I'm kinda wacky
 

if i don't post for a while consider it a self imposed straightjacket coz i am having to delete my junk all over i spew and then it's like all off kilter... like in that clutter thread the clutteriest thing was my head i think, what the heck does my self analysis have to dow ith Mari's junk. ZERO. so i chopped it down.

but i've like pm'd personal stuf and ... way too much


well if i'm not here... its not coz i don't want to be with you guys... its just i can't seem to wrap my brain around a single thing without a million others creeping in, and in my natural state i have logorrhea and parenthetical speech and now its like forgetit...

ok. stop. i'll be thinking baout you guys... i don't know if i'll post much till i can get some serious knockout zleep - 2 nights no sleep so far... nap yesterday for couple hours lol. no, not lol.

byte for now
i mean bye - for now

~ waves ~ from all over the freakin place and i have a handful of no no... shut up, go hit submit... later guys

wacky in a wonderful way. Don't stay away too long. :hug:

WAVES

Sleep..................and return refreshed...........take life slowly.::)

David

sleep and heal waves. :hug:

http://dl6.glitter-graphics.net/pub/...zmwhyanzrs.gif

Waves sweetie,
I really think you need to take a higher dose of your zyprexa.
Especially since you are coming down off some of your meds.
It will take some serious time adjusting to the changes that you are making...not days like you wish.
YOur body could be going thru withdrawl and that is not fun at all.
If you are still awake I hope you will consider upping the z....
bizi

bizi my auth is out and i talked to mypdoc today finally he will let me drop by wed at his office - wed as in day not as in married - and fill outthe auth, no session. i took 5mg Zyprexa but i only have anothre 5 for tomorrow then i'm outtttttt until wed night. wedding night loolllll ooooooh yes i should chang emy mood again..... not my real mood it's up there, just not up there on the screen. hee hee
love you bizi now i'll read the rest of your post oops. :o

yes i will up the z, i may ask for 10's instead of 5's i dunno... he will hate me for what i've done... but i have done a very very very good and hard thing that has put me in this place so i just have to surf ~ waves ~ trying not to wipeout

will send you a pm so you understand :hug:

oh Curious
 

what a sweet cuddly picture! thank you :hug:

wacky ~ waves ~

I am big time worried...please feel my love across the ocean
love
Bobby

yes i do
 

oh dear :hug:bobby :hug:i do i do and i hope you feel mine too, i posted to your thread but i thought later it was somehow inappropriate so we killed it so thats why you haven't heard from me in a bit but i think of you cnstnatly i wish we could liek somehow stick our moods all in a blender and then pour out two cups and i could cancel out your depression BIG time baby!

you hold on hold on tight and pray i loved your mantra

you are a beautiful gal and always in my heart :Heart:

~ waves ~ from across the ocean

Oh, Waves! :hug: Hang onto your surfboard, the waves are getting rather much. (No pun intended. ^_^) Do what you need to get you some sleep, and try to chill-out for a few days, if you can. Hold on 'til Wed. when you can see the pdoc. Come back to us when you can. Be good to yourself.

Hugs and warm wishes from across the pond.

--RW

I read your pm before your threads....
I am worried big time about you too.
WEdnesday is 4 days away!!!!!
Do you have any other emergency meds?
Do your folks see your hypomania?

sending you some hugs from way over here.....
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Psssssst!
 

thanks bizi... i replied in fashion.

~ waves ~ who still hasn't logged her meds time for a beer... then i'll have to log that too rofl

Sweet Dreams..........................:Zzzz:

Get some sleep, it will help.

Post when you are up to it. We will be here thinking about you.

Take care, :hug: Nikko

Hey there babe!!

I wish I had wings. I would fly myself over the ocean to you.

I know you have your reasons for taking yourself off the meds. And they are probably more than valid. I just wish you weren't doing this by your self.

See, you are the one to kick my butt into gear when I am having trouble or Wes is in trouble.

Therefore, I feel I must tell you how worried I am for you.

I trust you to care for yourself. You are a smart woman. I just wish I could be there with you through this. Physically.

Rest, sleep. Rejuvinate.

And please keep posting. It is comforting to see you posting. That way I worry less.

Here's to thinking of you waves. (hugs) :)

Physician Proximity Principle strikes again
 

The Pdoc Proximity Principle is a variation of the Programmer Proximity Principle, a corollary of The Laws of Murphy the GREAT... both essentially say that the closer you get to the Professional of competence, the lesser the likelyhood of presentation of whatever symptoms you went to them for ... be it a computer bug or a brain bug, no diff.

I am feelign better. I was sooooooo hyper this morning ... full psychomotor agitation, my mom was like (to my dad) what did you give her this mornign instead of coffee??? ROFLMAO!!!!

i am calmer now, have been gobbling Neurontin. I did get some sleep and even though i was up there this morning i feel the energy seeping out now. I don't feel bad or anything.

I am extreeeeeemmmely hyperreactive, and hypersensitive to sound like crazy (but that could be a migraine-related thing who KNOWS thank goodness i do see a neuro finally on the 22nd of this month.) Also my thoughts are still racing and i am pretty distracted...

i dunno maybe i am just getting used to it or someting... i am in a different mood but maybe because my mom was behaving very angrily all afternoon (not at me, but i have a problem with the noise, and with the perception of the anger - believe me NOBODY would mistake it - it isn't a "me" thing - it isn't even about me. But i have trouble being around it and couldn't stay out of the house much (took a walk, smoked a couple cigs and nearly fell over... i don't know if its the Neurontin or what, nicotine does give me a buzz at times since i smoke very little; i am not physically addicted to it but it has been a habit for a good while now after that loooooong depression last year. but right now, it's, sort of annoying having to quit even though i will - i know i will, and i know i can - because i have before, but i do not want to right now.

