Newly diagnosed and scared
 

Hello,

My names is BJ and I've just this past week been diagnosed Bipolar 1. It came as quite a shock to me. I've been living with depression for about a year and a half. I lost both my parents within the span of a year due to heart attacks. My dad died first and then 6 months later my mom had a massive heart attack. I really think she died of a broken heart. :(

This is when all my problems started. I was being treated for depression but I knew something was not right. I felt my life spiraling out of control with my mood swings of intense highs and then extreme lows where I couldn't even get myself out of bed. I couldn't sleep (still can't) and I "forget" to eat most of the time. It's affected my work and my relationships with my co-workers and friends. So after psychological testing and evaluations I was diagnosed.

How do I feel? Very alone right now with all this and scared.

I hope to make some friends here to share my fears and also maybe I can be of some help. But it's all new to me. :confused:

WElcome BJ,
I am happy for you that you finally got a correct diagnosis.
Am sorry that you are scared.
One of the things that many of us have found is that once we are finally given the right diagnosis...it is so much more helpful knowing that there is treatment and options...finding the right medication path will take time and effort. Be patient with yourself and it takes time to see if the meds are going to work.
I hope that you are also seeing a therapist to help you to deal with your grief losing your parents....
How did you happen to find us here?
This is a new forum that was created a couple of months ago.
We came from another forum that was down for a long while...so many of us have a history with each other.
WE welcome new guest and are glad that you posted.
Ask questions and read everything that you can read.
Decreasing your stress on a daily level is what we all are striving to do.
This is really important in maintain our current level of health.
Look at the stickies above and there are some web links to help direct you to other places for information and support.
again
Welcome!
bizi

Hello!

It wasn't long ago that I discovered this board after I was diagnosed. Its been a lot of help and most of all, a place to come chat to friends who give a warm hug and listen and don't say "just... and you'll be fine".

Thanks
 

Thanks for the replies. I'm really not sure about much anymore because my head spins and spins. All I know is that I'm so unsure of myself and I'm hiding from my friends and co-workers and I've never been like this. I haven't told anyone yet and I'm not sure if I will. But they know that I'm not myself. I am seeing a counselor for grief and depression too. Lots to talk about but I'm finding it hard. :confused:

I found this board actually from a friend that was having a lumbar fusion. He was reading and getting the nerve up to post in spinal disorders when BT crashed. He had the fusion at the end of July and he's doing fine. :)

I'm taking 15 mg of Abilify and .5 mg Klonopin 3 times a day. I've only been taking them since Wednesday and I know it will take time. But since I've started I seem more....can't think of the word, maybe "chaos brained" as I like to call it. I desperately need a good solid sleep that's for sure.

Thanks again and nice to meet you all. ;)

Hi there.
Glad that you found us!
I really don't know about abilify...
have never taken the med...(I would think that it quiets your head chaos)
I know that most people take a mood stabilizer...
I take lamictal as my mood stabilzer....it also has antidepressant qualities.
I am one of those bipolar folks who really can't take an SSRI, antidepressant...makes me manic.
I also take a sleeping pill...to get me to sleep at nite.
How are you sleeping?
keep posting...talking....venting.....
bizi

Abilify?
 

Dear BJ,
I send my condolences on the loss of your parents. That is a lot to deal with, especially in a short amount of time.

Your pdoc should give you meds that help "stop the committee in your head."
When do you see the psychiatrist again? In a day or two if you are not feeling better you should telephone and let him or her know that you are still not sleeping.

How much Abilify do you take and what time of day?
Some people do well on Abilify and some people do not. You need to let the pdoc know what is happening.

The pyschiatrists expect the meds to go through some trial and error. Feel free to stay in close contact.

Mari

welcome to nt bj. :)

my deepest sympathy for the loss of your parents. :( you have been dealt a heavy loss in such a short time span.

i'm sure you will find lost of support here. venture around. many of us post in a bunch ( or like me...just about all :p ) of forums here.

btw...i'm a friendly mod here. not actually of the bipolar forum, but feel free to contact me if you ever need anything. the mods of the bipolar forum are fab!

here is a link to our grief forum
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/forumdisplay.php?f=51

Welcome to our group. You will find a great bunch of people here, with a wealth of information.

I am very sorry to hear about your parents.

Keep posting.


Nikko

I’m taking 15mg Abilify at noon. I was taking it at 4 but I’m trying noon to see if it helps me sleep more. I toss and turn all night long which gets me so frustrated. I got up at 3am and folded the towels in the linen closet again (4th time this week). Oh the joys of being bipolar. :o I’m not sure when these will kick in but I’m really frustrated with it right now and myself for not getting up the nerve to tell people I am bipolar. There I said it – I’M BIPOLAR. :(

I can’t seem to stop moving and my mind is racing terribly. I’m not sure if it’s from the Abilify or the Effexor which I’m still trying to adjust to. I’ve worked my way up to 225 a day but I know this is making me sweat and even more jittery than I already am. I don’t see my PD until Thursday and hopefully he will adjust something here.

