Making good on a promise
 

Hi ya all. I just have a question that I thought maybe I could get your opinion. I don't believe there is a right or wrong answer but lets see how this goes.


You make a promise to someone or someones and things go a little haywire and that promise is broken, What do you do?

Do ya say Whooops better luck next time and forget about it or do you try to make good out of something bad. It may not be the same thing but you try hard to make it right.

I sometimes think people just don't have a conscience. What do you guys think

i guess it would depend on the severity of the infraction but if I broke a promise to someone, I would go to the ends of heaven and hell to try to make it up to them.

It seems to me that when someone takes on a responsibility to others it is up to them to see it through. There are those who will make one attempt at keeping that promise then walk away whether the job is done or not.

I was taught from an early age that if I commit to doing something, it is my personal responsibility to complete it no matter how difficult or time consuming the task. In my house, you make the mess, you clean it up right away.

Excuses are trash. Take responsibility like an adult.

A promise is a promise~ Unless there are circumstances where the person absolutely could not fullfill the promise. *health, $$$, fallout w/person promise was made to etc*

It just really aggravates me When you put your trust in someone who has made a commitment to do something and they don't fulfill that promise. I would do whatever it took to make things right. It may not be exactly what was planned but it certainly would come as close as I could get it.

You do everything in your power to make good on that promise.

My dear, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I had a 46 year friendship go south because of a broken promise.

Things happen. Sometimes promises can't be kept. This is just human nature. But when that happens, THAT'S WHEN YOU FIND OUT THE TRUE NATURE OF THE PERSON WHO PROMISED YOU SOMETHING.

When something happens and the promise cannot be kept, the person who made the promise should come over to you, express regret (most sincerely), and say "how can I make this up to you, I don't want to ruin a friendship".

See, this is WHAT SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED IN MY CASE. It didn't. I found out the friendship was not worth anything. That my feelings did not matter. I've come to terms with it.

It wasn't that she broke the promise. I can understand that sometimes things happen and one can't fulfill what was promised.

In my case, all she had to do was show up the next day on my doorstep with a batch of cookies (she was a baker). All she had to do was say "Melody, I am so sorry, I had to do what I did, I know I didn't keep my word, and I don't want this to be the end of our 46 year friendship".

She never did that.

So if someone made you a promise, and did not keep it (or could not keep it), it is most definitely up to that person to do the right thing. And the right thing is not to shrug it off and think "oh well, another time, this really wasn't so important".

Of course it was important. It was important TO YOU!!!!

Promises are important. When broken, they hurt. It's up to the other person to make it right.

This is only common sense. It was the way I was raised.

I hope whoever made that promise to you, if she didn't keep it, or couldn't keep it, that she acknowledges YOUR feelings.

Good Luck.

Melody

If a commitment was made to do something then it should be followed through. If there are extraordinary circumstances, like a death, or lack of funds, or something, then I would be willing to accept an apology for the unfinished project.

I would also expect the person to come to me with a reasonable explanation of why they were not able to keep their promise. It's much easier to come clean with the truth than it is to weave a bunch of lies or avoid the person to whom you've made the promise. It does no one any good and who wants to be around those kind of people who can't be trusted to keep their promises! :(

As AMN said, you made the mess, you clean it up! Good advice! ;)

I am sorry you got hurt Beth. That's just wrong!

I have not read through all the responses word for word but the consensus seems to run that the least one can do is make an apology.

The word I pick out of your thread is that things went a little haywire. Something went wrong.

sometimes, just that little bit of failure can cause a lot of pain. You sound hurt.

I was once hurt by a dear friend, a friendship I really treasured. We lost touch but I missed her. I googled her name after 10 years, was able to reconnect.

She had a rare stomach cancer that almost killed her a few years ago. She could have died and I would have lost the wonderful opportunity to be a part of her life again.

Life is full of broken promises. Maybe it ruined an event, a birthday or an anniversary party.

Examine your hurt. If this is truly someone you care about and I think that the level of your pain implies that, perhaps it is really hard for this person to apologize.

Maybe it meant more to you than it did to him/her.

I lost touch with a friend because I wanted something from her that she did not give to me. But if I had not been able to renew my friendship, the real hurt and the real loss would have been mine.

Maybe he/she cannot be who you want him/her to be. Maybe you have to love a person for who they are, complete with flakiness and failure.

i would talk to that person and try to make amends, but thats how i was raised, your word is golden,

A promise is a very serious thing. That's whywhen the kids were growing up and as little kids seem to ask for everything and every moment and forget nothing, I told them "I make no promises", so they knew if I did, I meant it.

