Wonder #136 -- a time to reminisce
 

I wonder if I can start my very first wonder thread…..

I wonder that I have been looking through old posts, what I found was
page after page of love, compassion and unconditional support.

I wonder if I could take a moment to thank each and every one of you here.
You helped me survive thus far, the unbearable loss of my Dad….
You are helping me with the impeding loss of my husband.
I find I am in need of your support still……………
and that I miss it greatly.

I wonder if I can say this community we have found here, the one many
of you have been a part of far longer than me…. Needs all of your wisdom
and loving hearts. Each one of us, plays a roll in what makes this forum
family unique and glorious.

I wonder if I can share that I come here almost every day. I come for support in
trying to survive my dad’s suicide… but I also come because I have come
to care greatly about all of you. One can not share as we have and not form
a bond. I come not only for support on this one topic…SOS….I come for
support on many aspects of my life… I think that is the ultimate compliment
to the success of a forum, that its members feel so loved, they share.

I come not only for support and to support on one subject - suicide.
How awful that would be if the only thing discussed here was that one tragic
thing. I don‘t think I could handle the pain. I come here for release from that
pain as well. I come because I know if and when I need to talk about my
dad…. You will all Be right here for me, as you always have been.

I come, hoping I can show you all, the same love, comfort and support …
You have given me.

I wonder if I have wondered too much.....

Hugs for everyone...:hug::hug:

and....

http://i330.photobucket.com/albums/l...i1of7/ps-1.jpg

I wonder if I can tell Nikki how much I agree with everything she said (and no, you didn't wonder too much, silly!)

I wonder if I can give Nikki special hugs for the loss of her dear father and the difficulties she and her dear husband face daily? :hug:

I wonder if I can tell Nikki thank you so much for the postie! :)

I wonder that my brother and SIL were spared the fiercest effects of Hurricane Ike at their home outside of Victoria?

I wonder about and pray for all my friends that frequent this room.

I wonder how Cheryl is doing in Wales? I wonder if she encountered flooding situations there?

I wonder that I am so sleepy and dizzy lately. I wonder why so many have had such great results by going on LDN (low dose naltrexone) for their MS, but despite the initial improved stamina, I haven't had any positive results to report.

I wonder that I feel like somewhat of a fraud coming here, b/c I really haven't been close to anyone who has committed suicide. My uncle chose to end his pain-filled life this way, but we were not close. My daughter's girlfriend next-door had a boyfriend call her on the phone from a motel in Vegas and tell her goodbye. My husband's boss's son was having marital problems and couldn't see a better way to address them.

I wonder that suicide has so many victims besides the one who is gone? I wonder how those closest to people who choose suicide ever come to terms with it and move on? I wonder how it must haunt them whenever they remember that person who is gone?

I wonder that Tamiloo thought she needed to send a thank-you card just because I phoned her one day? :rolleyes: I wonder how blessed she and Olhipie are to have found each other?

I wonder if I'll get my laundry done so I can go visit 3 of my cute grandkidlings in AZ this Tuesday?

I wonder if I'd better print off some address labels so I can send some posties to: Abby, Alffe, Cheryl, barb02 and barbo, bizi, BMW, Curious, Doody, Goofy, Junie, Nik-Key, nuhope, Shelley, Tamiloo & Wren.

I wonder if Addy wants to be on my postie list?

I wonder if you all know how special you are to me? I wonder that your posts continue to smile through your pain? I wonder if I can leave gentle embraces for the special people in this room? :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

I wonder how good it was to see DMack posting these last few days:hug:

I wonder at Twinks wonder.... I am not sure what makes you feel a "fraud"
your life, your families life has been effected by suicide. With all pain there
are degrees.... I for one am very thankful you post here. Your words and
comfort have meant a lot to me. Keep posting:hug:

I wonder how sad I was to read you aren't finding any relief on you
medication Twink.... keeping you in my thoughts.

I too wonder how Flygirl is and hope she is having a fantastic time!!

I wonder if I can tell Alffe I got her post card today. Thank you:hug:
And that yes, I have watched the 2007 video, and am already signed
up to view the 2008 one.

I wonder about those who have been and will be effected by Ike...
I had to shut off the news....

I wonder how the service was today, and how Vicky's family is
holding up :hug:

I wonder if I told you all my sister (who was very sick and couldn't
make it to my dad's service) is coming home for a visit from WA state
to see Lynn... and to visit dad's grave.

I wonder that my family is talking about having a small private service
so that she can find some closure. I wonder... If I can handle any
more?

I wonder if everyone is having a nice weekend? And if I can leave
:hug: for everyone and go rescue dinner ....

http://i330.photobucket.com/albums/l...i1of7/ps-1.jpg

I wonder if I can pop in and say that I hope Addy is feeling better and has let go of some of her anger.

I wonder at how shocked I was after Nik-key's sister posted and I went to look. I saw sweet Nikki's photo and nearly fell off my chair. She looks so much like my sweet sister whom we lost to breast cancer at Christmas time in '86. Anyway, it shocked me.

I wonder at how ((Tammiloo and Nik-key)) devote so much time to their husbands and how it simply amazes me that they do. I just hope that they take care of themselves as well. ((Tammi & Nik))

I wonder how proud I am of ((BMW sis)) for passing that math test. Way to go sweetie, I knew you could do it. I'm so glad that's over for you.

I wonder what my friend Batty will go home to in Texas. She thinks their home is okay. She's been on the east coast with her daughter who had knee surgery.

I wonder why ((Vic)) has been absent from my 'private' forum. Miss you there Vic! Glad I can see what's going on here with you.

I wonder if my dear friend ((Ms. Alffe)) and ((Mr. Alffe)) are having fun in Chicago this weekend.

I wonder how anxious I am that my grandson is having his tonsils and adenoid surgery on Oct. 9. Just don't wanna think about it, but...I understand from others it should really help his severe apnea.

I wonder that my kids have their 6th anniversary next weekend and I saved and splurged on a hotel in Des Moines for them. I will spend the night with my sweet grandson.

I wonder at how bad it makes me feel that Twink's medicine isn't working. Not fair for someone we love so much. ((Twink))

I wonder if ((Tamiloo)) knows I have my calendars marked for her surgery and still keeping her in my prayers.

I wonder how glad I am that ((Ms. Koala)) is feeling better.

I wonder at the amazing photos that Addy posted. Thanks Addy, they are awesome.

I wonder why my doc will only let me have 30 vicodin every 30 days. Come on now. People who abuse drugs make me so mad, it affects everyone else.

I wonder how excited I am that Lost will start again soon.

I wonder what I did to my hip. I've never had this kind of pain and it really hurts to walk...right at my hip joint. Just what I need...not.

I wonder that my HUA has been begging for people to foster or adopt because they have made so many rescues just recently and more to come. Huge puppymill busts in Nebraska.

I wonder if you know that Missouri, Nebraska, and Iowa are top on the list of puppy mill states, Missouri being #1.

I wonder how nice it was to see Mr. Moose post in one of the recent wonder threads.

I wonder why the dreaded 'suicidal ideation' pops up uninvited so often sometimes.

I think I'll stop wondering now because I can never remember everyone's names.

Love to all in here.

I wonder if I can thank doody for that fantastic wonder..
gave me the warm fuzzy's :D ((doody)):hug:

I wonder if I can tell her I circled oct 9th on my calendar and will be
thinking of your grandson... (please remind me though:)) I wonder how
sweet that was of you to get the kids a mini vacation like that...
wanna adopt me :D

I wonder if this sleeping pattern is something new for Tammy?
I hope you are able to get in a nap during the day.... us caregivers
need are rest... have to stay healthy for your hubby:)

I wonder how happy I was to hear Abbie got her car back...
but hmmm... did you say no headlights? I hope you are having
a wonderful weekend Abbie:hug:

I wonder to how happy I am for Angel friend BMW --- so proud
of you ... you go girl!!! :yahoo: :yahoo:

I wonder if I can share this with you.. a friend sent it to me last
Sunday....

http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/h...7/sunday31.jpg

And pssst...............

http://i330.photobucket.com/albums/l...i1of7/ps-1.jpg

I wonder that I can't remember all the wonders I wonder when reading your wonders by the time I get to my wonder....

I wonder if that made any sense....

I wonder if Doody knows that GranDoody will be OK...and that we will keep him in our prayers...and you too.

I wonder at the amazing man I have married who, at his ripe "old age" is taking on the responsibility to be a father of 2 pre-shoolers. I wonder at that generosity and love. I wonder if he realizes how grateful I am for all he does...all he is...all he is becoming...

I wonder how excited I am to have our GrandMoisses (?!) here and to show them the cool things near us...the ocean...the birds...the sand...the fish....the trees....the crabs....etc. I wonder when they will come....

That gets me wondering lots of stuff but I think I will just wonder to myself about that...

I wonder how fun it was to visit some friends last night...to talk and go for a walk in the full moon light...an play Dominoes...and, of course, eat...

I wonder about some folks I haven't seen here for a while...NoHope, Wren, Reyn, BP, Lara, Alffe, Curious...please forgive me for not remembering more names that will come to me as soon as I sign off...which I need to now so I can study.

