so, so tired
 

I have just really been tired lately. I have gotten a little hint about how it will be like when my husband retires in 4 years. We don't argue as long as he is at work and I am home, but he is on vacation this week. So it has been a little stormy around here.

His Mom has been sick and I think I love her more than he does. But what with all the doctor visits, then xrays and then last night taking her to the hospital, I am just exhausted. Physically and emotionally. Today we had the upper GI scoped and tomorrow it will be the lower. So that means more mental stress. She lives in a nursing home way on the other side of town so it has taken a tole on us.

My feet are just killing me. I really think that might be part of my fatigue. On top of all that, my youngest has bought a starter home and we have been helping her move in, her lease on their apartment runs out end of month. Her husband comes home from Iraq in about 10 days. Then my other daughter is toward the very end of her high risk pregnancy. My Mom has had a lot of dizzy spells and problems with B/P since her pacemaker put in a month ago. Then my sister is being tested for Inflammatory breast cancer. So my plate is full and overflowing.

So tomorrow I am taking the day off. I have had this day tip planned with my little group we call 'the old nurses group'. We are going to travel the back roads of southern Indiana. It will take us from Evansville over to Louisville over some very interesting and colorful territory. And we will laugh all the way. We might even have to stop and browse through some old antique stores along the way. I hope when I come home tomorrow evening I will love my husband a little more than I do today! Sorry for the long whine.

Sheesh, Doydie, you have lots to whine about.:eek: ..And if not here, where? Sounds like your whole Family has a whine coming.

The day trip sounds wonderful. Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy.:) Tell us all about it, when you get back. Don't wear yourself out with too much shopping.

Had a wonderful drive all around rural southern indiana and whenever we saw an interesting antique store, we stopped. My husband was in a better mood when i got home, so the day was well spent!

Hi Doydie,

We are going thru the same situation here.

My Mother in - law went into the nursing home after release from the hospital with a intestinal blockage 6 months ago. She has dementia pretty bad now.
she's 87

My Mom had surgery 2 months ago for a blockage to her leg in the groin.
She lives with us. She's 73

I don't drive anymore, Hubby works and has to drive us 25 miles each way to visit his Mom, drive me to my appts., drive my Mom to her appts.

He is mentally and physically exhausted, gets irritated easily, sometimes acts like he doesn't care, but he has a full plate.

I forget that sometimes, and I get angry at him....when the reality is
we are both exhausted...stressed...never seem to have a moment to relax or even breathe!!! AND............ WE GET ON EACH OTHERS NERVES!!

It is hard when our parents get elderly, not just emotionally.
It seems everyone I know is going thru this type of parent situation now.

Now, getting away with the girls will do you good!!!

By the time you read this you should be back from your outing, I'm sure you
had a ball!!!!! You " DO " need to get away, even just for a cup of coffee with a friend does wonders.

Remember, even God rested on the seventh day...LOL

Hope your feeling better,
Muppy ( Cheryl )

That's great Doydie. :D A nice fun trip and a nicer Hubby when you returned. What more could you ask for.

Hugs,

How I can relate to being so tired!!!!! I've been over doing it too. I always seem to be visiting or helping one of our adult children or 10 grandchildren.

Well mother in law 85 fell and broke her hip last week. Many trips to the hospital which was about an hour from our house. Now she's in rehab. Made it through the surgery but there are many medical complications and we're watching her slowly go down hill.

I was so exhausted from going, going, going that I took a nasty fall this week. I finally took to my lounge chair and couch for a couple days of rest.

I could really use a few days of just fun with some friends or family. Better yet I wish someone would call and offer to take me out for a treat or do something nice for me. I can barely walk, yet I seem to be the one holding everyone else up. Thank God my mind works most of the time.

Whine, whine, whine. Got to finish making some chicken soup and get ready to go visit grandma.

My advise to myself and others is: We must all remember to take better care of ourselves. If we don't do it someone else probably will or it really didn't need to be done. There is always tomorrow, I tell myself, if only I listened, I wouldn't be so tired. Betty

all I can say is you sound like me. I could have written almost everything you did. And I'm crashing. In pain, fatigued, taking on very little non-essential stuff. I feel for you.

so, so tired
 

Not to be negative here, but..............enjoy your grandparents and parents while you have them. Once they are gone, it's worse! I think it is "women's -nature" to nurture. Just me thinking outloud..................

spoons

My mother is law is a little worse today. Her belly is just huge and of course pressing up around already bad lungs and heart. Her family doc came in today and wrote 'feeling good'. The GI doc didn't write anything except for a cardiologist to see because of high heart rate. I am so ashamed of the medical profession that I was so proud to be a part of for 30 years. It took the cardiologist to see that this poor woman had a bowel obstruction and start her on conservative measures to alleviate. He will order a surgeon to see if that doesn't help. I was glad that the heart doctor had some 'heart'.

