a push for the pump to be approved quickly?

Good luck. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Don't let them get to you or they'll get their way.

Hey Vic, I know you well enough to know that you really mean it when you say you don't want sympathy, and I know not to give it... ;)

Work Comp bites! I will say that...

Now about gainin some weight.....eat tons of ice cream everynight before you go to bed, sleep on the left side...laffs..cause if your on the right, the food digest better, and ya don't want that...ya wanna make ya body absorb it and help ya gain that weight :D

It's great to see you, I love when you post, and I try to read as much as can, them kids are just keepin me beyond busy....one day they'll be out on their own and I'll be like.... its about dang time! laffs

Hugs to ya Vic......eat lots of ice cream ... ohhh and lil Debbie cakes are good for that to :)


Deb

Hey Vicc,

Sorry about the delay in your pain pump!! It has to be frustrating when you were all ready and then boom.. its not happening yet just bc of wc crap!!

I just was wondering about your liver and it being big and testing the enzymes for it... wont they test these before you go in for surgery?? I know i had to have my LFT's and cbc and BMP panel ck'd before i had my stims done. I just want you to be prepared if they do this on ya and have them question the LFT results...

;)
Amber

Hi Vicc,
 

I agree with Amber on the liver test. You don't want them to get you in the hospital and run test and find this out before you go in to have it put in. That could keep you from getting it. If you get it checked now and need meds maybe you will get to the point that you can handle the pump when it is ok'd.

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have never delt with WC but I have a great friend that does. I mentioned him years ago. He got his right arm ripped off and all of his insides torn out. He got very little in his settlement but got to keep his medical. When he had surgery last year to have pigskin put in instead of mesh they only did half of it because WC ok'd only half. He thought it was all done. Then he comes up with another infection and he had to wait until this month to get it done due to not being able to use but only so much medical a year. Crazy huh? WC p****S me off and I don't deal with them. I have often wondered how a person could fight them through the political arena to treat people better.

I don't feel sorry for you, I am just angry with you about it. I was so hopeing you would get this done. I think it will be the greatest thing to help you when you get it done and you will. It just takes time.

I am thinking of you my friend and do hope they get moving on this really soon.

Ada

Vicc,
I am so sorry about your problems, I really hope that things will get better for you.
You should have been to the hospital for the tests on your liver, its better to be safe than sorry. Peoplen are worried about you
Pain free hugs
Alison

After I wrote that post I had second thoughts. Should I still be talking about my weight? Should I burden my friends with thoughts of my liver eventually failing? Should I talk about how emotionally devestated I was at learning the trial wouldn't happen as scheduled. especially when I knew it would happen eventually?

Yes, yes and yes. I was in the pits, and just saying so helped me begin to sort things out in my mind. I know I have a history of coming here for emotional support and that someone might think I'm overusing the forum, but it works so well.

I need to say that we're doing everything possible to help me gain weight. Despite other problems in my marriage, my wife constantly proves her desire to help me in every way she can: She buys food she knows I enjoy and cooks it the way she knows I'll enjoy it most. There is always Breyer's ice cream in the freezer, chocolate chip cookies on the shelf, and at least five kinds of chocolate candy in the cookie tin beside me. There's always something to snack on. The problem is that I hate overeating, and that's the only way I can avoid losing even more weight.

I sure hope the hospital doesn't want to run a liver enzyme test before the trial, or that liver damage won't stop it. My doc and I have talked about liver damage and opiates several times over the years, and he appears to agree with me that that is the price for keeping my pain manageable.

Now the good news. I called my lawyer about this new stall tactic, and she called my "claims adjustor". She said that unless they agreed to pay for the trial -- and the pump itself if the trial is successful -- in 24 hours, she would file an immediate petition for a hearing.

The trial is now set for next Wednsday. I knew it would happen eventually, but I didn't expect it to happen so soon.

I want to take a moment to tell anyone involved with work comp or social security: You need expert lawyers. Don't choose one who advertises defending against DUIs or anything except work comp or soc sec. During my fight with work comp, my atty knew every decision in Kansas and surrounding states within 48 hours. She only does work comp, and she does it better than anyone.