I wonder if I can leave my love and good wishes for a pain-free happy Sunday to all who visit here today...

ohhhhh that was the nicest wonder I have read in a long time Moss...your
wonder about your Grandmosses coming to stay with you. I wonder that
it doesn't surprise me at all that you and Moi would do this:hug:

I wonder where Moi has been this weekend? Causing mischief I am sure:p

I wonder about Wren and Nohope as well. I have a feeling Nohope has found
some hope in her life. From her last post, she sounded so happy! But, Wren
I do worry about you and I continue to hold you in my prayers:hug:

I wonder how Addy is today and if the tightness has eased knowing how
greatly everyone here cares:hug:

I wonder how BMW is doing this weekend. I wonder that I feel lonely without
her upbeat loving posts.....:hug: Hope you are having fun Angel friend!:hug:

I wonder if I can share I am a little down today.... the other forum (ALzheimer's)
I joined in July.... another member has lost their loved one. That makes 5 in just
2 months..... so heart breaking :( I wonder that I feel so inadequate trying
to find words of comfort for them...........

I wonder that I am blessed in that I learned young, to never take love for
granted. My mom lost her only sibling in an auto accident at only 20 years
old. (before I was born) We were taught to never ever, say something you
wish you could take back... to never forget to express your love... as
tomorrow... the chance may be gone. I wonder at the peace that has
brought me in my Dad's death. He knew how greatly I loved him.....

I wonder if I can let you all go while I dry my eyes....
((BIG HUGS)) :hug::hug:

http://i330.photobucket.com/albums/l...i1of7/ps-1.jpg

I wonder if I can thank Ms. Moss for making me feel more comfortable about gdoody and his surgery. :hug:

I wonder what I'll have to do about Ducky leading me to yet another addictive Pogo game. :cool:

I wonder what will happen on BB10 tonight.

I wonder how things will go for sweet Sandy C and Jim. :hug:

I wonder where Megveg is and how she's doing.

I also wonder about Wren.

I wonder how much I enjoyed seeing BMW in her cop suit in a recent wonder.

I wonder at how special Nikki is.

I wonder that I finally found that picture of me and Cooper at Ms. Alffe's last summer. He's a special doggie. She sent me a postcard copy recently, and g-doody saw it and kept it. He likes it next to his bed. Poor postcard has lots of wear and tear on it.

Wow, I wonder that I've lost over 20 lbs since then. Guess pain is good for lack of appetite. :o

http://s13.photobucket.com/albums/a2...s/scan0001.jpg

wonder if I can do a short wonder today...

wonder numero uno: to twink, what do you mean you are a fraud? LOL If you are, get outta here...*boot...however, you have been a wonderful friend to many...don't sell yourself short and keep on posting!!! :D

wonder numero deuce: to nik: Nik, your love has helped kicked this forum in the (_!_) along with Abbie's post. There are many that come here that NEED this forum...selfishly, I need it...I hated to see it "slept" like that...it was as if Cinderella or was it sleeping beauty(who slept? I am not good with Hairy Tails...)

anyways, it was as if some beautiful lady from the Hairy Tails was sleeping and I couldn't wake her with my kiss...well, for one, it is cause I am ugly as sin and I have major garlic breath...and then, you add in that plate of raw onions I had at lunch a few days ago and I haven't brushed moi teeth yet, then, you add in that I haven't used any DEO cause I've heard that in the deep jungle of Brazil, they use Venus Flytraps to deoderize..

so I've been carrying around the Venus Flytrap plants thinking it catch my odors and that didn't help...and then...

HEY, *thumps head...

where was I at...

oh yeah, I was trying to kiss BadPUNweasel and she didn't wanted to wake up and chopped her hair off when I climbed half way...

OK, now I am really lost, be back to wonder later....

OK, starting my wonder over although I got distracted by Wonder Woman (da wife) she walked by with some hot outfit and I lost my drain of thought...

OH, did I say that out loud? LOLOLOL ;)

OK, let's see where I was pondering...

oh yeah...

it is good to see this forum "waking up"

because it IS read by many...it needs LIFE in here...because of this horrible subject, "SUICIDE"

if folks like you all didn't give it life and it remains asleep, what purpose WOULD it serve???

*sigh.....

and Tammi, thanks for posting all these inpirational stuff lately. I really love your outlook on things...you always try to look for the positives in the negatives, reminds me a lot of da wife... :) It is always good to be reminded that whenever there is a storm, there sure is almost to be some Sun or Rainbow afterwards..(which we DID saw last week and she took some great photos of it, now I just have to find the time to post it cause she's the type to say, hey, I took the photo, now you do da work... :rolleyes:)

and to Doo doo breath: I am still impotent...LMAO...will be thinking of you and your grand doo doo...did that come out right? Uhhhhh..another bad bun, I mean, pun...:thud:

well, these are my wonders of the day, I think I've done enough damage already...

oh, and to mistiis...it is good to see you...*warm fuzzies*

(notice I didn't say anyone's name when they don't wonder, but that doesn't mean I am NOT wondering about you! :D )

oh, forgot da wife, she's gonna thump moi....

