Lonely?
 

Hope it is ok to post this since not exactly a physical issue but more mental I guess. I have lived on my own since I was 18. I am unmarried anyhow for the first time when I returned from Ca I stayed with my mom for like 6 weeks. At first I never thought it would work but it turned out great. I really felt so comforted and my anxiety was so much less. I feel so safe with her like nothing else bad can happen health wise to me. Also it helpe to feel less lonely even watching tv at night together. Well I moved out to my own apt about 30 min away last week. I am not adjusting well. We have spent a lot of time and are planning to still see each other a lot. Like yesterday for ex the whole day we spent together but it is not the same. I am so anxious and lonely. I have barely slept and even during the hours I am awake a nervous wreck.All I want to do is cry and hide. At the moment I am unable to work and though I can do more like I was gone all morning still limited and in high pain. I wish I could work and go back to school but not yet. I have my apt on Wed for the spinal cord stimulator consult. I am trying to start my own support group for chronic pain and attend one I found. I have limited friends cause most have stopped calling since I barely could do anything for such a long time. Plus many don't understand what this is like. They are used to injuries that heal not a chronic thing that takes over your life. I don't blame them. Being young you never think of something like this or could understand.By the way for some who forgot I am 29.I know some will say get an animal but that is too much for me right now and plus the one I got when I got out of treatment lives with my mom. Anyhow I know most are older and married but any tips or help. Thanks all and wishing everyone a pain free day

Hi daniella, can you spend a few days & nights of the week at your mothers home ? just until you can manage on your own, if that is what you want to do, sounds like it is not a good time at present to be on your own 24/7.
I hope things improve for you very soon.
take care
Brian :)

Thanks. I have been spending lots of time there like I just came back now from there. There is some sense of safety there even when she is not there. I know it is crazy. I just feel I have made so many mistake with all this moving around and states and to just develop more health issues. I guess I will try to take it day by day and see. Who knows after the surgery I may have to stay with her cause of limitations. Thanks.

Daniella:

Have you ever dated? Is there someone you could care about?? Perhaps that might take the lonliness away and make it easier for you to be without your mother.

I was not close to my mother. So I have no idea what you are going through.

Have you ever married??

Melody

Stressed
 

Daniella,
Moves are high on the stress chart. You have moved so very much. Try actually living in your new place slowly. It's hard to part with something that is familiar and safe, especially with health issues. I'm struggling too dear and I have my husband. Course, I've also got 3 little dogs. More stress. Why not wait to really live in your place until after you have the surgery.

Hugs to you:hug:
Billye

Hi,
I know lonely and pain, and you are right, no one wants to be around someone that looks somewhat normal but can barely walk 10 ft. My problem is I am lonely in a crowd...nothing makes me feel safe and loved. I just spent over a week with sisters and other family in condo on beach and they could not hear me when I said I can't walk the beach, go shopping. I was the drag. I was also the addict that took pain meds on time, never run short while they stayed drunk on beer/wine and smoked their weed with hash....beats me how I am the one with label as I get no high from mine.

Hi all and thank you. Ok I think I am loosing my mind. See my big mistake was coming back from Ca. I liked it there but could of sworn my eyes were from the climate change but since being home they are worse. I have no luck and I feel I have made so many mistakes with the move.
Mel, I have dated but never been married. I tend to pick the wrong guys in general and right now there is no way anyone would want to get into a relationship with me unless was in a similar case. That comes with issues too. In my past since I was sick with an ed and depression etc I tended to pick issued guys too like with drug issues etc.
Silverlady I do know how you are struggling and I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and like some others here give me the strength to fight. Sometimes when I feel I can't go through another day like this i think how you all keep going. I hope what ever you choose with moving and treatments you find a sense of peace.
As for the scs surgery I am so conflicted. There are much worse off then me and people not doing this so I know there can be lots of complications and that is scary cause then it is like woops I made a mistake the docs say and I pay in pain. Also I have no idea what to do with my eyes I am in so much pain and the treatments are doing nothing.
Junie I am sorry but understand. I think there is such a fear and anxiety to live with extreme health issues it creates a huge barrier with others. When I was sick with my ed I felt the same way and why I felt so much safe in a hospital with others going through the same thing and with nurses caring for me. Does anything help you feel safe? On another board someone asked me how I can comfort myself and to feel safer?
I came over to my moms this morning just to feel less alone and I can tell she is disappointed in me that I am not at my apt so will see I guess I need to not come here so much. Makes me want to cry. Hugs all.