This woman is a mentally ill woman that you can't hardly understand due to chronic bronchitis affecting her voice She is very plain, can't get across what she means or wants. But she is a very dear, loving woman. These doctors were just throwing her away. When I was in critical care, this cardiologist was one of my favorite due to his quiet calming bedside manner. Now I know why.

I am so torn about leaving to go to my daughters tomorrow. I was supposed to go and get my granddaughter and keep her for the week while she is out on fall break. This shortened trip was a compromise. We are going tomorrow then come back Tuesday, but without her. It hurt me enough to have to make that compromise. But I just can't do it and still try to be the Grandma I want to be in 6 weeks when the baby is due. I want to be able to take care of the older girl at her house so I can have some baby time also.

My daughter has an ultrasound Tuesday AM that I was really looking forward to seeing. But because of MIL so sick we might not even be able to go tomorrow. We will go to the hospital and check on her and if I feel she is to unstable we will have to stay. I am so torn. Nobody said life was easy.

You guys are making me tired, with all your activities and must dos...sheesh, take a break will ya?:D

I hope all your parents, children et al get better soon, so that you can rest up for the next event.

Healing Hugs for All,

You guys are so out of "Spoons" *

(*reference: the spoon theory of fatigue-- google it if you dont know about it)

so, so tired
 

THUS MY "USERNAME"!!!

spoons

The Spoon Theory

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/20...oon_theory.php

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus.

She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?
I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn't seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus.

Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.

As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand.

If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.
At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.

I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.

Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.

She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?

I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of "spoons". But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting.

She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn't even started yet. I’ve wanted more "spoons" for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.

I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said " No! You don’t just get up.

You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can't take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too." I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet.

Showering cost her a spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about.

You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.

I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s "spoons", but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less "spoons". I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous.

So you do not want to run low on "spoons", because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.

When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway.

So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.

I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?”

I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared”
Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything.

I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day's plans before I can attack any one given thing.

When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count "spoons".

After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can't go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine.

I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”

Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too.

I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my "spoons".

Well I'm back from Ky. All is getting better with my MIL although I would like to shoot some of the nursing staff. Granddaughter was wonderful as usual. US of new grand baby was confusing. It was lying low enough in the pelvis that we didn't get a good enough view of the face, well at least not one that I could understand. Nurse did say she has chubby cheeks and a double chin. My daughter thought she was 34 weeks and the baby is about 4 1/2 pounds now. Well according to US, she is still 34 weeks but baby is 6 pounds 5 ounces and baby will probably be about 3 weeks early. I am so tired, I can't hardly see to write. So off to bed I go

Hi Friends,

How is everyone doing? (the tired ones...LOL )

Hope some rest was found for you.

Monday is my Mom in Law's 88th birthday.

We will be going to the nursing home carrying gifts and cake (yellow,pureed stawberries with nutrasweet, topped with cool whip lite) her favorite.

We got her a little stuffed dog ( pound puppy) that looks like her old dog.
It's small enough to fit in her sweater pocket, she'll love it.

We went Friday to visit her, Hubby left in tears, she didn't remember his name, it's so hard sometimes.

She was /is the matriarch of the family, such a smart - no bull type Lady.
But ...very loving.. at the same time.

She was tax collector in my Hubby's home town for 22 years, everyone knew her.

So, Monday we will bring her scrapbook, show her pictures of her life,
and CELEBRATE IT!

Hope your all doing well,
MUPPY ( Cheryl )

There are so many Cheryls here, I think I'll remember you better, if I stick to Muppy. I like it, was that a name of a favorite pet?

It's really sad when our loving Moms and GrandMoms or Dads get senile and forget who we are. My GrandMom was like that, when she was in a nursing home. She would get confused sometimes. She was on meds to keep her calm and I think it was more the effect of the Meds than real senility.

I hope you have a lovely, happy birthday party with you MIL. Come back and tell us how it went.

Hugs

I hope you have a wonderful time with her and help give her a little glimmer of what her life was. My Mom, sister and I laugh that between the three of us, we have the equivalent of one brain. We are all so forgetful. But I know that those times may come like your grandma that it is more than forgetfulness. Let us know how her day went.

http://home.earthlink.net/~sal.pal/s.../rolllaugh.gif Too Funny.

I have the usual and sometimes more, according to stress, of my cognitive problems. My sister has Fibromyalgia and a lot of cognitive problems with that and my Mom has had several little strokes and is just plain old. But we all laugh about it. Luckily we are all good with our hands and describing what we are wanting to get a cross.