Why is it so hard
 

Hi I ma really noticing that people just do not want ot remain close with me. They start to then when I start having seizures and I especially try to open up and share about it. They totally go another direction. Without even communicating with me and my partner.

I really just do not understand. It feel like a on and off switch for most. While I value true friendships look beyond others health conditions they turn the other way.
One woh has some major health issues I have done much to support. When I shared and set a oundary. Did not hear from them for a few weeks emailed and even called them. Asking how are they is everything ok.

To get the following " I am choosing to nurture other friendships and spend my time else where" I just felt hurt.

How would others hear this when you have stepped up to be there for them in a period of knowing they needed help and support?

I think I just feel kinda lost as to why friends really can not feel they can remain just that true friends ewven when things are not "normal"

Would enjoy hearing others gentle feedback and/or expereience of this issue

Thank you all I feel grateful to know others here understand.

Happy Thanksgiving to all, Cedar

((((Cedar))))

Here's sending you lots of hugs and frienship. I understand very well how you feel. My brother, his wife, and many of my immediate family have never accepted me because of my E. They look at me like I have some kind of contagious disease when the real problem is they just are afraid of my E. and they need to learn about it.
Even today at my one job I work I have always told students and staff about my E. but the new supervisor cut me down and told me: "Maybe you shouldn't be working this job" When I heard that from her, I had a meeting with her and she called me a liar. I then told her I was willing to take a lie detector test and that's when she backed down. I plan on reporting her to the EFA especially since there are students that she's working with that have E just like me.
I ask myself the question if maybe some people have just gotten more cold hearted over the yrs. Just remember I will always consider you a friend and I'm her for you anytime. Here's wishing you well and May God Bless You!

Sue

Thank you Sue, I really appreciate your words of kindness and friendship.
I appreciate your friendship, I truly do! I just shared some of how I felt with a friend who is also a support person in my wellness. She said "you are genuine and it is hard to find that in people." I think when things feel too close of hard they pull away out of fear, lack of education.
I know that my issues sometimes feel like a lot. But I also know trust is hard for me, so just when I feel safe and a person pulls away without sharing why. My trust goes POP! Oh well! Will take time again.

I appreciate your Hugs and support. I feel we have shared much over the years here so thank you and may you have a wonderful thanksgiving.
Blessings of Peace, Cedar

Hi Cedar,
You are a great friend and I couldn't agree with you more that there is a lack of education, understanding, and much fear when it comes to epilepsy. In all the yrs. I've had epilepsy I couldn't understand the rejection from family and friends but as they yrs. went by I see it made me a stronger person emotionally and it has helped me greatly working is Special Ed. with students who have emotional or medical problems. I can relate to them much better than there teachers or counselor becaue I've been in their situation.
You are a wonderful friend and a true blessing to me. Here's wishing you a Blessed, Joyful and Happy Thanksgiving and Life.

Sue

Cedar I am sooo sorry this is happening to you. Believe me when I say that I know exactly how you feel. My best (and I mean BEST) friend (the one that knows you inside and out, the one you and your family spend vacations with them and their family, the one where just you two go on "only girl" weekends and finally the one you have spent most of your life with other than your spouse or family members)left me w/o a word. Just all of a sudden no calling, no getting together NOTHING. Before I knew it, she was 7 weeks pregnant and when I mentioned doing the baby shower (which we always planned since I would be the "aunt" of the baby) she said someone else is already taking care of it.

Then nothing until the person throwing the shower, a friend of sorts of both of ours, calls and ask me for help with the shower. Only because it was a day away and she had sooo much to do still. My heart just sank. I helped only thinking that I would be able to re-connect with my best friend, but to no avail. At the shower she acted like she didn't even know me. I had bought so many baby things for her way before she even go pregnant. It was something we did, go shopping for when she became a mother.

It has been almost four years now and there is no connection. I heard through another friend that she lost a baby about three months ago. I didn't even know she was pregnant again.

I did get an email about three weeks ago saying that we should get together for dinner soon. But I have heard that before...so I can't get my hopes up. The thing is, is that I love and miss her to death.

Sorry to hijack your situation, but trust me I know exactly how you feel. I really hope things get better for you. But until then just know that we are here to talk.

:grouphug:

M

Cedar - Why is it so hard? I think it's so hard because we have to face so much physically and we have to face so much emotionally.
I sure did. I was dumped by my friends and even my mother wrote me off. That was in 1990 and I still haven't gotten over it. I don't think I ever will.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm sorry it happens to all of us.

