Falling out of love...
 

... with life. I'm not sure if it's the inevitable coming down from my wild adventure or knowing it was the last one. Maybe it's just the incredible boredom of having to rest and the admission to myself that there is no other option right now.

Barely being able to type or put clothes on isn't helping, and these legs are gaining 40lbs. a day. In some respects it is as if I've done everything I set out to do and maybe I'm just finished with everything.

It's not "holiday blues", I can't wait till it's over. Weather could be part of it, or that I feel like I need a nap right now but I'd rather go get a back massage but I'm too lazy to get into the shower, AND wash, AND shave, AND get out, AND dry off, AND get dressed AND put shoes on. Now I'm tired just thinking about it.

Maybe it's raging hormones.:rolleyes:

Or, maybe, just maybe, I really am sick of this life.

I am so glad you posted this mini rant, Cindy, 'cause I feel the same exact way. Blahhhhhhhh!!

I came here earlier and read all your posts, had a good laugh and had absolutely nothing constructive or even funny to say.:(

Nothing is the same, in my life, anymore. I am older than you, Cindy, but in my heart, I'm still 35 and raring to go. My body says, "you idiot...you're 65 and climbing...you have MS and your soul-mate died....Your life, for most intents and purposes is OVER" !!

I guess I should consider myself lucky that I had a good life, while it lasted, but dangit, I'm not done yet.:mad: I need to conjure up something to make me feel like an active member of this world again.

Don't say 'GET A HOBBY' or 'JOIN A GROUP OF OTHER LOSERS' or I will SMACK YOU!!!:p

It's ALL ABOUT ME!!!:D

Sorry Cinders for the hijack, but if it's any consulation, you are NOT ALONE!!

:hug:

Hardly a hijack, Sal. I only know that I feel like I'm wasting space and air a lot of the time.

I'm 45 and if once 25 yrs. ago, someone had tried to tell me that this would be all there would be left, I'm not sure how hard I'd have worked at things, you know?

I think I'm just all used up.

I will never tell you that you need a hobby or lay a lot of trite platitudes at your feet. You wouldn't feel them anyway.;)

I'm irritated and completely sick of this ship and I'm ready to dive off, but it's too much work to change into my swimsuit.

My words to both of us...."Get over it......God doesn't want us yet....we still have miles to 'creep' and promises to keep".:D:p

Oh, just shove it, Sal.:Poke:

:Wave-Hello:...Bending over...:hit-safe:

Right there. Can't think of anything else to add to either one of your posts.

How do I add to this? Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. I would miss your thoughtful posts terribly. When life went to hell in a handbasket for my mom, she started to think that maybe there was a purpose in her life to help people around her. She still gets depressed and cranky but she also realizes that she can help. I think you do that really well. (the helping, not the cranky part ;) )

If you will remember back to the peeps thread with your niece, was it? That's the first thread that ever caused me spontaneous nasal reflux.

You might feel like checking out, but I would bet that there are many things in store for you still.....

AMN,

Greta speaks the truth. You enrich many, many lives just by being you. I hope you can get past this feeling, hope it's just a letdown feeling after all the excitement that will level off and pass. You are one special chickie and you need to remember that. You have too much to offer to even think of yourself as less than fabulous. You eminate fabulousness, and don't forget it. :hug:

Aw, thanks, you guys. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal or anything. I'm not even sad. I'm just sick of this junk in a big way. I'm irritated by this bloody disease and the fact that it's following me around like a shark, always right behind me, nipping off one chunk of my life at a time.

Besides, I'm much too tired to do anything about it now.

Yeah, what they said. And Greta has Yodda to back her up...don't mess with Yodda. ;)

I have a feeling, tomorrow is going to be better for all of us.....If not, I will be pi$$ed again.

Quit telling yourself this is your last trip, Cindy. Maybe it's not. I still believe in miracles.:rolleyes:

:hug:

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling right now, Cindy.

I have gone through many trials and tribulations in my life. Sometimes the difficulties lasted only a few days a month, others for several weeks, and there were times that even lasted a few years.

In fact, it seems the more often I experience hard times and disappointment, the easier it seems to get through it the next time. Then again, maybe that's only because I've always gone for counselling when it dragged out too long. :cool:

I always try to tell myself "this is only a moment in time" and "there's a reason ...". Keeping that faith has helped get me through some pretty difficult periods too.

"What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger".