My settlement was for 99% permanent disability. 100% would have meant that soc sec could offset 80% of work comp for 5 years (that was the maximum benefit period for w.c. in Kansas), but at 99%, it is pro-rated through my actuarial life (I'm supposed to live until I"m 76 -- God, I hope not), which means soc sec deducts less money over a longer period. My SSDI checks have been more than $200.00 per month more since the settlement than they would have been. If your work comp atty doesn't know about this loophole, find one who does.

Don't pick someone like the "disability experts" who won't let the govt intimidate their clients: Soc Sec screws everyone. That law firm sucks in clients and keeps the easy cases -- the ones they know they can win. They get rid of "problem cases". Like car dealer Cal Worthington, they make their money from volume, not winning every claim.

Work comp and Social Security have been systematically destroyed over the past 25 years, with each change in the law making it harder for claimants to win and removing penalties for ins co's that use every trick in the book to stall until people give up. You need experts in these laws in order to survive.

Anyway, I got an expert, and she got the trial back on track much sooner than I thought possible. Now, pray that it will do something to restore part of my life.

Thank you for being here, my friends...Vic

I Vicc,
Your lawyer sounds really nice and I am sure she will help you.
I hope that everything goes how you want it to.
Sending you prayers and pain free hugs
Allison

Hi Vic..

I just wanted to say good luck on Wednesday bud and send you a warm soft cyber hug.. you deserve this my friend, the chance to live life with less pain is huge and then mabie you can start putting on a pound or two and get a handle on the liver problem too. Ohh I so want you to get some relief so you can look forward to tomorow bud, it is hard to hear of friends in such a bad way medicaly and otherwise.. but don't you dare stop posting when things are bad Vic, we all need to vent and even scream at times and we are here for each other. I consider you a very good friend.. who is going to have a successful trial and pain relief is due your way SOON.

hugz bud healing comforting ones.
Sandra

I have an enlarged liver too......
 

Hey Vicc,
I too have an enlarged liver. And my liver isn't considered to be a 'sick' liver either. It is called a fatty liver & I can't seem to loose weight *LOL* Want to trade body weight?? I wish I only weighed 134. I hardly eat anything & I still can't loose any weight. I am so darn sick & tired of being over weight. I have liver enzyme blood tests done 2 to 3 times a year. No one has brought up taking me off of my pain meds yet. I take morphine & oxycodone for BTP. I just thought I would let you know this info. The only thing the doctor has said not to do is to not drink alcohol & don't take Tylenol. I never was much of a drinker so that was no great loss giving up alcohol & Tylenot hasn't done much for me as far as pain goes in years so giving it up was no great loss either. I take Aleve for fever or headache.

And you will have blood tests done, a chest xray done and numerous other tests done before you can have the surgery to have the pump implanted anyway. A doctor has to clear you for surgery, which of course means give you a clean bill of health. No one will do any type of surgery without this being done first. So you might as well go along with what tests your GP wants to do & be done with it. Cause even when WC gives the go ahead for a pump, no one will do one with out you receiving a 'clean bill of health' anyway.

Goodluck on the trial next Wed. I am looking into the pump after the end of this year. Brought it up to the doctor in Oct & he said I was an excellent candidate for one, then Ron, our grandson we raised the last 12 yrs, was hit & killed by a DUI & well I just don't have th energy to look into it right now. Its all we can do to get thru each day.

DebbyV

Hi Vic,
 

I know you don't know me, but you were really supportive and gave me loads of wonderful and helpful information when I first came to this forum. My CRPS and TOS keep me from coming here as much as I'd like, as well as my frustrations with other forums (enough said). But I am here today, asking for advice, and I noticed and read your post, as I know yours are always informative.

I am sorry that the W.C. system puts us through so much crud, it's ridiculous. All we did was try to do our jobs, and got hurt. What a great way to be rewarded for being a loyal and hard worker! I have had to go to court to fight for ridiculous things, and then go back and fight again because the Insurance company didn't follow through. It's maddening!

Anyway, I am glad you have a great attorney, and the trial date is set.

I am also glad you are comfortable coming here to vent. It's obvious you have friends here who love and support you. That's awesome, I know it has helped me considerably in the past.

I will keep you in my prayers, and will also pray the trial goes well!

