Obama Reminds Me of My Son
 

I know we're not supposed to talk about politics, but I just listened to a speech by Barack Obama on race relations in this country. It's something I've been longing to hear addressed for well over 40 years now.

I'm not speaking about politics. I'm speaking about race, but I'm not trying to "race bait" anyone.

Like Obama, my son is half black. I'm a white woman from Chicago, my ex-husband is a black man from Kentucky who moved to Chicago. I grew up hearing horrible racial slurs against blacks from my white neighbors. They threw rocks at Martin Luther King and called him a monkey when he came to Chicago back in the 60s. Their "Christian" excuse for their behavior made no sense to me.

My ex-husband grew up being treated like dirt in the south. As he'd walk down the street, white people in cars would call him names and throw garbage at him When we were married, white people threatened to kill us. We couldn't walk hand in hand down the street without some jerk saying something stupid to us. We watched our kind and gentle neighbor fight for his life on a ventilator after being attacked by policemen for driving through their white neighborhood. My own relatives in Arkansas disowned me for marrying a black man. My father was forced to choose between his brothers/sisters and his daughter. Lucky for me and my son, he chose us. He liked my ex-husband.

Which brings me to my son, a product of my marriage to my ex-husband - whom I loved very much and we continue to have a good relationship. When I listen to the racial slurs and political attacks against Obama, it feels like an attack on my own son. It stings like a bee because it's the reason my son has had to deal with so much unnecessary hatred and anger thrown at him (which continues) - how much unnecessary work I've had to do in order to make him strong enough to survive on the streets. It reminds me of the times I've had to sit quietly in pain as white people told "n*****" jokes or complained about them because I was too outnumbered for my voice to be heard.

I've talked about my son with many of you. He's been the light of my life from the moment he was conceived, and he's got a GOOD heart. I'm sure many of you have children/grandchildren who fall into the same category. How would YOU feel if people attacked your family based solely on skin color and life experience they had no control over? My son didn't ask to be born. Does he deserve to be called a "n*****" or treated like a second-class citizen in this country?

I'm sorry your son has had to endure the effects of bigotry. It is sad that so many continue to be so small minded, that they would hate someone just because of the color of their skin.

I'm a firm believer of live and let live, do no harm and be the best person possible in life. I am however very concerned about so many today walking around blaming everything wrong in their lives on others. People, no matter what their race, need to take responsibility for their own successes and failures. Discrimination exists in many areas in this country and crosses all race boundries. Ask any person, male, female, black, white, hispanic, asian, over 50, disabled, jewish, muslim, etc., if they have ever experienced discrimination, and I think you will get a resounding yes.

I hope your son has great successes in his life. I am sure you must be a very proud Mom!

Hugs,
Carolyn:hug:

I just saw Obama's speech too http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v9...beingthere.gif

This is the first time EVER in my life that I have listened to a politician and cried.

I cried for the loss of John F. Kennedy. I cried for the loss of Martin Luther King. I cried for the loss of Robert Kennedy. I cried for what we've done to African Americans in the name of 'race' or 'superiority' or 'finances' or 'cruelty' or 'government'.

I cried for what's been done to our country by people who really DO NOT care about the people who have worked the hardest and have fought the hardest to make this country.

I remember John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King being killed. I remember the horror and the emptiness and the pain that was felt around this country. I really believe a horrible amount of damage was done to our collective psyche by those days.

I've heard MLK's speeches -- not in person and not in entirety. I've heard JFK's speeches -- not in person and not in entirety.

Today, listening to Barack Obama, is the first time in 4 decades that I've ever heard anyone in government give me the least bit of hope and optimism.

Do you know that 'Barack' is very similiar to a Hebrew name 'Baruch' -- it means 'blessed'. I'm certainly beginning to believe that.

