Have you lost your passions ?
 

My passions are not so strong and intense any more. Some are gone,- I use to read much ,new and old literature, classic books several times, always finding something new and exiting ,new experience. Last week I tried to read Doris Lessing ,she got the Nobel Litteraturpris this year, but I had to put it away.

I like to listen to books at my Ipod , but I chose criminals, biographies,
good story's, podcast. Have lost my intense listening to music, difficult to put the finger on what it is, but something is gone.

It is not Ahlsheimer, I remember quit well,- -how do you live with this , I have not told anybody about my loss of interest ,except two of my daughters.
That is enough for them I think.
Do we talk about the Lewy bodys- .

Annelise

Annelise,

I'm sorry to hear this. This sounds like some depression happening. You should speak with your doctor about this!

I was doing the same thing like sleeping more, not doing the things I liked. She gave me some medication to help relieve the depression, and I'm doing much better. I'm not saying this is what you need, so as I've said here talk to your doctor for help.

John

maybe agonists?
 

Annelise -

I lost my interest in reading while taking agonists (both Mirapex then Requip). This is a phenomena also noticed by PD friends of mine who used to be avid readers. Stopping or severely limiting the amount of agonists took care of this problem, and also cleared the "brain fog" associated with agonists. It seems that the agonists can interfere in concentration - so what you are experiencing may not be a lack of interest, but a lack of focus.

Just one of many possibilities. If you are taking an agonist, I would not change dosing without consulting your doctor.

As John suggested, I would not rule out depression as well.

Loss of Passion
 

Dear Vertigo,

I have certainly lost the passions I had when I was in my 30's and 40's. Then I would accept nothing but the best in myself. I play in musical groups, still, but not out of the desire to be the best, but to enjoy making music with others, not being superior to them. I also share my joy of being able to play with the audience by wearing funny hats and such, and talking to them afterwards, espiecially the older folks, to thank them for coming.

My husband and I have not had sex in over a year. It is no longer a marriage based on passion and desire, but on support, commitment, and love. I give him a reason for working and he gives me help in every aspect of my life. We are both aging togeather and laugh about the aches and pains we share. My children are my greatest gift to him. All three of my boys have accepted him in their lives as an important person, which has helped him feel accepted as a Dad.

Yes, many passions have passed into my past, but have been replaced by more deeper and trustworthy pleasures. I wonder at the wonderful father my son has turned out to be. My oldest son has taught me that the struggles he underwent as a child (the school geek everyone picked on) can be overcome (not without suffering) as long as someone in their lives never gives up on them.

There are days my husband gets sick or is too tired when he gets home to talk. I think about how much easier to stop taking from him what he gives. To live alone, decide when to eat, not have to deal with his family, but I for me, I have learned to allow myself to rely on other family members and not always be the one in charge anymore.

Passion was so important in my younger years. It drove me to acheive and be productive. But I am now happy to watch my children have the passion for their families, their jobs, and to make a difference in the world. Their time has come to excel and my time has come to step back and allow them. It is simply the flow of life, not the effects of Parkinson's disease.

Vicky

have I lost my passions?
 

perhaps in the area of sex?
-yet my passions are alive and well... :hug:

Agonists, side effects-.
 

I take Requip 15mg ,Madopar 3tbl. (last month), and Cipralex 10mg for depression (1 year) ,1 sleeping pill every evening. The side effects are listed in this packing, enclosure,- you hope for the best and swallow what you are told.

One side effect I think I had : I used a lot of money on buying things I did not need, clothes ,wrong color ,size, style, things for my kitchen, paintings,:absolutely horrible picture, materials, my plan was to make curtains, dresses.-- I had enough of everything, I gave my sewing machine away 2 years ago, so after a while I started to wonder :what should I do with all this things and why was they in my home? I DID NOT LIKE THE THEM, I put them in the closet and the cellar, special one big picture was trash and ugly. For me it was absolutely stop shopping when I become aware of what I was doing.