Hey Bethie~ I have given this topic a little more thought, and reread your post, etc. I can tell how hurt you are and wanted to add another statement. For someone to go back on their word and cause the hurt and disappointment you are feeling, then they have some explaining to do.


If you don't have your word, what do you have? Nothing.

I did talk to them and told them they should make right what they did wrong.

They wholeheartily disagreed with me. They felt it was pretty much in the past and that we should all move on. I disagree.

promises were made and broken. I feel as though I was ripped off not only financially but also emotionally. It is just so wrong.:(

Beth:

Did you say you were ripped off emotionally AND financially?? And the other party wants you to move on and forget it??

I'd move on so fast it would make your head spin.

Shame on them.

Melody

It wasn't alot of money but its principal:(

Melody said it right ~~ SHAME on THEM!!!

Quite right, Bethie. When someone commits to an activity and misappropriates your generous funds/property, it's not only irresponsible, but immoral to blow it off without trying to make it right. It sounds like an abuse of your trust.

Very good point Cindy! A simple explanation would be in order. I know I certainly would not trust them again nor would I recommend them to anyone.

I'm sorry this person has hurt you. I don't know the size of the hurt, or the importance of the broken promise. But I sometimes find that some people are easily flustered when confronted face to face. When I feel disappointed in one of my friends, I'll usually write them a letter and explain my side of it, and how I feel. It has saved me more friends than one.

I hope that everything works out for the best for you, and I really mean that. I pray it doesn't become a clash of wills. But if I had to say, I would probably say that you are the one who's been slighted. And if that causes you to mistrust the person who made the promise, then you have every right to walk away from them. I just hope it doesn't come to that. :)

I agree with pretty much everything everyone else has already said.

I'm sorry someone treated you like this. I'm not sure if this was a family member or just a friend....and not knowing the person makes forming a judgment about them sorta hard....but I'd guess they are a little embarrassed and don't know how to justify their breach of trust other than to just blow it off. :confused: I don't know...just drawing straws here.

If it were me I'd do everything in my power to make it right. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't.

I think people make promises to quickly these days. They don't feel like it matters if they keep them or not. My Mom always told us not to make promises we couldn't keep. And I don't recall her ever breaking a promise to any of us girls.

I hope this resolves itself for you soon, Beth. I hate it that you tried to do something kind for someone and they brushed you off. :(

Want to know what I find amazing? That there are people in this world who think that it's perfectly okay to say one thing, and do another. That, in their opinion, SO WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL??

I've come across this way of thinking more times than I cared to. My own son feels like this. That's why he lives 3000 miles away from us, because as he put it "I only care about myself and you wouldn't let me get away with my way of thinking".

Imagine your own son actually saying "you owe me, because you brought me into this world".

But I'm digressing. This thread is about Beth and Her feelings.

She been slighted, been promised something, and the person, FOR WHATEVER REASON, is trying to pooh pooh this whole experience and probably told her 'oh for crying out loud, what's the big deal, it was only 50 bucks (I'm just using this as an example),

When you are dealing with a person with that kind of mind set, I don't believe that person can ever change. That person, for some reason, has come to the conclusion that when they give their word, SO WHAT IF THEY DON'T COME THROUGH FOR YOU!!!!

I don't subscribe to this way of thinking at all. It's very sad that there are many people in this world who think like that. They can't really make true friends because their true colors eventually come through.

It's like the odd nephew who comes around for handouts and says "you know I'm good for it" but they never are. They just smile, slink away with whatever you give them this time".

It's about me me me. This type of thinking. It's not about 'oh my goodness, I did say I would do this didn't I?", I am sooo sorry, let me make it right".

NOW THAT PERSON IS A PERSON I CAN RESPECT!!!

Too bad people don't aspire to be that kind of person.

After reading all your posts I have come to the conclusion that I am not blowing this out of proportion. I just want something wrong made right:winky:

Hi Bannet. I was just reading all of these posts with interest.

I don't make a promise when I don't know if it's completely possible to accomplish. It depends on the promise.

Promises are iffy at best. One never knows what's comin' round the bend.

What I have the most problem with is trust. I still don't know anybody I would trust a very serious 'secret' with. I hate it when people repeat something that you've asked them NOT to share. So if I have something I don't want the general public to know, I just keep it to myself.

I hope you get this resolved. :hug: