Movin' on
 

"There is a voice that has no name. It comes with evening or behind the rain. I have no time now to stop and explain, I just keep movin' 'cuz it helps to ease the pain."

That is a song lyric, I have no idea who wrote it or where it came from, I learned it in 7th grade choir and have never heard it since. I have never forgotten it in all these years.

I'm feeling a little reflective and little bit liberated today. I just want to tell you about my friend, Sharon. Almost 20 years of friendship and we are still golden and true blue. We don't talk or see one another more than about once a month. We are very close personally, but don't stay so connected as we do with our other friends. We're cool with it.

This morning, Sharon called to declare that it's time to plan my birthday celebration. Our tradition has been to skip the actual date and plug our party into an ordinary day. We decided on spa time in January for mine this year.

We talked awhile about all sorts of things and I was again reminded of how much I've appreciated her friendship all these years. It's really something.

After we hung up, I thought a long time about my personal investments in friendships. Some are much too high, along with my expectations for them. My heart reached a place today where I can finally release that depth of emotional dependence on some, and revitalize several stable and time-tested relationships. In essence, I feel peaceful about rebuilding my walls of guarded protection and will not let them fall again. It is a little sad, but necessary and liberating.

I call it social housekeeping and it must be done, I need it.;)

I hear you, Cindy and good for you. I envy you, because I don't really have any friends anymore.

My Best Friend Lissa doesn't call or drop in anymore. She lives less than a mile away and I haven't seen her in, at least, a year.:( We have been friends since the fourth grade. :eek: Her Kids (all grown now) call me Aunt Sally.

She E-mails stupid stuff to me and that's her extent of communication, lately. I'm pi$$ed by her actions, but what can I do?

Let's face it, I'm not much of a friend to anyone now and, I guess, no fun. I can't just jump up and go anymore and she is always on the go...never home and never returns my calls.

I have lost touch, completely with all my, what I call, fair weather friends. 'cause its not fair weather anymore in my house.:rolleyes: . I have another friend (with MS) I've known for about 15 yrs, and we used to have such fun, when we were both still active. We talk once a month and e-mail (mostly me), but even she doesn't have time for me.

It must be my fault. Maybe I don't call often enough, but I hate to pester or be too needy. I just want to be a friend again and not someone people feel they have to call or check on.

You have the right idea, Cindy, I just don't know how to fix it.:confused:

I'm right there with you Sally. I know how lonely it feels. My friends consist of the people I talk with on the forums and emails.

I'm your friend Sally and I really like that. :hug:

ME TOO, CRAIG!!:) THANKS.

Relax, dingbat, I know that I'm stuck with you.:eek: And us cyber people are a posse, we'll stick together through thick and thin.

My thing is that, at times, I practically torture myself over some of my friendships and there is just no reason. I need to let go of that stuff, the only one it hurts is me. My expectations tend to be unrealistic sometimes and then I go all cattywampus.

The other thing about this is that I'm in the detestable habit of making myself too vulnerable to being used. A good example is a friend/neighbor... scratch that... a neighbor with whom I have a fond and successful acquaintance. It finally struck me, after way too long, that the only time I hear from her is when she wants something from me. I enjoy her company very much but will no longer be accommodating her whims. It's that simple, I need to reconnoiter, regroup, and rebuild. I was safe and protected for a long time. I have let my guard down lately and it isn't right for me.

I'm even feeling guilty for not making my annual visit to some friends this winter. The reality is that I can't manage in their split-level home. It's not my fault! It's theirs. If they'd had the decency to buy a home where I could operate, we wouldn't be having this problem now, would we?:mf_argue:

This is a personal survival mechanism for me. It's just easier, the hard part is letting go of the emotional dependency. I need my old self to get back on duty.:Security:

I'm not sure what to say either, Sal. Friendships can be skittish things. My niece and I were talking about this stuff the other night, she was lamenting some changes in her own friendships. She then quoted to me something I had apparently once told her, "Time culls friendships". Yikes, practically prophetic.

We all change, grow, advance, develop new interests, add new people, etc. all our lives. There isn't really room to lay blame on anyone, it kind of just happens. Sal, are there what I call "Christmas Card Friends" out there? Ones you could enjoy a reacquainted, catch-up kind of relationship? Maybe look up old school mates, I just had lunch in August with a gal I hadn't seen since high school and we had a blast. We now email a few times a month. It's fun.

givers and takers.
some of us are born givers. we attract the takers. if the time comes that we need to be given to...well..the takers just back off or disapear.

not just health problems cause this.

my dearest friend went *poof.

i was there for her when her husband left her. he has pd.(dx age 40) he decided that he wanted to find his first love before it was to late. :rolleyes: she came for holidays. i changed up some traditions, becasue i knew she needed me. changed my workout times..my work schedule to be there for her.

then when my grandson was abandoned and i started raising him...*poof she was gone. when i need the support and friendship...the taker couldn't give.

i think the best friendships are made up of the givers. sometimes we have a hard time recieving...even in the worst of times. but with your group of giver friends...you don't have to have a wall up. we understand.

so cindy..yep..be leary...be on your guard..but keep being you...and hand over the chocolate! :p

Aw, Yappy, I shant abandon who I am, it cannot be done. Here, eat this and don't ask for more, I got nothin' left to give!;)

Well, if nobody wants the chocolate??? I'll take it!! :icecream:

http://i79.photobucket.com/albums/j1...-scratch-1.gif

YUM. that was great. but not good for the figure. :wink:

get your own dm. cin was bribing the yappy mod. :D

<---monkey throws sumpin' at dm

Hello "Friends",
After reading this thread, a thought came to me. When I left the UK, I left many of my friends who I had grown up with. We all went to school together, played together, and grew as adults together. When I left, I had no idea I was going to find a man over in the states who I would want to share the rest of my life with. I truly thought I would be back in the UK one day with my family and friends, but sometimes things don't work out like you pictured them to.

I've made many new friends over here (including ALL of you), but I continue to maintain my friendships with many folks at home. A friend lives in your heart. You share memories (good and bad) with them that nobody else can understand. Sometimes you don't hear from a friend for a long time, but when you do it's as if you never left. So, when your hearts are aching for a friend, I suggest you sit down and dash off a note to an old friend and remind them of the old times you've shared. As I mentioned above, nobody can share those memories with you-only that friend. You'll be surprized at how many healthy people are feeling the same way we are in this thread.

A friend is simply this....SOMEONE WHO LIVES IN YOUR HEART AND LOVES YOU KNOW MATTER WHAT!:)

Thank you my friends,:hug:
Chris

Why curious I think you look down right purty... Sally your a sweetheart,
pretty inside and out. Cindy,you are a giver,look what you did for yappys
figure. Daisymae,now stop your crying,and eat some chocolate,AND
wow someone tell me who that handsome gent is,geez Sal,I think
he just might be more handsome then TS!!! Hot Dang!! Hugs to all Sue

Daisy? (munching on some of the chocolates) What do you think that wall is made out of?

I bet you could ram it.

Here. I will hold the chocolates for you while you try!:D

Help me out a minute, Takky, I think dm can ram that wall!

*grabbing dm, forming a ramrod*

ah 1, ah 2, ah...




Chris You are so right. My whole life I have treated friendships as a most precious gift; that is what all the people have been to me. Sometimes we drift, but it only takes a nanosecond to pull us back together. We each have a responsibility to generate those nanoseconds!

Hi everyone just caught up reading all the posts. Everyone is right in their own way. I have lost friends because of death, or moving away. Also because we just drifted apart. I am guilty of not keeping the friendship going. If they stopped calling or coming around I just figured they didn't care anymore. Things really changed when I got sick. I couldn't go places anymore like I did, didn't have the parties we used to have. My husband and I always had something going at our house. Things stopped and that is when you find out who your friends really are. Now with the passing of my husband I really don't have that many friends. My true friend now is my puppy SAGE. She is so devoted just in the short time I have had her. I feel I have made so many friends among all of you. Since I found this space. You have helped me feel that you care and are really interested in what I have to say. Even if it is really nothing but just venting about my life. I hope you feel that I am a new friend. Even though it is cyper space. Take care. ------Joyce-----:grouphug: I still don't know how to use this computer. That is why my messages are all put together.

I don't know a bunch either, but if you hit your Enter key after a paragraph 2 times, you will start a new paragraph.

My bill is in the mail..:D

:hug:

I hope I can afford this service. I will try your advice. It takes awhile for this old brain to soak in everything.

HEY!! Did one of you guys call my best friend, Lissa, and tell her I was POed at her? Well she called this afternoon and wanted to know what kind of Christmas goodies I wanted this year. She's baking.

Then this evening she and her DD dropped by with some cookies, she had baked. She'll be back with the spinach pies (a Lebanese delecacy), when they're baked.Yummmmmm!

Ok, My Friend still loves me...WooHoo!!:D

Methinks thine heart called out in the night,
Heard by Him who can make things right.

Her heart was listening, it must be true,
God shined upon Lissa and smiled upon you.:)

WAIT!!! *checking famous trunk for ramrod helmet. Ahhh.. here it is.

Toffy?? Call my chiro, I'll take a morning appt.


*picking up what the monkey threw at me... smelling it and winging it back at the aped one*.

Nobody takes advantage of DM...

OK AMN~~ I'll be ready just as soon as I give my new hairdo another spray of Aquanet!

This ain't gonna hurt MUCH is it????


Hey Sal~ How cool is that? I am loving your post. Makes me have a little more faith in people and maybe just the Spirit of the Holiday Season.

*dabbing eyes* Were the cookies GOOD??? YUMMO~

:ROTFLMAO::ROTFLMAO::ROTFLMAO::ROTFLMAO::ROTFLMAO::ROTFLMAO::ROTFLMAO::ROTFLMAO:

It's too early for a lucid moment!!!:D

So, now why does DM need a helmet?

(hoping it will knock some sense into that senseless little brain)

:Sob::Sob::Sob:Thanks Nappers.:hug: