I need your support please.
 

I do so hate asking you once again to give me your support, but I badly need it at the moment, and I also need some advice as well. If you can find it in your hearts to help me out, I will be eternally grateful.

Some of you might have been following the thread that I started where I was talking about the emotional pain that my sister has been causing me, time after time. I just wanted to let you know that she has finally worn me down. Today I was officially diagnosed with depression, and that's a first for me! Never before have I been diagnised with clinical depression. I've been sad in the past, but never truly depressed. I have my self centred, manipulative sister to blame for this.

I've survived so many things that have happened in my life over the past few years, but I had an especially hard time during the last 9 months. It started with major surgery for bowel cancer in September, removal of my cancerous nose and reconstruction surgery in January, the loss of my nursing career of 40 years due to ill health, and upheaval from the state we were happy in due to circumstances out o our control. All this happened over a matter of 3 months.

I had to apply for, and accept payments from the disability services because we just couldn't survive without the income I lost when I had to give up my career.

My brother from whom I was alienated died early May and I never got the chance to resolve the issues that kept us apart. A very close friend died a few days after my brother did, and then May and June have seen the anniversaries of the demise of several people who were very close to my heart. My first baby, 57 yr old mother, my 62 yr old father, my 41 year old sister in law, and a very close girlfriend of many years, all died in a May or a June.

I've had MS for 31 years now and although I've been very strong, fought it all the way and tried not to ever let it get my spirits down, my sister's antics have finally been the straw that broke this camel's back.

She has done to me what over 30 years of chronic illness could not do. She is a very manipulative person who plays games with people's emotions, and unfortunately for me I've been her main punching bag day after day, month after month, year after year.

My sister and the truth have always been easily parted so she quickly gets the unsuspecting on her side. I've no idea what she told the staff at the hospital she has been in, but I got a call from the nurse looking after her yesterday (I had not left my name or number). That nurse told me my sister asked her to ring, because I had upset her (I phoned to give hr my love) by asking her why she was in hospital. I did ask her why she was there, and whether I could help her in any way, all because I love her. Once again my DSis has twisted things to her own purposes, uncaring of who she hurt in the process.

I have always survived in the past. I have always mangaged and I have always fought back. This time my sister has worn me right down.

I've been started on Efexor, and incase it's not called that in the US, it's long name is Venlafaxine. I also have a referral to see a psychologist for counselling, but I have no idea what to expect with that. I've never been one to share a great deal of my feelings, so I'm not sure how this is going to work for me. I tend to be one of those who bottle everything up, only to explode at a later date. Please wish me luck.

With so much on my mind lately I clean forget my appointment with the bowel specialist yesterday that I'd waiting for several months for, to come around. The appointment was to arrange a colonoscopy for a 12 month check up, to make sure the bowel cancer hadn't returned. I already cancelled it once, now I have to wait until nearly Christmas to get another appointment. I'm not sure that I'll be wanting to do this come Christmas this year.

Awwwww, my fragile little furry friend, c'mere and let me give you a long hug. :hug:

Now Anne, it's time you started looking after yourself! You've been so busy comforting and supporting your friends, you have neglected YOU! Your weary little shoulders need to get some rest while you recover from all that you've been through.

You haven't had time to even catch your breath for the past 9 months. It's just been one thing after another. You've dealt with 2 bouts of cancer and so many personal losses. Now your poor body is rebelling and insisting you concentrate on how to better manage your thoughts and emotions.

I would think that to begin with, you need to take inventory of what is most important. Then prioritize. You are used to putting YOU at the bottom of the list, but from now on, YOU are #1.

You overcame cancer and you can beat depression. I know you can! Try whatever the docs tell you. See if you can give yourself a mental "sisterectomy." Distance yourself from her until you are stronger and better able to handle the stress she brings.

And listen to this song from "My Fair Lady," to get your courage up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jL35lyX48bU&NR=1

Take care, dear Anne. Sincere prayers are being said. Warm thoughts are wafting across the ocean. You can count on your friends here at NeuroTalk to help you through this challenge. We are counting on you to not just "survive," but to "prevail." :circlelove:

Anne - Dear Anne - You have support and understanding. :hug:

Dear Anne,
I usually use this for rookies and new members but I'll remind you:

You are not alone.:)
You are one of us.:hug:
And we are here to help.:grouphug:

Granted, opposite sides of the planet and time differences, but we are always here.

