Saw my doc again
 

I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with the latest news from my doc, and I guess the best way is to just say that I’m dieing. I could live another three or four months, or it could happen next week (probably not), but I won’t be able to say goodbye when the time comes, so I’m saying it now.

I continue to lose weight and am down to 128 pounds. The problem is that my liver is so enlarged that it is crowding my stomach, and nothing can be done. My doc says if my liver was normal size, I’d probably weigh about 100#. Eventually, I’ll be too weak to eat.

After telling me this, my doc increased my oxy, so I’ll have plenty of pain relief, and we shook hands goodbye. That pretty much says it all.

In the past, I’ve said don’t feel sorry for me, and I really mean it now; I’ve wanted to move on for a long time now. I know where I’m going, and I know I’ll be happy. My family will miss me for a while, but we won’t be apart very long, and then we’ll be together for Eternity.

We’ll all have the opportunity to meet; I don’t pretend to understand how God does things, but I know that loving fathers don’t torture their children.

I’ll probably continue to post, but not about my health. I still hope to persuade someone that my hypothesis that RSD is and IRI is correct; and that there is an effective therapy for this disease, so I’ll keep trying as long as I can…Vic

Vicc...
 

Thank you for sharing this with us...You are soo strong..You are a fighter and through you we have strength...

I remember you from the 1st time I logged onto this site last year as a scared little girl...You helped me understand RSD immediately and made me understand what I wa facing and what I could possible face in the future. For this I thank you.

:hug:
Heather

Well bro, I have to be honest, this makes me sad. But, I do know how much you have been suffering the last couple years, and know you are looking forward to relief. I am sooo glad you know where you are going, and I look forward to the day we can visit.

Im glad your doctor is taking care to make sure you are comfortable. I want you to know that your written work will remain posted on the net as long as I have a place on the world wide web.

I love ya much!!
:hug:

wow Vicc...I don't know what to say right now -
I hope you continue to post as long as you are able too.

And thank you for letting us know your health status.
So often people just quit posting and we never know....

I enjoy your reading thoughts and your spunky personality shows through often.:)

I will always remember you with a smile.

I'll be looking forward to seeing you again in another place, another time. Thank you for your always insighful and educating posts, just in case I haven't said that before. Personally I think you got a good thing going with RSD and IRI. I see it and I truly hope those that can do something with it will see it as well.

Thank you for being who you are and for letting us know. I, like all the rest who've known you won't forget you. I'll raise a pint (substituting of course since I don't drink) to you when the time comes and well, have a good Irish wake in the tradition of my ancestors. You're a special man and we'll all have lost not only a friend but a light in our world without you.

Special Hugs,

Karen

Vicc,
 

I am very sorry to hear this. We have been together for years and it seems like we are family. We had such great times on the old BT forum and then here.

I hope you continue to post and I know God will watch over you and get you through the hardest times.

I was just talking to my Dr. last night and my feelings have always been pretty much like yours, I'm ready any time God is ready for me. I never could understand why people had to suffer so much for so long though.

Please stay with us here as long as you can so we can enjoy you for as long as we can.

Love ya,
Ada

Thank all of you and those who emailed, I try to be a friend. And thank you, Maria, for putting poetry into my thoughts. Yes, I do look forward to being free for the first time in my life.

And as I look back at a fairly long and badly checkered life, I am profoundly grateful that God isn't going to hold my sins against me when I get there. I don't know why He made the rule that you have to be perfect to get into Heaven, but since He did, I'm glad He found a way to let us in anyway.

My best friend firwarded one guy's opinion of the questions God will and won't ask us, My friend thinks I'm a nice guy and would have good answers for most of them, but he's wrong. I told him:

.400 could get you a job with any A.L. team, but 4/10 aint much on that scale, and God wouldn't be impressed with a score like that either, so I'm really glad He found a way to let me in; no questions asked.

What else would we expect from a loving father? My problem with most church people is they think you have to do something to get saved, but if I can look at a Buddhist baby and feel love, I know God can; and I know He can't hurt those He loves.

At least, that's how I've got it figured out, and a good thing too; in my old church, I would have to constantly pray for forgiveness, and hope they change his mind, but never know until I see him. I'd rather write about RSD,,,Vic

"whew" your post sure took the breeze out of my sails & in many ways saddens me also. Your news also blew my troubles away for a bit whilst thinking about what you wrote. I will surely miss your insightfulness & how you make us all stop & think whether we agree with you or not. And your humor also will be sorely missed *sighing* but that is the selfish side of me. Here is the less selfish side, I also know what you mean about being ready to go...........I know whenever God is ready for me I most certainly am ready for him.........and it so sounds like that is how you feel also. To not have anymore worries of any kind will be pure bliss don't you think??

Please continue to post as long as you possibly can Vic. But don't feel that you have to post just to make anyone here content. You do what you need to do for you in the time you do have left........ You & I have never really gotten to know each other personally, I just know what I have seen of you here since spring of 2004. I do know I respect you & your research & opinions both. Please know that I care & will rejoice for you when that time comes.......

Take care,
DebbyV

vicc-- thank you for always being there to give everyone the best advise and all your insightful knowledge-- you have helped so many.. i too can understand your long hard struggle and your neeed for rest and peace..
please keep in touch when you can-- i too will be joining you and can't wait to finally meet you--- thank you for all your help and your compassion-- peace to you my friend.... moonstar ( linda) :hug: :hug: :hug:

Vicc,
 

Hi Vicc,
 

I just wanted to say again how sorry I am for what you are going through. I hope that your next days will be painfree and I know God is waiting to walk you through those gates. The song comes to mind, " When we All get to Heaven"

I wanted to ask you too if you'd list some of those meds that messed up your liver. I'm like Desi, it makes me angry that Drs. aren't telling the truth about meds. I know I lost Bill because of a high blood pressure med that I got him off of 3 times and the Drs. put him back on it the week before he passed.

I try not to take anymore meds then I have to. I'm blessed with a Dr. that tries to get my pain down other ways.

Also, it bothers me about the Dr. shaking your hand and saying goodbye. I believe that to be cold. Why would he not take care of you until the end. My Dr. just lost a 22 year old last week and he actually sat with her through to the end. These Drs. aren't just suppose to dispense meds, at least I don't feel so.

Please let us know if we can do anything to help you. I know we have talked on the phone before and you do have my no. I believe. If you want to talk, I am here for you.

You have been there for me.

Ada

[QUOTE=Vicc;215563]I’ve been trying to figure out what to do with the latest news from my doc, and I guess the best way is to just say that I’m dieing. I could live another three or four months, or it could happen next week (probably not), but I won’t be able to say goodbye when the time comes, so I’m saying it now.

I am sorry to hear this news Vicc. I am gladd to hear that the doctor increased the oxycodone and I hope that you have enough so that you can be in less pain, or maybe even pain free.

Please keep posting as long as you can so that the whole community can still share you and your fighting spirit.

Hi Vicc,
 

I wanted to apologize for what I said about your Dr. We all have different stories to tell and no one knows each others complete stories. I shouldn't have commented about your Dr. and your meds.

When we are blessed to find good Drs. I believe they can only do so much anyway and if they are caring Drs. they do the best for as long as they can.

I am glad you came to us and told us what was going on with you and as far as suicide, we have a suicide forum here where people do feel free to discuss suicide. We all need to vent and I am glad you did.

Ada

Dear Vicc - Just wanted to say how sorry I am that we will be losing you sometime, all too soon. You've been a real inspiration and help to many people here and no doubt in your offline world also. I believe that the most imporant measure of a person's life is in the positive ways he's impacted the lives of others. By that standard you are boundless.

Sending big hugs to you and your family from your fellow Kansan, Teresa :hug:

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