Later I have heard about people getting addicted to gambling,- as a side effect, : I had shopping ,using ca 15 000- 20 000 kr, make it $ -,1$ is about7-8 kr.
I have also become new interests, like P.C.-surfing ,reading the papers on the net, writhing mails, writing my personal story about my life , my family can read it if they want when I am gone. New interests is also all this new technical things for science and communication , the future , quante theory,
string theory, it´s so exciting,- I take notes , and wonder --.:mfr_wha:

In Norway we have a little society, " The right of having a worthy death ".
I am a member , my children must sign in on the document as witnesses and
if I can not speak for my self, the health personal must , it is to be hope, do what I wish in the document , it is a support for them : to give me the right care .

I do not think that I am much depressed, only realistic in my situation. Something new is going on in my brain.
Pleace give me some worlds if you have similar experiences. It woud make me feel " more normal" .

Annelise

STenaLouise-,
Sex was the first passion that left, it was 7 years ago, but I still look at men and think they are nice and attractive, like their attitude and the thing that they are different from us woman . Very sorry, it´s not for me any more.

Annelise

Passion for life never really dies
 

Thanks dear Vertigo for bringing up this great topic.
For me, the circle area of my interests and passions have been shifting and shrinking for some time ... partly by physical and mental new limitations and partly by consious realization and diffrentiation of what really matters.
Only the other day, I was desperate and felt life has no purpose or meaning .. my body was shivering .. I was crying ..
Today .. I feel the wonder of life .. the light shines .. and I can enjoy it's music .. I will work on it ..
You need a belief .. a blind belief .. beyond reason or logic .. IN LIFE..
To the very end .. like a devoted Yogi, I will breath the air and think that is enough if be it !!

quante or quantum
 

Before the PD, I'd read several hours a night. Now the books sit and collect dust.
It's odd that you mention drifting towards the tech side of things. I never could grasp biology or the bio-med reports related to PD. But for about a year now I've found myself studying quantum mechanics (I've even dabbled a little on quantum psychology)!!!! I have trouble staying focused on anything, including the subject of a conversation. So my interest in the quatum realm has both my family and myself baffled.
At my last neuro visit I asked about "losing my greed", a incorrect decription on my part. Better described as; if I no longer have a use or need for something, I will freely give it to anybody that does. Several years ago I would have sold it to them. The neuro could offer no explanation
I do fight the depression monster, as stated in the above post. And many of the personal interest/passions are gone, sex included.
But with these lost passions, I find myself at times with more COMPASSION to others.

My horses are the great passioin of my life. If anything, as they age and as PD progresses that passion gets even stronger. I have limited time left with them and I will enjoy it as much as possible. That passion has kept me alive and moving through too much to ever let it go.

Mary

Passions are stronger in many ways
 

Sex, yes, but many others as well. Art. Science.

I don't know if it is the PD, the meds, or what. But I suspect that it is at least partially the realization that life is finite. I never danced. Too uptight. Dared not look silly. Yet had a secret urge to do so. Then one day I realized that I had lost the opportunity to be a dancer.

So, now I dance. Just not very well. :D

We are together , great comfort - -
 

Thank you for your loving response, everybody on this thread .
I do not know what else to say, it is so surprising to me that you had this feelings and changing in interests and the sorrow about passions that are lost.

My passion has always been music. I studied piano since I was 8 years old and even went as far as applying to New England Conservatory and worked on my audition. I changed my mind for something more lucrative and due to other reasons, but that's another story.

Anyway, as this condition has progressed, I noticed in a big way that my technique is not what it used to be. I don't have the fine control over the tone and eveness that I used to. I can't always coordinate the hands especially if they have to play quickly together among other deteriorating skills like memory problems. There's nothing like working your butt off on something one day, think you have it together, and look at the same page the next day and still not be able to play it! This alone is very discouraging and depressing. It's as though the mind and body are a statue being dripped on by acid, and slowly crumbling away.

So now I don't play as much as I did before, but when I do I make the most of it. I even chose another keyboard instrument called the clavichord. The clavichord is a very quiet instrument that works by striking the strings with little metal plates called tangents. It's actually pretty difficult to play because it requries absolute relaxed muscles, but once you get used to it, the instrument sings beautifully.