Now, your sister.
No matter how it may hurt to do it, cut her loose.
I know, I know. And I'm not saying it to be a jerk. It may hurt to put and keep your distance from her, but what she's doing right now is already hurting you.

When people like that do those things, I push them to arm's length and keep them their. (Not within arm's reach, mind you.) And when it's someone I care about or even loved, it hurts to retaliate that way.

But I have a limit to the pushing I will tolerate before I push back. And as you said, it get's bottled up only to build into an explosion. (I used to be that way. Not so much anymore). But when that happens, I'd hurt myself and the other person without resolving the issue. Not healthy for anyone involved.

Effexor. Yep. We got it here. Tried it years ago for the depression and OCD. Didn't see much on results so I went back to Paxil. But that's just me.

I wish you the best, beautiful.:hug:x2

Koala sister :hug:. why dont ya just adopt me as little sis. :D....Oh ya already did ;).
and this sis has healing hugs and will be holding you in her prayers tightly!!!
As for visit with councilor ... had many but not sure how it is over the ocean in your country.
When i went i had things written down . we made list and worked on each item going one step at a time. when i had to drive again . first week just get in and sit in car short time then a bit longer. then try to back out of drive way...then drive down street... then around block...you get the pic. I had panic attacks and other issues but i was just sharing the driving thing.
Twink is right exactly right when she stated you NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU!!!!!! and all of us here will take care of you too. because your my new sister and we are family . you have been threw way to much and you need to "Unload" some of that and lighten the weight you are carrying. lean n us and go to all your apts and take meds and let us help you while you are doing that. holding you in my heart ,my prayers and healing thoughts, :hug:anne.
PEACE
BMW

Koala...please know that I am thinking of you.
:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: :hug::hug:

Koala I hope you are getting your sleep and eating .Keeping you tight in my prayers and thoughts.
I am off to send my prayers and wonders to the star lit sky outside know your in them Anne. :hug:
PEACE
BMW

Thank you one and all! :hug:

I haven't taken the first dose of the anti depressant Efexor yet because I'm still reading up on the medication, and I'm not overly impressed with all those nasty side effects.

I'm not convinced that the cure is better than the disease at the moment, so I'll give it a bit more time while I do a bit more research.

Please know that I am so very grateful for your support. :grouphug:

(((Anne))) I think your sister has taken advantage of your kind and forgiving nature...you let her get away with the abuse and so she takes advantage of it. She can "count on you" to react..it gives her power over you in a strange kind of needy way...in my opinon.

that's not a nice way to treat anyone, let alone a family member. Like Moose said, I'd distance myself from her...you have enough grief in your life without taking on more.

Just because we are related to some people, we don't have to like them.
And we certainly don't have to be their whipping board.

You deserve better. :grouphug:

You're all so very kind to me, and I truly appreciate your words of support.

I have a lot to think about over the next few days and I'll reply to your posts when I've had more time to get my thoughts together, but I wanted you to know that I'm not ignoring your kindness.

Thank you again. Hugs to all of you. :grouphug:

:hug: Anne :hug:

I agree with all the excellent advice and suggestions you've been given here. Unfortunately, you can't make your sister act like you want her to. She's going to have to come to that decision on her own. You know you've done nothing to warrant her behavior - or her hurtful actions. Even though it's hurting you it's her problem. That sounded harsh and I didn't mean for it to....:( I guess what I'm trying to say here is that she is the one that's behaving badly.....she is the one who has unjustly alienated you....and even though it's hurting you - she is the only one who can remedy the situation. And she chooses not to. Now, whether she is in the right mind frame to make that decision is very questionable.

You're a sweet, kind-hearted person, Anne. There's no question about that. And you know in your heart that you've done nothing wrong or to justify this behavior by her. Like everyone has said...as hard as it may be...you're just going to have to cut her loose and take care of yourself and your family and not feel guilty for doing so. Your family needs you - and you deserve to enjoy that grandbaby and the other members of your family without that cloud hanging over your head.

You're in my prayers, Anne. You're always thinking and praying for others here....let us do that for you now. :hug:

Sending you a warm hug this beautiful morning! :hug:

Ummm, guess you're probably asleep, but you can get it when you wake up! :)

we love you, Anne.

hold on tight to that, and don't let the _____ drag you down, honey!

:hug:

Koala ((( Anne))

I am so sorry to hear all of what you are going through. I can only share with you what I had to do with a family member who was ...well the best word is ..poison to me.

I had to try to look at it, like this person was a cancer to me.
As you well know - if you have cancer, you do not coddle it, wait around for it to do more damage! You cut it out as fast as you can to save yourself! I DO know how hard this is to do, but...if she is this bad for you, please consider it..and know we are all here to help you through all of this:hug::hug:

Hello, Anne...

I haven't really been following your story, but when I read this post I found so much of what you were describing touching me in many ways. I've been through experiences very similar to yours lately, in nature if not exactly the same. Like everyone else I hate to say this, but you need time away from your sister, and maybe a lot of time. With your health problems, the constant emotional pain and disruption you are going through will only continue to lessen your ability to live with everything else. I wish you the best in dealing with all of this. I know how hard it is, especially when it involves someone who you really love. But you have to remember that you can't love someone else into loving you. I've tried and tried, and it simply doesn't work. Good luck, Anne. :hug:

I'm here too, Anne, right next to you.:hug: It's a very painful transition to make when we finally let the truth sink in and admit that the relationship is no good for either of the two.

After letting go of someone who genuinely meant the world to me, even months later, I still care about and love that person. But, when we're not emotionally equipped to take the routine beatings, it's time to jump ship.

I understand that you want to try to kick this on your own, but don't forget that the MS can also cause a chemical reaction that only amplifies the situation. Maybe you could try the meds on a short-term basis to help you leap this first hurdle.

At any rate, you know that you have our unconditional, never-ending support right here. Come often and hammer it all out so you can sleep and live your life. :hug::hug::hug::grouphug::hug:

Thank you everybody. Each and every one of you are very special to me, and I thank you for your replies.

I wanted you all to know that I am actually feeling OK at the moment. I do however tend to cry a lot at the at the moment at the least little thing, so I guess that's a bit of a tell tale sign of depressison isn't it? At the same time, I do feel a little better than I did few days ago.

My DH & I have booked a short holiday interstate at the end of this month. I have met some wonderful people on the Internet, some of whom I have now met in person but a lot I haven't. DH decided that it was time I met one of my long term Ozzie MS Internet friends face to face, and he's booked this short break so that I can finally meet her. Her & I have been typing for about a year and a half now, so it will be wonderful to finally meet her.

This trip will also give us the opportunity to visit my DH's mother, who is in a home for dementia patients in that same state. We haven't seen her for about 5 years, and she's in her 80's now.

I think this short break away is just what we need, and I'm really looking forward to it.

I'll keep you up to date as it all gets a bit closer! :)

Hi Dear Anne,

I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are doing?
I am so glad you are planning this little get away, it will be so good
...refresh the soul! Do take care of you, and know I am here if you
ever want to just talk :hug::hug:Nikki

Strife
 

MS, I don't know what it's like.

Granted, it must be awful...

A sister, not coming through for you.

Like a mother,

like a wife.

The people you have depended upon have given up on your life.

You're the only one left with the Fight.

No kidding, you're depressed,

It's not a crime,

It's what's left, when you've had it.

Effexor, yeah, I've had it.

6 months of prolonged mania,

Only to be taken off of it by my partner,

Like a human going up an escalator,

Only brought down by hysteria.

Watch Out, girl.

That S**t will get 'cha.

When you come off it,

Brain buzzes, and swerves, nothing to rely upon, but booze.

Six months later.

If you take it,

stay up close,

to your doctor,

Don't let them accuse you of violence.

Loss of pressure in your ears.

Irritability,

Paranoia,

Ride it up.

Let it go.

Find something else to be your stallion.

It makes heroine look like a hooligan.

Shivers, quivers, on bended knees.

I hope you don't censor this post.

BPB.