falling apart.cancer sucks
 

i lost my dad just over a year ago, this year just gets worse....
we nearly lost my mother in law,mummy to me, after that she/wife lost their dad/granpa,, now my mum has breast cancer!
i could talk more but then...
is it bad to admit that life is just starting to be a struggle from one day to the next?

I'm so sorry, steash.

A quick prayer for you and your family heading your way.

not sure where to start?
 

just spent today with my mum going through chemo...
in the last few minutes had a call from my sister to say her mother in law has shadow's on her spine following a mastectomy. really really struggling to cope.
when does it get better.....?

steash

I'm Sorry :(
 

it is hard to know what to say... I can feel that you are struggling, looking for some small ray of light, something bright, anything to help you with your next step... and I know it must hurt so terribly to see those you love and care about suffering.

You ask "is it bad to admit that life is just starting to be a struggle from one day to the next?" I say NO!!! You seem like a strong person, one that keeps much to themselves, and in times like these... when losses and pain come so close together, I believe it is quite a normal response to struggle from one day to the next. Sometimes sharing your pain and struggle with others allows us to help carry a bit for you :hug:

You also asked, "when does it get better?" The answer to that may lie within you... I too have suffered losses close together, and it got better when I allowed myself to grieve the pain felt, when I shared the pain with those close to me, when I accepted that I could not 'fix' it, only learn to support those going thru it and be kinder to myself, forgive myself for my perceptions of not having done "enough." It is hard to accept when those we love have afflictions that the medical world cannot seem to cure and there is nothing we can do to make them better... and, it is all part of life here.

I wish there was something, anything...that I might say or do to help you with your struggle, but alas, other than listen, encourage you to keep putting one foot in front of the other... the journey of loss is so personal, so intense, there isn't much other's can do. I pray that you have a spiritual source and that you might find comfort there.

Also praying that your mum and mother in-law will fare well with their treatments, and if not, that their transition will be a smooth one. Please reach out to those who love you and allow others to help you during this time of emotional and spiritual conflict. :hug:

transition will be a smooth one?
 

transition? what does that mean? been here before with "oh you have taken it the wrong way" thing. this time i haven't. transition? not intressed.

there are people on here that have given me a great amount of peace and strength to keep going through the hardest moments.

steash, I'm terribly sorry if my choice of words upset you... for me, I look at life as a continual transition, movement from one place to another--emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically... my parents are deceased, my mother in law is deceased, and I have had many losses through out my life. The facts are we are all going to die physically at some point and we all face physically losing those we love dearly. Though the pain of losing some still lingers, my inner 'knowing' that they simply "transitioned" to another level, helps me cope with the pain of having lost them.

I have known some who never faced the 'fact' that they were about to leave the physical, and their denial in the face of the facts made it very difficult on those left behind, exacerbated the pain felt for what they were going thru and what we were going thru. So... my statement of hoping that IF it is their time to move on, their 'transition' will be a smooth one.. is simply a reflection of the facts of our existence here.

you are so accurate in your statement: cancer sucks... it sucks the life from good people and I'm so sorry you are faced with such pain

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father, and, now, for the sucky news about your Mom.


I don't know when it gets better. I trust that the only thing that is predictable is change. Everything changes. People change, life changes ... and, here's something for you:

:hug:

It's ok to feel angry at life sometimes
 

Hi steash,

I'm very sorry to hear that you have many uncertain and disturbing issues to deal with right now. It must feel like your world is falling apart and you have no control over any of it. There really are no words to ease your troubled mind during this time because only you hold the power to accept the illnesses of your loved ones and continue to be strong spirited as you help them along their journey.

Always remember.... ...... just the extension of your hand to help them along...... just your smile when they feel like hell....... and just your support that they know they can count on...... can make their worst moments just a tad bit easier.

Keep a positive outlook as much as you can and know that they all appreciate your kindness at this difficult time.

My heartfelt regards to you and your family....
Bryanna

Hi Steash~ I know I'm late at posting here, but I DO understand some of the feelings you are having. TODAY is the first anniversary of my beloved Mother's passing. Both of my parents were taken away from us by cancer.

It's been a tough year of missing her and it's been a year of learning to live w/o her, so just wanted to tell you that I hope your Mum is adapting to the chemo and that I will be thinking of you and your Mum. They are special ladies. take care of yourself, too!.

sorry, and thankyou
 

where do i start, i'm thankful to all for your posts and i'm sorry for my response.
i'm sure i'm the same as everyonel when i have my good days and my not so good days, then there's the way of the scale days. looking back this just might have been one of those days.sorry/thanks

tc
steash

Sorry that I didn't see your post earlier Steash, but I wanted you to know that I understand what you're going through.

This month and last have been rather hard for me as well. They were the anniversaries of my mother and father's deaths from cancer, both of whom died between 57 and 63 yrs of age.

My best friend died from lung cancer 5 years ago in May, and this month sees the anniversary of the death of my first baby. The anniversary of my S-I-L's death from cancer at 41 yrs of age, is in a few weeks time as well.

Last month my brother died from Lymphoma, and a few day later a close friend died from a malignant brain tumour.

September of last year was a biggie for me, and I lost half my bowel during a hemicolectomy due to a cancer, and in January I lost most of my nose, also because of cancer.

I just wanted you to know that I've been there myself, so I truly understand what you've been going through.

Yep! Cancer sucks and it sucks big time, but please let me know if there's anything I can do to help you through this awful time for you.

koalla, thanks for your support at a time when it must be so hard to give. "Always be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." reading your post this has never felt so true.. thanks again.

((Steash))

Just wondering how you are feeling today.

I watched my sister battle cancer for over a year. She fought it tooth and nail. A less fit person would have succumbed long before she did just before Christmas in 1986. A long time ago.

But I still miss her. Unfortunately, at least for me, living through that battle with my family was hard...long...painful. And after her death it took a long time to come to terms with it. This is when I say those words most people don' t wanna hear...time heals. In cases like this it doesn't get rid of all the pain, but you at least get to a spot where you have dealt with it and can move on.

There's always that hole in my heart, though, that will never be the same.

Whatever faith you may have, if any, utilize it as much as you can and take care of yourself as much as you can. It may sound selfish, but living through these kinds of issues can take a huge toll on your health, both physcial and mental.

Much love and a prayer for you. :hug:

humble
 

there are times when i come on here, guessing the same as everyone, when you feel the whole world and life in general is against you. then you get replies like this. thankyou for asking thanks for posting. i'm fine tonight, just been through the second last chemo with mum. strange thing is we have probably spent more time just us together than we have done in about 20 years and weird as it maybe but its been nice just to sit and talk, just the two of us. thanks again