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insomnia......????
Many of you know that I take Ambien for sleep....the highest dose possible.
I continue to read scarey things about it and am afraid that I am addicted to it....developing a tolerance. I have read that it has very serious side effects and is very difficult getting off/ discontinuing...that the withdrawl is horrible....that it causes rebound insomnia. Here is my question for you fine people: How many hours do you sleep a night? Is this enough? HOw many of you suffer with insomnia? or sleep issues for that matter? Have you ever tried sleeping pills/aides before? If you can't/won't take them how does your not sleeping interfer with your life. Does this insomnia make you manic? HOw do you deal with not sleeping? Do you hold a job...have to get places the next day? I ask all of this because I worry about taking all of this medication and what it is doing to my brain. I already know that if I don't take an ambien then I can't sleep. I wonder how long that would last.... Has any one successfully tapered off a medication? Benzo or sleeping pill? bizi |
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you know, I am not bipolar.
But I do have the SAD type depression when I am deprived of light.
When I was put on clonidine for blood pressure, I developed a huge irritability from it, leading to terrible insomnia. When that started, about a month after beginning it, I went 3 days with less than 2 hrs a night. I became very manic, and disoriented and desperate. Finally I thought...what the heck is going on here? Looking at my meds, the clonidine was new...so I searched the net aggressively on it. Sure enough it causes mania in children, along with its cousin Tenex. I found one psychiatric site that said 2% of patients may become manic. So I really believe that severe insomnia wreaks havoc with your brain and neurotransmitters! One thing that really helped thru the menopause (when I had most of my insomnia issues) is methyl B12 . I have a paper somewhere here on this board about using B12 supplements to overcome sleeping issues..... let me look.... here: Quote:
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Here is my question for you fine people:
How many hours do you sleep a night? Is this enough?three four -no it isn't enough HOw many of you suffer with insomnia? or sleep issues for that matter?I do Have you ever tried sleeping pills/aides before?yes and they didn't work ambien lunesta and trazadone....now I take four m of risperdal at nine to help me sleep about four hours If you can't/won't take them how does your not sleeping interfer with your life.badly Does this insomnia make you manic?mixed mood HOw do you deal with not sleeping?badly Do you hold a job...have to get places the next day? I ask all of this because I worry about taking all of this medication and what it is doing to my brain. I already know that if I don't take an ambien then I can't sleep. I wonder how long that would last.... Has any one successfully tapered off a medication? Benzo or sleeping pill? |
What is troubling to me is this hungover feeling...a drugged feeling that I have in the morning and I am so not motivated to get up.
It is like I am in bed 10 hours and it still isn't long enough.... for the past 6 months I have been taking the ambien earlier before going to bed because it seems to not be working as quickly as it used to. I am taking geodon in the evenings as well. only 40mg....maybe that has a sedating enough effect to be my only sleep aid. The only way to know is to try. I asked hubby what he thought....we will see.... bizi |
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What are you going to try? Going off the ambien? I'm not clear. Basically you seem to be saying that you don't like the side effects of the Ambien and you considering tapering it? Does Ambien help you at all? I wonder if it works to temporarily take a long acting benzo while tapering? Is Ambien pretty close to a benzo? Mari |
yes Mari, ambien is like a benzo and acts on the same recepor sites...Gamma sites if I remember correctly.
I talked with hubby about it and we decided to wait until aafter the school is done for the semester as he will be off and if I am not sleeping well, I won't bother him since he won't have to get up early...and more importantly...he will be around to help monitor me....I am going to talk with my pdoc about this and see if she will prescribe a lower dose for me. I hate to think of restarting a benzo to get off the sleeping pill but am open to about anything. $ years ago I was not taking anything to sleep....I need to get back to that. Don't know if I shared this with you but had an experience while on the ambien, took it and had a very agressive response...I know my fault for taking it and not going to bed right away....I became a crazy woman with a knife....this happened at a camp ground a couple of months ago...not a good scene....it was awful. thanks mari:o bizi |
I can relate to this.This is going to hurt me. This was a nightmare experience I had
In the time frame of around 1976,and 1977,a Doctor,at another mental health facility,before my 1980,or 1981 stay at the other hospital that I've already talked about,gave me a powerful sleeping pill. It was so powerful that they don't allow it's use in the USA anymore,I don't think.
