UPDATE- Surgery over (Absence and heartfelt apology)
 

I know I've been very distant, and I apologize for that. It's not by choice. There's just not enough of me right now, it seems, with no letup foreseen until at least a week after daughter's surgery. There's been too much going on in life to even list, and to be quite honest, I don't know if I even have the energy to type it all.

I wasn't planning to take time off for daughter's illness and surgery until the 3rd, lasting through the 11th. However, there's been so much these last two weeks that being so limited is not fair/beneficial. It's probably better for me to begin the time off now.

I apologize that I've been so incredibly distant with so much going on this last bit. It's not from choice by any means.

I do hope that everyone here is maintaining and y'all are in my thoughts and prayers for this next while.

Again, I apologize for not being available to any meaningful degree for far too long. I do see a light at the end of this tunnel, though, and that's when daughter's surgery is over and she's recovered. Until then, I have entirely too many pulls in real life to offer more than reading posts and praying and caring. I will certainly be doing that as I can!

I'll be taking these next few days to finish up some things at PC then breaking from there until the 11th as well. I will be checking into this thread for the next couple of days and should be able to read/respond to PMs and will update y'all as time permits.

Please have happy and safe New Years and please know that my care and concern extend way far beyond what I've been able to show.

Please keep my entire family, but mostly my daughter, in your thoughts and prayers.

Much love and respect,

KD

We love you
 

Kim,

I feel you are going through a tuff times and have your hands full with your family matters. And I am sure everyone else feels the same.

You and your family are in my prayers at all times.

I will ask that you take care of yourself and not stretch out too far.

May God be with you.

Darlene

My thoughts are with you...
 

and your daughter for this surgery.

You have an excellent crew here, and certainly you deserve a break, and time to get these personal issues settled down.

Those little infants will be on a schedule in no time, and that will be a some relief.

Personally I think you have terrific stamina...I certainly would have caved sooner than this :p

Time flies you know and we will see you in no time! :hug:

Thank you (((((((((((((((((((( darlene )))))))))))))))))))))

I appreciate so much your prayers and kind words.

I *have* stretched myself too far for a couple of reasons I think...to continue to be what I can for those that I care for, but also stubbornly not "giving in". I've never had a clear view in the differences in giving up and giving in for a bit. ;) Ah, well, it's one thing that's helped me in this life too...hehe.

What I don't realize in the times that I stretch myself too far is that I might not in actuality be helping in the ways that I think I am, and that an absent me (for a while) might be better than a halfway me...the "do something right or don't do it at all" thing, "jack of all trades, master of none" comes to mind as well.

I'm going to take a few days to rest and try to refuel for this next hard time, then get through it. I may take a few days after to refuel as well. It's been a HARD past year! I never dreamed it would go on, and on, and on with the doctors not being able to control her grave's.

I thank you for your prayers and understanding and will see you in the New Year, hopefully both of us doing well and looking forward for a truly *New* Year. :)

Thank you.

KD

((((((((((((( mrsd ))))))))))))))

You're such a kind a giving person...you give of yourself so much, to so many and I'm just ONE of your admirers that respects you more and more. I appreciate you, truly.

Oh my gosh, yes. Cheri, curious and Jo are all amazingly giving and caring and the attention they give to *everything and every detail* is second to none. They would move Heaven and earth if they could to accommodate someone in need.

My little Johnathon (son of daughter having surgery) is so sweet right now! He's five months old on Weds. He's so funny, happy and just plain sweet. Oh my gosh, he's getting the cheeks that I'm having a hard time leaving alone now. ;) He's giggling lots now and gets this really surprised looked when a belly laugh comes out of his little body...LOL.

