Hi to my friends...I'm a little weiry
 

Hi Mari,Bizi,Pamster,and Bobby. I'm a little tired of it all. It's been going on for decades in one form,or another. I have a appointment with a NP from Social Services in late August. She may,or may not refer me to a therapist in Social Services. I'm hurting. I'm running out of money. It doesn't look good. I'm loosing family support,and financial help from them now. They are becoming distant. I'm still waiting for the Social Security Disability Hearing. Tired. Waiting. Hurting. Worried. I'm going through more red tape to get therapy. I could use encouragement. Sorry. Brokenfriend

BF, Don;t you have a county program to hlp. My son has gone to a therapist a year now no cost. The case worker is really good with him. No cure on the motivation part to goals in life within his disability. But, his grief has been a turnaround. I was so concerned and worried.
But he should continue so in the fall or January he can at least take a few college classes to retrain, he has heart problems and seizures and can no longer work the security job sites.
I just thought as they were fast to get an appointment and free for no income, or sliding scale on need base.
My older son 34 is in a similar boat and with a toddler it is stressing him out. the SS hearing wait, two surgeries, the pituatary tumore moods flares. We understand, but stresses us with worry too.
One day at a time,
di

Dear Friend,
It's not you or your life. It is the anxiety.
When you get the right diagnosis and treatment you will start feeling better. The other stuff won't bother you as much.

What medications are you on?
I think that you stopped taking the Abilify. Are you on anything else?

Tell the person who prescribed the Abilify that you need something else. In this business the squeaky wheel gets the grease.

Make them help you.
You can do it.

Mari

Thank you DiMarie
 

I'm in a sort of poor county in a Commonwealth State. They have to send me to the next county to see a Nurse Practitioner,who is going to try to get me to a therapist. She needs a referral from my county. All of this is within Social Services. It seems to be free.

I'm out of work waiting for the hearing with SSD. I have to drive about 60 miles to that county. I am way out in a rural area. There are no support groups that I know of around here.

I had to move out here because my Brother in law owns this old abandoned house that I live in. I live in part of it. The other part is walled up. They may sell this property now when he retires. They originally said that I could stay here for the rest of my life,but they are not saying that now. My sister,and I don't get along. It's a long story,and it is not getting better. I try to be at peace with her,but it does not work. Social Services says don't talk to her about certain things. She is using leverage,and talking down to me. I say one thing,and she says the opposite,or says I'm wrong. It's hurts my self worth. It's hurts my heart too. Thanks for the input. Brokenfriend

believe that you can be well
 

Hi,
They can't sell the house right away. Don't worry now. You can always worry later. :cool: (bad joke. sorry about that).

What happened to the Abilify person? Abilify was a good choice for you in a way. It showed that the person prescribing it was on the right path. It turned out that Abilify was the wrong med for you, but there are tons of other meds and other combinations. Push hard for these other med plans.

Ask the nurse practitioner for medication.

Please believe me that when I was sick, the ONLY thing that helped me was medication. That might be the case with you.
After you are on a good plan, you can start dealing with the other stuff.

Ignore your sister. She is not being nice to you. You deserve better.
Find other ways to spend your time that are nice.

You have a good heart. Your heart will lead you in the right direction. Give yourself some opportunity to get better.
Tell this nurse practitioner that you need serious attention.
Speak up for yourself.

Do you see what I am getting at?
Sorry. I guess I am being too pushy.
I really believe that you can be well.
You can believe that too.
Make the health care professionals work to make you better.
They can do it and you can do it.

M.

Thank you Marie
 

I stoped the Abilify,because I became very dizzy. I haven't reacted to other medicines before that I can think of. I kept taking it till I couldn't stand it anymore. That medicine doesn't work for me.

The Nurse Practitioner in the next county over is going to start adjusting my medicine. She already has. I take more Luvox in the morning. She's being cautious with it. Luvox is for OCD,and Depression. Since it's also used for depression,she doesn't want it to stir up the mania of the Bipolar part in me. So she is being cautious. She's going to mix other medicines in the future. She's been on vacation. She thinks I need therapy once a week. I agreed. I had to get a referral from my county for this,because I live deep within a rural county.

I'm taking the Xanax again. The Kolonipin did not work well at all. I don't know why. The Xanax seems to work better for the anxiety/panic attack problem. I have allergy attacks that resemble anxiety attacks,and visa versa. I'm allergic to molds,mildews,mixed trees,mixed grasses,dairy,and a multitude of other things. I take Durahist D Caplet Pro for the allergies. That's the only thing on earth that helps my allergies. I use to get shot's,but the insurance companies,when I was working,slapped a copay on them. That was the end of my allergy shots. Allergy problems,with anxiety problems is not a small problem,because one stirs up the other it seems. BF PS I Meant Mari

Mari
 

That joke was funny. Ha Ha LOL

You aren't being pushy. I understand exactly what you mean.

You always have good advise.

The other doctor is going to let the NP proscribe medication,because I can't afford to see him because I'd loose my shirt. Ha ha BF

Mari
 

Your up late too. What coast are you on? I'm in the Mid-Atlantic east coast area. It's 4:55 AM here. BF

http://www.needymeds.com/
did you know you can get free drugs from drug companies?
my prozac which is really cheap is really working and I tried so many antidepressants. I take a low dosage and it is working.
I AM Surprised that the klonopin didn't work. It has been working for me for seven years. I still have mild panic attacks when situations arise though.
I hope they don't sell the house. They can't be that cruel can they.
That would be sadistic I think.

It sounds like you have some people on your side working with you.
this is good.
I jsut wish it was a bit more timely, faster service.
Things will get better for you.
better days are coming
((((HUGS))))
bizi

Mymorgy
 

Hi Bobby. Thank you for the info on the Meds being free. Soon,I'll need that. My 401K will be running out sooner then I thought.

My sister said that she is not going to support me. I'm waiting for my SSD hearing. I don't know why she's saying this to me suddenly. Suddenly she didn't like me about 6 months ago,and she's turning her back on me. She has MS,and my brother in law said that she is a sick women. It might be the MS. It's making her angry or something. She started out not liking our Mother. She didn't like anything about our Mother. She doesn't like our dad,uncle,etc.etc.

I heard her making remarks like you can choose your friends,but not your family. All of this has grieved me. She has not liked little things about me. She doesn't like my opinions,hobbies,and etc. She doesn't like the way I tried to clean her house. She criticizes every thing I do. She said I was 20 minutes late. It was a progression of all of these little things. Now she is turning her back on me.

She's filled with resentment. I've tried to make peace. She said she is not going to like me. I'm a nice person. I think that the MS is affecting her this way. Recently dad has turned his back on me. We got along before he moved in with her about 8 years ago. He moved out. He said he wants to be left alone. He's got a bad temper,and use to be a alcoholic,and use to fuss at me allot. He vented on me. We got along from the 1980's,and up to around 2000.

Recently I asked if she was going to move me over there,and she has said nothing. She still hasn't. This worries me. She's left me hanging. She's being irrational in my opinion. She knows that I have emotional problems of some sort,but she doesn't like it. I cannot help the fact that I have emotional problems. I didn't choose this. I think that she has turned my Dad against me. She is so bitter,and so angry,that she has talked against both sides of the family. Now she doesn't like me.

Leaving me hanging like this has made me wonder what's going to happen to me. What if SSD rejects giving financial help to me? This scares me,and I have dread of the future,and it is making my condition worse. My future,the big question. Am I going to end up homeless?

Will my brother in law intervene? He doesn't give me the time of day. He never has. My Mother died last year. Her love disappeared a long time ago. She withdrew from us. I don't know why all of this is happening in my family. It seems like my dad,and sister don't care about me anymore. I know that they have their own problems,but are they taking it out,or blaming me for their problems. I don't know.