The Dr. said that he's seriously concerned about me. I had a hospital stay,for about two weeks. He put me on seconal,and then Tuinal,and then Methaqualone 300Mg.over a period of time. I was proscribed 2 Methaqualone 300Mg(Quaaludes)a night for two years. I was also on Valium 10 Mg. Thats what they put me on in 1969,or 1970 until that time. I thought that those meds where helping me. I had euphoria with the Quaaludes before I slept. These things where way to powerful.All euphoria of any kind,and peace in my mind are gone. I also don't feel excitement in a good way anymore. I've noticed the stange absence of these feelings. I mainly feel a sort of torment,and sometimes disruptive painfull thoughts,but It's not intense all the time. Sometimes It gets very intense. Sometimes I get the one thought after another. One thought blowes out of perportion,followed by another,and another,and another. Then it calms down after awhile. I cannot relieve it. Maybe some of these new medicines can help. This current psychiatrist that I'm seeing,I seen for about 20 years now. He doesn't try any new meds. Not in over 10 years. I told the Dr, that I don't want to take them anymore. I flushed them down the toilet. The withdrawals started to hit me. The Dr. didn't prepare me for it. I got worse. I went to him,and I said please let me get off of them slowly. He nodded his head no. I got in my car, and drove out into the country late at night. I thought that I was going to loose my mind. I drank bear,and Rum,to help the affects of these withdrawals. My Dad said that they kicked this doctor out of the State. The hospital is no longer there. I was disrupted for about three years. Then a different doctor gave me Chloral Hydrate for a period of time starting in about 1982,to about 1984. I went from Valium, to Ativan,to Xanax. I went to another doctor in about 1988 who reduced my Xanax to 0.25 MG. Does this sound right,with all of the problems that I have described for about 3 weeks. That was around the time that a pastor whom I mentioned, said I should not be taking medicines. So I had only a little problem taking 0.25 Mg of Xanax. I was uptight all the time,and they didn't know how to help me at that church. That's why they hit me when they prayed for me,trying anything I guess. I wonder what the expression on my face looked like. It was about then that I stopped trusting people. I just don't think that they know what they are doing. I have all of these bad problems,and they are decreasing my medication. In 1980,or 1981, when I had my second hospital stay, they took me off Xanax cold turkey and I had a seizer right there in the hospital. Then they put me back on Valium,and then Xanax. I'm on Luvox 50 mg for the OCD part now.I'm depressed,nervous,angry,obsessional,troubled. I'm starting to imagine things noise wise. I didn't have OCD until after I went through several years of stumbling off the withdrawals off of that Methaqualone. I really feal injured by that withdrawal experience,and that church thing. The New doctor in the hospital was wrong by taking me off the Xanax,or Ativan cold turkey in my second hospital stay. I still feel the shock from all of this. I've had anxiety get worse as a matter of fact as they have decreased my medicine in the late 80's. I wouldn't want those Methaqualones though. My doctor has put me on luvox(All generic now) for the OCD. I don't feel right. Somethings wrong,and I don't know what to do about it. I believe the 0.25 Mg of Xanax generic is to low. I'm tired of all this. Now people,and my family do not want to be around me. Social Services hasn't called me in two weeks. I can't get help with SSD yet. My sister just emailed me, and said your trust fund money will be depleted in 3,or 4 ,months. She said try to withdraw your 401K money. I have some 401K money but I cannot withdraw it now can I. I'm not of retirement age. This has been painful,but if they thought it would be good to try to decrease my medicine,I believe that they are wrong. You all here what I'm saying. The doctor doesn't hear,my family doesn't hear,no one here's me but the people on this wedsite. If my sister starts telling me that she's not going to support me at the end of my trust,I don't know what to do. My SSD hearing isn't until December,or later. It may not be until 2009. I'm starting to feel troubled about this again. This has not been a short term problem,It's been all of my life. Social Security Disability doesn't seem to want to help me,now it Social Services,and my sister. It's like my time is running out. Could that powerful sleeping pill cold turkey experience,and the Tranquilizer cold turkey experience have hurt me. Why is this happening,and my sister is wanting me to not be around anymore. I just feel one trauma,after another. I just never understand why this never ends. If I didn't wright this down correctly, it's because I just went through a great deal of pain. Now someone out there could twist what I've said into my problem. They could say it's drug abuse. I didn't abuse it,it was prescribed,I didn't know anything,and I told the doctor that i wanted to get off of it. Then He wouldn't give me anymore so I could ween myself off them. Then I wanted to drive out in the dark into the country.I was just in allot of pain,on top of pain. Do people understand what I'm saying. I'm hurting ,and there is no way out of it. There is never a way out of it anymore. I stopped drinking in 1981. The doctor has decreased my medicine over time. Over time I've been getting a little worse. It's real bad right now. It's 4:23 AM now as I just looked up at the clock. I'll look at the 6AM Star Trek to get my mind off this,then I'll try to sleep. I hope that my sister doesn't give me one off those phone calls to scare me about the money again. I don't know why she's doing this. Does anyone understand why she's trying to scare me,and she knows its scaring me. Could she be obsessed? Well it might end me. I feel strange about this.I'm sorry. Do they think that I'm putting this on? Do they think that It's all in my head? I think new discoveries are showing otherwise. It's not in my head,and I'm not making this up. There's nothing to look forward to. I'm only in pain. I don't know why I'm talking about this. I guess my sister Is freaking me out. Could it be that they just want to dump me? Is that the way they feal about me. It would probably be a relief to them if I died. My sister had no emotion when my mother died.That was last year.She had her cremated. Mom didn't want to be. She hasn't even been buried yet. I think she's waiting for my dad to die,and she will bury them together. They where glad when Mother died,and it was a relief to them. She was out of misery from MS. She died of cancer though. I just heard negative,and no concern,or love for her. I wish for her to be loved,and remembered. I just don't understand my family,and they don't want me around,or hear me talk about anything. They don't want to hear my opinions,or anything that I say. I'm not that bad. The customers where I worked loved me. Just in the last year this negative influence from my sister has changed my view upon myself. I don't feel like I do anything good anymore. My work was liked by my employers at the last to jobs where I worked. My sister does not like my work suddenly. She doen't like my thought's,and ideas,and me now. Sometimes I don't understand ,or know my own family |
Oh Gosh. No one gave me any input. I must have said to much. It was a nightmare. It was the truth.This haunts me to this day.
Bizi I think that you will be OK. Nothing like this would happen to you. I hope that this didn't scare you. I didn't mean it to. What they prescibed me was much different then ambien. You will be fine. I was just pooring out me heart in rememberence of the late 1970's period of my life. This left me with allot of hurt,and now I cannot trust Medical professionals. I know one thing. One to one,and 1/2 Mg.s of Xanax a day is not working for me any more. The luvox is for the OCD. I called social services,and no one answered this afternoon. I left a message. They didn't call back. They haven't called me in three weeks exactly. I feel like going out somewhere and scream,will someone help me! I'm a mess. BF |
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I don't think it was that you said too much BF
- I know for me my eyes kind of get lost when the sentences don't have any breaks in them. I end up reading the same sentences over and over or I skip one and have to figure out what I missed. I'll break it up in to some paragraphs and I'll bet there will be some more replies in no time. |
BF can you drive to Social Services? Are you functional enough to drive? If you are I would go out there and see about talking to someone personally even if it means waiting for awhile. Try to stay calm, I take avitan for my anxiety and am grateful it works. It sounds like your sister is burnt out as a caregiver even if she's not living with you taking physical care of you. :(
I don't know why she's doing this, maybe it's her way of giving you tough love, to try to help you, though she probably can't see how frightened you are of becoming completely unable to care for yourself like having no financial resources to do so would leave you. Has she talked about what your options are? If so what has she been saying? Do you have Medicaid and SSI at least? I would try to get on SSI and definitely see about medcaid and food stamps. Also start looking into the local food banks in your area, get signed up, you need all the help you can get when the money runs out and for right now you need it to stretch for as long as you possibly can. These are serious problems, but you CAN do it if you can focus on the goals you make and do the footwork to make them happen. You can get food and clothing from local 'charities' and the social workers should be able to help you. Oh boy, I was assuming you are in the US...If you're not I don't know what to tell you as far as advice on dealing with these things. Tell me if you're in the states and have a car and maybe I can offer more advice, if not I will have to talk to some friends in the UK if you're there. Bless your heart BF, you don't deserve what you're getting tossed around at you. :( :grouphug: |
Dear Friend,
Who gives you the prescriptions for Xanax and the Luvox? Tell that dr to send you to a different doctor. You need to see a different psychiatrist right now. Get yourself to a psychiatrist and take the print out of some of your posts with you. Get this set up tomorrow/Friday. Do whatever you have to do. You can do it. I have no idea what your sister is up to or what she is thinking. Besides, it doesn't matter. You need to take care of yourself by getting in to see a psychiatrist. If you cannot get an appointment by tomorrow, drive yourself to an Emergency Room. Mari |
Thank you. My sister has MS. My mother had MS. Her mother had ALS. There is some neuro flaw in my family line.
