Doctor frustration and so exhausted after a "relaxing" vacation
 

Hi,
I just have to complain today - I am so upset.

I am not yet dx, been in limbo for about 12 years now. I do have chronic cluster migraines, Cervical Spinal Stenosis, Fibromyalgia and Hashimoto's Disease and my Neurologist believes that I have MS but needs one more piece of the puzzle to make a 100% dx.

Having said all that - I do OK most of the time - work full time in an office and really have to pace myself. I never alter my sleep schedule, very careful with stress. I have to be extremely regimented and pay attention to my body at all times - you all know the drill......

I have never, ever had an issue with a doctor believing me or questioning my symptoms or treating me as if I am a "hypochondriac" - UNTIL TODAY !!!

I went to my Primary (whom I almost never see) because my BP is too high, has been for too long - and I finally needed to address this issue. Also, I am 50, have a familial history of Colon cancer and my father's doctor told him 10 years ago that I should begin having colonoscopies due to the genetic component - I never did. I am having a few "issues" and decided that I need to do that ASAP, and this was another reason to talk with the Primary.

I decided that I would fill him in on my Hashimotos dx since he was unaware - and also question him about my leg problems and some other things while there. I had a list of 6 things - frankly, I thought as my primary - he should know these things and put it in my record.

In any case - he made me feel like such a hypochondriac. He is a normally a kind and gentle man - however, when I discussed these issues - it was his body language and what he didn't say - and his RUSHED manner. He walked out right in the middle of something I was saying - telling me he was going to get the prescription (for my BP) and would be right back. He came back fairly quickly and seemed initially happy as if - I had forgotten what I was talking about. He then seemed to pick up on the fact - that I purposefully had nothing more to say to HIM. I was nice, just thanked him and left but I felt sooooooo humiliated !!! He commented as I left that "Well, I now have all your diagnosis" as if I had told him 30 things. I commented - the only thing I have is Hashimotos !!!" I said this because I did NOT mention Stenosis, Fibro, migraines. The only additional condition I mentioned was that my Neuro thinks I have MS.

When I got to the car - I THREW the prescription and the labs that I had taken to show him - into the floor of the back seat and left.

My feeling is - how do we explain to a doctor about what we are going through - without putting them off ???? It may have been just HIM, but it may have been how "I" presented it ????

Oh - I just wanted to scream and I will never go back to him now. NEVER.
In fact, I so completely understand my Mother - my Mother REFUSES to see a doctor except to get her Thyroid medication - or if she is extremely ill and needs antibiotics - PERIOD.

The only reason I want to continue following my health is because I fear I will reach a point that I cannot work and I need it documented and I need somebody to go to bat for me if I have to file for unemployment. There are times I can barely function now and I would not be able to hold down a job if I didn't have such a flexible work situation.

I was in Florida all last week - and it was just a relaxing beach vacation - but just the change - the drive home - (back to TN) has thrown me for a complete loop. Thus - I think this is part of the reason that I am feeling additional frustration.

I will likely go to bed by 7:00 to 7:30 pm tonight (as I have every night this week), just trying to recover and keep going.

Just venting I suppose - I am just frustrated beyond belief that a doctor can and will make such "assumptions" about patients.

OK - I think I am being silly that I let this effect me so much - I just don't like being made to feel like that. I have read so many stories - seems almost constant that there is a similar story to this posted by someone.

Guess it was just my turn to be made to feel "small" by a physician.

If you made it this far - thank you so very, very much for taking the time to read about my frustrations.... :hug:

Snoods...

Hiya, Snoodles. I’ve been in your position, and it really does hurt one’s feelings. The medical facts you recounted to you PCP are very important to you for very obvious reasons. I certainly wouldn’t blame you if you did kick the doctor to the curb. You might want to cool down a little before making a final decision about it, but you really do have a perfect right to have your nose out of joint about the doctor’s attitude. His remarks were inexcusable. Only you can decide whether or not to cut him some slack.

"Guess it was just my turn to be made to feel "small" by a physician."

Ahhh, that's too bad. :( But you're not small to me:

Snoodles,
You are right to feel slighted by your pcp. What I want you to do now is to take notes about your vent, and sit down and write your pcp a letter, stating how you felt ignored and slighted, and that you didn't appreciate the treatment.
None of us deserves this treatment--and there are many of us who've experienced it. It would be wise to list what you'd originally desired to discuss with him, and let him know that as your primary care physician, it is both his and your responsibility to work together to make sure that you get the best treatment possible to be healthy.
Why do they push us out the door like this? How many of us have given up trying to get an answer as to what is causing us to be unwell?
So much for the best health care in the world. Hah!:mad:

** duplicate posting (below)

Why would your Primary doctor not already have all the results from your other testing? Is that not standard procedure there, that a copy of all test results go to him? :confused: (I don't know how things work in the US ... )

I have a great doc, but he hates it when I come in with a laundry list. He'd much rather that I come in 2 or 3 times with information, then bombard him with too much all at once. That depends on his mood too though. :rolleyes:

The other alternative, and I've done this before, is to drop a brief summary into his office several days before your appointment. That gives him time to read it when it suits him . . . and prepare a response for when you come in, rather then deal with things on the fly.