You are just getting stronger, that's all. :)

Cherie

Hey Cindy, Let's take off to some exotic Isand where they will wait on us hand and foot. A full body massage whenever our bodies call for it. Just dream that we are 100 % again in mind and body. DREAM DREAM I understand how you are feeling. This past week my body has just been on the downward plunge. I have just been crying about everything and nothing and have no desire to get ready for the holiday. The body pains and things I can't do just makes me want to disappear. I actually have even been pushing the puppy aside and not want to do anything with her. I know I have to snap out of it. The loneliness without the love of my life is really getting to me this time. They say time heals well I don't know what it heals because it seems to be getting worse then better. I am just going to have to get my faith back strong again and get on with life with whatever it has for me. As they say (I AM WOMEN AND I AM STRONG) Keep in there Cindy we will make it. HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE Joyce: :grouphug:

I hear you Joyce on missing your soul-mate....Me Too. If it weren't for Paxil, I probably wouldn't have made it through the last few years. This time of year always brings it all back. It was the day after Christmas that he took himself to the hospital, never to return home.:(

Maybe you could use a little AD help. Ask your Doc about it.:hug:

OK, so, Cindylouwho, how is it today?

I kinda forced myself to have a better 'tude today, upon awakening. It almost worked...LOL!:p I think I need some sunshine. It's been rainy and yucky here this past week. I haven't seen the sun in weeks.:mad:

I'm a little less p***ed and a dash more resigned, but not exactly happy as a lark, yet.

Have a nice day with your Dad and Brother, tomorrow. Eat and Drink and be Merry, dammit..:D

feelings......
 

Hi guys.....
I NEED you guys and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels like this. :o
I also have felt like that in the past for one reason or fifty others. I wish I could be there with you to act my goofy self and at least make you smile.:D
I'm VERY good at acting like a goof!!
You are new friends who are necessary. You know???
I said this someplace on here, years ago a Rural Carrier once said to me on a day after a holiday and the mail was armpit deep,,,
***Another day....another way***.....
Clarification: On Mondays & after holidays,,,we take out the periodicals and first class mail, but we have 2 days to get the bulk business mail (commonly known as "junk mail") cleaned up and delivered.
This is what I say to myself when things are deep deep in the pits.
Believe me, this saying, weird as it is, has gotten me through many, many days, weeks, etc.... And still does.
However, feel free to rant and rave, throw things, or give the tv or wall or other people the rasberrys.
I will read, and then try to give comfort or make you smile or outright laugh.
:grouphug: Geri

Just another day here, too. It's cold, rainy and trying to snow. We're expecting 1-3 inches by midnight.:mad: The ground isn't frozen so it will melt off, I'm sure.

I don't think I have such a bad attitude, I'm just sick of things. Oh, Sal, about the trip thing, I have decided that it's just not worth the effort and money anymore. I will still go to see friends and such within a few hours of home, but national exploration is officially closed for business. That little jaunt was very difficult at times and I now choose not to put the effort into it.

I have to go to a movie today, it's important to me to contribute to the opening day ticket sales, my niece is one of the background vocalists and the more it makes, the more she makes. I'm excited for her.

Hey, Geri, you're actually willing to risk getting bloodied and bruised by coming within our reach? Wow, such commitment! ;)

As a postal person, you may appreciate this (or hate it); I save all business reply envelopes from junk mail and my neighbor kids put messages in them and mail them out. If they can afford to waste their money making me haul more crap to the curb, they can afford to amuse us by sponsoring our effort to make a few lackeys laugh.

Hi, hope you are feeling better...
I suspect quite a few people return those bus. reply enve. empty or with something in them. I have no idea what those companies think about that, but so far....WE HAVEN't GOTTEN A MEMO ON IT!! EVerything else it seems. :rolleyes:
Take care.
Hi Beth if you are on here!1:)

I don't know what thread it was in, but I want to thank Nappy for posting about it.

I had to go do some last minute errands before we head off for the mountains in the morning and I found a percussion massager. Nappy mentioned it in a post a while back and I have been having so much trouble with my feet cramping at night that I bought it. It's my gift to me! And oh boy! Do I need it!

I had a massage this morning and my massage therapist couldn't believe how knotted up my calves and hamstrings are. Gee, I could have told her that!

Anyway, I just wanted to thank Nappy for that...:Thanx:

Remember Nappy....You are a very important person to all of us!

Remember you are still coming off of a big tour! You need more time. We just don't bounce back from things like normal people!:p

They shutter at work when I go on vacation because they know I always come back sick from it!:D (sick, in the hospital, you name it)

And so what if you can't go running around the country side?

I can see it now.................... We will get the Convention Room at the Cabela's closest to you....we will all arrive in pink Nappy shirts and pj bottoms.....we will have a special booth for you and okay one for CBK for autographs. It will be great!

Your Cabela's does have a Convention Room and Restaurant right?

Duck and run, Daffy....:eek:

(Deer in head light look) Huh? What did I do? I didn't do anything! It's all good! Geez! Just giving helpful ideas that's all. (shaking) I'm not scared or nothing!

