Hi, Pamster
 

Dear Pamster,
'Sending out good energy so that whatever you are doing right now brings you good feelings.
M.

Hi Mari,

I hope things are better for you right now, I read a little about how your work friend is doing so rough right now and how you're just not wanting to deal with some stuff, I can really appreciate that feeling. Sometimes even just showeing is more effort then I can muster. :(

Been a rough spread of days, we did see his p-doc and she raised his medication that I knew had to happen and he was doing great until yesterday, he got so agitated and just into so much trouble. He put some duct tape rolled up in a ball into my hair when I wasn't expecting it so I ended up losing some hair unfortunately. He was angry we wouldn't give him any sugar free ice cream, needless to say we won't be buying it anymore.

He made a huge mess in the bedroom, mom brought over a bag of clothes someone from work gave her and he fit into about half of them, but obsessed on the other half and unfolded them after we'd folded them all twice. I get so exhausted with this kid, no one should have to live like this with such chaos in their live, but doing it with BP II on top of his DX? Ugh, I am really ready to just give in and send him packing to a group home and move out of this nice place and just exist somewhere in peace.

But the kicker is there are no group homes in our area that will take him. I just hate this situation. He broke a vase from my childhood last week along with a keepsake mom had bought in Mexico twenty years ago...I just hate that my stuff can't sit in tubs and be LEFT ALONE, I have NO possessions that are safe...so I have had a real sad week. Just hate sharing sad and depressing stuff, but that's what's happening. I wish he could learn to repsect other people's stuff, but I don't see that happening. :(

I hope everyone understands I think about you all every day, I come and read, but I just can't post, I haven't been able to for a couple weeks and I know you all think about me too, so I am sorry if I worried you, but I just hate posting about the sad stuff. :( Take care everyone, I think of you all fondly and wish you lots of luck in your days. :)

Oh pammy,
Yes you are well thought about and thank you for posting.
WE are always here to lend an ear and send good thoughts your way.
Please feel like you can share with us...it sounds like you don't have enough support on your end...so you can lean on us any time.
Is there a support group that you could go to....it would help to share with people in real life these things that you are going thru.
If you did place him in a group home...why couldn't you stay where you are living now?
Wishing things were easier for you...sounds very stressful right now.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

(((Pam)))

Wishing I knew the right words. But sure understand were your coming from.

Please if even its just once a week post what you need too. We need to hear from you.

Donna

Okay I will work on posting more, it's just so hard right now with things going so badly. Jackie is really acting out and hurting me, last night he was up at 4 am and after awhile started getting violent and throwing books and shoes. It's just so frustrating. :(

Thanks for the hugs bizi, to answer the question, I'll have to turn over his income to cover his group home living expenses so that will in effect halve our income so I will have to move from here, and Jack has said that he wouldn't want to stay together either WHEN this goes down so I don't know what I will do. If we'd be able to keep this place it would help us be able to bring him home on passes, but I doubt it will work out that way. :(

Anyway, I think he won't be living with us by his birthday next year not with how rough he's acting towards me. :(

(((((((((((((((((((((((((Pamster)))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))

Thinking of you!!!!:)


Hugs, Nikko:hug:

Pamster

I would just take care of yourself. If Jack thinks that he needs to only stay around because Jackie is there then maybe he needs to go now. Hard as that is to say. It honestly to me doesn't sound like he is doing anything to help now.

And I would think it would only help things if he weren't there to add to the stress of the situation. I know I really don't know the situation but I don't like to hear this kind of thing.

I really hope things get to going better. But I also know many situations were there are lots doing some of the same things your talking about.

Donna

halving your house hold income would changes things a greatr deal....perhaps you have an aqaintance to lease out a room????
I hope that things work for you....the "gods" have been coming thru in other areas....keep that positive energy flowing.
(((HUGS))))
bizi:grouphug:

Dear Pam,
Post when you want. No more.

But know that we are ok with you, issues and all.
And you can post no matter where you are in your head/moods. It's all ok.

You have a lot going on. You are coping well and you have good planning and decision making skills -- you accomplish stuff that amazes me. You probably even get your bills paid on time ;)

Are you getting chilly-ish weather in your part of FL?
The TV news is promising low humidity for a few days.


M.

Pamster thank goodness there you are!
 

i'm so sorry things have got this bad with Jackie and your whole world sounds shaky. i don't know what advice to give but sending you my bestest wishes that things might improve. I almost dare not ask but... are you able to write? I mean write-write, not post, you know? When i can't post i often can't write either but sometimes i can, then it helps.
i go through this. sometimes i even go through where i can't read anything too. i understand. but it might help to post it. i hear many people not want to post the negative stuff. but we can learn from it just as much as rah-rah-rah stuff. so vent if you feel the need. and the energy. can learn from you too. and despite your situation and medical condition ... you always seem to carry a resilience with you. i hope you can feel that.

Btw, is the Paxil helping better now?