I’m ashamed to say this but I’m a “survivor” and don’t want to go “there” again. I hated the hospital and how I was treated and definitely don’t want to get like that again. I just want a little peace in my mind and need to sleep at least 3-4 hours straight just once in a while.

I have a question that maybe can’t be answered but this is all so new to me. Do you have any signs that you are on the onset of mania? I’m not sure if I’m just in a happy mood (and have a fetish about folding towels) or am I heading for a manic episode? I’m supposed to keep a mood dairy for my PD and I’m having a hard time describing exactly what mood I’m in.

Hi,
I don't get classic mania so I can't tell you what the warning signs are. Someone else can.

Here's a site for an online mood journal: http://moodtracker.com/

It is possible to have more than one mood at a time --especially if you are having racing thoughts. If I were making my own mood chart I would come up with symbols similiar to the simlies:
:) :( :confused: :mad: :D :eek: :cool:
Then I would circle which ones apply from like 8:00 am to 2:00 pm, 2:00 pm to 8:00pm and then maybe 6:00 pm to 8 am. Or whatever,.... you get the right idea. Then I would write in RACING THOUGHTS. The pdoc really needs to take care of this. You don't have to wait until Thursday. Put in a call now/today.

Some pdocs do not prescribe anti-depressants for bipolars. Maybe the Effexor is getting you wired and anxious (did you say anxious?). But be careful and don't just stop taking it. Most people need to taper off Effexor.

Or the Abilify could be making the problem worse instead of better. It does that sometimes. Let the pdoc know what is going on. The mood charts will help when you get into the office. It is good to have things on paper so you don't forget.

My note is scattered and all over the place. Sorry but I wanted to respond.
Don't feel bad that it took you awhile to embrace the bipolar dx. Everyone needs their own time frame -- not one minute more and not one minutes less.
Take it easy if you can. Call the pdoc.
Mari

congratulations!!!!
 

It took me years to accept that I was bipolar. a couple of my counselors did not believe I was either....lets just say that it is hard to deny this when we wind up in the hospital...
I am glad that you are a survivor...
I too worry about your meds...like mari said...some folks have to be weaned off their antidepressants...you still sound hypomanic to me....and that is not elation....it is the agitated, anxious, moving , head talk kind that is very upsetting to go thru....been there done that.
I am sorry that this is so frustrating for you and it will take lots of communication to adjust the meds and it will also take time.
so be patient with yourself and know that you are moving in the right direction.
I am going to bump up a thread for you about mixed mania, dysphoric.
bizi

Thank you Mari for the mood journal and helping explain how to use it. Right now I have nothing written down except vroooom because that’s what my mind feels like…a racing car for lack of a better word.

Bizi thanks for the info on hypo mania. This is all so new to me and I never heard any of these terms but now I’m learning some of what is going on inside and I hate it. I’m always thinking okay I’m I on the verge of another episode? How long will it last and when will I hit bottom and go into that hole?

I tried the combo I’m on today thinking I need to adjust and I couldn’t even concentrate enough to stay at work. I haven’t been able to tell anyone and it’s eating inside me too. If I can’t get some sleep and shut my mind down I’m calling first thing in the morning. I was just going to stop the Effexor but I’m afraid to. I’m not sure if it’s helping or hurting but one of them is wrecking havoc in here.

Thanks again.

Dear BP,
Please don't stop the Effexor without calling your pdoc's office and talking about it. I am pretty sure that it has to be tapered. Stopping abruptly can cause difficult side effects in some people.

Telephone the pdoc. He/She is repsonsible for you. He did not give you meds and then leave you on your own. He KNOWS that you are going to need adjustments but he doesn't know what adjustments unless you call him.
Print out your posts here and read them to him on the phone. He needs to know so that he can make some changes.

No one I ever heard of got the right med regime the first time they were in the pdoc's office. It can take a couple of years in fact.

The more frequent your contacts with the podc and the more specific you can be about your condition (mood charts), the better chance you will get good meds.


Keep posting. I hope that you get some sleep. Can you go buy Benedryl? Then leave a message with the pdoc's office that you bought some.
That does not generally infterfere with our meds and helps some people feel sleepy. (it makes me jumpy after the second nigtht but I can get away with taking it once or twice and getting some benefit from it.)

But better to call the pdoc than to go look for stuff to add to the mix.

Good luck.
Mari