Waiting is the Worst........................
 

This week cannot go by fast enough for me. Court is Friday afternoon, and I am worried about the outcome. I walk into that courthouse, nerves and all, and I hate it. I know no matter what the outcome is I will have to deal with it. I walk out totally drained.

He is even in my dreams! Not in a good way either. I'm stressed to the max and depressed. Today I am going to just try and chill out. Wednesday and Thursday I do have things I have to do. I see my DV counsler on Thursday, which should help, I always feel good walking out of there.

Besides mentally exhausted, physically it is making me sick in little ways. I think I may be getting a chest cold, or I am just smoking way to much. My stomach is going hay wire, that's nerves. Headaches probably stress.

Ok, in a nut shell, I feel like CRAP. I wonder how I will feel after it is over, well lets hope it is finally over with court on Friday. I assume whatever happens, I will go through some type of emotions.

See, it's like I know how in whatever way, I will have some reaction. It is just so difficult to deal with everything. My head is spinning all the time. I know I should do this and that, but I can't right now, I can't function, concentrate, feel good, nothing.

Anyway, that's my life right now and it sucks. The thought of the holidays is doing me in too all I feel about the holidays is sadness.

Okay, enough of me complaining.

Hugs to all, Nikko

Time to crawl into a hole and whatever happens - happens. I am sick of myself.

Ta Ta


Nikko:o

Your feelings are important and you are right...you go through the different levels of grieving too.
Try not to judge yourself....
you are a strong woman
your like a warrior
(((HUGS))))
bizi

Hi Nikko,

It may be a good idea to hava an appointment set up with someone to talk to not long after court. Me, I did not want to talk right away though. Today I see my therapist and tomorrow see the abuse counselor.

My STUPID CD player my husband gave me for Christmas last year does not go to the next track but instead plays the same song over and over. It's cheap just like everything else he ever gave me. I accidently jammed a CD in his big expensive CD player so I cannot use that one.

befuddled2

Nikko
 

He too, has a female judge and a female public defender.

So, it looks like the odd's are in HIS favor. Because he is a liar, manipulator, and has that charisma about him, makes me ill.

I always dress nice, and speak well as long as I can take my Klonapin prior to court. I don't want to have a shaky voice or cry.

God only knows what will happen. God only knows if I will make it till Friday, and if I do, well I don't know how I will react to anything.

Going back to my hole, I feel safe there.

Nikko

Nikko,

I hear you. Hugs to you for Friday. Just think of it as a stepping stone to getting on with your life. Sometimes we may get tripped up by stumbling on a stone but in the long run things will be better.

befuddled2

Nikko, hang in there. It will be over soon, but I'm sure the waiting is killing you. I have a good friend going through the same thing right now. Don't get hard on yourself. You don't have to do anything you don't feel like. No one is going to judge you. Keep in touch. I always enjoy reading your posts.:o

Hi, Nikko,
Waiting stinks big time.
I hear you.
Mari

Thanks everyone, I appreciate all your support more than you know.

I do not have to answer to his public defender. Since it is the state vs him, because I was such a mess and afraid to press charges.

I only have to talk/answer to my prosecutor, and give my input. I suppose I will have to answer to the judge if asked.

Yet, my court advocate can for me, but I would have to have it written down, and I can't do that, since I do not know what or if she will ask me anything.

I will be busy today, which is good, and tomorrow the DV counsler, which is good.

I agree BF2 that I should have an appt. ready for Monday, because I don't know how I will feel. I will do that tomorrow when I see my DV counsler.

On Friday it isn't until 2pm my time, I so wish it was at 9am, so I could get up and just get ready and go.

Hugs, Nikko

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo AFRAID:(

have you considered asking an advocate from the women's shelter to go with you just for moral support? someone to hold your hand and keep you focused until its time? It might help.

How are you today? :)
Bobi

It's tomorrow - Friday. I have a court advocate and a womens shelter advocate going with me. These places are hidden, so men don't know where the shelters are. Therefore cannot find the womens shelter advocates.

Thank God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I see my domestic violence counsler. They aren't allowed to go to court because they help women and they can't be seen by men, it could put there lives in danger, because the men hate DV counslers because they help there wives, girlfriends, etc The DV place is not a hidden place, it is where you go for group, counseling, and get all the resources they can give you.

I guess I am ready for tomorrow, lets just hope he shows.

Hugs, Nikko

I am thinking of you and wanted to send you some postitive energy to help you make it thru the next 24 hours.
I hope you will sleep tonight.
Know that you are doing everything right.
(((HUGS)))
bizi

My thoughts are with you also. I hope it goes well.
Let us know what happens.

Hi Nikko,
I want to let you know that I am thinking about you.
I hope that they can wrap this up so that you can move on to whatever good thing is next for you.
Mari

It's Friday at 7am............Thank you all. I did sleep, woke up a few times, but I feel raring to go, I want this over.
My nerves have kicked in big time.

I keep thinking - what if he doesn't show? what if he does get jail time and they give him 2 wks to get his affairs in order (that's a joke for him) I am going to tell the prosecuter he is a flight risk, since ALL of his family is back East. What if his public defender came up with a new plea and they ok it?

All these what ifs????????????????????????????? I guess I will know soon enough.

I am invited over friends tonight, hope I am in a mood to go. It probably would be the best thing I could do. I need to keep my emotions in check today.

I got a crisis hotline phone number from my DV counsler yesterday, since the office will be closed by the time I get out of court and the weekend.

Say a prayer, I need one.

Hugs, Nikko