If you had the health, would anyone turn away their little child
 

My health is bad and you know that so I will not go there.

There was long & bad battle, I'll give a little bg. In 2006, I separated. It got dirty b/c of MIL... She hire PI's on me... My entire past since college invaded, my prior landlords, neighbors, illegal phone tap (yes, it really happened/not just in the movies), much illegal activies by their PI. U have the idea. 1 yr later w/many tens of thousands spent, I won all, but in sep/divorce there is no winner & the child has the most loss of all.

2006, DH moved in w/MIL (his mother). FIL (nice & fair man had passed). DH did not wk from 01 till present.

Since birth never carried child to but 2 Dr appoints. She was born 34 wks after a bad bedridden pg & w/probs.

I spent 01 pg in bed, 02 thru 05 taking child to 4-8 appoints per wk. By 06 all prob corrected w/child - I planned to wk again, start over, , but spent yr in battle. 07 mental cond. was mess then mother passed, had to move due to estate, did not want too. Finally closing it this week if my heath allows.

O7 - 08 requested much child care from father, some given, some minor care for me given, all w/me paying for gas, expenses... & bitc*ing from him.

Today he has been acepted at school (now 52) for 2 yr Sonogaphy program. Prior field all in computer. U & I know at graduation (male 54) w/not get job. That is BS, BS & more BS. He has cell, all ins free, money for whatever, almost new car (same I wanted B4 I got MS), works out at gym, bottom line MIL bought him off. I tried at on point to get him back. But-no due to money. A man should work no matter how little IMHO if in excellent health. So should wife if needed.

Today, I told him I may need him to take Emily in 08 school yr. This B/C of my MS. I was refused! Told he could not take due to school... He**ll, w/o question & much loss, I cared for the one I love most. Emily is my child, is all I have really cared about. It is not too late for her with much counseling and right enviroment. I had her in counseling till MS - all improving. She was great!

DH does not want to get up at 6am, deal w/teachers, deal w/time to get out of school, reg Dr apponts., food, play, bath, bed, summer fun.... I do but failing fast. I do! This my child no matter what - I love her! I have spoiled her but that is my option. I want better for her then I had.

There is no family on my side and only GM,sister and her DH on his. They chose 25+ yrs ago to go the career deal - not the child deal. I do not want her there!!!!!!! There is much more-bottom line I will lose my house, land, credit to prevent it! What do I do if this crap keeps hitting hard.

She is with DH now - he said "you pushed her off on me" I did. It is his memorial day by papers. I'm sick - I need every hour I can get to try to come out of this. To try to get meds for illness (non MS related) . I know many men, I also know some from boards that would be grateful for extra time w/ their child. They are begging their ex, going to court... But, not this one. what do I do? I saw this coming a few mos ago - now it is here. I will be dam*d to he*l be for I see my kid in foster care. What do I do?

Yuck. :(

So, if you are forced to give Emily up, he would not take her? He would allow her to go into the "system" before he would back down from his current stance?

Cherie

OH Sheena, What an awful spot to be in. I have no experience with an ex husband or anything like that but I am an adoptive parent.

Do what ever it takes to keep you little one out of foster care. Do you belong to a church? Maybe there is a local church you could contact for help.

Maybe there would be someone willing to take guardianship until you are able to recover?

I'll be praying about this situation. :hug:


LA

I am so sorry your daughter doesn't have a responsible father. :(

Yes 100%. I just received call from him wanting to know if I would be home so he could bring her back. He knows I can't go anywhere. He has had her <24 hrs. I'm much sicker today, was up all night and too sick to deal today.

Her Grandmother (ex's mother) doesn't have any interest in her grandchild?? Does she know that your health isn't good right now?

I've learned NOT to make life altering decisions when I'm upset, sick or otherwise not thinking rationally.

Sorry I have no solutions for you but I hope things take a turn for the better for you.....:hug:

Hi
 

Sheena,
You're going through a lot and I can tell how much your daughter means to you. That's my biggest worry with MS and not being able to take care of my sons as much as I want to (they are 9,7, and 4). My situation is a little different than yours. My oldest two were from my ex husband and he's a great dad and person and helps me out a lot. My 4 yr old, well, his father is a *@&*!$ and my biggest fear is him coming and getting my son because he can't even take care of himself at the age of 47.

Will your ex help you if you need it? If you're in bed and can't take care of your daughter he won't come by and take her for awhile? Or, help pay for additional help if you need help with a home health aide? (sorry, don't know how bad your MS is). :hug: Is there any way you can take him back to court for an amendment and explain to the judge you love your child and want that support from the father. Maybe if he gets emotional or financial pressure he will be more involved. He seems like he's just going along with his life but he needs to understand all the hard work you've done.

I hope it all works out for you, you're in my thoughts and prayers and I understand as a mom!
:grouphug:

Monique

What a freakin' loser. :mad:

Ok, so I gotta' think some more.

Cherie

All I got is prayers and :hug:

I agree. I can't imagine treating a child that way, especially his own child. :(


You have my hugs and prayers too. :hug: I wonder if you can check into programs with the local NMSS? They might have some ideas to help. :hug:

this is such a terrible situation.
i really feel for you and your little girl.

can you see your neuro or pcp and tell them you need a social services referral? not to take your child but maybe if you needed some resources they could guide you.

i think the church idea is also a good one.

my thoughts and prayers are with you sheena.
i hope your dr can help get this somewhat under control.

Im so sorry you are going thru this now.:( Im sending best wishes
and prayers to you and your little one.