:hug:

~ waves ~ glad to see a snow-man, was very worried when you were using the mummy and in fact not responding to zilch :o in older Brit slang "keeping mum" meant holding silence.

Hi waves!

Nope can't really write, I do this thing called a Flash Fiction Challenge at the writer's board I go to on Sunday's but I can't always come up with something to write about. Anyway, it does feel like things are falling apart, but I know that when one door closes others open. I just need to get through the rough points to get to the good points ahead. I have been kinda weepy about things, so when my counselor suggested upping the Paxil I went for it because it is helping. I still feel like this isn't the end of the world, because I know it's been coming for awhile.

See he came at me with a screwdriver Sunday and tried to stab at my arm, he could really hurt me or worse and that isn't good for him either. So it's time, I knwo it, I just think that it's a shame that things have come to this already, I had hoped we'd have more time, but I don't think it's going to work out that way. We're going to cross taper him onto risperdal and off abilify soon, but I don't think that will be enough, it's like too little too late, you know? He's a great kid, but he needs a fresh start now with new people who he can get what he needs from.

I expect that things will be hard on us all at first, but in the end things have to happen now before things get really bad, I mean he's been so hard to deal with as it is, this new escallation is really scary. I don't want to worry you all, but I am pretty scared he's going to try it again but with something worse. I just don't think that it's going to be easy doing this, but again it has to happen. I have put all the knives up but even so he has gone back to hurting my with hitting, kicking and throwing things again so I am really tired of defending myself you know? *Sigh* It's just not a good time right now. But I am okay and will deal with it and all that comes with it as it comes.

Dear Pam,
I am so sorry to hear that you and your family are going through this.
M

I am thinking about you. I am so sorry Jackie is struggling.

I am even more sorry about the pain and anguish you are going through right now.

My nephew has Aspergers, and has it easier (I guess :eek:) than Jackie. But it's still really hard. He has rages too, and he's 20 now. But he lives at home, and my sister feels blessed she can keep him. I think she would be able to share in your fear and pain right now, honey.

You have my love and support.

Pam

If at some point you would be able to write your story about how it came to the point that you made the decision that Jackie would be better off in a group home. Meaning the things that lead to it, how bad its gotten, how things need to change, how its not happened fast enough.

These are all things that would help other parents with autistic children.

And you could include other things too.

I have often thought reading your post, that you really need to tell
the story of Jackie. So others that are headed down this path
can see were they need to make changes so maybe they can
get help faster. And keep from having to make this move your having
to make so fast.

I am sending you prayers, love, and I personally know in my heart that
your doing the best thing for Jackie.

Donna:grouphug:

Thanks Mari, Mrs. Bear & Donna, I can't tell you how much it means to have the support of my friends. :)

I am going to write about it, it's just not time yet. After I have him in a home and things are stable I think I will be able to breathe life into a moving story about our lives and how things fell apart and do so objectively without being over dramatic or anything. So I do plan on it. I just don't think it will be for awhile. The last hope we have is that the risperdal we're cross tapering him onto (off abilify which is no longer helping) that it will help his aggressive impulses. I emailed his pdoc and she agreed and called it in for me to start tomorrow.

Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts, I will post more when we have some idea of whether or not the risperdal is helping. :)

I have heard good things about risperdal.

I too want to say how sorry I am.
YOu sound miserable and very scared.
I hope that you have some results real soon from this new med.
You deserve a break in all of this.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Good luck with the risperdal

Donna

So far so good, I'll keep you all posted on how it goes, he got up at 4:30 am this morning and I gave him his risperdal at 5 and by 6 he was back in bed, I hope that it doesn't make him too tired when he's had enough sleep, only time will tell, but he got up on time and was in a good mood with no violence this morning when the alarm went off. I am keeping my fingers crossed that this cross taper does the trick. :)

Good Pam

Hoping this continues to help.

Donna

wow kpamster...I hope it helps!
Keeping fingers and toes crossed for you.
(((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
bizi:grouphug:

Well I think its safe to say the risperdal isn't having the effect I had hoped. He's been hurting me again today, kicked me in my stump even, he shoved me last night and I nearly slipped on the wet bathroom floor and fell....I've had enough, time to find a home where he'll be safe and I can live on in peace. Sure it will be hard as anything when this first goes down, but I can't take anymore abuse from this kid...He's going to hurt me if I don't DO this soon. I am sitting here crying about it because my cheek hurts from where a toy he threw at me hit me. That and my ear where he threw another one and it hit me hard. :(

Pam

You need to make the calls to get him into a placement tomorrow.

Please take care of yourself. I'm getting very worried about you.

I don't know if there is a possibility of maybe respite services in
a temporary away care. But I would look into that too, until the
resperdahal has had a chance to be in his system enough.

I really have been hoping you are okay.

Get some help for you all tomorrow please.

