No Hurt Feelings!
 

Hello friends! Yes, everyone in NT is a friend. Maybe we haven't conversed online yet, or maybe we have... BUT, I just want everyone to know that as a member of the Comm Welcome Team and a member of NT, I have decided to not participate in the friend page any longer.

How can I list everyone here who has had a kind word to me or maybe who just lurks and reads my posts.

Please don't anyone be hurt, but I'd just like to think we are all friends. I have cleared my friends page, but I consider all NT members to be my friends w/o my having to notify them.

Thanks for being the great people you are. I will continue to bug you all, just not in the friend pages...:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Please do not be offended Doc John, as I think it's a good idea, just not for me. Your hard work has not gone unnoticed..

Thanks, DM. I have followed your lead and deleted my Friends List as well. I was so concerned that the people who don't post a whole lot would be left out and I consider you all my Friends and Family.:grouphug:

DocJohn, you do everything to make our experience here wonderful and you and your assistants and moderators, will always rock, in my book..:hug:

well said Daisey and Sally, i saw something posted about this earlier today and have wondered if this is good or not, in no ways am I offended

Here! Here! I agree! You are all the bestest anyways! :grouphug:

I was just thinking the same thing. I haven't done it because I don't want to hurt anyone! So I haven't done anything.

I have been reading the threads and wondering if someone is sitting out here with no friends because they don't know anyone yet and that bothers me.

Maybe we should do a poll to see if more feel the same way.

I personally love the friend feature but don't want anyone feeling left out. So basically, befriend me and I am yours! That is if you want me to be your friend. lol

was thinking if they do a poll they should ask about hiding the friends list from others being able to see it, so they dont have hurt feelings cause so and so has 46 friends, yet so and so only has 3, figure if all cant see it then there is no hurt feelings, and then with us having the friends list, like sandy pointed out makes it easier to contact them instead of searching through countless post to find those names so instead of getting rid of it hide it and we could use it for our own personal contacts, just a thought:Hum:

Yup, this is just the type of situation that sends my pathetic brain into a tizzy, and I tizzy at the slightest provocation.

Thanks DM, followed your lead, deleted the very few friends I got (sniff, sniff, thanks guys!) and am going back to lurking unless moved to add my 2 cents to a post.
In another place, mentioned some in a post, got inquiries from others later asking why they weren't mentioned. Yikes!!!!

I was so excited about the friends page yesterday and now today alot of my friends have disappeared:( It was fun while it lasted.

honestly the friends thing is just an updated version of the old buddy system that we used to have. It comes built in with the software and isnt anything special that was added. The designers of vBulletin software likely just made the feature more prominent because of the social networking sites like myspace and facebook etc



I really dont think anyone should read more into it than that.
I have personally not sent any friend requests but only accepted any that have come in as a courtesy. that sure doesnt mean that I am not friends with anyone else :o

the convenience of the friends feature is that it lets one send group PMs to those on one's friends list and also gives quick link to their profile from yours etc etc etc
It is designed more as a networking thing rather than as a "pick you friends and exclude others" one....so honestly it can be used to advantage when used correctly

anyways, just wanted to clear that up as i do think perhaps it has been somewhat misinterpreted

:grouphug: to all

What? You deleted me, DM? I feel so violated! *sniff* :rolleyes:

I truly do understand the usefulness of this feature, Cheri! I just don't think I'll use it, as heard from a couple of people who felt left out. I guess I'm a softie and didn't want anyone else to feel hurt.

Sorry Twinks~ You is GONE! ha!

Let me restate that I DO appreciate Doc John and the Mods work here. I love NT, just thought I needed to let everyone know that I consider them a friend w/o the page. I didn't want any misunderstandings as to why I cleared my page. You all ROCK!!!!!

After some thought I've followed DM's lead and eliminated my friends list, too.