I don't know why the Klonopin doesn't work. Since 1969,I've been on Valium,Librium,Ativan,and Xanax. Brokenfriend

bizi
 

Thank you. I wish that things where happening more quickly. The government doesn't work fast I guess. I hope that things work out.

I've gotten frantic,and bought some things that I'll need before I become broke with my own 401K retirement money,and I told her what I was doing. She called and said what I'm down to financially. I gave the bank permission for her to help with my money. She seems to think about money all the time. I don't need her to keep telling me how much I have. She keeps giving me bad feelings. This is overbearing,and disrespectful. I cannot get her to realize it. How would she like it if I did that to her. They bought a 10 thousand dollar rug from India,a 750,000 thousand dollar house,on 10 acres of land,and etc.,and etc. They spend,and spend. I just don't know.

She gives me a feeling like I cannot do anything right. BF

My sister
 

She just called me up,and gave me a panic attack. BF

I'm hurting more
 

I just got a phone call from my sister,and a angry email from my dad. When my dad is angry,it's worse then hell fire. I have two things bothering me more now. I called Social Services. She said call Emergency Services if I need more help. I felt a panic attack from my sister,and rebuked from my Dad's email. I'm sitting here, and don't know what to do. BF

Dad
 

It really scares me when Dad gets mad over nothing. That probably stems back to my childhood. I'm frozen right now. I can't think. BF:eek:

Hi Brokenfriend and all!!

I've posted numerous pharmaceutical company links to their patient assistance programs on the Medication Forum...
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread13042.html

I hope this helps anyone needing assistance in getting their medications.

:hug:
Abbie

Walmart --$10.00 for generics
 

Mari
I agree with you one hundred per cent
Bobby

Thanks everyone
 

I just called my Dad,and he was agitated for me calling. I was only nice to him,and he had a minor operation,and said he doesn't want to see me. He didn't want to see me awhile back. He does have a horrible temper that seems to be coming back. He,my Dad,doesn't want to see me. This hurts me all the way around. He's 88 years old,and I don't believe that he loves me anymore.

None of my family wants to see me anymore. My sister says I get emotionally charged. Well ,thats not exactly true. My dad has a bad temper,which has come back. My sister is ill right now,but she has judged me I think,and it's upsetting to be warned every time I see her. When I get warned about money,which has been hundreds of times,and has been run into the ground over years,I get upset when I hear it over,and over. She did it again today. She said something that created a panic attack. A panic attack dazes me,and for some reason she has never caught on to what that subject does to me. It leaves me hanging with a weight,and dread,and is counter productive every time the way it is expressed.

Now I'm really down. I feel rejected by my whole family. The only one who wants to see me is my Uncle who is a minister. He says he loves me. He lives in another state,and is getting old. Neither my dad,or my sister want anything to do with him. I'm not trying to make this into a drama. I'm just trying to make myself clear.

All that I know is dad helped me all my life. He may be reacting to that. All I want to do is see him to say hi. He repeatedly does not want to see me. My sister,and brother in law don't want to see me. They didn't want to see me before,and don't want to see me now. This makes me feel unwanted,and not loved. I cannot help my condition. It has broke up previous relationships in the past,but I didn't think it would cause rejection in the end. I'm heartbroken,and in pieces about this,and to know that they aren't going to help me financially hurt's even more.

I cannot Fathom this. I'm nothing to them. They don't want to see me. I had been considered the family problem. Where's the love? Where's the value in my life. I have value,but I have been slowly devalued by a family member,because I was different. I'd say I'm unique. I've been through a low point in life for so long,that I can see to clearly certain things. Adding years to suffering,what I see in things isn't on the up,and up. This grieves me.

Do I sound that bad of a person to not want to be seen,or helped? I'm seeing through broken pieces,and being controlled,and contained.

I have bought things to distract my thoughts from crashing in on me. I have created projects. I have thrown myself into projects to forget,and to feel alive,and to not be grieved. Even this is not understood,and deemed irresponsible,or bad by my family. They don't understand that it's therapeutic for me.