I have a car. I'm a good driver. I have a perfect record. There are allot of bad drivers out there, and I'm very aware of it. I would have made a great traffic cop. lol I pull off the road when I can because there are allot of tailgaters out here. People total cars hitting Deer out here. So I make sure that I keep a proper breaking distance for a emergency stop if needed. I said that to say,I'm a very good driver. Driving sometimes removes the thoughts. Gas is going up though. I'm going to see if I can withdraw my 401K. I have some money in there. Not allot. Waiting for this SSD hearing is depleting my Trust Fund,and now I'm going to have to use my 401K. If the people let me withdraw it,I will start spending it in about September to pay the bills. My lawyer requested a hearing in December,but he said that my case is still being evaluated by Social Security Disability. I hear that I'm in a hard state to get it.The web, says you have to have a Specialist lawyer in Social Security Disability cases. I'm in a Commonwealth State. If the Judge declines me,what do I do then? Do I take it to the Supreme Court? I've had problems with this since I was about 13,or 14 years old,but now it's really taking a toll on me. I have life long undeniable problems. I don't know why I'm going through this hell. My chest hurts from the anxiety right now. I have a pain from anxiety that isn't letting up in the lower left part of my chest under my ribs. My neck is cramping on one side. I've got anxiety all over. I've never seen my sister like this. She is usually angry at someone,but not me. I even wonder if she's trying to push me over the edge. I've never heard her talk to me the way she's talking to me recently,and It's a sudden thing,out of the blue. It's like she is on the edge of hysteria.I live by myself about 5 miles away.She did scream at me on the telephone about five years ago. Her temper flaired,and she let me have it with both barrels. I didn't do a thing to deserve that. From what I understand,they had a problem with her at work. She was angry with me for six months. I didn't do anything. She went through a period of anger at me that I didn't deserve. The same thing is happening to her again. BF |
Mari He's a psychiatrist
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Yeah, I realize that. I wrote it wrong the first time. Tell him to recommend somone else. And get an appointment. Mari |
Friend,
I am worried about you. M |
Pamster When I give a well though out opinion,she usually says the opposite,about science,politics,or anything else. It's just becoming a terrible thing,and I don't understand whats going on,or whats motivating her thinking. She's 57,and I'm 55. She has to be right.
It's something about siblings,and her being the firstborn. We are both well into our adulthood,and I don't understand what it is that's motivating her to be irrational,and bitter. It could be a combination of things,but it's got her going whatever it is. It might be her age,medicine,or how she responds to anxiety,and MS. She said one day,YOUR CONDITION IS AFFECTING ME! I don't mean to be affecting her negatively by my anxiety. I'm stuck where I am. I hope she doesn't become more hostile. I've never seen her like this. |
Mari Thank you. I appreciate your concern. Your a true friend
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Pamster I don't have SSI,or Medicaid. I have only recently begun to ask for the Governments help. It seems to me that they are doing there best to avoid helping me. That's what It seems like.
In whatevers happening. I'm scared. My money is going down quickly,then My 401K money will go down. |
sorry for not responding sooner jsut got in and read what you wrote.
I like the idea of you going in person to talk with them... not over the phone. This is a great suggestion. Your lawyer should be able to bring up your date december is too far away. keep trying...things will work out. we are listening. bizi |
bizi Thank you. I agree. I went to the Social Security office myself last Dec., and asked for a hearing,and filled out the paper work again,that's not to different from the other paper work. I don't think they read it..
