depressed about work friend again
 

Hi,

I called my work friend's apt today. (His crap is still in my office and I want it out now that he is clearly not coming back to work and the school year has ended.)
The phone is disconnected and the telephone company had no record of either him or his boyfriend of having a new/any phone number.

I tried to be reasonable about this information and go about my business today anyway, but I was extraordinary unsuccessful.

I had to go to a work party tonight and nearly cried when I got there due to the stress of the drive through rush hour city traffic and having to figure out how to follow directions to a new place. Then I had a miserable time.
These people were soooooo annoying and depressing. I don't like most of them. I had to try very hard not to freak out while I was there.
Anyone paying attention would have noticed that I was heading toward instability.

Then I came home and still felt like crap and on the verge of a freak out.

Finally I realized that the work friend is throwing me off.
I remember his mean spiritedness, his high anxiety, his difficulty functioning, and especially what he put me through these last couple of years.

I think that it is time that I forget about him and his deeds.
Right now, I'm tired and stressed.

I need to move on to make good memories that can feed me in my the future.
Mari

I don't know about your work friend Mari but he sounds like he was very toxic to you. You've said it all, you need to let go and move on. I know that's not always easy but you're worth it. I hope you were able to get some sleep :hug:

that sounds like an excellent plan and doable.....what a relief...can't you find an empty room and have maintenance dump his stuff in that?
don't assume anymore responsibility
bobby

mari, is it like the stuff gives off bad vibes or karma? negative energy?

my husband doesn't beleive that kind of thing. stuff is stuff to him.

but for years i just got ick feeling about "his" couches". very nice, pretty expensive. we got rid of mine when we got married. he always said he bought them after he got divorced.

right...NOT. the truth didn't come out for 6 years. i had moved them into a room we rarely used and had already gotten other couches. :D

but i know where that ick feeling came from.

i hope you can get help to box stuff up. stuff that has a negativity attached will just bring you down. :hug::hug:

I'm with you Curious, icky vibes stink. I think you should box his stuff up and get it OUT of the office, take it to Lost and Found and put the guy's name on the box and explain he's gone and you got it ready for him in case he comes back for it and let the front office know where it's at. Getting it out of your office is important. No wonder you've been feeling this way Mari. Best of luck with it, and with other things. Hang in there and don't take NO for an answer on this. :p

Hi,
His contract runs until May 15 and then he is out. My work place is basically firing someone who is sick and that stinks.
But it is also strange for me because this guy and I shared an office since 1997. When he went out on disability, I put up with his stuff because I knew he was coming back. Now it is different.

Since January, I have been purging his crap -- and that stuff was toxic. When I went through his papers to put in the trash, I was happy to get rid of them. They showed how insecure, anxious, compulsive, and mean he was. (Plus, he essentially controlled 2/3 of the office space with his junk when he should have had only 1/2).
The only things left are some personal books and a picture or two that might matter to him. One picture on the wall he mentioned when I saw him on Christmas Eve even though his brain was out of it..
I can box the stuff up, put his name on it, and send it to the mail room.


This morning I feel better than I did last night. It helped so much to type out the post last night.

Curious, I like your couch story.


Thank you everyone. :grouphug:

Mari
<tired but feeling ok>

Dear Mari,
I think you have a good plan and am gald that you feel better.
Hope you have a great day and remember the semester is coming to a close.
Hubby is so looking forward to summer break although he did mention that he had 20 applications to look at over the weekend, part of a committee....:rolleyes:
bizi

I called Human Resources and told them to send a snail mail letter to the Colleague to tell him to come get his stuff. They said OK.

I am very freaked out by the stuff.
Everything has been thrown out except for a few personal items (I did throw away a lot of personal stuff because I know he can't remember specifically what he left behind.)

I decided that I am going to tear down the rest of his ugly posters on the wall, get someone in to spackle/ treat the wall (hubby), and then ask the painters to come in over the summer.

The walls look misused.

Actually, the walls bother me because each hole and each tape mark or poster glue mark reminds me of him.

After the walls are done, I can get the floor mopped and waxed.

I felt better remembering about putting in an order for painters now that the students are gone for the summer.


I have a hard time when people leave me. Even though he is not there, he will be leaving again now that the school year is over. . . . not sure if that makes sense.



M.

Mari

I am just getting into the room. But I caught up. And I have been
up on this whole thing all along. I think you are doing a great job.

And personally I hope you have a beautiful healthy color picked out.

And I hope some more plants find their way to your room in the fall.

Donna:grouphug:

Something is going on with me about him and about the school year ending and my possibly being free of him. Feeling depressed. Also angry.

But also had a near breakdown after a big looooooong group meeting in my office today.
I sort of lost it in front of someone.

I have to do something different tomorrow -- break out of my rut.

And maybe find something that serves as a cleansing ritual.

Sleep will help.

M.

maybe the situation itself is causing you to feel new emotions...which will be just fine...you are gradually losing your caretaker status.....maybe.....
Bobby

Hi Mari

The week-end has begun. I hope you feel better now.

You must have invested a lot of effort in trying to be understanding while he was such an annoying, bugging person. You are a very kind lady who likes to take into account someone is sick. So you bonded, strongly. Like giving negative attention all the time creates a bond, too. Could that explain the "leaving" you?

You are probably not allowed to use an aromatic oil warmer in your office for a day or so, because in Wiccan rituals, people use Eucalyptus for cleansing. It can actually be used for cleaning scrapes on the skin, too.

Wish you a lot of relaxation. :hug:

Dear Minymo,

Tell me more about Eucalyptus. I tend to be allergic to most scents.

I've been burning sage in the evening after other people have left the building.
Also, I tried to feng shui the office and bring in crystals -- I have to bring home the crystals to clean them fairly often.
I have 5 plants in there.
Whenever I get creeped out I bring in more plants.


But I don't know how much of this is about his energy and how much of this is about my energy. Maybe I need to work on my own energy more.

Mari

Dear Bobby,
Maybe you are right.
Because I don't know what is going on.


Also, the end of the school year brings out weird releasing energies.
Hubby just woke up in the middle of the night to do more organizing paper work throwing out stuff in the other room.

I'm going to go see what he is up to.

Mari

I know when my mother whom I was estranged from died, i felt an incredible emptiness. Even though I was furious at her I used to call her all the time to see if she was physically okay. I NEVER LEARNED TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF unless you call smoking taking care of yourself lol...(self nurturing)
anyways it was the worse feeling ...and then I found a little bird...a starling who helped me make the transition of those empty feelings. He died to the day my mother died the next year...
If i am right i understand what you have been going through but you are still assuming a caretaker role...ie te angst with your father for example.
Bobby

Hi,
I dialed the phone number again and this time the boyfriend answered.

The boyfriend said that my colleague is staying with a relative on the other side of the country and participating in a very intense out-patient day program for the past month now. According to the bf, he is doing very well.

He is eating again and taking his meds and benefitting from the stimulation of having family and lots of pets around.

I told the bf that I would box up the office stuff and drive it over to his place in soon. He said ok.

I'll be glad to be done with THAT.

Now, if only I can learn to start taking care of myself.
I promise I am going to do that.
I feel that I have to see this through for some reason.

Mari

Mari

I'm glad you could get through. I believe you need to see this through.
So that you know the stuff is back with its owner. That way its
out of the building. ANd he can't come back to haunt you or the office.
Looking for it.

I'm so glad this will be done with.

Donna:grouphug: