Very lonely.
 

Hi...I'm so lonely and sad lately...
I guess I'm just too narsisstic and not worth talking to by anyone.
I'm feeling so sad about all this...I've been crying a lot lately too,
This really cut me down to bits.
I feel like no one in this world gives a rip whether I'm alive or dead.
I don't have any family...too long/sad a story.
So I'm feeling very worthless these days....
I have very poor/low self esteme.
While growing up, I never had time to form lasting freindships because
we moved ALL the time in between the beatings my bio sperm donor gave me!...
Think it was so I wouldn't tell anyone or show the bruisings...why my mom wouldn't protect me...is sad.
Anyway...I'm just a pile of saddness, pain and always self focused because of this.
I guess I'm just not worth it...anyone ever feel this way?
I once was a top sales agent and had a great Real Estate business, then all in one season..
.my body reacted to chemicals in our new home.
Seee.God punished me for getting a new home filled with new stuff!
Then my health took a dive and I got on SSI.
Anyway...whaaaaaa! Whaaaaaa! Whaaaaaa!
CryTears
PS....Oh, and I'm feeling sorry for self too! can you tell?

Hi crytears, so sorry to hear that you are a bit down.
As far as having problems like that with internet groups, it happens all the time. Being able to say things that you probably wouldn't say face -to- face can very easily lead to conflicts and misunderstandings.
A lot of people don't really listen or read correctly, and always put themselves as the centre of everything.
don't blame yourself, as it may be to do with something else entirely. Put it down to experience, and move on.
I think it is always a good policy to avoid getting really personal in these groups. You really don't know who you are talking too, and there are some unwell people who may not be able to communicate as you would like.
So I say, you are certainly not alone in this sort of thing, it happens a lot, so put it aside and move on. I would also suggest that while you can get a lot of friendship, fun and enjoyment from forums, youn should not expect to find a true soul buddy. You might, but.....
Why would God be concerned about you and your house? I think there are enough real problems to sort out in the world before that! (joke).

:hug::hug::hug: Big hugs . . . .

So sorry about your dilemma. That was a mean thing your 'friends' did, but realize that these types of friends are not the same as all friends.

I'm sure you are feeling very isolated. Illness often makes us feel isolated and envious of those who feel good.

It would be a good idea for you to find a counselor to talk over these problems with.

You've already identified low self esteem and problems with your children, so now find out why this is happening and what (if anything) you can do about it.

Sometimes you just have to let go.

In some ways we (all of us in one way or another) allow this type of thing to undermine our mental health.

Those 'chat' friends have their own issues and some people enjoy making others feel bad or perhaps they need someone to feel lower than they feel?

Hard to say.

Be careful what you tell people. Chat and other posting can be more gossipy than helpful.

You do need someone to talk to. Try to find someone trustworthy. If you can afford counseling that's your best bet to start with.

Good Luck.

Tootsie

I'm on a financial/stock trading board in addition to this one. I've said this before; but it is a mean spirted and nasty, nasty place! The long term, experienced traders would chew me up and spit me out(been there 3 years). They called me mean names like hog, trailer trash and took my name (greenjeans) and turned it into a four letter word.

I was devistated and left the computer many times in tears. I ended up getting in with the wrong crowd for self preservation. I could not understand why the 'in' group didn't like me.

One day, talk of the war came up and I showed my support for the Marines. Thats when MY group turned on me. Many other things took place in addition to this, but then I was alone, humiliated, attacked endlessly....by both sides.

So I stopped writing for months and months. However, I own this stock, and felt I was entitled to write too. I eventually went back on, and much to my surprise, the 'in' group brougt me in under their wing, or protection. Now I have built relationships with that group, and they love me. Who would have known???!!! The very group that hated me before, now thinks I'm 'all that'!

Now my old 'friends' harrass, humiliate and say the meanest things about me. Even this past weekend!! My NEW friends, attack back to protect me! I zipped on a thick skin, and see very clearly now what and why this all took place. The story too long to share here.

I no longer cry over what the other group says, I enjoy seeing the new group attack back on my account, and I learned that FRIENDSHIPS ARE HARD FOUGHT AND HARD WON on MB.

The fact is, people on MB can and do look for your weakness, and because they can hide in there little computer world, they feel no guilt when they hurt someone. They don't care!