Donna

Thanks Donna, I am okay, but that is a relative thing, my heart is breaking but I know it's come down to this, he can't go on doing things like that. *sigh* But honestly things have just gone too far, and he isn't showing signs of getting any better. :( So now I just have to do what I have to do to get him placed. :(

((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))
bizi:(

Well I wanted to share that the dr upped his risperdal again and we go see her tuesday when I expect her to increase it one more time because he is still showing signs of aggression here at home. The only way he's going to stay in this home is to stop hurting me and so far he's still doing it. Gets behind me and throws his arms around my neck and almost chokes me. Hitting and kicking still.

I am trying to be strong, but it's really hard. :(

Pam

You sound like you need to find some more aides for him.

And to put some more protections for yourself in place.

I hope you stay safe.

Donna

Oh pamster,
I really feel sorry for you....Do you think this agression is from puberty, hormones?....
sounds awful
I don't know how you keep up with his abuse....
I am so sorry.
(((((HUGS))))
bizi

Hi Pammy :Heart:

I am so sad for you... you really are getting abused and dangerously so...

"I nearly slipped on the wet bathroom floor and fell" ... well, thank goodness you're still here. and you say "he'll be safe and I can live on in peace" as a mommy i guess first thing you think of his safety but you know i really worry for YOUR safety!

well.... good luck with the risperdal increase. I do wonder if you can something be done to protect you while you are giving that a try? it seems strange to think of a child as having so much physical power, yet he does, and you need protection. he doesn't know any better and cannot protect you from himself.

I agree with your decision to have him placed... any sort of increase in care where his physical containment is possible. you canNOT risk getting kersplatted on a bathroom floor from one minute to the next. kersplat no good.

hang in there. :hug:

~ waves ~

just wanted to post that the increase (up to 3 .25 tablets a day) is making him a little easier to deal with, but he's still being aggressive. I don't know how much more we can take. But we go see the dr again tuesday and I expect another increase in the risperdal. He's almost off the abilify now too. Last dose is Saturday. I defnitely think the abilify stopped working a long time ago, and I just wish the dr would have listened to me sooner and done both of these things (increase the clonidine and cross taper onto risperdal) sooner and maybe he would never have come at me like he did.

He was in his school 'play' today, they did a song from Peter Pan and he was awesome! So that's encouraging, people are pleased with his progress and all he's had have been good days since we increased the Clonidine a few weeks ago. So who knows? I doubt seriously that we would be able to get him on the waiting list and placed this coming year since there are a lot of other severe cases going on out here in Florida and the list is for ALL of florida and the state has cut the program to the bare bones.

I have been putting off getting new glasses for months, and I need to get it done before the end of the year because you never know with medicaid, they might totally stop paying for glasses again this coming year. If they even still cover glasses now, who knows? *sigh* I need to get it done though because I have paranioa about the pair I've got, like Jackie might break them, he's knocked them off my face numerous times with hugging me too briskly and I could easily see them breaking. I am going to look into making an appt today. I just have to. :)

Thanks for the emotional support everyone, I really appreciate it right now. Good to see you waves. *hug*

Hoping that appointment got made.

Sending you hugs.

Donna

Yup, sure did for next wednesday. I had to wait on the bug guy today or I would have gone right in. :) BUt Jackie was pretty good tonight and had a great day at school too. Things might work out better in the near future, I sure hope so, because the way it was going I really didn't and still worry about safety. But he's doing much better now. I'll keep in touch, but it's going to be a busy weekend. :)

I am glad he was awesome in the play Pamster.:)
Hope your hubby helps you in all of this.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Hi, Pam,
'Letting you know that I am here and listening.
I wish that I could help more.
M.

cool
 

I'm glad things sound to have taken a turn for the better! and that's great about Jackie doing well in the play, that must have made you proud! :)

Keep yourself safe, and keep us posted!

http://bestsmileys.com/hugging/5.gif

~ waves ~

Thanks everyone, I have been feeling a little better about him since the play, he hasn't been overly agressive since before that. I am taking him to his p-doc today and expect that he will get another increase on the risperdal because I am still seeing agression, just not on the same scale as we were. I want to help him as much as possible and I think getting him up to 1 mg of risperdal will be better for him in the long run then leaving it as it is at .75 where he's still struggling with impulse control. I'll post more when we get back assuming I can. He's been a handful with Christmas coming. Anyway, I have to run! Bus is coming for us in less then an hour and I am still waking up. :)

Oh, Pam,
It is great to hear from you.
I hope that your day goes well.
M.

waiting
 

waiting... to hear back from you.

good to hear about the improvement, risperdal sounds hopeful anyway.

let us know how the appt goes.

It went okay, he's gained weight, and came home and was really bad. *Sigh* I just can't stand much more. :(

'Glad you are back safe and sound. I can see how a big-ish trip would take a toll on him. I hope he settles down again.
M.

Pam

Sending you some hugs.

Wishing I could do more

Donna