That's all retrospect now, but something to consider for the next doc . . .

Sorry to hear he left you feeling so bad. :hug:

Cherie

(((hugs))) sorry it was horrible for you.



You see, me? I have stopped taking crap from them. If I feel I am being dismissed, I hold up my hand in the stop sign position, and when they stop talking and look at me, i say "Um excuse me, but why are you being so dismissive? did I say something that triggered you? was I wrong to update you? I was hoping that you wanted to be part of my team, but if that is the case that you dont, well, just let me know. I will be glad to seeek out another MD." You cant beleive how fast some of them start back peddling.

I am just too old and too sick to put up with bullcrap anymore. not gonna play with um anymore.

:hug: Snoods :hug:

We should never be made to feel small by any physician. Some of them have the misconception that they are the "end all - be all" of medicine. They aren't.

They work for us. We hire them to provide medical care. Now, I know that they have to document things and complete disability forms when we need them - but we pay for that - and that is their job. They signed up for it.

I used to be afraid to speak up. Not anymore. My PCP is great. Doesn't assume anything and always asks me what my take on his dx or thoughts. I appreciate that.

My Neuro is a different story. I finally spoke up last time I was there and let him know that I was the one who would make the decision on which DMD to take (or not to take). He was aggressively pushing one particular one that I simply did not want to try. He got very short with his comments after that and I didn't speak again unless he asked me something. Not from intimidation - just from exasperation that it had to come to that.

I know "me" better than anyone else. My Neuro sees me for fifteen minutes (tops) every 6 months. I live with myself. I don't think that I'm smarter than he is - but I do know that I know myself better than he does.

Please don't let this egotistical doctor dampen your spirit. I'd request my medical records and begin looking for another doctor that will take the time to listen.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr..:mad: Sorry, Snoodles..:hug:

Thanks for the responses. I attempted to post earlier today but it wouldn't let me.

Marion: :hug: It actually did hurt my feelings and it bothered me that I allowed him to hurt my feelings. I honestly decided at the moment of realization during the visit - that he was discounting me - that I would not go back to him. :(

Twink: Thank you and thank you for the hug !!! :hug:

Debbie: :hug: I think your idea is absolutely wonderful and in reality - I think I should do what you have said (if not for me, for his other patients who might leave feeling as I did). BUT - I am just completely spent - I have nothing to give anybody at this moment and I don't even have the will or desire to make the effort to address the issue with him. I am just done with him. I do hope that if this occurs with another of his patiets that it will be addressed but I am at the point I have to pick and choose my battles right now - and I MUST work so that is where my energy has to go. Thank you though.

Cherie: :hug: You are absolutely correct - he should have had my labs already - but I have found that doctors don't go back and look over these things so I hand carried them to bring to his attention. I think you may have hit it on the head - I had too many things to discuss and he was put off. I had 6 things on my list and I rarely go see him so we don't really have much if any relationship anyway. I like your idea of a summary before the visit but question as to whether he (or others) would read prior - they should.

Dejibo: :hug: Thank you for the hug - I like your attitude - I too am too old for bull crap but I don't seem to have things under control as you do. I need to work on being more assertive as you are !!! I didn't say anything but I tried to say it without saying a thing but just cutting him off as he did me - by just abrubtly stopping talking. Who knows if he got the idea or not though.

Kelly: :hug: THank you ! I so agree with all that you say and they do work for US. Your PCP sounds wonderful - my old one was fantastic - similar to yours but he retired. Sorry your Neuro is not so great and glad you spoke up to him. They don't seem to unerstand that we do know our own bodies and much better than they can.

Sally: :hug: I guess this kind of thing just happens, so I just need to buck up. I'm a little better today but still frustrated.

:hug: (((Snoodles))) :hug:

Sorry you felt dismissed! Wish I had something clever to say, but everyone else already has...

just wanted to give you lots of these... :hug: :hug: :hug:

Snoodles,
You're right, you shouldn't expend energy to fight a battle that's not worth it...
Just thought that when you have the time and it's beneficial for you, to write a letter to the doc. Even if you don't send it, it feels so good to elucidate one's thoughts on paper...
I hope that you feel our support...
Let us know how you're doing.

And your thread gave me a bit of a light bulb moment...I guess docs sometimes do feel overwhelmed when we bring a long list of concerns...I'll be sure to remember that...