My oldest daughter and her little Ethan are still working things out. Breastfeeding has not been easy for either of them, but she's worked out something where she can now have a bit more help, I think. She gone strictly to pumping and bottle feeding. He wants to nurse all the time (but she won't offer him a pacifier in between and I personally think he wants to suck). He wants to eat, then 15 mins later eat again and maybe again until he's fuller. Then he's ready again in another couple of hours to do the same hour-long thing. She was more than exhausted and we all were limited to help. Now she can feed him breast milk (btw, he never took to the breast itself and she always had to use the shield for him to even suckle), but we can help her with him too when she needs a nap or needs to do something. His daddy was so excited to have that experience. :)

Thank you for the kind words about my stamina. I needed to read that and didn't know how much. It helps me to say, "gotta slow down for a bit" while feeling good at the same time, ya know?

I'll be checking in in short spurts to check PM's and a few threads.

Thank you always for your support, help and kind words. I can't tell you the impact your knowledge, but most importantly you're desire to help and share, has had on me.

KD

(((Kimmy))) I think we all understand the need to break away. Sometimes we just can't participate. Prayers for your family. :hug:

words..
 

Well, I sure do appreciate your comments Kimmy.

I feel things very deeply,
but have huge problems expressing them in words. I see you understand that,
but many people do not. So I appreciate your "gift" to me this morning!

I agree with you about the pacifier. My son was a preemie and in the preemie nursery for
15 days. They had to feed him every 10 minutes because he vomited large quantities of food.
So as they lengthened his feeding times slowly to get him ready to come home, he
fussed alot. Hence the pacifier. They rolled a towel into a tube and taped the nipple to it.
And they didn't give it to me to take home. How was I to know (recovering from Csection)
that only one SHAPED nipple he would accept?

I sent my husband out to several stores and he bought one of every style until we found
the "correct" one. So I gave it to him now and then, like at the doctor's office etc.
It worked wonders. Then when he was about 3 mons old, he just spit it out...wouldn't accept it
anymore. And that was it. No clinging to it as a crutch or anything. It worked out really well.
He was so small, I figured....anything YOU want, baby, you get! We had gone thru almost dying
together, and I was not going to deny him anything. (or myself either for that matter). So share
this with your daughter.

Also the doctors told me that every infant has its own weakness. Some have immature nervous systems, and some
have problems with feeding. It varies and just is. My son never gobbled his formula (I couldn't breastfeed
because I was on 3 blood pressure drugs).. but he tended to spit up--reflux. So I just slowed him down
and made the feeding times longer slower.

P.S. I think babies gobble at the feeding if you wait til they are really hungry and screaming. If you watch the
preceeding behaviors, before the BIG demand, you catch the appetite, before they get tense and frantic,
and the gobbling and heavy sucking is less. It also has the payoff of him learning that Mom is there anyway
and you don't have to scream to get her attention. I always thought my son was a reasonable baby, but I
think I trained him to be that, now that I look back on it. Alot of intense baby behavior is fear/anxiety etc.
Teaching a baby to calm himself is a big task, and one we should pay attention to early. Then you can
have more enjoyment, and less reaction to screaming which is very tiring I think!

How true that's shown for me lately, Doody. I appreciate so much your understanding, and your continual care and commitment to not only the members of NT, but to NT as a whole...straight from the get-go. You've been a consistent support and absolute pleasure. :)

Thank you so much for the prayers. I'm already getting upset because I know I'm going to be leaving daughter in the hospital to bring her baby boy home and care for him. Whew, makes me nervous! Hospital staff just can't give the care now that they used to, ya know?

I hope you have the MOST WONDERFUL of New Years. :)

KD

Thank you so much for sharing that! The situations sound very similar. He's spitting too, etc.

My oldest? She's an AMAZING young woman. A young woman that sees a goal, maps it out and sticks to her route. That's gotten her far in her life, with little to no "road blocks" (drugs, behavior problems, etc.). Her husband is the same. The thing with that, though, is that with a baby, especially then maybe, we can't control or predict another's needs well. It usually DOESN'T go according to plan. She will still do anything and almost everything to stick to her route.

She refuses to offer a pacifier. It was a HUGE leap to make the decision to pump and bottle-feed, so I consider that massive progress. :) Even my aunt who nursed six babies exclusively and taught breast-feeding classes at our local, very large hospital, couldn't sway her on a couple of issues. :)

In all this, she's done so wonderfully. She's realized that he needs a bit more right now and is giving him that in that he needs to be held close alot of the time, etc. She's truly a wonderful mother. :)

I will share with her what you've said.