:hug:

I'm so sorry you're having to be in this situation, Sheena. Losers like him don't deserve to have children in the first place. Sure they want the "fun", but forget the responsibility. :( Really makes me mad!!!

The church idea sounds like a good suggestion, maybe daycare with a scholarship? I'm well past your stage -- six grandkids -- so I don't know about the cost of various programs, please excuse if they're way too expensive! Any possibility of exchanging "play dates" with other Moms? If you're able to handle an extra child or two that is. That way you'd have a couple days off to recuperate.

I really don't know what to say or suggest, just that my prayers will be with you that the Lord will help you solve this situation.

Hugs..........:)

I'm so sorry about all this!

As a gramma, I can NOT imagine not helping out. Grrrr....

:mad:


Red Cross helped my MIL with info on every kind of assistance available when she was ill and lost everything in a fire. Why not call and see what programs are out there to assist you and DD? There may be some sort of in-home care that could help you, and help with your child at the same time?

They'll know if there's some sort of daycare (free, low cost)

or any aid at all for you, they'll hook you up.

Never hurts to ask.

:hug:

You might also check with the school that your DD attends. They sometimes have access to resources that can help. Or they might know of an individual that can assist you or open some doors that you otherwise wouldn't have known about.

You'll just have to get the word out that you need help....unfortunately it won't come knocking at your door. I know it's hard to even concentrate on things like this when you're feeling so badly. Possibly your DD's father could do some of the legwork for you since he doesn't want to actually participate in the "care" part of her life. :mad: I just want to shake some sense into him....one day he'll regret not being there for her when she needs him.

I would start at Town Hall. Ask what programs they have for residents of YOUR town. Frequently scholarships to day care programs, and services are there, you just have to ask for them. Town hall welfare officer should have some good ideas for you.

Church! that is always a great place to go for help. Even if you are not a member of that church. Speak to the pastor. Speak to 10 pastors if you need to. They have lots of resources and they know how to work them.

Clearly your hubby comes from dysfunction, and MIL is quite talented at it. I am sure MIL is probably standing on her hot rock, screaming her feet hurt, and will probably want paternity tests before she will accept that child as theirs. Her own child is HER priority, and since her precious baby boy is now finally getting to better himself with school, YOU are once again rearing your head to prevent him from stepping forward. Know i HOPE you KNOW that isnt true, its just a dysfunctional way that some families operate.

You dont feel your daughter is loved, valued, or being given a foundation in that place? then REMOVE her! Find social services in YOUR home to help keep the two of you afloat. Taking the jerk back to court means nothing if he has no source to pull from. i would spend my time focusing on your own home, and how to keep it going.

I will keep you in my prayers. I wish I lived close to you so I could do more than pray for you.

I am really saddened about this, Sheena! Your EX is a jerk!

I am w/Kelly~ Why doesn't the MIL want to be involved w/her Grandchild??

Sounds like a COLD family.

Sending prayers your way and hope you feel better soon....:hug:

Thing is though... if they don't want to be involved with the child, it's probably better for the child if they're NOT involved.

That's the way I see it with my DGD anyway.

My ex-dil never even wanted me to see my DGD until the divorce. Then ds got 6 weeks of custody last summer - and they lived with me. Then ex-dil had her, and ds had weekends. Well, soon the ex was asking if we could keep the baby an extra day an extra 2 days. We ended up having here 4 days a week all fall, all winter.

:confused:

Ds complained. Dh complained. It was tough on me because ds was working those 2 extra days so I was the one watching this baby. There were weeks when I had to say no, I couldn't do it because I had my ESIs and my arms were going out.

But any time I could, I did it.

I didn't do it as a favor to the ex, my son or anybody else - I did it for my DGD. This lil girl needed somebody.

her other grandma *needed to sleep in* - she's 10 yrs younger than me.

:rolleyes:



Tell ya what, she loves me, I adore her. It was worth it and I'd do it all again if it killed me.

I do it because I want to be there and I'm good for her. And this child is the best thing that ever happened to me.

It seems to me that your ex, and his family, are more detriment then anything to the situation, so I'd be looking to cut them right out of the equation.

I guess the bottom line then, for me, would be whether I felt I could manage, somehow, on my own. If we can't, we can't. :(

I have been trying to come up with some options for you, Sheena . . . and I haven't. :( I would so love to just say "things will get better, hang in there", but I know they don't always work out that way. This is one of those times where you want to continue to hope for the best, but need to plan for the worst.

If I were in your situation, I think I would try to find a family that could look after her, if only for 6 - 12 months until I knew whether I could get back on my feet. As a starting point, you could try the various resources that people have posted, like the church, SS, etc . . . Will your government pay for a "chosen" family to foster? Could you find someone willing at your local church?

This is going to require that you start networking, whether that be online, or by getting out in your community to see what choices you might have.

Do adoptions happen for kids that age, or is she more likely to end up staying in the foster system? There must be people out there that could give her a nice home, and love her. I would look into adoption options, and even if it doesn't work out that way . . . maybe it will give you some peace of mind to know if that is feasible or likely.

I wish I could take her myself, and I would if I could. In fact, if push comes to shove, maybe I could find a nice family for her here. <BIG sigh>

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. :(

Cherie

Sheena - it sounds as if her "dad" and his family will harm more than help. I am sorry you have had to go through all of that. Sometimes there is gov't sosered respite care. Churches may be able to help. Please don't make any rash decisions since you are not feeling well right now. What about summer camp? There are some state sponsered camps that are relatively inexpensive and could help out. There are a bunch of resources out there, please check into them, and I hope you find something that works out for your needs. I am holding you and your little girl in my thoughts and prayers!
Connie