For me the clavichord has something different to give me a different outlook on my first passion because the instruments are similar. The keyboard is a little narrower because the keys are smaller, and the range is shorter so there's no Chopin or Brahms, but a lot of Bach, Handel and even Mozart. The music is also a lot simpler (relatively speaking) in comparision to Beethoven's Appasionata or a Chopin Etude, which I would die for. It's like the difference between a sweet sugary dessert without substance, and a wonderfully rich chocolate tort that melts in your mouth.

At any rate, at the same time, like other people here, I've focused again on the technical side of things. I'm a IT person by vocation and I've decided to finish off my Bachelor's Degree in Information Technology. I figured what the heck, no one is going to hire me anyway at this point, but I need to accomplish something in my life. I now have 12 classes to go, with the current one on of all things, chemical dependency in the workplace.

This is quite an interesting class as it focuses on substance abuse and how the body grows dependent on the chemicals it is taking in. This class I think is very appropriate for what we go through with the Parkinson's because it points out how the different receptors and neurotransmitter work, and other aspects of physical as well as psychological addition.

John

apathy
 

about 30% of us suffer from apathy. The off-label use of Strattera, an Alzheimers drug, helps some.

It is kind of like depression without the sadness. I suffer from it. The only thing that works for me is to start small and work my way up to meaningful tasks. Turn your TV, or what ever you do to pass the time, off and start moving. Get a treadmill if your weather precludes you from walking outside.
Exercise is the key. Find some exercise that you can do, no matter how easy it is, and do it faithfully. IF you miss a day, and you will, just pick up where you left off.

You will find an improvement after a week or two. Going to PD functions energizes me too. If you have someone to exercise with or encourage you, that is good too.

Charlie

You have great humor, depression without the sadness, it must be something special. I am almost smiling. Think you are right about getting out of the chair ,start moving in the fresh air, thank you- -.
I wrote about my crazy shopping period, now I see :1 $ is 5kr, - it is the Euro. that is 8 kr. So , I spent 4000 $ on this "****".
John: I tried Beethoven 5 symphony , feeling better !

Annelise

Vertigo I also am taking Requip and found myself doing the same thing that you describe about shopping for things I didn't need. I knew it wasn't normal behaviour but the requip has helped me in a lot of ways and so I keep on taking it. I was taking 14 mgs a day and reduced it to 12 mgs but I still notice this compulsive behaviour. I have had to increase my Levodopa to keep up with the progression of the P.D. I also started to give away things, as you did jt, it just didn't seem to matter any more. Strange behaviour but I accept it as part of this crazy disease. I am sure there is a lot more to come. Just try to maintain a positive attitude and keep going, your in good company.

I have found that in order to keep my passions alive, I have to work at it, and force myself if need be..That depression without sadness that Chasmo described, is the kind that I have, and what I know about it, is for me, that it has the potential to become something worse, and I have to be on my guard constantly, or pd wins..The weather got cold suddenly around here, and automatically I didnt feel like leaving the house, and for about a week, I went out only when I had to..I was staying up untill 3:00 am and sleeping till 10-11:00 in the morning..I didnt go out fishing, even though I could have a couple of days..I went out yesterday and brought some traps in, and it felt good to accomplish something..I felt useful..When I loaf around, and find excuses to stay idle, it is bad for the morale, and bad for the spirit

depression w/o tears
 

is it your eyes are too dry -;)
crying works for me and then I thankmy eyes for the healing tears?

here is a humourous quote:
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
L. Frank Baum
:)

My 30-year passion for writing computer software, for applying logic, for solving problems, for learning new technologies--they're all gone. I've lost most of my desire to acquire or keep material things. I'm willing to give things of value away to others. Material things just seem to clutter and complicate my life. I can't keep track of it all.

It could be depression or apathy. My psychologist says I'm depressed. It's true my energy levels are low. I started bupropion more than a month ago, and it gives me more energy and ability to concentrate. But I have not regained the passions for things that were a major part of my life for so many years.