Barb

Kathy, Thats sick what ppl did to your ex. Do ppl 'bother' your son just because he is half black. I wonder, do you think several 'older' (todays grandparents of teens or 20s) people are worse? My dad used to call brazil nuts n***** toes & my FIL often talks down some if talking about some black guy. I admit I came home from a concert & told my 19 yr old DD & her BF that black guys sing good blues. They both then had a look like 'Listen to that, you mean so & so sings good). It seems like 3 or so generations ago ppl talked bad, adults of today aren't too bad & many kids are better. Do they learn in school & that they often hear/are taught, RACE DOESN"T MATTER ONE BIT? Do you remember "you can't judge a book by it's cover"? But I'm sure some white ppl are talked down about or to, because they are white.
I hope no one is offended by these words.

I just remembered telling my friend that I was glad alot of black kids 'went to our school.' The school most of my GS friends went to was mostly white & they didn't have as much a chance to be with a black person. This was in the 70's.

Please no one say anything offensive to others. I just wanted to know if you think anything is getting better. :) :grouphug:

Thank you Carolyn. I agree, but it was difficult to enforce that belief in my son when he was being continually knocked down for being black. It was difficult for me to blame him for his "failures." Even in "safe" settings (school) it was difficult because I was well aware of the subtle discrimination taking place. I've lived on both sides of the fence - even grew up with some of his teachers.

Barb, it made me cry too. :hug: I thought of MLK, JFK and Obama's mother as he gave that speech - how proud they'd be to see such a profound attempt to heal the racial wounds of this country. How AWESOME it would be if this country could truly become "united" at the core without having to amputate any limbs.

JFK and MLK gave me HOPE when I was a little girl. I was devastated when it was taken away. I live a life of NO HOPE now, considering my untreatable/incurable terminal illness (amyloidosis). However, Obama gives me a spark of hope for humanity - and it feels good.

P.S. = Hey Barb, if people are uneasy about his name (Barack), they can just call him by the name he was known as in high school.....Barry. Rather than get upset, maybe they can chill out to some Manilow. :D

im sorry you had people treat you so bad kathy but i dont feel my vote is based on race

obama is the most liberal senator in us congress and he says he wants war also in pakistan in iran i think i read and he will go back to iraq if alquada is there and mccain says they are already in iraq

i want to remind everyone that this thread is not a political thread. kathy made that clear.

it's about how her son has been treated because of his mixed race.

this is not a thread to post about the political stance of members or or the candidates themselves.

Please don't worry about us, Curious. Clouds and I are friends.

Thanks Clouds

His "buddies" aren't running for office. Just because he knows these people, doesn't mean he carries the same beliefs. The beliefs he carries shows in the way he's lived his life and the speeches he gives at the podium. Have you ever heard anything that resembles the "colorful" speeches from his minister - or anything resembling Farrakhan? No.

I have friends who hate white people. I have friends who hate blacks. I have friends who hate Jews. I have friends who hate Mexicans. I have friends who hate American Indians. I have friends who hate homosexuals. The list goes on. I admit, they have all inspired me - in other areas, of course (minus their hatred). Their views have also made me angry at times. Do you think I should cut off ties with these people altogether?

By the way, I've missed you. Did you hear the news my son won't be going to Iraq? He'll go on his regular deployment, then possibly return home for good. YIPPEE!!! :D

thats good news kathy

Even though I don't support Obama I admire him
 

I tend to be conservative. But I have been to a couple of his events and admire the way he has conducted himself in the race and how he has (especially in the early primaries) been able to cross racial lines to garner support from both the white and African American communities

As for you son...I can't imagine how difficult it has been for him. However, try to remind him that he has a unique perspective. He has seen both sides and that makes him (and Obama) able to look at things with a balanced view.

It is no secret that I have been involved in local politics. I was fortunate enough to have support from the African American community. However, I encourage leaders from their community to become active in the community at large because no matter how much I want to understand issues that affect them, I haven't walked in their shoes. It is difficult to fully comprehend those issues when you haven't lived the experiences. That is something your son has. That gives him strength and power.

I haven't seen the speech. I'm hoping to see it this evening. Hug yourself and your son.

Thanks Gigi :hug:

I hope you get the chance to hear the speech. :)

My son will be coming home on leave before he's deployed - coming home to celebrate my birthday with me. :cool: I can't think of a better present for me. Whadda guy, huh? :D

I'm thankful in this day and age to have access to cell phones and computers to keep in touch, but NOTHING can replace the feeling of a real live hug. As a mother, it's also important to take an occasional look in their eyes (so to speak) to see how they're doing - hard to do over the phone or by computer. :rolleyes:

I can't imagine the worry past mothers/fathers of soldiers in war felt, having to rely on "snail mail" and no word for long periods of time. :( My own mother lost contact with my father for a lengthy period of time during WWII - they couldn't find his ship. :eek: Obviously, it was found - or I wouldn't be here. :D

I feel like such a dweeb
 

I feel the same way (nothing beats looking in the eyes to make sure all is OK), but mine is just a way at college. I can't imagine what it is like for the parents of our soldiers.

I thank God that we have young people who are willing to voluntarily serve their country. Give him a big hug from us as well.

Enjoy your time together

about prejudice
 

I'm all Irish. Dad's side was Catholic. Mom was Protestant and converted before they married.

Dad's mom never approved, but the rest of his family came around - his sister and brother were wonderful.

My paternal grandmother never once hugged me.

Just goes to show you, if every human being on the planet were exactly the same color, the same race, height, had the same hair nose and eyes, they'd STILL find a reason to hate each other.

My mother taught us to behave better than that.

There you go, Braingonebad. Kids need hugs from ALL their grandparents. It really sucks when outside forces divide families and communities. :( If your grandmother is no longer with you, I'll bet she's been up there in heaven smacking her forehead for not hugging you when she had the chance. :hug: If she's still with you, sneak up behind her and give her a kiss on the cheek - just watch out for flying fists. :eek::p

I get so tired of racism and discrimination - and anyone (black, white, male, female......) can be a victim. :mad:

We're all the same race - the HUMAN RACE. Why can't people just live and let live?? Life is so short - why waste time being hateful.

LOL, Herekitty - doncha just want to grab them by the ears and say "Why can't you see I'm HUMAN?!?" :D

Asking people to let go of racial hatred is easier said than done though - hasn't worked for me when confronting skinheads, even when I've asked very nicely. :p It's rooted in fear and anger, and it causes pain - on all sides of the fence, inside and out. It's a wound we've all had for centuries. I think the only way to move beyond our racial divisions, create REAL harmony, and promote healing would be to acknowledge and address these issues in a real and sincere way - rather than sweeping them under the rug or placing an infected Band-Aid on the wounds.

I love my country just as much as any person who wraps themselves in an American flag. I love hot dogs and apple pie as much as anyone else. I'll even fight for my country, if need be. I worry so much about the crumbling infrastructure of our country and the welfare of all our people. I truly wish we could see beyond our differences and find a way to all come together. We need each other. :(

I agree. I will just never understand the hatred some people have in their hearts. I've tried very hard to raise my boys up to be tolerant and accepting of people who may have different beliefs and backgrounds. Just as someone else may seem "different" to them - they seem "different" to someone else. Whether it's religion, politics, lifestyle, whatever the difference is - we are all still human beings with feelings and emotions. To knowingly hurt some elses feelings is just wrong. Sure, we all do things we don't mean to or say things that come out wrong. To err is human. To do it purposely for the sole intent of hurting someone else is wrong. No matter how you look at it.

Can't we all just get along? :)

Well, people who are hateful have to live with themselves. They stew in their own rotten juices, steaming over all the rest of us, sick just because we are here.


I suppose that is pretty good punishment.

:p

Kathy - that grandmother died when I was 24, and I never really knew she was my grandma till they told me she had died.

I felt an odd sort of loss, and more so when my own grandaughter was born.


but then I was lucky I had my other grandma, and *adopted* my best friend's Granny as my own, as well.


Who says you can't pick your family? I do it all the time. Another thing I learned from Mom.

Granny was one of the best people I ever met. And that's why I insist my DGD calls me Granny. So now ya know.