My lawyer sent me a letter,and said he thinks that my hearing date will be in mid- December 2008. I don't know what this means,but he said that my case is still in review by SSD. I wonder why it has to be this way? I'm still bothered by my sisters tone of voice,and the way she responded to me on the telephone. I don't understand her anger,sarcasm,and accusations. I haven't done anything wrong. It sounds like she is on the verge of hysteria. She sounded downright cold hearted,mean,unfeeling,and uncaring. She's a different person. She had a uncanny bitterness towards our mother. Mom didn't do anything wrong. She doesn't like Dad. It branches out to some of our cousins,Uncles, and Aunts. She is full of anger. Because it's so sudden,I'm astonished. She screamed at me on the telephone though when I was in another city,and she was enraged about something about 5 years ago. That hurt me. She didn't speak to me for about six months. She just up, and went bananas. I'm now pretty sure that her anger is not my fault. It's 4:40 AM,and I'm trying to figure out whats going wrong. Why is this happening? Bad things have happened to me for no reason,and I have all of these emotional problems,and depression. I didn't know I'd ever end up at a dead end like this.They really make you sweat it out,on top of you being sick,and you wonder if you will be lucky enough to get a small amount of money to help you get by. I guess I,m not the only on who's written like this. Job in the Bible went through a great trial,and he lost his wife I think,and his children I think. His friends didn't help. David while writing some of the psalms wrote about his troubles,pains,and sorrows. His soul was troubled in him he said. He went through great troubles,and trials. When your in one,all you see is the dark,and experience the wind,and feal the cold. Much of my life has been like this. The great maize,the broken self image,the rejection,the pain,the shame,the division,the people who didn't understand so they attacked,the wall,the great wall,the cold wall,the wall of separation,the wedge,wedges driven between me ,and others,their words where like darts,and sharp arrows,the jungle. I feel like I've been through it all. Social services,social security,family,churches,doctors,hospitals,friends ,thieves,bullies,insurance American companies making things in China,Vietnam,Iraq,JFK,George Bush what in the world is he doing,Nuclear bombs,Asteroids,terrorists,hype,media,consolidated press removing the local news,binding laws,too many lawyers in Political offices,death,and taxes. Where do the suffering people go,and people consider it not,and don't care,except here. Thank you all for embracing me in my pain,I'm in very much pain right now,and alone. I'm always alone. I don't know how to get ride of this pain. I'm tired. Forgive me for jotting down these words that came to mind. I was wondering if it would help. BF |
Bizi,sorry for side tracking the topic,I'm a mess,I've been on this thing all night.
I'm sorry for sidetracking the Ambien discussion. I didn't know I was so upset. My sister was fussing at me on the telephone. It was irrational,and I was wondering if she was trying to goat me into a argument. I held my peace. I know she's having inner conflict.
She's becoming a danger to me. All she talks about is money. Money is always the topic now, She knows that it bothers me. She is starting to remind me of my Dads explosive temper. She has started a count down of when my money is going to run out. She promised that she wouldn't do what she's doing to me. I know that she knows she's bothering me,but she is doing it anyway. She must have lost concern for me. She has a traveling cold spot in her heart,and now it's on me. They just finished a lawsuit on a contractor.They are taking a former employee to court. I don't really know whats going on in these circumstances. My dad exploded with temper at me,especially when he drank. He fussed,and vented on me after he got home from the office. I had to be really carful around him to not make him angry. He was already angry,and he let it out on me. My bosses would vent on me. I hate being fussed at. Now my sister is manipulating me,and with these head trips,she's backing me into a box. I don't know what to do. Is it wrong writing this out hear? She said she hasn't talked to the family yet. I wonder what she meant by that. She's goating me,she's mentally punching me,she's manipulating me,now I think that she is setting a trap for me by what I heard on the phone yesterday. She tried to say that I said something that I didn't say. I recalled what I said ,and remembered that she tried to make me walk into that one. What on earth is she doing. I'm not stupid,and I wasn't born yesterday. I think that she up to something,and she has broken her word. BF |
I hope you can drive and have a car, that will really help you to get what you need done BF. I wish there was something that could be done to help your emotional state. But it sounds like your sister is really cold and angry. A very bad combination. Can you remember what it was like to be happy at some time in your life? Is it possible to recreate a happy place in your mind where you could go to escape the meaness of your sister so it won't affect you as deeply? Maybe I am wrong to suggest this, but it sounds like you're at the end of your wits with all these problems and no relief in sight, so I think you should maybe try to create your own relief.