I feel old and useless. The young programmers these days are so much quicker and learn so much faster. I'd like to retire from my current work and may have to, because the young programmers and massive technology changes are a reality, not a manifestation of any sort of depression. I'm not in a position to retire, and my disability insurance denied my claim. Theoretically, I can still work. But practically speaking, my best days are definitely behind me. This would be a problem even without PD. The PD just makes everything so much more difficult. How does one change careers at the age of 56 with PD? I don't know the answer to that one. For now, I'm just hanging on. Every month I work is another payment into my retirement fund. I really don't like feeling so ineffective while I'm on the job, however.

About tears ...
 

Dear Tena : I agree with the fact that tears are best healer ... BUT tears are very dear like diamonds ... they do not come bye easily specially with parkinson ... so all we normally get is dull depression ..
We cry only when we are connected with our deepest pains and sorrows .. when the mysterious paths to the past in our brains are unblocked ..
We do not normally have the time, space or the set up to allow us to cry ..
I need to make this set up consiously.. I need to force myself remember .. I need a sad melody or a drama... then may be the tears will come in trickles..
Unfortunately I have not cryed much in a long time because in a family set up it is not easy simply to cry !

You have a lot of experience and fightingspirit , this blind belief ,- it was like an arrow.
I have to collect new passions in life, may be I will be a bit different, will not be embarrassed ,ashamed , saying good bye to the duties that I no longer can cope with.May be people will think I am strange, but I know that I will be more happy, enjoy my new passons. We have to have passions and - let go ,
LET IT BE - MOTHER MERY SAID TO ME, ect.

Please don't feel that way !!
 

I feel very sympathetic because i am more or less in the same situation. I am an engineer, considered an expert in my field and never thought would ever stop work or at least contributing. As of late, I have been slowed down greatly by PD .. weak right hand , shaky hand writing and very bad short term memory ..
I am still doing a bit of consulting work but half heartedly ... money rather than work passion .. I really lost interest .. I feel there are more important things for me.. I even value my Tai chi exercise more..
Ofcourse there are practical matters to attend to like financial security ,, but if we talk of passions .. I just think that they have changed not vanished ..I believe I still have the passion to exist ! get well .. even enjoy my solitude and other eccentricities with a good sociably accepted execuse of illeness .. be sociable and loving when I choose .. and there are still wonderful music .. stillness.. thoughts .. love .. etc. etc. the list never ends..
So please try to be positive .. at least PD gave us the execuse to be !

I'm so happy. I was in heaven listen to his Emperor Concerto the other day. :D

I actually had goose pimples from the shear joy and beauty in the music. Sublime is all I can say.

John

imark: Thank you for your kindness. I'm at a low point right now. I'm not used to not being able to rely on my brain. I've won national awards for some of my programs. I was named the outstanding faculty member of the year in 1999. But today, one of the new programmers showed me some new features to the latest release of our database engine. It sounded interesting so I said I would read about it. By the time I had returned to my office to pull up the documentation, I had completely forgotten what it was called. Then I feel so stupid having to go back and ask him again. He's a considerate young person and doesn't do anything to make me feel bad. I guess I'm quite able to do that all by myself.

You're quite right though... passions don't go away, they just change. Perhaps that might be true even without PD, as life tends to be a long series of changes. But things change slowly in the normal aging process. This PD has sped up the changes considerably. For me, simply living the life I have, as well as I can, as long as I can, has become much more important than those professional aspirations that once dominated my life. The adjustments have been difficult. Also, my symptoms have been getting worse at what seems to be a more rapid rate during that past few months.

It's a lot to deal with. Most of you already know it, I'm sure. For me, though, this is all pretty new.

adjustments
 

Dear Ibsen: I know the joy of programming ... the pride of achievement that comes with it .. and the annoyment of being hampered by stupid failings of memory while intelligence and logic is fully intact..
You are going through the painful adjustment period ..but I feel 100% sure you will comfortably adjust because intelligent poeple usually do ..they have the resources for that ..
good luck ..