Don't be paranoid! Sheesh.

*booking Cabela's banquet hall*

It's a great idea.

*visiting weapons section*

Sir? Does this bow come with a silencer? Does it make DM's butt look big?

See FG...It's a good idea ( blowing raspberries) nothing to be scared about! Ha!

Uh! Nappy? Why do you need a bow with a silencer by the way :eek: and yes, it does make DM's butt look big. So...you don't want that one!

(good thing I have camo clothes)

AMN & Geri
 

Cindy, hope it's not too late to chime in, too bad if it is. I'm glad you are here. I so look forward to seeing what creative mischief has been posted by you. What quick witicism or turn of a phrase AMN has graced us with today.

Hope you're feeling better since your first post. I hope you aren't out of your pj's yet. Give yourself time. As my Dad says, we've got more time then money.

:hug: :hug:


P.S. :Wave-Hello: Geri

Boy, can I identify with this thread. Fed up, life over, waste of space, would do more good topping self and donating organs :rolleyes: (but who would want them?) - life is a perpetual 'challenge' and I for one am k-nackered. If it weren't for familial obligations I would use that one way ticket to the moon (give the term space cadet a whole new meaning :eek:). Life sucks, so you either suck it back or send it to hell in a handbasket - lose/lose or win/win situation. Go figure...:rolleyes:

Hi AGR..:Wave-Hello: Love your picture. It kinda shows how you feel...LOL.

Hang in there, babe...we're all in the same sinking canoe.:Sinking:, trying to keep each other afloat.

Hugs.. :grouphug:

Hey, AGR,

It's just one of those things, huh? Last year, I called it "apathetic pablum" and it seems the same these days.

My life isn't over (duh, I'm posting this), but sometimes it seems like this just isn't my life.

Hang on, this branch has been holding us all for a good while and it hasn't broken yet.



*squirting WD-40 between Tappy's fingers*

Sall you are right------we are on a sinking boat don't know to go down with it or fight to stay on top. Today I was supposed to go to a 75th birthday party with my daughter and son-in-law but the pains I had today and the emotional drained body I couldn't go. Now I am wondering which is worse going feeling they way I did or being home alone and really feeling like the bottom has fell out. I just don't know what to do anymore. ---------Joyce-----------:girl(sad):

What's going on, Joyce? Sometimes reality gets the big piece of pie, so kick it in the shin under the table. You'll feel better (well, I might).;)

Thanks Cindy for your pep advice. I don't know what is wrong with me. I have never felt this bad before. It probably is a combination of so many things this year. I know I have to snap out of it. I keep trying to think of all the good things but it is not helping as much as I would like it to. I really don't have someone to talk to they way I need to. I think I have said more since I found this group. I just hope all of you don't get tired of my trying to express my feelings and all the health prolems. It is not only MS but I have fibro, heart, COPD, arthritis in the joints,GERD Bad, who knows what else may show up. I just need a complete new body makeover. Thanks for listening. ----------Joyce------- :hug:

Joyce

I sympathize with your struggles and it looks like you've got a bunch. The gang and I are here, so vent or rant or whatever you need to do. Just don't keep the struggle within. Don't ya know it's better to share! :wink:

:hug:

Are you still on a drug holiday, Cindy? Did you go of just the DMD, or all medication? Do you feel there have been any changes; good or bad?

Cherie

Yep, I quit Copaxone on July 1 and haven't noticed a single thing other than not having to poke myself. I graduated to SP and my neuro doesn't disagree with stopping the C. We're in battle with my ins. to get Ty and/or LDN. Who knows how that will end?

Um, Nappy?

It's about time for the call to the state insurance commissioner. This has gone on far too long! You qualify for the drug, you pay your premiums, what more do they expect???

Want me to come and fight with them? I am justa spoilin' for a brawl with someone in the insurance business right about now!!

Hey!! On a better note? It was sooo much fun to talk to you while Yabbit and I were endlessly waiting for Flygirl and MBSews and Twink to get back from their Boston adventure! One can only look at another friend's husband's backside for so long yanno...LOL!! ( Mary's DH was on a ladder on their front stairs fixing some siding above their front door, trying to beat the storm!)

How in blazes did I miss this thread??? Wha?? Huh??

OK AMN~ I figure as long as your'e still harrassing me, your'e OK! That IS your mission is life, right?? And NO, the weapons at Cabela's DO NOT make DM's butt look big. Chocolate does that for me.

Now, let's talk about me!! Ho hum~ :Scratch-Head::icon_rolleyes:

Yes, let's.

Yer a dingbat.

Why, that's the nicest thing you've ever said about me!

*dabbing eyes*

*wiping nose on AMN'S sleeve* HONK!