See I lost a leg to the hip at 18, motorcycle accident, by all rights I should have bled to death in minutes because of how bad my injuries were. But the thing is that somehow I survived. One technique the psych doc taught me was kinda a self-hypnotism thing where I went to a place where I remember being most happy, my bedroom during the early 80's with all my Def Leppard posters and magazine clippings hanging up on the walls. It was to escape the pain even if it was just for a little while. Now sometimes it helped and other times I felt worse afterwards, because it made me think of how my life would never be the same. I am telling you all this to try to help inspire you to think about what you DO have, so maybe you can find some emtoinal relief in that knowledge and recharge yourself to stand up and fight to keep it all. Getting SSDI is no easy task, they turn virtually everyone down the first two times and make you go in front of a judge. I cried at 19 and felt wretched for not having any skills that made me jobworthy. And I did get a few odd jobs over the years, but I just hurt too much now to work. And with the BP II I doubt I could handle the stress of a full time job anymore. But the point is there are all kinds of pain, emotional pain is just as debilitating as physical pain IMHO, and I really feel for you. This is why we come here, to seek out comfort in our exchanges with others here, to develop online relationships where we don't feel as isolated as we did prior to coming here. There are some wonderful people here, but I know many are in pain just like you are, and I just want to say you're not alone anymore. Granted we can't come over and hang out and lift your spirits that way, by a re4al life visit, but THIS is real life too, and I hope my post lifts your spirits a bit, because you didn't ask to become Bipolar, it happened. But you can accept it and try to move on and forward in your life. It was wrong of your sister to lay that guilt trip on you about "Your illness is affecting me" that is just plain old selfishness rearing its ugly head. She sound slike she resents having to help you and that could go back to your childhood together and have more to do with her being older then you and feeling like a surrogate mother to you, regardless what she's doing to you is wrong, it's manipulative and cruel. Just know that she's angry and do your best not to set her off. Granted you shouldn't have to live like that but because it sounds like you have no choice and have to depend on her, giving her some space and emotional distance might help you both. I wish I had a magic wand and could speed up the hearing with Social Security for you but it takes them awhile because the system is so bogged down with people who need it just as much as your or I do. It's not a lot of money but it should be enough to get by. I would definitely look into getting SSI started if you can, I know there are rules that have changed since I got it so you're just going to have to do some legwork there and try to get situated on that program before you get on SSDI which will get you on Medicaid too. Are you seeing anyone for counseling or therapy? I'm with Mari on getting help right away, you're in a bad place right now and in need of help. You definitely need to vent these feelings and IMHO a psychoatrist, counselor or therapist is just the ticket since they might be able to help you by offering strategies for dealing with your sister and your situation moreso then any of us can. But as far as what I've posted, I NEED to try to help, so if anything I said upset you I apologize, it's just my burning need to reach out and try to make a difference in someone's life who's suffering in pain like you are. I would do anything to ease your pain BF, I hope some of what I said helps and makes you feel a little better. :hug: Keep us posted on how you're doing BF, take care. :) ETA (edited to add) It's fine you're writing this out here, the point is that you're here and posting for comfort and we're doing our best to offer our support to you, hoping it is useful to you to hear that we think you're getting hurt by someone who promised to take care of you. She's in a position of power over you and it sounds like she's purposely trying to set you off, so knowing that you have to work extra hard to maintain your self-restraint and NOT give her the reaction she's hoping for to justify whatever it is she's planning. I have no idea of what that could be since I don't know all your circumstances, but you said it yourself, you're NOT Stupid, so take the high road here with her and rise above letting her guilt trips upset you at least while you're on the phone. THat having a countdown thing is just to upset you, and it's mental stress she knows you don't need. I want to call it abuse, but like I said, I don't know your situation well enough to call it that, but that is the first word I wanted to type there instead of stress.... |
Thank you Pamster
That means allot to me. Thank you for understanding my pain. I was very distraught last night,and I was just typing slowly what I was feeling. I was on hear all night. I think I was one here all night the night before also.