I am sorry she feels like that! I guess the one thing that has kept me in this world is my little doggy...because I know she loves and needs me no matter what!nMaybe not much help but she keeps be from giving up altogether!!

No not disappointed
 

Daniella, I betcha your mother isn't disappointed in you. I bet she is worried about you. With all the things my boys put me thru, I was never disappointed in them, I was worried and fearful for them.

There is also a great eye board for people with dry eyes at www.dryeyezone.com I suggest you post there and read a lot. The information on that forum has saved my eyes more than once. Most of the people there have dry eye and/or nerve damage from surgery but there are others too.

Billye

Thanks guys did I tell you you guys are the best? Anyhow my mom is really upset and loosing it. I mean she was screaming at me. When I get in this much pain and I am in a major flare up like possible vicodin day and I have only done that a few times this year I get nuts.This week a lone I have went back and forth so many times about the scs. This is super scary. EVen going to the apt and I doubht the doc will suggest something else since he said he would do it before the meeting because I was already told at ucla. I know my mom is worried and concerned and really she has stuck by me and kept to hope for me never giving up.SHe is my best friend and only one to lift my spirits and see positives in me.Those months I stayed with her I was the happiest I have been through this. Sometimes though my mom lets things build up and then explodes which happened today and she wants her key back to be alone and to call before coming. This makes me so sad cause it brings me a sense of comfort to be there. Yet at the same time I wish I never left Ca. Am I nuts I have no idea. I asked my mom today god forbid something goes wrong after getting the scs how is she going to cope cause I can't handle her breakdowns sometimes though I understand I put her through hell and she has done non sto for me. I think after how many docs I have been to. Like this is my 4th anastesologist in a year for ex would have mixed feelings of going to another or this big of a surgery with the scs. This pain is hell but I know there can always be worse. We are driving 3 and 1/4 hours each way so 6 and half plus what ever traffic and construction. Last year it took an extra 2 hours. Of course if it came some help it would be way worth it I would fly to Japan. Ok thanks.
Silverlady I go on that dry eye board. My real name is Gina and I post that name. I saw you on there but didn't want to comment about these problems. Just in case they don't know.
Hugs to all.

Hi Daniella
 

I was 32 when my PN came on. I was also one of the youngest ones on the board and had a young child. My family lives very far away too. It was horrible. You are right people don't understand. But before my PN, I was at times completely but (temporarily)disabled from a chronic back condition. So my family was very use to me being lethargic & in pain.


It's been over 3 years now Daniella, and if I learned anything I learned that nerves take years to heal. The first 2 years were the hardest. I would have long periods of anxiety,dysautonomia & PN. I have had alot of recovery too. Although I have never been officially diagnosed using testing for proof, I do have a clinical diagnosis and through a process of 85% elimination they have ruled most things out. I do fit the clinical diagnosis now. Hang in there Daniella, and don't isolate yourself.

Also regarding the dry eyes... do you take beta blockers?