Hi Snoodles. It is quite a shock to experience that for the first time. I will never forget when that happened to me at my neuro's, when I saw him a year after my first round of appointments with him.

When other doctors picked up the "hypochondriac" theme--either explicitly or implicitly--I became very depressed, which had never happened before in my life. (Not even after years of dizziness, even after being essentially told I had MS... it wasn't until the doctors started dismissing me that I got seriously depressed, and it took me years to recover.)

What I would suggest to you is to make a separate appointment for each concern. Doctors seem to be very limited in their schedule and probably hate it when a patient has so much to talk about.

If you're only allowed ten or fifteen minutes per visit, then tell your doctor that you are going to make six different appointments to discuss six different concerns.

I know that feeling of wanting to NEVER see a particular doctor (or even any doctor) again and to just SHUT YOUR MOUTH and not discuss symptoms or problems. I did that for years--only going to the doctor when I wanted a prescription, and still do it to a certain extent.

I got a new PCP at the beginning of the year when I got on a different insurance. He is family practice (versus the snooty internists I had for many years) and he seems much more open. But still, I told him little of my history, only what was relevant to my immediate request and my current prescriptions.

When our appointment neared its end and I mentioned (in some context) problems walking, he frowned (seeming concerned) and said that we'd run out of time today, but he wanted me to make another appointment to discuss that. And he did.

Thus, the rule seems to be: ONE problem or discussion per appointment! This is not all the doctors' fault. They may be forced, by economics or their clinic, to see X number of patients per day.

I know that feeling of thinking "Maybe I just need to be more assertive, like so many people that I see are." But that can be hard to do--and harder to sustain--for many of us. Depends on your temperament, which you can't really change. I occasionally have bursts of feeling like I can and will be assertive, march in all confident and businesslike, expecting and when necessary demanding proper investigation and treatment--but that lasts about as long as a "sunbreak" on a January day in Oregon! :) The FEAR of being psychologically overwhelmed again by a dismissive attitude is too huge, it's too much to risk for my mental health.

Good luck, and please know that I can identify so deeply (and painfully) with your situation. And I know there are many more who can, too.

Nancy T.

Hi Snoodles:

As a fellow limbolander I have to put my 2 cents worth in. First let me say I'm sorry you were made to feel that way.

It is JMO but I think they are dismissive because we are in limbo. I also think there are dismissive because they haven't a clue what we do have and when in doubt - blame the victim, er, patient.

In a moment of weakness and frustration I made the mistake of visiting my PCP. The issue was about not being able to walk very well, barely able at the time.

His attitude was not quite dismissive but not all that supportive so I told him to look me straight in the eye (he hates that) and asked him if he thought I was being neurotic. His response was that the symptoms were subjective, the meds were emperic and I was on too many meds. He perked up and suggested I try weaning off some (except the anti-depressant and BP meds).

It took a few days but I ended up feeling totally worthless. Normal people don't have a neurogenic bladder and bowel or spasticity and pain and fatigue.

Maybe we feel bad when dismissed because we are in limbo and suffer from 'tyranny of the oughts'. I ought to get this done, I should be able to work, I ought to get past or over this, I could do better with .... You get the idea.

So once again I vowed that there would be no more moments of weakness where I caved in and called my doctor. I ought to have known better.

Take heart Snoodles, we believe you. :cool:

hi snoodles,

i know what you're talking about. it's a pissy feeling.
i don't blame you for being upset and wanting to throw in the towel.
but, please don't give up.

work at recovering from your trip. get back on an even keel.
then ask around, check with your insurance comp, or even ask some nurses for their recommendations for a new pcp. i prefer an internist but some family docs are very good.

time limitations are definitely the name of the game now.
i just went to my pcp with complaints that have been recurrent with me.
i may just fire my neuro because i seem to never get any new answers from him.

my internist put some of the pieces together and we have a plan of action.
we have a good relationship (that was built over time). we respect each other and she takes me seriously when i complain.

like you said. it will be important for you to get your dx's/problems documented and validated. when i felt i couldn't work anymore i went to my neuro who started some measurable evaluations so things would be documented in my chart. that led to me getting my ssdi.

i'd suggest if you see a new dr that you bring a family member or friend with you to the appt. to validate what you say and to act as a 2nd set of ears.

i wish you good luck. it's not easy and it's tiring but i know you can find someone to help you. :hug:

Thinking of you Snoods and Yes, I've been through the ole dismissal from a Dr before too, and it really is a belittling feeling. Then, I have another Dr who acts as if I'm her only patient and has reviewed my labs/chart etc before she even comes in the exam room.

Sorry you had to experience that, too! Hope you can get rested up from your trip and are feeling better. {{{{Snoods}}}}