Cedar,

It is hard on a person at a time like this. I have lived for over 40 years with Epilepsy. Because I have had in so early in life with it I feel as though it has made me strong.

Sure in young age it hurt alot but I did manage to get through it. At this time I think anyone on earth has a handicap of something in their life weather it comes early or late. With the experience of Epilepy helps me to accept others with their sititutions with open arms.

One other thing I feel is I had rather have Epilepy rather than many other handicaps.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Darlene:hug:

Hello Cedar,

I have found over the last 3 years since the E got much worse, that those EX-friends who call themselves spiritual, and open and non-judgemental have been the worst in their treatment of me.

They believe that epilepsy is a mental illness...and no matter how much I apologised (which was something I shouldn't have to do), they retreated more and more.

If people behave in such a manner then they were never friends anyway, and probably wanted something form you (support or whatever) and when it somes to them supporting you, it doesn't happen...

Hon not all people are like this, and those who are real friends show it quickly and easily...offering and backing up with any suport they can give...So don't give up, as there are real people out there, and they will befriend you for who you are not typify you for a brain disease that yu have no control over...

(((((HUGS))))) hon...:hug:

Thank you all for your kind words and personal sharing. I do agree it is a hard thing to have to experience and I feel lonely someof the time. I just can not understand where peoples hearts are. But I quess that is the difference between many people.

I also think of those who find it hard to be my friend whether family or a friend. How much they tend to take for grated then when somethnigs hits close to home they find it real hard.

So I just have to hold us all who deal with a disability, handicap or chronic condition like Epilepsy that we will be the ones who help those down the road from our life experience.

Thank you all for being here and being kind. Need that in this world.
Blessings of Peace, Cedar

((((((((((((Cedar)))))))))))))).

I agree completely with Rhiannon's post. It's sad and appalling how much ignorance is still out there. I personally think EFA still needs to do something about this, and as much as churches preach "love thy neighbor," many of them seem clueless about true support and unconditional love.

The best thing you can do is to continue to be yourself and educate people around you. My own parents would have nothing to do with my trying to talk about my epi for over 20 years--until a reaction to Tegretol nearly ended my life. :( Then I forced them to listen, and today, they'll both tell you they're glad I did. :)

Surround yourself with supportive people--whether online or in your "real" daily life, and preferably both. There are compassionate people out there. Join a local epi support group. You'll be able to meet others who, just as we do, know what it's like to live with epi and deal not only with szs but all the effects of treatment. :rolleyes: Attending the meetings regularly may even help you with sz control. :)


(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))), and good luck!

LIZARD :)

Rejection
 

I went through the same thing. It was called mental illness or that I was crazy. My friends did not want to be around me because they were afraid I would have a seizure when I was with them. Even though I explained about my type of seizure they avoided me.
I was so sad and depressed by it, but finally moved away, got started in my own business and made new friends. Now that I am disabled and unable to work, I am all alone again, but have been going to church where the few friends I have left go, and as a result I have made new friends.
My heart goes out to you and I will keep you in my prayers. Also count me as a new on-line friend. :):hug:

I hear what your going through. I've had epilepsy since I was 1 and everything was going good till I had 2 seizures when I was in high school then I started seeing people fade out of my friendship with no reason. Then I was diagnosed with a neuromuscular disease a few years ago and almost everyone dropped out of site. They seem to get scared because they don't know what to do if anything happens (I think anyways) but if a person tries to tell them about it and what to do, they have selective hearing. The few true friends I have they always ask me how my day is going or how I'm doing, they don't ask me about my health ( don't like getting asked about my health because thats all people will talk about). The new friends I make, I tell them up front about everything, if they can't cope with it best of luck to them. I'd rather have the few true friends rather than have lots of friends acting to be my friend.

Friendship is reaching for a hand there by touching a heart :winky:

Well thanks everyone for your understanding and compassion. I think with the holidays it is even more difficult, yet I am trying to just realize how lucky I ma to have a partner who truly appreciates me for woh I am not what I have for a health issue.
It would be nice to have friends who can truly value friendship with their hearts not base it on fear and ones health challenges are. For some of us do amazingly well with epilepsy as it gives us an inner strength and compassion to give and care for others no matter what. So for that I am grateful!

For those who are feeling lonely and can not find a person to share their life with. I am thinking of you and truly sorry you are not able to find that loving and caring person. As we all deserve that no matter what!!

I do hope all of you can have a peaceful and Happy holiday. As well as a Healthy new year will all your dreams coming true. Think of each of you !
Blessings of Peace, Cedar