Guess he'll never quite "get" the fatigue issue
 

Hi everyone, just a small grumble for the morning. I'm driving 1 1/2 hours each way to visit my family today. I'm looking forward to it, but am also concerned about having enough energy to drive, as well as visit(who knew talking and listening could be so exhausting).

MY BF suggested I stop by and visit another friend while I'm there. I know it's an innocent statement, but it just shows me he really doesn't get how tiring things are for me. Even the 1 visit will take me all day tomorrow to recover from. Anyway, thanks for listening, needed to tell someone who would understand. Thanks...

Diana

Nope, he won't, Diana. How could he? I know that I could never have imagined myself this way. Sometimes, it's easier to just say, "okay" and let it pass. Feel better, it's frustrating but definitely not the worst case. :)

There is this story that someone posted...you would think I could remember who or where...but it is about Spoons.

In a short version, it refers to our energy as Spoons. You take a handful of spoons and for every daily act that you perform you take away a spoon. Now that includes waking up-one spoon, getting out of bed-another spoon, walking to the bathroom-another spoon, brushing your teeth-another spoon, getting ready for work-another spoon, and so on and so on. By lunchtime most of our spoons would be gone.

I will try to find that story or maybe someone knows what I am referring to.

I have used that example to explain to my family and close friends what it is like for us to deal with trying to conserve our energy. Maybe you could use that for you BF.

I hope this helps some. I know I explained it to my ex and lets just say he didn't get it...that is why he is now the ex. :p

What AMN/Cindy said, (((((((((((((Diane)))))))))))))

Thanks Vic for saving my brain!!!! :Thank you:

diana, for a little er, um, "therapeutic session" .......

you can hop over and visit our little friend: Empathy Man.

http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/sh...ht=Empathy+Man

you might find it entertaining to inflict debilitating fatigue upon him, sit back, and laugh.

it gets all your frustrations out, while you wait, and hope that your bf learns to understand.

my hubby *usually* doesn't press me to do things, when I say "I'm tired"

but sometimes I wish he could just be me for a few days.

then, he'd REALLY "get it"

:p

Diana ~Unless you live it, I don't think a person DOES get it. My DH claims to understand how fatigued I can get, but he also knows that I choose to stay home more b/c of it. So, sometimes he'll mention that I should think about going to coffee, lunch or whatever w/some of my friends.

I think he just wants me to "get out more", so I can enjoy myself. But, like I said, I don't really think they totally understand..

Hope your visit w/your family was nice and that you'll bounce back quicker. take care.

A couple of good links for him to read:

http://www.deannandlenny.com/feeling.htm

http://www.lamarfreed.net/fatiguems.html

Cherie

so whatare you suppose to do everytime he doesnt get the fatigue issue u smack him with a spoon? :rolleyes: sorry could not refuse to add my half pence in here


hi folks

when we go out shopping my wife doesnt seem to grasp the fatigue issue at all still drives ,me nuts

My sister wants me to take a trip with her to NC to visit our cousins and uncle. She wants to fly to Atlanta from VA and then we can drive to NC and stay with them (they have a beach house that we can stay in).

I cannot convince her that I just can't do that - not right now. She says she'll drive and I can just relax and ride along. She doesn't understand that I can't sit for hours on end - she doesn't understand spasticity, bladder problems, etc. Not to mention the heat that plays terrible tricks on me in the summer. And no matter how I try to explain it she just doesn't "get it".

Sure, today I might feel like I could make the trip, but an hour from now I might be on the couch for the rest of the day with fatigue and pain. It's hard to make plans such as these.

Ah yes, the old catch-22 of MS (and other chronic diseases). Is it more complicated and tiresome to go somewhere and do something, or to try to explain to someone why it's so complicated and tiresome?

My husband "gets it" as much as anyone other than my friend with lyme/fibro. He has health issues of his own, and he's as understanding as he's able to be.

But he still can't absorb the concept of fatigue not necessarily relating to what you do, and not necessarily being eased by sleep or rest. He also doesn't comprehend that "fatigue" does not always translate as "sleepy".

Hi everyone,thanks for your replys and support. I can't imagine how much more diificult it would be to manage the challenges of MS without the support of people who understand. So, thank you.

Yesterday went pretty well, the drive down was okay, and I had a nice visit. The drive back turned into an extra hour due to traffic. I was sooo tired, when I got home , I probably couldn't of added 2 + 2 together.

All I need to do is find someone who will drive me around everywhere and I have more energy to visit:)

Hope you're having a good day, Diana

I understand ..... it's so frustrating! She saw me in January when she came in for my other sister's funeral. Not sure what she was expecting to see but she kept commenting that I was "fine" and that she was so relieved to see that I "wasn't disabled". I do a good job of hiding what I want to hide and the invisible symptoms, well, they are just there all the time and I guess I have gotten used to them. Why do people think you have to be immobile to be disabled? She saw how off balance I was at home - her daughter even commented on it once.

Our families love us - I know they do - and they just want us to be able to do the things we used to do. We do too!! And it's frustrating to have to keep "splainin' " the same thing over and over!!

DH and I drive to TN (650 miles) because of our fear of flying. Not the actual fear of flying, but that they broke his power chair last time we flew. So, we drive. It's hard on Jim but he loves to travel. He never complains and seems happy. I constantly ask him to tell me the truth and I do believe he is. Maybe he's so accommodating to driving because I am accommodating when we get there? I let him have a couple of days whenever he needs it to just kick back in the hotel while I go running around with the kin folk. I guess you could say we balance each other.

But now my family and his? Oh man, they don't get it when I say if Jim goes out one day he needs one or two to recoup. They cock their heads and look dumbfounded. Ugh. Do you know what it's like to ask your family to travel up to see you because it's too hard on Jim at times and they never come?