You have made me feal better. I know that you don't know my sister,and I'm trying to have a forgiving heart. She initially hurts me,then I forgive her.I wish that I could tell her she's hurting herself also. The emotions we have are not meant to contain,and entertain ill will,and hatred for other people,especially our family members. It has a detrimental affect on the person who hates,and is bitter. I'm sure she wouldn't accept that insight from me,for she isn't accepting any of my thoughts,ideas,services,hobbies,songs,or anything. I think it's that big sister thing which doesn't make sense to me at our age. I don't remember her,and I doing anything together when we where kids. She basically has condescending words about me when she talks about my youth. I think that she's blind to what she's saying to me. The accusations,and scolding are different. I know that she knows deep down what she's doing,but she feels justified for some reason. I believe that is a delusion that she has. She has no right to be like this to me. I'm sorry that you lost your leg in a accident. They happen so fast. I was on a bicycle,and I turned onto a road where gravel was loose. The bicycle quickly fishtailed,and the bike went down on its side. My little finger on my right hand hit the gravel. I was about 12. Part of the bone came out. A neighbor took me to the hospital,and that snapped the bone back in. I heard a snap. They sowed it back up. It's a little bent,thats all. I get emotional pain at work working with other people. In my experience,I can't do enough. I've been used,badgered,harassed,and fussed at. I'm tramitised between work,church,family,bully types,and other failed relationships. I feel like people are whispering about me now. It's eery. I hear distorted sounds that I can't decipher now,and I just want to get out of there. Many things have happened to me at work,because with my condition,I could never get a good job with nice people. In the places that I've worked,people have started problems,and started conflicts. It never stoped,and got worse after 9/11. They said in the beginning that this tragedy pulled us together. Then I watched it pull the nation apart. It was so sad. I have a appointment with Social Services on Tuesday. I finally got there attention. There was a three week period of no communication. BF |
Dear BF,
I am glad tha tyou have an appointment coming up...that is terrific.... am sorry that you have been suffering so. With your OCD, you really have to be careful. It is very addicting to be on this computer...I understand...have that tendency as well so I have to use my brain and shut it off. I don't know what coping mechanisms you use...what has worked for you in the past? I am hoping that the wheels of change will begin for you... ((((HUGS)))) bizi |
I woke up this morning not wanting to get out of bed,
I think I am depressed. It has been sneaking up on me for some time...this is unusual for me. Being bp1 and from past experience I can't take anti depressants... this feeling of worthlessness will go away in time...I know that. Maybe I am having a mid life crisis...just looking at what I am doing... I know that I should be feeling really grateful for the abundancy in my life... instead I feel judgemental and question my motives... I still feel I need a kick in the pants....a wake up call...guess I have been saying that for a while now. I have been on this computer too much, I think that I have too much time on my hands and not enough challenges or responcibility, nothing motivates me now....how do you guys get motivated? bizi |
I am so glad you got an appt with Social Services Tuesday BrokenFriend, I am also really glad I helped make you feel better. That was what I wanted to accomplish and the fact I did makes me feel good. Hang in there, you CAN get through this. :)
Well bizi, it's not easy sometimes, sometimes I make it and get that kick in the pants, other times that doesn't work. But like say I know I have to go shopping and clean up or something like laundry. I really hate laundry who doesn't right? So I tell myself I can do whatever I want once I get the errands run and laundry at least in the washing washing up. Or in other cases say I have to shower for a dr appt, I force myself to do that because we ALL have to take care of ourselves that way. I don't let myself off the hook or else something might take hold of my mood like depression. I sat here crying after that darn tooth broke, I understand hitting 40 and how it's hard to imagine the next stages coming for us, I look at mom who just turned 60 last October and it scares me. Today we went out and she had trouble keeping up. It's really frightening, the thought of getting older and losing abilities to get things done, I don't know if that's what is getting to you or not. I will read the other thread and comment more then bizi, but here are some big hugs! :hug: :hug: :hug: |
Dear Pamster,
I read about your current problems with Jackie...am so sorry that he is heading in that direction...hate to hear that you are getting hurt. Understand about looking into alternate living arrangements for him... Your mother is young at 60...is she having health problems and under a doctors care...has she been to the office lately to be checked out or is she just aging fast? Thank you for your reply.... I have 4 meds in my medicine cabinet....lamictal, geodon, ambien, klonipin....all of them are sedating except the lamictal but is used as an anti-manic med as well so techically it is sedating too. I wonder which med does more to permanently effect our chemistry? I wonder which is worse, being addicted to klonipin or ambien? bizi |
things don't look good, I took my ambien two hours ago and I am not tired....will go lay down still.