What is there to live for? When people don't respect you when you have tried you best,but have hit hard times. I might as well not see the light of another day,then to live. I cannot take my life,because thats wrong. I'm stuck in limbo,and there is nowhere to go but here. My life has seen many years,and this is it. I've been living with this thing for to long. Now with the threat of no finances,this will be a step lower,which is hard to believe that I can go lower.

I can hardly believe what I'm hearing from another family member. I cannot end my life,and I cannot see beyond the near future of seemingly emptiness.

Now that I'm not working,and disabled,where is the help this country is suppose to offer it's citizens who have become disabled. This most definitely hasn't pulled the family together,or created warmth ,and love. With this long wait,it has caused family conflict,insecurity,dread,and fear of becoming homeless on top of the actual problems that I already had. I don't know what to do. Brokenfriend

I know the road looks dark Friend but just remember God is holding you in the palm of His hand and I’m holding you in my heart. :Heart:

Thanks BJ
 

I know that you know what suffering for a long time is like. This thing with my Dad,and sister is like being hurt in a safe place. They are going to let me fall into the Social Services,or SSD like a hot potato. I'm astonished. She said she would not let it happen before. So Social Services, or streets. This shakes me up,and leaves me feeling their cold.

Thank you for your warmth in the middle of your hardship. I receive your warmth,and thank you so kindly. BF

Brokenfriend,

I am sorry to hear of your struggles with your family. I truly understand--long story that I can't share...but I do understand where you are....

I wanted to let you know that I felt the same way as you about getting help from social services and social security.... I felt as if I was falling into darkness by needing help.

It took a new and not a close friend but dear friend to help me to realize that these are not a hand out but an helping hand up.

Once I changed (actually just shifted) my own mindset about accepting help from Social Services and applying for SSDI... I am taking small (baby sized) but forward steps in my own personal growth.

Since I have applied for SSDI and state medicaid and I have been in the denial and wait phase...I was able to get into a doctor on a sliding scale. I am also seeing a tdoc and a pdoc also on a sliding scale. I so far have been able to get medicines at greatly reduced and no cost for many.

I will always have a non-curable disability. Reality tells me that I most likely will never be able to go back to work...but...

I don't look at things as a handout anymore... I look at them as a hand up and I hope to be able to help others as I can once I am back on solid ground.

Well... I just wanted to share a little of my story and how I am managing amidst a life story in a similar book with yours. You are NOT alone.

:hug:
Abbie

Thank you Abbie
 

For part of my life I thought it was curable. Not anymore. It's to big,and has happened for so long.

I'm shocked at my dad's hostility today. My sister surprises me. They just cannot get a grip on what I'm saying,and are misunderstanding everything. I can't believe it.

I don't want to loose the things that I have,and have been working on for so long.

Thank you for your input. I can't believe what my sister is saying to me. I can't believe this whole thing.

I was getting stronger,but the world became hostile,and everything has changed. BF

I'm sorry to hear that you continue to have ongoing family pressures BF. I only hope that you can find the strength to overcome the hurt that you probably feel. :hug:

I read what you said about the SSDI. Would it help you to know that I too am on a Disability Pension?

I feel no shame at all in accepting what others call a "Hand out". I have worked hard all my life and only gave up work because I had to, not because I wanted to. I would dearly like to continue the career that I loved so much, but alas that is not to be.

My DH is also now on a disability pension due to a spinal injury that happened at work. I assure you that both of us would go back to work in a minute if we only we could.

Neither of us will ever let anyone shame us because we're accepting benefits, and you shouldn't either.

Dear Friend,
Sometimes people have toxic family members.
You can't do anything about them.

I am very sorry that you are going through this.
M.

Thank you
 

Thank you all for your input. Right now my heart hurts deep,deep,down in the tender parts due to the cold attitudes of my family members. My sister keeps uttering that "Money" word. I don't know what to say.

I thank you all for your deep heart felt understanding,and words of kindness. I wish you all lived near by. I wish that we could all meet each other. We could have more support groups. Thanks BF