Hi thanks. To be honest I don't know what I need or want. I have like split personalities. Not really but even I asked my psych tell me how I should feel facing this every day and then more issues happen. He couldn't tell me. As for my mom there is nothing I guess she can do for me. I have lived on my own for 12 years and never asked to stay even for a night but now I feel I need support if I am going to go through the scs and want to stay for like 6 months but she said no. Only for the recovery part. It is not normal for some almost 30 to stay with her mom cause I am able to do like errands etc. I don't know makes me sad. As for my eyes they just never get better and was worse then when it started. I am on 3 meds now and I have no relief. What is that you are talking about cause I am not on it or heard of it. Thanks and sorry for your struggles

moving home
 

Daniella, I know we live in a culture that prides itself on independence, and where children are supposed to leave home. But that's all a myth of our society, and a recent one.

There is nothing like other people for comfort, and no one as good as a good mother. If you and your mother get along well, I'd want to ask you: why doesn't she want you to continue living with her? Maybe she misunderstands your situation. Or maybe she's bought into this idea of independence for all.

It's not a failure to feel lonely on your own; it's normal. And it's hard to have a social life when you are not well and in pain. I'm divorced, and I try to date, but there's no way I can date when I'm feeling awful. That's when I just want some comfort from familiar people. I'm lucky that my kids are home from college for the summer, because I'm having a pretty bad streak. But I can tell you, if I didn't have kids, and my mother was a comforting person and not a frail 90 and needing care, (I'm in my 50s) I'd move in with her in a heartbeat. If she'd have me. So I think your desire to be with her is normal, healthy, and a sign that she is able to comfort you.

Do you think you can make her understand that this is very helpful to your overall stress level, which in turn affects your pain and functioning. maybe you'll be more able to help in the house than you were--cooking and picking up?

Can you try negotiating something with her?

Gina:

I know by the time you read this, you will be back from your appointment at the Cleveland Clinic. I hope and pray that they are able to give you relief. You have suffered with no relief for so long.

I think that most people probably relate to illness as something you recover from-like a person who had an appendectomy last month and now you cannot even tell anything was ever wrong with them or the person who was coughing and hoarse last week, but is fine this week.

When you are suffering from a chronic illness, especially one that has no visible cause, it is tough for people to understand that there is a sick person there, who may be suffering terribly, when they look normal on the outside. Even family members who are close may have difficulty understanding this. Your mom also may be very frustrated that she cannot do anything to help you feel better.

I know that you are very frightened, particularly since no one has yet to figure out what is causing your severe pain and eye problems. If I were in the same spot, I would turn to my mother for comfort too.

I wonder if your psych might be able to talk to her about this and perhaps broker some kind of agreement where you could stay with her at least on a part time basis, just long enough to get you back on your feet. Perhaps an outsider might be able to better explain that you truly are suffering, are very much afraid and are EXTREMELY frustated that so far, no one has been able to help you. The advantage of this would be that this could be presented in a calm manner, with no emotional upset-something that might be might not be posible if either you or your mom get upset discussing this.

Meanwhile, I hope you will be posting the results of your visit at the Cleveland Clinic as soon as possible. I know I will not be the only one here thinking about you while you are gone...

Cathie

Thanks you. You all really help me feel heard and cared for. With all you are going through I feel so bad. Anyhow my apt is actually tomorrow. A lot has happened. Had a little mental break down because I am in such a bad flare up and the stress of going to another pain doc. Then my mom lost it mentally and then I felt bad and scared about that.I don't want to push her over the edge like years ago. Everyone is fine and I stayed at my moms yesterday. A few thoughts I guess. My mom and I have a good relationship but conflict too. I really feel at a loss and I discussed maybe subletting this apt and for the hundreth time moving like 5 min near her instead of 35. Of course after the surgery I will have to stay with her cause no driving for awhile,bending,lifting.She fears I will get to comfortable living with her if I were to stay for a longer period then the recovery and that it is not normal. Then though after the crazziness yesterday she said I could for a longer amount not forever which I never planned but for awhile. Now I feel too bad so I don't know.I have lived on my own since I was 18 so 12 years almost. Even when they thought I would die from my eating disorder I pushed through on my own and worked full time. With chronic pain there is no pushing sometimes. I am the first to say I don't act rational but am trying. My reason is that I have lived in chronic pain of the leg for a year half with lack of pain control and from doc to doc. Then the eyes the same thing for 7 months and makes it hard to see and have gotten worse I feel bad cause I know here there are so many worse off.Anyhow I think I said here how I asked my psych please tell me how I should feel and act. He could not tell me. To be honest in my eyes I am coping not as well as some of you but I have maintained my eating disorder recovery and a healthy weight with no behaviors. I also have not done any other destructive things. Ok enough of the rant. I will let you know tomorrows apt and what procedrue exactly I will have and maybe he will have insight with the eyes too and hopefully my mom and I will discuss the living issues on the way home. 7 hours in the car for a 10 minute apt. I hope it is productive and I have a plan tomorrow. Hugs and thank you