Thank you for acknowledging my "gift". It makes me feel good because you give so many gifts.

Here's another one for you...

I remember when I first came here, you were one of the first (if not the first) to extend your hand to me. I've carried that with me a long time, as well as your words. You reached out to me to welcome me, but also to offer aid in any form that you could.

Being new and having no history, I couldn't see the massive gift in what you offered to me then that I see today...and continue to see on and off. Even then you were kind to me, offering assistance and you didn't even know me! That rings out loud and clear, and you've consistently maintained that position. Some people give and take (which is wonderful and appropriate). You give to give and your take seems to be the comfort that you've given. Truly a continual act straight from the heart and soul.

I think you are an amazing person and am glad to have you touch my life.

KD

yowzers...
 

Can't hit the Thanks button for that post Kimmy! :hug:

You are also very generous. I hope you will be back soon!

The surgery is over!
 

Thank you!!!

It's OVER.

She did very well. It took longer and she has a larger incision than first suggested, but it was necessary too. It was a bit complicated as they reckoned, but a larger incision and longer procedure doesn't compare to the ZERO complications so far! He was very careful and her voice, though gravelly, is in tact (it will be changed a bit but that's OK), there was no nerve damage to know of so far, and so far no signs that her parathyroid glands were damaged (that could still show yet and they're watching).

The surgeon said there didn't seem to be anything in there to show concerns of anything else (i.e. cancer). They will biopsy just because it's procedure.

She's in alot of pain even with the morphine but it seemed to be calming some when I was leaving. She's still in and out of the anesthesia and I think her pain will be alot better once she's slept some and some time passes.

I had the baby with me all day and he never cried once!!!! He was the show of the hospital today...everyone and their brother stopped to talk to him and he just showed his cute baby self. LOL.

I appreciate so much the care I've been shown and the prayers that I know were said. The outcome, so far, can't be better. :)

KD

There can be good things?
 

that come out of the seemingly bad. I am truly pulling for you on this one!
The whole caboose of 'what-if's, if-only's' emerge at such times, do not worry about them...the are 'done'. Just go forward and enjoy the good things and love that comes with it all.
Know that my love is flowing your way, if only cyberly?
It IS gonna be harder after- that comes with it all.. but know others DO know and understand.

Rite about now? I'd be inclined to go with the 'cats' philosophy, that is: Life is hard, then you nap!
I suspect you are gonna have to get a sleep credit in your body-book to compensate for the debits in the near future? :hug:- truly - j

Congrats!
 

The worst is now over!

I am sorry about the pain. But at least she was prepared for it and getting adequate pain management.

This was alot of stuff to happen to her all at once. Maybe now she and the baby can coast for a while... enjoy each other!

She is lucky to have you Kimmy there supporting her and the little one!
Things have become so much smoother with thyroid surgeries...it is amazing!

I am so relieved for you both, it has to be a tremendous relief!:hug:

Hi KD,
Glad to read that your daughters surgery is over and hopefully all will continue to go well for her!

I just wanted to mention something about pacifiers. All babies are born with a strong instinct to suck. They not only suck for nourishment, but also for comfort. Sucking on their hand was a part of their in utero life and it's natural for babies to want to continue that because it helps them deal with a constantly changing environment. It also helps them calm down and lets them sleep peacefully. Nook pacifiers are shaped very much like a mothers nipple and they do not cause any impairment in the natural growth of the childs mouth, teeth or jaw so long as they are not used past the age of 4 or 5. The time to start to wean a child from a pacifier or his thumb is when he has stopped breastfeeding and his main diet is solid food. At that same time, the child becomes so preoccupied with other things, that he no longer needs that suckling comfort that he did when he was a baby.

New moms tend to worry too much about the future what if's........... my friend who is a long time pediatric nurse practitioner always says to her new moms.......... if you think your baby will be weaned from this by the time they are 21, what are you worried about? In other words, it's ok, it's satisfying a natural healthy urge for your baby, it's not going to hurt them and it will not last forever.