Pain Free Hugs and Good Wishes,

Cala

hey vicc i have very strong opinions about w/c in 1998 i had a work related injury and broke my leg in 3 places. i came off the ski mountain on the back of a snomobile. i told my direct superviror who was driving my do what had happened. i told him i would call the office after i figured out on mon.
something random happened when i called to give them the bad news that i had broken my leg in 3 places. the company had in the interm decided i was faking my injuries and demanded my presence at a meeting. i went to the meeting and let them jabbber on about how i had failed to notify anyone at the company (which i had). the company investigator told me flat out the didnt believe my claim and werent going to cover my care....so i got on my cellphone and called a friend in justice and had a polygraph scheduled within 1 hour. the company freaked realizing that i was undoubtedly telling the truth and they really didnt need the bad publiscity. before i left to take the poly they had sceduled my surgery to fix my 3 fractured bones.

w/c definetly sucks but if you go in and wont accept what they have to say you will find that the majority of them throw together their arguments in a matter of seconds.
unfortunately some of us really do need their pathetic system

I haven't posted since I announced being rescheduled for the trial; I went into another cycle of more severe pain, more oxycodone and not eating well (pain and drugs do that), and of course, got weaker. So weak that even typing became an ordeal.

I arrived at the hospital at 7:00 AM Thursday, and they were really great. I can't even sit long in a wheelchair so they planned to take me to a room, get me into bed and do the admissions paparwork there. We stopped at a scale (doc insisted on finding how much I weigh), and I couldn't stand on it without support. They were debating whether to take me to one that could weigh me sitting down when someone stuck a thermometer in my ear.

It beeped, the nurse said "He has a fever", and ten minutes later I was on my way home with instructions to monitor my temp and call when it returned to normal.

I would have posted this Thursday, but I've complained before about how painful the 300 mile round-trip drive is, was still feverish, extremely weak, and depressed over another setback.

The added pain has diminished, the fever gone and I'm eating more, so I'll be ready to try it again as soon as they can schedule another trial. Life, I guess, goes on...Vic

Vicc,
 

It's Alison here,
I am so sorry about what you are going through ((hugs))
Please let us know how you are
I am so sorry that you had to go on a 300 mile round trip - that must have been really painful
Take care
Best wishes
Alison

Jimmy would say......

Pour me something tall and strong. Make it a hurricane before I go insane :p




I hope you are able to get the pump soon. I hate that frustrations dealing with WC adds more pain and suffering to an already tough road. I hope that you are able to find some relief quickly.

aww..
 

big painless ((hugs)) Vic, what did they say the fever was from do you know?
Just RSD's particularitys I supose..
RSD is one condition that premotes the thought "if it's not one thing it's another" I hope this is a short setback for you bud, drink lots of liquids and get lots of rest..

And I think it would do you good to try "Rooibos tea".. it is higher in antioxadents than green or white tea Vic.. I drink it all day instead of water hot or cold it's all good, bigger grocery stores have it in the tea section in tea bag form.

Listen to me.. so bossy aye..:o

See my swelling is down in my legs and the thick feeling (through my arms) I was getting when I put my arms against my body has toned down, I have only been drinking this tea since the beginning of september but I think its great and making a substancial diffrence for me :)

Hopin for a short wait time for your apointment an excelent results bud.
hugz,
Sandra

so vicc how did the implant go?
 

just checking to see how you are doing, and to see if you have found that you can replace your oral meds with the meds within the implant?
anyway i hope all is well and you are finding a balance between comfort and existence that has been lacking in recent years.
i hope you enjoyed a little turkey for thanksgiving...at this point i cant eat very much without hitting that wall in which my stomach feels like i swallowed a bowling ball...but at least i can eat a little and feel like i belong at the table with everyone else.
anyway i hope this finds you well and enjoying life

The trial has been postponed until after I meet with my doc again (Jan 11).

After reading here that a liver enzyme test might be possible before the trial, I called the hospital and learned that one would be done. What with just having learned that my liver is enlarged, I didn't want to travel 150 miles just to learn there is a problem and be sent home, so I asked if the doc could order the test be done locally. It was done Nov 22.

On Nov 23, the local hospital called and said more tests had been scheduled, and could I come in today? I said no. She tried to tell me how important these tests could be, but I'm not interested in learning how damaged my liver may have become after 28 years of opiates.