I guess the moral to the story is that you must choose friends wisely, look for clues that they may not be the friend you think they are, and be prepared to protect yourself FIRST. You will make new friends on the internet, and this lesson you've learned is probably a blessing....they were not real friends to begin with! They just enjoyed having control of their circle and when you tried to bring others in, you became a threat. The "leader" didn't like it, and thus to put you in your 'place'...they dumped you.

I'm sorry that happened! It happens all the time....I'm sure you really did do nothing wrong...and the problem is with them, not you!!

Also, God is not punishing you! We feel that way sometimes, but if we would learn to LISTEN to him...he would lead us away from the bad stuff....we choose our own path and face the reprecussions!

Sounds like your children have alot of growing up to do. I had to stop caring so much for my then 16-17 year old as she was crazy mean to me for no reason at that time. She is now 19 and worships the groud I walk on! Sometimes, you have to give tough love to get real love back....a hard road, but possible!

I hope you feel better soon. I may have over shared here....but I always feel better when I see that someone out there has gone thru similar things....and I can relate to it. The good news is that time heals and you will be a stronger and smarter person either as a Mother, Board Member, or in prayer.

:hug:

that sucks sorry

yeah it seems on these forums and on others in last 2 years people ive talked to for years ignore me and friends i had wont call

partly because i dont think barack obama is the messiah

i hope you begin to feel better soon

Hey Clouds-
I've lost friends on message boards as well. Then I start to wonder - were they really friends? My true friends are the ones I can always count on and talk to regularly. The rest are merely acquaintances.

I'm sure you'll make some new friends here - it's a very friendly sort of place!

New day.
 

Hi again...thanks for your hugs, support and suggestions.
I edited most of what I'd written earlier here in this thread,
just dont want more uglies! Is non productive anyway.
"These" aren't bad people...just very confused and frightened like the rest of us,
just they are terribly confused and get things so mixed up..
But lesson learned, never try to get close to anyone! NEVER!
I've been see'ing a "shrink" as part of contract for pain clinic patients.
He's tried helping me thru all this as well,
knows I'm not crazy, just suffer poor self esteeme and pain and poor health.

Is what "most/all of "us" " suffer with/from when have such...
think the pain meds and steroids I MUST take causes a lot of this.
I fully admit I'm terribly narsisstic...
How can one think outside self when they have pain?
Then factor in the way I was "raised", by 2 crazies! oyeee!
I've told others who don't suffer pain and try tell me to just "suck it up"
I urge them to put a bunch of clothes pins pinched all over your body...
at least 50 of them!
Now...let it pinch all over for several hours...
Now....Lets see what YOU think or talk about!
That gets people thinking, but they'd never try it!
But is what most of us "live" with when have chronic pain and illnesses.
I think that part of medical training should include their virtually experiencing chronic pain/suffering,
as well as no income, fatigue and loneliness that accompanies all this.
Also treated by naysaying skeptical rolling eye'd doctors!
I think medical community would treat people with a little more respect!

And I must admit this...when I worked in the hospital lab as a medical Phlebotomist drawing blood.
I saw it all! Heard it all and I too became very complacant.
I wouldn't say I wasn't compassionate because my nature is very caring and giving. I'm a natural careTAKER.
Sadly I too was disbeleiving, roll eyes, out of sight of course, whenever a "patient"
would continue on and on about their pain and suffering....sad saga.

They looked so healthy and normal, didn't look "un-well"...how could they be that ill? Ha! Boy do I know that story!
I'd think, "yeah right, lady what you need is get your butt out of bed and put on some lipstick, then get to work!"

I really thought these thoughts when healthy looking women came in for endless panels of blood work ordered.
They'd whine, cry about endless days of pain, not able to function, fatigued,
you know the saga...yada yada yada! whaaa whaaa whaaaa!
I became numb to their endless lists of puzzeling symptoms,
wonder to myself "Do I LOOK like I give a rip?!!"
Perhaps I did as I was very gentle and tried to be understanding
when it came to poking someone, especially if they shared my phobia of needles.
I hope I never hurt anyone or that my skepticism showed.

Yes, is puzzeling I took up this "proffesssion= Phlebotomy"
but I was desperate for better income as we had 3 kids in private school.
My terrible fear/phobia of needles vs much better income over minimum wage won out.
Phlebotomy fit well with my love of people and Medicine plus much better income.
But was really Gods way of getting ME over my fear/phobia of needles and syringes.

Later when I became severely anemic I needed endless blood testing and
numerous blood transfusions for nearly 3 years. Was a virtual nightmare.
But at least I no longer would run off screaming when I'd see syringes.
I actually loved drawing blood, even from tiny hours old babies!
So was good way for me to get over my fears as I needed numerous endless pokings
that continue but not nearly as much because they finally found a baseball sized AVM (aneurism like) in my small intestines.
Once they removed that, along with few inches intestines, they resected me in 2 areas of small intestines,
also removed over 3 feet, two fingers, 3 toes, an arm and a leg! Ha ha!
I'm being silly here, but ya gotta laugh else you'll cry as was just too much for one life!

After years as a Plebotomist, I went into selling Real Estate.
I loved it! but then...one fall...was all over for me after moving into a beautiful home set high up on a knoll, filled with all new "stuff".
We closed our home up tight trying to ward off bitter cold and ice storm.
But by January I began having low grade temps, muscle/joint pain, fatigue, tummy aches...felt like truck ran over me.
The doctor I'd seen advised me perhaps tight pants I was wearing caused my tummy aches...what???:eek: Just another Idiot doc!!
I asked for something to help my pain...OMG!
I didn't ask for a bolus of MORPHINE!
But he wrote across my chart "ASKED FOR DRUGS=VICODIN!"
I was labled a drug seeker! What?...I'd thrown out several bottles of unused pain meds,
Percocete, Vicodin, Morhpine both my husband and I had recieved for surgeries and Larrys cancer treatments.
I had no idea about pain meds in those days, but I was in severe pain
and heard that Vicodin worked better than Tylenol or IBprohin. What a nightmare!

I was refused ANY sort of pain meds as it was written in red marker
on front of my medical chart stating I was a drug seeker!
Here's a hint people! NEVER ask for pain meds!
Even when you're dying from pain!...just suffer! Ha!...no kick the doctor in his cajonies...well you know!

Then they'll lable you as violent!...but anythings better than being labled drug seeker when you're in horrible pain!
Took me years to get one single bottle of Vicodin, but took having psychological testing by drug councilor.
Once they saw that I was NOT what they'd 1st labled me as a drug seeker and really in pain,
was "allowed" bottle of 10 Vicodin, 5 mg. Ha!
Turns out it made my throat itch so couldn't take that!
I've had a very adverse reaction to other meds
Was an endless saga! Hot baths work best for Fibro pain..
Was really a food allergy! Wheat, Broccolli, eggs, chicken, few others.
Once I stopped eating wheat, muscle pain and diarreah went away!

But oh how I miss soft gooey bread! Or sour dough toast...oh why that?
Why me? why? Is reason I ask God, dont trust Him and question His ways.
I struggle daily...perhaps one day I'll find the answers I'm seeking.
Blessings, CryTears
Laughter IS good medicine, but careful gals...sometimes we leak when we laugh!...so stiffle the giggles!

Hey there ct. Naa, we seem to be in this mode lately, I am, I know that. http://bestsmileys.com/crying/5.gif I've be moaning all day too. I don't feel all that good myself lately and have many of the things you talk about happened to me too. We all need to get together and talk somewhere sometimes when we get to feeling SO Down. http://bestsmileys.com/crying/9.gif Right about now I feel like crawling in a hole and pulling it in after me.

Exactly. http://bestsmileys.com/crying/15.gif I feel lke crying right now anyway. Most of today I have felt this way. I am going to blame it on either the barometric pressure, Hormones or low blood sugar. http://bestsmileys.com/lol/5.gif It can't possibly be me just DEPRESSED. http://bestsmileys.com/nono/4.gif I have good days and bad days and today isn't good. :(

I'm always amazed when someone on a board treats someone bad for any reason. If you don't like what you see, ignore it and move on. Its rude, bad manners and very mean to memorialize things in writing to hurt someone. They may be 'good people' but good people say mean things too and shame on them! To say that you NEVER want to make a friend is proof you still are hurt. Why oh why would someone on a MB WANT to hurt someone? Makes no sense! I can only figure they need to bring one person down to feel better about themselves...put themselves on an (undeserved) pedastal. JMHO.