Given the nature of this board and the vast array of neurological conditions everyone here is dealing with it's a pretty fair bet that someone would feel alienated if they weren't a frequent poster or if someone just inadvertently forgot to add them to their list.

I would never want to make anyone feel unwelcome or in any way less a part of the group.

As with any group there are some members who have closer friendships with each other simply because of where they live or the fact that they knew each other prior to joining the board or their personalities just clicked.

It's all good!! :D We just got excited about a new toy! :grouphug:

I was never Miss Popularity in school, and I was not shooting for that title when I signed up here at NT, either.

I'm not offended if somebody else has more replies to their threads than I do to mine or more *Thanks!* for their posts.

I'm not shy and don't have a hard time talking to people or making friends though, don't get me wrong. But I'm about as subtle as ice down your back.

:o


Some people I rub the wrong way, some like me like that. I'm cool with that.

I get why you're doing what you're doing, DM, and respect your decision.

But I'm keeping my Friends list. Anybody who dares be associated with me is welcome to my friendship. And beware, I may request your friendship as well.

:cool:

I would only suggest to those who are not going to keep a friends list that if somebody requests to be added to your list and you decline them, that you let them know why. Not knowing is where there could be hurt feelings.

whether anyone uses any feature on nt is their own personal choice.

there really isn't any need to explain or justify.

many members do not allow pm's or emails.

the friends list was here before. it was called BUDDIES. it is NOT a new feature.

the only thing new about it is showing the avatars if you so choose and sending a request. it's feature i have always used.

I really think this is being taken waaaay too seriously.:eek: and being seen as something it is not.

In fact the talk of deleting friends etc is possibly causing a lot more upset than is realized as now many who were enjoying the feature are feeling obligated to eliminate it

I totally understand this - I just think with the upgrade and work just done on the site a lot of people think it's new. :)

I know who my friends are....and how to find them :icon_twisted::icon_twisted: !!

New or not - if just one person gets their feelings hurt because of this then it's too many for me. :(

You mean other people can see your list???:eek: You mean someone might count how many friends I have? :eek:

Once upon a time there was a little sparrow........;)

And the moral of the story is.....

Not everyone who...........:wink:

AWW dear Yappy~ I do understand the concept and realize that the friends' feature is similar to the buddy sx and I'm really truly not trying to influence anyone else to follow suit.

I just don't think it's for me. I love being a member of the Welcome Team, I love NT and I care deeply for the members.

I just didn't want to delete my page and hurt anyone, so hence, this thread.

Are we still buds???

Ya wanna banana?? *I sorta made a rhyme* :D
http://dl3.glitter-graphics.net/pub/...jgp2a23yg0.gif

A sad fact of life is that there are, and always have been, people who wake up each morning determined to get their feelings hurt.

We just have to use a little extra common sense in behalf of those who are unable to. Otherwise, we'll go crazy wondering if somebody is saying "Nobody thanked my post" or "Everybody thanked my post but so-and-so" or "Nobody PM'd me"...and so on.

As someone pointed out, most of us are here because we have issues that sometimes affect our perspectives on life. On my bad days, my feelings are hurt if somebody looks at me cross-eyed...or if I'm sure the person is THINKING about looking at me cross-eyed...

Keeping mine also. There are no doubt newbies and others who (I suspect) will feel more welcome here when invited to be on a Friend list.

The Friend list makes PMing much easier.

I wouldn't mind if it were (as weegot5kiz suggested) only visible to the owner. It's a tool and I'm glad to have it.

Just a little rankled by this controversy. Kinda like getting invited to a party, then showing up in my best party dress, only to find it was canceled. :confused:

Not mad, just rankled!!!


I was popular! And don't you forget it!"
-Frank Burns

I'm only paranoid because everyone's against me
-Frank Burns


Now what am I going to do with this party dress? :grin:

Did you notice the icon....break friendship??? :(

Everyone makes some very good points. As Yappy said, the "friends" list is much like the buddy list of the previous version.

Here's where I see the big difference ---

This is a list that is visible to anyone who looks at YOUR profile thus allowing others to see how many and WHO is/are on YOUR friends' list. I believe this is where the "hurt" feelings have come into play. People have started to figure this out and thought hmmm, why didn't so-and-so add ME to the THEIR friend's list. I thought I was his/her friend...:mad: There starts the vicious circle.

I am wondering if there is a way to "hide" the list from other members seeing it? It does make finding members posts easier if you are looking for something in particular, it also makes sending out group PMs easier, but other than that, it should NOT be considered a popularity contest. :(

Actually, all you have to do is uncheck the "friend" and "avatar" box and the friend is gone from your list and you are gone from theirs.

In my opinion, much ado is being made about a new toy, and no one should get their feelings hurt. :hug:

There was a time when one kid won, and one kid, the winner, got a ribbon or a trophy and the other kids got nothing.

And we lived.

And we could give our friends a Valentine and NOT every kid in the class.

And we lived.

And we could invite only our friends to our party - hey, it's my Bday -not every kid in 3rd grade.

And we lived.

We knew, if you want to be somebody's friend, how to do that. You go over and say "Hi." You sit with them at lunch. No big deal, then you're friends. You are not friends just because you're all in 3rd grade together, and nobody had hurt feelings over that. You want friends, you just go make them.

If somebody was so painfully shy they just couldn't muster up a "Hello." the teacher would askk somebody to talk to him or her. And we would do that, we'd make the effort.

We remember 3rd grade, right?

Nobody here needs to be alone, without a friend. Say "Hello." Make a friend. Nobody is going to bite you.

Well, if you like that sort of thing and you ask real nice, some people will oblige.

:D

I should be able to say I like Mrs D without worrying everyone else's feeling are gonne be hurt. I do like Mrs. D. That does not mean I don't like anyone else.

I like DM.

I like Mom x7, Herekitty, and Mom23angels, who I barely know but always makes me LOL.

Why should that bug anybody?

Doc Jon is too cool.

And who doesn't know Jan and I go way back?

That does not mean I'm not open to new friends.

That's the great fun of being here - always new things to learn, new friends to meet.

In 3rd grade, didn't you learn

Make new friends, but keep the old
One is silver and the other gold

:grouphug:

In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have included the "popular" quote from Frank Burns. You are right, this isn't a popularity contest.

The quote was only intended to be a pout. Please don't read any more than that into it. Not mad. Just poking a little fun at an awkward situation.



And I even had a purse to match my shoes and everything. :( *folds arms and stamps foot like DM* ;)

I really think we should treat this for what it is and not read deeper stuff into it. Honestly I feel it is being taken far too seriously and should be something fun here at NT. My goodness!! we all know we already all care deeply for one another...even those we may not always agree with :winky::D



anyone who has a myspace or a facebook knows this is mainly used for social networking with people you connect with. You cant possibly add everyone and it is a fun thing to do as you meet folks around the forums and want to stay in touch this way etc.

however, I will send Doc a PM for him to check this thread and see if there is maybe a way to vary the feature with option where only the member can see their own friends and still leave it open for those who like it that way.

if there is a way to accommodate the alternative feature I know Doc will find it. But do remember this isnt a feature NT designed....it is built into the new version of vBulletin, the software that runs NT, and again, is just an updated version of the old buddy sytem.

I only just found about about this "friends" thing because I received some requests for friendships. This brought me way back in time to when I was at summer camp. Actually felt like a kid again.

I didn't even know you can send group PM's to anyone.

I consider all of you my friends.

So let's just keep posting and keep learning stuff from each other.

I'm still learning about my bra size!!!!! lol

Melody- You crack me up.

I'm sorry everyone..:o I probably started all his, when I posted my misgivings in the "Friends" thread at the MS forum.

Dear Chemar and Curious, You are so right and, at first, I thought this feature was fun, but then I saw some friends, seemingly, being left out. Now, I see the usefullness of it, as you mentioned.....but......