SO ... :Scratch-Head:

I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO DEAL WITH BEING DIZZY????
:ROTFLMAO: :Head-Spin: :ROTFLMAO:

i can have one beer a day. Not because it's a rule, because otherwise i would get trashed with the Neurontin in my system. had more before. i mean, sure, it puts me out cold, rofl so may be useful? - stretching the meaning of that word, even in the therapeutic sense - but i don't like being drunk.

So Neurontin is zapping my vices whether i like it or not.

i'm not liking it but my wallet is. :p

but i digress. i am wondering if, with some more sleep tonight, i might present "fine" when i see my pdoc - that would be a trip - i mean it is a trip a loooooooooong trip to get to the clinic HQ location where i will be seeing him.... oh tripping yes, and over my words toooo.... what? where? right. ok so like maybe i'll show up like totally fine saying gimme some Z dude, I wanna put on some pounds coz i didn't eat enough sweets over the hols?

awwww man, this is so backwards.

on the one hand, it would be good.

on the other hand it would be bad because i haven't had energy, mental energy anything energy - like this in ages.

i'm wondering about sliding dysphoric due to environmental shouting here, but i am still trying to apply myself to that... center myself, remember it isn't about me, identify safely with feeling angry and feeling compassion for my mom's expression of it (at furniture, cookware, food, floors, shampoo, towels, the ceiling, the floor, the door, what have you.) that isn't to say i succeed, but the trying itself helps. i have had outbursts at her today but only like what i would deem "regular" outbursts not rage... just self protection, assertiveness a bit overdone or should i say a b!tchy overdone on my part :eek:

:mf_argue:

oh well, going to see if my love is on im now... don't think so... :( waaahhh.

oh heck gotta find the old auth form for the Zyprexa!!! the doc wants it. he needs the exact dx from last time. i can tell him that. bipolar NOS code 296.80 and for that matter its on my exemption card too.... duhhh... it's like, he doesn't even know what my dx is, i suppose if he did it wouldn't be NOS huh???

I miss Tim.

~ waves ~

i just read this over. i feel better than this mornign or rather worse i felt crazywazy whoooppeee wonnnddeeee this morning and now i am calmer but wrt to yesterday probably about the same... :Scratch-Head: better go dig for that auth. at least pdoc will be paperly happy even if he doesn't need it coz i have the info he needs elsewhere, but then he would have to trust my memory and if i present manic and who knows i don't know if he'll want to be going with my memory roflmao, not that i would lose it i mean not lose it as in wig out i mean my memory but then you never know, but he might think i would.

i am now very confused and probably so is anyone who got this far, poor you, so now i will hit submit and close the browswer because otherwise i think i am going to start chasing my tail and i don't even have one. Meow?

Hey waves, I am missing something here - who are you in love with? Did you recently meet someone? Fill me in girl!!!!:p;)

I took Neurontin for pain when I first had my back and neck issues.

Although it did work for awhile, God it made me hungry. Then I was off to stronger pain meds.

So, what is the Neurontin also work for? I am confused, ha what else is new.:confused:

Catch you on email or IM. I am on now. 3:30 pm Tucson Time.

Nikko:hug:

Glad to hear that you're doing better and not ratcheting up so. My aunt did that right before Xmas and it was worrisome. I know it's hard for my uncle, but at least he's understanding and she recognizes in herself what's going on (even when she appears not to, like this last go-round.) At least she knows when to seek help and to tweak meds. His previous wife took and did and acknowledged nothing...what a wild ride that must'be been. My mom whines about how he doesn't deserve to be in another such situation, but she doesn't realize that it's a whole different ball-game, nor does she ever, quite, understand what it is like to be in BP shoes. I don't think she ever will. She thinks she does, but she really doesn't. Oh well.

Yeah, Murphy's Law for Doctors--ain't it a trip? Happened to me this past month when I caught Roseola from one of my darling little students. Knocked me down for a week before I had the last symptom and could figure out what it was. And by the time I could see the doc, rash was going away and I was better. Go figure. Cars tend to do this too, ever notice?

Don't you hate it when parents do that? ('Course, what am I saying? When I get irritable and under my own skin I do that too.) Over the years I learned to tune them out as best I could. The vibes were something else, but it's possible to block them out, too. Kind of like building your own personal inner shield. ;) Just remember she's b!tching at anything and everything--she's gotten under her own skin and doesn't know what to do about it nor wants to acknowledge that something needs to be done about it. ;) I know from experience. Irascible...that's the word. The Furies, that's what I call them (and from the sounds of it, it's only a few Furies wreaking havoc, not a whole horde of them.) :tongue:

How wonderful it is to hear someone say assertive instead of the new coinage, pro-active!!!!! OY!! This new 'word' is a blemish on the language and needs to go away, like all the other new pro- words that make so much less sense than the words they're being used in place of! *sigh* So good to hear the proper word used! But thank the idiot president over here for the new word craze that's changing North American linguistics. Grrrr.... Maybe it wasn't him, but I know it's an American thing. Geez. I think we should never have broken from Britain...'couse, I also think France shouldn't've pulled out from this continent either. But that's a whole 'nother soapbox. :D

I'm as curious as Nikko. :D I still have no potential prospects. :( I dropped the one I had been seeing 'cause he has no money sense or sense of responsibility. Once I realized that, I ran like the wind. And to think I could've married into the Tudors of England...albeit, illigitimately related since the forebear was son of one of 'those' wives! *ROFLMAO* (Think of a thinner, brown-haired Henry VIII.) Oh well. That's life. I'm okay with being single, even if my mom isn't. :rolleyes:

I've babbled enough...I need to see to my job hunt and get that ball rolling some more. Wish me luck!

--RW