Good for you, Braingonebad. :) I never got to have a grandmother of my own. My maternal grandmother loved me very much, but I don't remember her - she died when I was 2. My paternal grandmother died before I was born. I had a Danish step-grandmother, but she didn't speak English and I can't speak Danish. :rolleyes:

I always envied kids who had grandparents in their lives - even the ones with ornery grandparents. At the very least, the ornery ones were good for a laugh - and they kept my friends humble. :p

Your son does not deserve that type of treatment. I am a mother of two and know how much you must be hurting. Trust in how you raised your son to be strong and proud. Trust that all the values you instilled into him follow him everywhere he goes. Any and all types of negativity he has ever experienced only makes him stronger. Hugs to you and congrats on your boy coming home! Give him a hug from a retired military wife and soldier will you? :-)

Good thread, KathyM!

Sorry about your son's problems. It's not right and it's not fair, but for him I imagine it will always be a fact of life. It's good he has you for a Mom to teach him patience and tolerance.

My Dad is nearly 95 and remarked just recently that he doesn't now, nor has he ever, thought he was any better than anyone else. He has a special affinity for Native Americans because he used to play baseball with them.

I have always felt comfortable around African Americans because of something that happened when I was just 8 years old. I got lost in a bad section of the city after a parade. I wandered around for a long time and a bad white man in front of a bar led me away into a field. I finally ran away and knocked on the door of a nearby house.

The man who answered the door was black. I was determined not to cry, but the tears began to fall as I told him I was lost. He took me into the kitchen where his wife and children were where they took good care of me until help arrived. I will always be grateful for their kindness.

I admire anyone who is trying their best to be a good American. I can't even bring myself to narc on my neighbors, even though I know they are undocumented immigrants. They work hard and don't cause trouble.

My little granddaughter (3 at the time) once chastised me, saying: "Grandma, let's play nice!" I couldn't agree more.

Hey, Twink, maybe she should run for President!! :D

((((((((((Kathy & son)))))))))))))

I grew up in South Africa and saw firsthand what racism did to people, both the perpetrators and the victims! :mad::(:Sob:

Kudos to Mr Obama for speaking to the heart of the matter!

I am so sorry about the situation with your son and others who have been treated in such an ignorant way.

There will always be people who are insecure and ignorant who will call names, behave stupidly and are racists of one color or another.

Obama would not be able to do a thing about it and frankly he is a polarizing candidate who will make the divide even worse.

I am totally not thrilled about his pretty speaches with no substance to them. Like 'change'. Okay, how and what kind? No specifics here.

I have never been a racist; I could care less if Obama is black, white, pink or a mixture. I am listening to messages and the reality of what they say.

The church Obama belongs to is a very intolerant congregation and I could not believe he never heard any of the terrible things his pastor spoke of and ranted about.

Obama is a good speaker, but what does he say that is relevant?

Tootsie:confused:

Tootsie

For me, he speaks the truth instead of empty rhetoric and slogans taken from rose-colored history books and Hollywood war movies. His speeches tells me he's been listening to the people and their needs. His behavior here in Chicago before he started running for office showed me he cares for the people of his community - of all colors. I had never heard of the man until I saw Obama signs all over my neighborhood. I was surprised so many "racist" white people would vote for a black man, until I found out what he had done for all the steelworkers and their families here. I have no reason to believe he wouldn't carry the same passion for all of the people of this country.

He doesn't carry the same arrogance that former leaders and politicians carry. He has a deeper understanding of the cultural differences. He can be firm, but I can trust that he won't talk down to leaders of other countries as if they are children or belong to us. It only fans the flames when we display such arrogance and boast of our might. It's like a kid thumping his chest and proclaiming he's the "king of the hill" - it only invites an attack. He knows how to be respectful, even with his "enemies." It shows in how respectful he's been with Hillary, even while defending himself. :)

I know people don't like to address racial issues, but like it or not, we've been placed in this situation due to the war. It has caused so many divisions and highlighted our ignorance of cultural differences. It has forced us to face the truth. :o

Another reminder that this is not a political thread. Let's keep it that way.

Hmmm... I see your point, BUT...Kathy did compare her son to Obama....a political candidate for the Presidency.

I think there might be other mixed race people she could choose. Then there would be no confusion.

There is Derek Jeter, Vin Diesel, 'The Rock', Frederic Douglas, Booker T. Washington, W.E.B. Dubois, Tiger Woods, Halle Berry...and on and on.