Oh, Daniella...
 

I am sorry you are going through so much!:(

I fully understand what you are saying about feeling safer at your mother's...even if at her home while all alone!:hug:

I am sorry it seems your mother needs a bit more space? (Is that an accurate understanding?)

I do live with my husband and my dog. Yet, if I did not have them and was alone, I could see wanting to live with others.

Is there any chance of you not living alone? Maybe not living with your mother, but living with other friends/acqaintances?

Some areas actually have programs to "pair up" housemates, based upon each person's individual's needs. Do you now if there is a program like that around?

It has been a long time since I have lived near my brothers and sisters. I often wish we all lived in the same neighborhood again! (This may sound sappy, but it is true! It would be easier to spend time together... just whenever the timing was good for each individuals! I'd also definitely want my mother in the same neighborhood with all of us! There's nothing wrong with wanting a healthy relationship with your mother... or with other family members.):hug:

How are things going with your chronic pain group?
Have you been able to make any connections there?

Are you able to pursue any form of a group that identifies with your own spiritual preferences? People often find rewarding relationships within these settings, as well!:D

I am glad you have brought this topic up!:hug:

It is an important one and it is very pertinent with any chronic illness!

Please continue to take care and let us know how this is going for you?

Hi. Thanks. I would say you are accurate about my mom. I know she wants the best for me and feels I may become to dependent on her. The other day I said you talking to my mom ask what can I do when I have a horrible day and am crying through pain and usually I say nothing but now I ask for this and it is a no. I do feel though my mom needs a life and it is not fair for longer then the surgery recovery to stay with her so I am not going to. Tomorrow though were going to talk about me moving closer after the apt. Maybe if I was like 5 min it would make me feel safer and I could pop by. This is a big procedure and I would feel better even after the recovery cause things happen a long the way. I was think of a roomate but when I feel this bad having someone "normal" around could be hard because they would be loud or having friends over. I am trying to get my own support group together and a lady is suppose to call me next week for one she has. The rsd group I was going to go to was canceled cause the girl had some health issues with her scs. Not what I wanted to hear and we have the same doc.
Thanks Dejavu one day at a time. I glad you have your husband and your dog. I know my moms dog is so sweet. It is my ex dog actually but I was young then 20 and not very mature so he came to my parents. A good companion though

Hi Gina:

Maybe after the procedure and given a reasonable amount of recovery time, you might be in a better situation to decide if you even want to move again. It seems to me though you are not on the first floor in your new place. Will stairs present a problem after recovery, or do you know?

Sorry I got the dates mixed up. I was thinking today was the day of your appointment... This happens a lot these days... :)

Good luck,
Cathie

Glad you are here...keep hanging in....
 

and writing!:hug:

This is a wonderful group of people here! We are all so fortunate to have one another to relate to!:grouphug:

I have more to say...but am very short on time today.

I feel your pain :winky: and this will "sort itself out more!"

You are doing the "work" involved in identifying and processing the issues at hand!:hug:

(This will continue to help you as you think about htings and try to plan/make decsions.)

I want you to know that I, too, am thinking of you and wishing you the very best!:hug:

(I will be back as soon as I am able to do so... a small surgery tomorrow.)