bizi |
i wouldn't worry about adiction right now. have you considered raising your antipychotic? that is what my pdoc recommended to me and it works a little. he told me to take it at night about nine.
Bobby |
i don't push myself anymore to get motivated. Interestingly I suddenly have spurts when I have to do something that is meaningful to me and if i am not to exhausted I do it and feel good about it. I just accomplished something yesterday I had wanted to do in the morning on my website and late in the afternoon did something related to a friend's website. I HAD TO DO IT...I DIDN'T NEED TO MOTIVATE MYSELF-I WAS READY
bobby |
Hi Bizi
I have tried a sleeping pill a very long time ago. It worked very well the first night, less well the second night and not at all the third night. Many years later when I was having really severe sleeping problems again, a psychiatrist who I told this to, gave me a pill that was originally one of the first anti-histamines. It is not in use any more as such but it really helps to sleep and no tolerance happens. Also no addiction. Unfortunately, I do not remember the name, it was tiny and light blue. These days, I find that when I get into serious trouble about sleeping, I have to see to strict regularity in when I go to bed and get up, when I eat, and I will not be physically or mentally very active after dinner. So, I will sit watching TV and knit, I will not come to a board like this because it will make me emotional, and I will not e.g. hoover or work in the garden. Eating well, as in cooking mostly from scratch, and taking my vitamins, fishoil help. Also melatonine just before sleeping can be a good thing, especially this time a year. It has been a long winter and hardly had any chance yet to enjoy the sun that has just started coming out. If that is not enough, I will also eat a peanutbutter sandwich just before sleeping (I know, is bad for you, but it works) and I will allways have a book that I read until my eyes close by themselves. Hope you can use some of this. I wish you a good night's sleep pronto, I have always found insomnia one of the most crippling things that can happen to you. All the best. |
thank you for your replies:)
The last 2 nights I went to bed earlier,got off the computer earlier, took my meds earlier and fell asleep earlier.....Still could not get out of bed so am going to try even earlier tonight. Those are all great suggestions minny! I think I am getting some energy back, I actually cleaned the kitchen floor last night, could not stand it being so dirty. With a swifter it takes just a few minutes. DId some erronds last night so that felt good. Need to get to the post office today, stamps went up so have to get some one cent ones. Have a new client this morning.... the new ad for my business wont come out for a couple weeks still so hopefully that will pick up then. My routine is what helps stabilize me. am trying to get back to that. If I could get up earlier I could schedule a client earlier...that is when I get more clients though. If I have to get up I can....must get going to work now. bizi |
Tuesday morning I got a call from Social Services
The lady at Social Services could not see me that day,because she had to go to a meeting. I said what about Thursday. She said she could see me then. I'm sorry for being so negative. I just don't see how I can get help sometimes. It's possible they can help,but it hurts to think that they may not. I hope they do help. BF
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took my first dose of 6.25mg ambien so we will see if it effects me in the mornig...I am hoping that it does....keeping my fingers crossed.
bizi |
I am keeping fingers crossed for you, Bizi.
Mari |
I am keeping my fingers crossed too! What is the normal dosage?
Bobby |
I was taking 12.5mg which equals about .25mg of klonipin....which goes to show how powerful these meds are!:eek:
IT took me forever to fall asleep last night but slept well until about 10am. We were up late last night watching a movie which thru off my new routine of going to be earlier...and I was on the computer till 1 so I really need to have better bed time behavior. Plus my hand is starting to bother me again....need to be careful of that. bizi |
That pill which used to be an anti-histamine: I think it's name was Phrometazine. That sounds like a generic name to me.
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