All the best to you and your family!!
Bryanna

(((Kimmy))) I am so glad the surgery is over. You are such a loving person. Your daughter is a very lucky woman to have you for a mom. Much love to you. :hug: And continued prayers.

((((((((((( appreciative hugs ))))))))))))

You've been so kind to me and understanding. I appreciate that more than you know. I've been, and will be, the silliest of the scared moms and you offer yourself in whatever the need is. Thank you so much! :) That's what I am right now and have been for a while...a scared mom.

You know me too well...the "what if's" can just about do me in. I've been warned about that one several times before. You're right, I need to remember to put a "stopper thought" in there now, saying, "It's done." After a year of the "what if's" (some I wouldn't even discuss and would push away quickly), they can come around quickly. You're right, and they have no place with me now. Gosh, thanks for that reminder because how WAY COOL is that!!!

Whew, I'm looking forward to a LONG nap. ;) I'm not the napping type, but I'm gonna lay down and welcome it this time...lol.

I feel the love coming my way and thank you so much for it. :) Know that it, plus respect, is returned. You have an insight that I admire...deep, knowing insight. That's something I'm striving for as I attempt to learn the lessons this life wants to teach me. I'm getting there, but have a ways to go I see by the example you set. :)

We'll talk soon and thank you so much!

KD

(((((((((((((( MrsD )))))))))))))))))

I thought of you so much when I wrote the update post. :) I was anxious for you to see it because you've shown so much care, knowledge and understanding. *smiling*

You won't believe how good she's doing! Well, just let me tell ya... ;)

They said she wouldn't be released until afternoon, but they let her come home this morning because her bloodwork was back and she was doing great.

They sent her home with vicodin to take every 3-4 hours (max 8 day), but she's only taking it about every 7 hours! He's started her out smack in the middle of sythroid dosages and they'll tweak it from there to adjust to her body's needs now that she has no thyroid, and he instructed her to eat 6 tums per day (two morning, midday and night). He told her to watch for the signs of calcium deficiency Monday-ish and call if they present themselves.

Her voice just sounds like she's tired and that's it! He said if she talks alot she might lose it, but it will come back and he doubts (as good as it is now) that she'll have any issues with her voice at all! That was her biggest fear. She came home and coo'ed to bugaboo and said, "Mommy's home, baby! I was so scared I wouldn't have a voice to tell you how much I love you!" That was her biggest fear in all of this...that her baby would never here her voice again.

She's already talking about how excited she is...Spring will come about the time he's getting more mobile and she'll actually feel like taking him places, running after him, wrestling with him, etc. She's already a new person just knowing it's over. She has more hope than I've seen her have in such a long time. That's so healing for me. :)

She's allowed to hold him, but can't lift him for the next week so I'll be doing alot of his care even though she's doing so well. Other than that it's looking like a piece of cake, with NO complications so far. :)

Thank you so much for your support, care and thoughts. I'll update more in a day or two, but you were so right in so much. I can't tell you how much your support helped me...information mixed with care was what I needed so many times and still do. No one delivers that like you. :)

KD

Thank you so much, Bryanna, for the well wishes and kind words!

Also, thank you for commenting in regards to my eldest and the difficulties she's having as well. I'm worried about her and feel that the difficulties with breastfeeding is causing for what I see as a pretty significant postpartum depression developing.

Even with ALL the difficulties they're having (her and baby), she REFUSES to consider a pacifier. My aunt, who breastfed six babies and taught breastfeeding classes even recommended it as a need for him and she will not consider it.

I've tried to explain so much and what I feel, based on experience, his need is and that all babies are different there. She, for instance, wouldn't take one the first time and I tried...hard. My youngest? They gave it to her in the hospital (when I didn't have plans on it at all), and she was very dependent on it from the get-go because it was a clear need even to the nurses.