I am not interested in doing anything to fix the damage or what will happen if it isn't fixed. I only want to find out whether the trial can begin despite the results of the test that has been done. My doc understands that I have no desire to do anything to extend my life, and I'm hoping he will decide to go ahead with the trial on the assumption that I will suffer less cumulative damage with the pump than with the oxycodone I now take. He knows that without pain relief, I cannot tolerate the pain. so there is no chance he would stop prescribing oxy no matter how much damage it might do.

As I said before, I don't want or need pity. I really don't need to be told that there may be ways to mitigate the liver damage I may have already suffered: I have no desire to do anything that might extend my life.

(Five years ago I began to experience pain in my chest and left arm; I took three vicoprofen, poured a cup of coffee, lit a cigarette, and waited for what would happen next. I think that tells you how I feel).

I am not suicidal. I realize how suicide affects families, and will not end my life because I'm not happy with it; I will let nature take its course. There is a difference.

I hope that I'm making too much of that lab test, but I can't help but suspect that my extremely low energy, weight loss, and just feeling on the edge of being nauseaus and not well could be related to something I've expected for years. I know better than to tell people who care about me not to worry, you will. All I can do is say that I'm ok with whatever happens.

I will post again after talking to my doc...Vic

Hi Vicc,
 

I was wondering how you were my friend. I just PM'd you before I saw this.

I am sorry that you are going through so much. I do know what you are saying about extending life though. I have always said I wouldn't do anything to extend mine if I ended up with something like Cancer or other problems intestinal.

You know my story. I have been suicidal since I was about 8 years old so that's why I have lived in councelling for over 8 years and it doesn't do anything for me wanting to do as you said, extend my life. With councelling though it helps with the suicidal thoughts and dealing with the everyday stress that I go through. I laid in bed this morning and thinking about how I have lost 12 relatives in 8 years. Now my older brother has cancer. It never seems to let up on the depression there.

Like you though, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I am ok with where I am at today in my mess as I call it. What gets me is the little extra problems we end up with along with the major ones.

I do hope that you start feeling better and I hope that you can get the pump. I have no ideal how that will work. I hope they will do it for you and I am thinking they might. I have heard that they have done it for people with cancer so it might just be a go for you my friend.

Anyway, I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Ada

If you can't vent here then where
 

Vic,
I was reading you post, and some replies, and was so happy to see by your second post that your spirits seemed to be lifted somewhat. I could so relate to your first post and have been going through a tough time in the last few weeks and feeling fed up with it all, and really angry about having to go back on methadone again...but out of the blue a random act of kindness by a complete stranger touched my soul and has given me strength where I felt like I had none.
I know it is hard pouring out feelings and venting, but I think this is a really healthy place to do that. We all face this monster RSD each in our own way, but the beauty of a forum like this is that it does give us a place to talk about it..where others will understand. I know I spend so much of my life trying to hide and downplay pain, that it is nice to have a place to 'tell it like it is'.
I believe that there are living angels out there and that sometimes we are lucky enough to come across them. When the pain and the problems get bad it is hard to have faith in ourselves and our purpose here in life...but if we can find it, it is what keeps us going. Hang in there, and I hope you get some answers soon, and some relief as well.
Gentle huggs
Kimberly

Hi Vic.
I Have Not Posted In Months, But I Just Got Off The Phone With My Hip Sister Sue Who Had Her Scs Out, And We Were Talking About You! And So I Came On To Read What Is Going On In Your Life.
I Guess Meds Do A Tune On All Of Us. I Have What My Doctor Says Is A 'virgin Liver' Which Means It Does Not Process Anything Well, And Greatly Limits My Ability To Take Oral Medications, And I Have The Opposite Problem From You In That I Have Trouble Losing The Weight. But The Point Is, If In Time I Need More Pain Medication, It Would Probably Be In The Form Of A Direct 'med To Pain' Pump.
So I Am Hoping Things Go Well, And You Get The Pump, And Then As You Get Off The Oral Junk, You May Have An Easier Time With The Liver ...
You Are Invited To Vent Anytime. And I, Like So Many Others, Am So Thankful For All The Information You Have Shared, And Made Us Think About, Over The Year Or So I Have Been Here. You Are An Asset, And I Hope, Selfishly, That You Are Around For A Long Time ... But Comfortably .... And I Will Pray That You Have Many Nights Of 8 Hours Of Sleep!
Happiest Of Holidays Vic, Joan