Glad you feel better

I don't either so you and I have something in common. :D :hug:

Yea, I have been on site where people deliberately make friends with you, get you to talk then gossip about you behind your back. On one site it's just one continous Brawl over there. I DO get caught up in it too and I can FEEL my blood pressure going up so I have to throw up my hands and say ENOUGH!!! And leave. A little heated discussion now and then is ok but the insults and innuendo and downright nastiness sometimes makes me SICK!!! http://bbs.roddenberry.com/images/smilies/sick.gif I was there everyday but now I am on a break. :winky:

This CyberLife we have really can and does affect you. These are REAL people behind these words. I have got myself into situations I never would have believed could happen online. And I mean JUST online. No other contact.

I am so very sorry to read that you are feeling lonely. I think this is an all too common problem in our society. I think having the internet helps a little with this...so perhaps it is a good and wise thing that you posted here. One thing I do wonder about though is folks who get "too" attached to friendships on the internet, might miss out on "real life" friendships, which are usually more fulfilling.

I am a firm believer in being careful with what we say. I think it is important to watch our "self talk." So, it is probably also a good thing that you went back and edited some of your post. Sometimes we can still express how we feel and be honest, but avoid all the negative stuff that can trail along.

Is there a way that you might get out and meet people one or two days or even partial days a week? Could you volunteer one or two days a week somewhere? Do you have a shut in neighbor that could use some kind of assistance from you one day a week? Could you go to an elementary school and read to the kids one or two days a week?

Although you have your own health concerns to address, you still might be able to help another person in a small way and just getting out consistently and meeting people could be very uplifting for yourself and others.

IF this is totally out of the question at the moment, another thought I had was to just get out of the house and go to the library (read something uplifting) or the park (for some fresh air).

I do hope you feel better soon.

Sometimes the internet fills a void that can't be filled in real life. We get to know each other from the inside out instead of the other way around as in real life. If people have hurt you in the past the internet, I have found, is an alternative to some of the bad things that happen to people in real life. You are safer at home. Older folks tend to be targets out there for crimes and many other things such as bad weather, car problems, falls etc.

Just throwing in my 2 cents. :o

the people on this forum seem pretty freindly

one of the best sites ive seen
if you feel rejected you should go out and help someone worse off than you

Clouds had a good suggestion. Volunteer or find some way of helping others less fortunate than you - that's a sure fire way of making yourself feel better AND helping someone else at the same time.

Believe me, when you focus your attention on a project that helps others your own problems seem diminished.

Hope you're feeling better today! :hug:

:hug::hug: I'm so sorry you're going through so much right now. I hope thing improve soon.

I wish I had some advice, but just know there are people here who do care. :hug:

Hi crytears!! I just read all the posts here, was lost until I read that you had edited your first post.... But, I just wanted to chime in and say that I hope you feel welcome here.

You have had so much sadness in your life... It just isn't right, but I hope you feel like part of the NeuroTalk family, b/c you are.

I'm sorry if I have missed some of your posts. This place is huge, so please know that this is your home away from home, even if we are just one big CYBER family.
Some members have been fortunate to meet and form personal bonds, which I think is great... But, we can all come here and laugh, cry, vent, and just speak our minds. I find it really helpful esp when I'm down....

Glad to see you are feeling a little better....
take care.....

Yep, there is no doubt people can be mighty mean, particularly if they can get away with it without 'facing' you.

I've read that the internet has brought out a lot of ugliness. Some people say things they would not otherwise say. They feel anonymous and free of responsibility.

Remember that saying though:

"People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones!" (And - think of it ...everone lives in a glass house so to speak!)

It is one thing to have an 'opinion' but quite another to force it upon others or indicate that if they don't agree they are bad! You see this on the boards at times. I guess this is a reflection of life, but remember you don't have to take it. Leave before the tears flow.

We are all different, but in many ways we are alike. Most care about having people like us. It's nice though when you can express an opinion (such as not liking a political candidate) and still be able to continue a conversation.

AS hard as it is to deal with, just consider that you don't really 'know' the people you are chatting with. Though you feel strongly that you need that group, I'm sure there are other groups you will find more support from if you search it out.

There are many kind people here.

It is not a good substitute for the real thing though, so if you are able open your heart to volunteering. Children and the elderly are particularly in need of help and love.

Another great idea is to join a book club. Everyone reads the same book and then offers their opinions and take on it. It can be very interesting and stimulate conversation.

Also, realize, that as we get older it does get harder to make good friends. People tend to have old familiar relationships, though those can change also.

I too had to move a lot as a child and I have no lasting friends from my childhood. I doubt we are all that unusual; there are many people who've had to move.

I sure wish you well in finding people to share your ideas and feelings with.

Tootsie