I still choose to, not participate...but, this is just me and I don't want others to follow my anxious lead..:rolleyes:. The whole tech part of it is lovely, but, gave me an instant headache..:D

You are all the bestest bestest and I am happy just to be here. :grouphug:

Your all great
 

Aw shoot ,I love you all no matter what forum,but some days I wake up puking :eek::eek: cancer is nasty, as Pn Siren's sy, so on so right now I love you all..I don't have MS.'s but my friend has since she was 8 and now in her 40's. Hugs to All Sue

thick skin
 

It had not even occurred to me to see the 'friends' list as anything more than a MySpace feature. My DD moves things around all the time. Plus, it was fun to peek in and see what a person was doing, how many friends had been amassed.

FaceBook and MySpace have been a phenom for a while so I just took it at surface level.

Whether I was asked or not, it was all good with me.

I like to think most people took it just like me.:)

You know...
 

I rarely ever looked at MY profile before.

And the only times I looked at others was when I was curious about a post with data in it...thinking a biography might help me respond.

I have seen on a few visits to MySpace (when that tragic Megan thing happened I went there and looked around)... and saw some profiles with literally over a 1000 friends! I looked at some of them and they appeared very superficial...they were young people in bands, making videos, some questionable sexual practices, marijuana advocates, etc....many very strange and kinky either by design or because that is what they were? There was even a murder trial in my area, where MySpace was given in testimony== the accused who was convicted ultimately== had his avatar on MySpace of a Skeleton Head wearing audio headphones! That is just an example. I don't mean to imply that
this type of thing would happen HERE! But it did confirm what I had seen over there at MySpace.
I have never been to Facebook or other social sites.

I suppose for a web forum that is predominately social, this "friend" feature is useful...but this site is more mixed..ages, locations, and motives for being here all mixed too.

I tend to avoid close social exchanges on the net. I have had a very painful experience that reinforces that decision for me.
But I have over time, known many here on a more personal basis. Because I am constrained heavily in my real life with confidentiality issues, I tend to stay apart even on the net.
It is just easier for me. I just cannot slip up and let "something" out since most of the time it is a medical piece of information. Using IM services are uncomfortable for me, as are chats. It can be difficult crossing a personal line without meaning to, and then I feel guilty after!

But I can see where new posters who have just joined may see a public list of very few "friends" when in fact that poster being viewed is a significant contributor to the site. It might make them wonder. So if it can be hidden...that would be great.
Especially if when it is viewed, the list could have a statement: "Friends are private for this member".

don't eliminate ISpyWithMyEye!
 

Don't take away the feature that allows me to see who is on who's friends list and what is said! I am VERY NOSY!!!! I am a lurker at heart!

It is just a fun feature, nothing more.

Mods and Doc John.. I am so sorry I opened up this can of worms. Please remove this thread, so no one else feels bad.

thanks~~~

no no dm dont fret about it hiding the feature would solve many troubles before they arise, and as chem mentioned having it helps for pm's and emails ect...

I think you did the right thing, DM. Please don't fret..:hug:

DM I just am reading this now...AFTER I sent you a friend thing. I was wondering why your box was not checked off anymore. Now I know why.

I am not offended at all and I don't think anyone else will be. Don't feel bad. We all have the choice to do what we want with the friend thing.

i accidentally just did the same thing your box wasnt checked and accidentally sent out three request my bad

DM,
Don't fret. What you said someone (who was nice and concerned about others) would say. There are many ranges of self-esteem here, as anywhere. Everyone takes things differently. What's a stone in the pocket for one is really big for another.But in the interest of privacy, think some things better left "hidden" and private. (but I checked, no one said anything juicy!!:D:D:D:grouphug:

When I did Myspace (to moniter DD) my only "friends" were a lesbian hitting blindly and a married guy who said he dated. And Tom, the founder, who is everyone's friend.