She's an absolutely giving, devoted, wonderful mother. She's just always had clear maps of her plans and followed them to the "T". The difficulty with a new baby is that it's not just "her plans" anymore...this wonderful little creature will add more joy than she can imagine, but throw many a wrench into her predetermined plans of outcomes. ;)

I wish so much that she would be a bit more flexible because I see her struggling so much right now. :( I feel guilty because I can't be much for her right now....certainly nothing what I'd like to be. :(

Thank you so much, again.

KD

(((((((((( Doody )))))))))))))

thank you so much! I try...very hard. :)

I'm also very lucky to have this vibrant, amazing child as well. She rushed into my life running the show from the get-go, and I still kinda sit back while she runs the show, and wow, the joy (along with the pain and fears) that has brought me...

Thank you again! :)

KD

I just wanted to update y'all and thank you again for the thoughts and prayers. I'm fully back now.

My youngest who had surgery is doing BEAUTIFULLY! She has her followup appt. with the surgeon tomorrow and her surgery and recovery was just textbook perfect...seriously.

Her incision is doing great and not ONE complication even little pain. She didn't even have any problems with calcium and parathyroid "shock". Amazingly as well, her voice is unchanged! At first she was a little hoarse and said it felt like she had to push the sound out, but that's stopped even, just 9 days after surgery!

It just couldn't have gone any better. :)

Her little Johnathon is just a bright light...a good, beautiful baby. He's so smart and his new thing is wanting to jump up and down while you're holding him and being loud at the same time. He already likes to listen to himself. ;)

My oldest is maintaining with her breastfeeding. She's going to talk with the pediatrician because it's just been so difficult...so difficult for her. She said that she read that, though the baby still benefits from her breast milk after 12 weeks, the benefit of it (over formula) is reduced, so she's considering stopping at that point...IF she can make it to that point. She spends her life feeding and pumping and pumping and feeding and it's been really hard on her because he want's to take these one-two punches with his feedings. He *is* doing better though and it's a relief there.

We were on the phone last night and no sooner had she called me (first time in two days), he started stirring because she'd laid him down. She said, "Aww, little guy, mommy just laid you down to eat and talk to her mommy." :( The "what am I going to do" in her voice pulled my heartstrings.

The mommy me took to action, lol. I heard him and I told her to leave him be...he wasn't crying just stirring, grunting. She said that he was going to, though. I told her we should talk until then while she eats. Our conversation lasted a FULL HOUR and she was SO TICKLED...stopping every now and then to comment anxiously about his waking up. That went to excitement and pride and how daddy was going to LOVE this report...lol.

I explained that it was important for him to self-soothe as he could and that she wants to be his all, just short of being his "bouncy seat". It's too hard on her, and he doesn't recognize her comfort as much when she's holding him all the time (i.e. he gets to cry and mommy swoops in with comfort). I reminded her that a baby's cry isn't like our cry...indicating something potentially bad is wrong and that if we know they're fed, diapered, warm and comfortable, sometimes they still just have to cry...that she'll learn the cry of "Mommy, I need you NOW!"

There was just something so wonderful about sharing last night with her, her first experience of allowing him to self-soothe as he could, watching him do it, and feeling her pride and joy. Ahh, being a mammaw is so cool.

These were all things she knew, but she's learning to apply that knowledge and it was cool to experience and be there as her mama.

Do I dare hope that things are coming full circle now, with everyone settling in too? ;)

Thank you all so much for sharing and caring. :)

I should move this to Social, but I'll wait a couple of days, considering one reason I've updated is to state that I'm back and available.

KD

What a great update!
 

I guess the lasers they use now are really precise!

That is great that everything went so well. I can imagine your relief.
(been there myself~~ its like you have a new life..a second chance)

You know when my son was an infant, we didn't know he had a severe visual defect. He was effectively blind. Finally I got a doctor to listen to me, and we went to a specialist who fitted him with baby eyeglasses at 8mos. His personality changed dramatically then.

But when he was really little, I tried to keep him occupied by putting stimulating things near where he could see. Normal babies can see across a room, my son could not see anything farther than 8 in away. And we also gave him
some quiet music to listen to. I even turned on Mr Roger's for him during the day so he could listen to the music. Mr. Roger's had such a nice voice/demeanor.

So now my son turned into a musician! LOL

He used to fuss on the changing table. So I made a colorful box and would say, let's see what is in the box to look at today! (you know how we baby proof everything, and little ones don't get to see or touch some things).. well I put them in the box. A spoon, a little car matchbox car, a big rubber band, you know things you wouldn't normally let a baby touch. But with me there, I'd guide him. He was avid for this activity. Even when very small, before he could sit up. Looking back I guess he was very curious because he couldn't see. Each time it was a "new" experience for him. And it was fun for me too, and prevented the endless wiggle and struggle that changing can become.

I think it is possible babies get "bored" so being creative with them when they are very young (but not being overly pushy) helps them learn to learn and also to calm themselves. This takes them beyond bodily functions... the too full tummy, the tight diaper, the feeling a little too warm, etc.

I also found that talking to him, about what I was going to do, worked well. They understand more than you think. If I put him down, for a bit in his portacrib I'd tell him, Mom's coming right back...getting dressed, whatever.
I'd tell him when I was fixing his bottle. Etc. The doctor thought I was nuts...when I did that in the office but it really worked. Knowing what was happening, and later making the leap to knowing what is EXPECTED socially was a natural progression. So given that my son positively reacted to my communication because he really really needed it..and I sensed it, turned out to make the whole adjustment easier for us.

I have noticed with friends, that really larger babies eat MORE and get that overfed feeling..which is the uncomfortable thing after a feeding. My son was so small we fed quite often, and with the reflux, I'd rather that than, have the spitting up all the time. So he never showed that antsy thing after. At about 3 mons we were getting into a nice rhythm.

I really enjoy your reports...please keep em coming!

We have much in common, MrsD. :)

I love hearing about your child/mother experiences as well. :) Thank you for sharing those.

My youngest went through similar to your son (to a lesser extreme it seems), MrsD. She was a alternately frustrated/happy child...to the extreme of one or the other. When she began to walk, she had so many accidents. I chalked it up to her being a "quick step". She was always in a hurry it seemed and I would try to help her to "slow down" a bit. She literally would cut the corners too quick when entering a room.

About a month before her second birthday and in a matter of three days, she went from two straight eyes to the right one being completely turned in. I was very concerned and immediately got her to an eye dr. We then took her to an opthamologist. Her vision was so poor that he was shocked, so poor that when we'd go to get her glasses filled the comments were always made, "Oh, how strong...that poor baby". Then, of course, we had the seriously thick glasses with lots of prism. I think that's one reason that her grave's opthamopathy might've been missed...her glasses always magnified her eyes.

Anyhow, when the dr. said that she'd not been able to see well at all since birth, so much so that her brain shut off the one eye to compensate and try to see...that's why it turned in...the brain was shutting it off. Unfortunately, he said, her left eye wasn't much better.

They kept telling me that her vision would improve as she got older and plateau out just before or in puberty, then start going the other way into nearsightedness. I kept waiting for this, but each time we'd go back her scripts just kept getting stronger. They were starting to get concerned as well. I eventually took her to a pediatric opthamologist and he did a surgery. After that they didn't get worse, but have never gotten better either.

She had the sweetest little first pair of glasses that I still have. Little mickey mouse frames with the soft, cushioned wire that wrapped around her ears to keep them on. :) People used to ask me if I had a hard time keeping them on her at under two and my answer was always know. She wasn't even two and the first thing she'd do when she woke up was put her own glasses on. She LOVED them. :)

You sound as if you were a very creative and giving mother. :) I would love to set my child up in an imaginary world and watch them play there. Did you ever do that? I would like set the scene of a play, help them a bit, then watch them take off. :) Do you remember Rainbow Brite? My oldest's favorite saying was (if she was mad at me), "Fine! Then you can't go with me to the stage and see Rainbow Brite and Sprite and you CAN'T have all the gold and silver in the world!" She was about four.

Can you tell I'm really reflective right now? ;)

Thank you again for caring and sharing!

KD