This might be an opportunity to check out those with the same situation to see how they coped and get inspired.

When I read of some of the success stories I think it would be a very good way for Kathy's son to see that he is not alone and can acchieve whatever he sets out to do (at least as well as anyone else).

Tootsie

Diane

She made if very clear in her first post that this was NOT a political thread. Please stay on topic. This is a gentle reminder from the Moderators. ;)

Tootsie

I mentioned Obama because the comments about Obama and his minister are all over the news. It reminded me of the pain I've had to endure for going on 50 years now - and my son for the last 24 years. I miss my son terribly. He's been serving in the military for almost 4 years now. They are pushing him to re-enlist. All he wanted to do was go to college and study music, but we didn't have the money. :(

He's my only child and the light of my life. I worry about him now because he's still experiencing racist remarks and degradation from his officers. When he was home with me, I was able to keep a gauge on his emotions and anger level. His officers don't care about his emotions. They only push harder - especially when his officers are off duty and drunk. :(

I posted this thread to speak of the harmful effects of racism, even subtle remarks and jokes - and how it triggers so much pain and anger for those of us who have to live with it. I know it's not your fault. It's not my fault either. When my son was born, I figured by the time he was a grown man people would be able to see he's a human being. I figured wrong. :(

How does this compare to your uncle's resemblance to our President? :confused:

I'm sorry my words upset you. :o

Your son does not deserve to be treated like a 2nd class citizen nor did you deserve the slurs and nastiness you had to endure.

All I can say is that the people who said those things to you, your ex and/or your son are very insecure (and most likely morons!).

I can only relate to you that the important thing to do in raising a child of any color is to find something they can excel at and something positive. A good role model helps also.

My sons took a lot of nastiness also. Both are white, but that didn't matter.

One was small for his age which brings out the worst in some people especially in the middle school and highschool kids. In those years insecurity rears it's ugly head.

I never could understand why kids like to pick on other kids, particularly if they are not the right size, the right color, the right whatever. I can only think this stuff comes from their upbringing.

It can hurt so much and have terrible results.

My DH and I made sure our son's had hobbies, goals and lots of support.

You can't take the sting out of the words or the lack of acceptance but you can equalize things a bit.

We encouraged our sons to get good educations, to enjoy sports and hobbies and not to lower theirselves to the level of their detractors.

I won't say it's not tough, but both my sons are great guys. They have college educations, wonderful families, great jobs and are looked up to.

Their experiences have made them sensitive to the needs of others and respectful and interested in peoples well being.

Tell your son the best comeback to all the detractors is to succeed. Time passes and things can get much better. Tell your son to set his sites high and move forward.

Then the name callers are the losers and your son will be the winner.

Good Luck to you and to him.

Tootsie

Thanks Tootsie

It would be nice if they were just kids, or if it were only in the past. But it was also from adults - teachers, clergymen, police officers, and prospective employers. Now it's from military officers. His officer is of the belief that blacks are born to be slaves - both on earth and in the hereafter. The officer is particularly vicious when he's drunk, but "strict" discipline and alcohol are encouraged on base. Drinking alcohol is practically the only "entertainment" they have available to them on their off hours. My son would appear weak if he complained about his treatment. :(

Like you, I have always told him the best "revenge" is success - and that's his job (I can't do it for him). What would you suggest I say to him to keep him from becoming overly angry and bitter over his current treatment? :( He will still be black when he gets out. :o

I had the notion your son was a little boy. I'm sorry.

I do know that adults are usually the role model for children, including those who are mean. I guess he can just plan to rise above it all.

You know he has one very good asset. YOU! Just keep encouraging him and send him a few good books by people who overcame the odds. There is a good site where you can find the name of men and woman who are biracial and successful. I'll send it to you if you want to PM me.

I'd send him a few books or tapes.

I cannot see why people belittle others... I mean how does that benefit society:confused:. If you hurt and anger people are they likely to be a benefit to society or an impediment?

My thought is to befriend and give folks a chance.

In your son's case keep reminding him that those who say the dumb things are showing their ignorance and making themselves big in their own minds by speaking down to others.


Tootsie