I am truly the luckiest person in da world....and I'll try my very best...which usually aren't good enough...but I'll try it anyways...to be the best I can be, when I join the Army.. :D ;)

((((((((((((to the whole room, broom, voom, 'shroom, fume, boom, loom (whatch it...) and zoom))))))))))))

:grouphug:

one more before I log off for the day...

and this wonder is totally selfish for me....

I NEED you...ALL of you....to WALK with me....

this is a tough road...the stupid suicide thoughts, the stupid panic attacks, the stupid pains...

I have it...I hated to say it but I have it...yes....

and I NEED all of you....cause I care about you all greatly...

you have been my heart when I couldn't find it....you have been my soul when it was stolen...

don't go away...

Walk with me...

I promise I will always walk with you...cause I am grateful yet even more so, I am thankful and all that has turned into much love for you guys...

thanks...to all of you that have been there for me so many dang times...here, there, openly, privately, behind the bushes, in the back seat of the cadillac...wait, I am getting mixed up... :o

I am utmost sincere in my pleats...(they told me I look fat in jeans...LOL)

OK, that's not a wonder, that's a demand...LOL

((((((((((((((((:grouphug:))))))))))))))))))

see this path...let's get through it "together" OK?? :) (even though it is in South Korea :thud: LOL)

http://korean.wunderground.com/data/...r/rand6/11.jpg

I wonder that Moi just made my day. You take it lightly, but you have
a gift dear friend:hug:

I wonder if I should start calling Doody twiggy? You look thin enough
in that picture another 20 pounds! Very nice picture:hug:

I wonder if I get pups names mixed up...is this Alffe's? I soooo love
dogs and he's a beaut!

I wonder how Koala is and if she is feeling better?

I wonder if I can welcome back Mistiis ... so glad you are feeling
better and able to reconnect with friends:hug:

I wonder if have ever told any of you (I know I told Goofy) how
much I LOVE the story of Lady and the Tramp.... I have a huge
collection of memorabilia.... such a child at heart :D

So GOOD seeing you all post, ((BIG HUGS))


http://i330.photobucket.com/albums/l.../ladytramp.jpg

http://i330.photobucket.com/albums/l...i1of7/ps-1.jpg

((MOI))


http://i330.photobucket.com/albums/l...upleh046-1.jpg

I wonder that I survived yet another hurdle. Yesterday was six months
since my Dad took his life. In some respects, it seems like it happened
just yesterday, in others....... it seems like years.

I wonder all the time if this is how it starts. This deep gnawing pain
that I can't seem to make stop. By that I mean, I have lost those I
love, I have lost my only baby... each loss hurt deeply. But with the
loss of my Dad, I feel like there is this huge hole inside me, it is compounding
all the past losses, mixed with the losses to come.. trying to overwhelm
me. I remember my Dad saying once, a person could live to long...
I wonder if this is what he meant by that?

I wonder if I will survive another service for my Dad? I want very much
for my sister to find some closure, but I just don't know how much I
can take.

I wonder that the kids are already talking with excitement about Christmas...
and yet I wish I could just cancel the whole holiday. So, unlike me. I have
always always cherished Christmas. This year............

I wonder where all my SOS family is? I miss you and ... I need you :hug:

I wonder that I was up all night... and perhaps this is part of the reason I
am so down today.

I wonder if I can tell you, Lynn took another turn for the worse. He is
such a fighter, and is doing better now. But, it wears on me... the
heartache that is to come. We have been together since I was 18!
I hardly remember a time without him.

I wonder that at least now, I can admit when I am more down than the
average bear and reach out for help. I am waiting for my doctor to call
me back.

I wonder if I can tell Moi, I am thinking of you today :hug::hug:

I wonder if I can let DMack know last light his post helped me greatly.
It is so good to see you posting again:hug:

I wonder if you could all go check out the post Moi started for Hippiegirl.
She is really down and in need of all our support.

I wonder if I can go lay down .... leaving :hug::hug: for everyone

http://i330.photobucket.com/albums/l...i1of7/ps-1.jpg

whew, just got back from my early appt. Hate the early ones...LOL

getting ready to go see my PDOC...very scared...wish me luck...


wonder if I can thank nik and DMACK and k77 for keeping a great night watch on the forum last night...and hope that hippiechick will come back and see that folks care about her...

wonder if I can tell DMACK that his post brought tears to my eyes about when he cried...I have a lump in my throat right now...

wonder if nik knows we'll be thinking of her today and hope that she gets some rest....and that we'll be praying for Lyn...

wonder about all of you...how much I care about you guys...

((((BIG HUGS)))) for the day...

and here I go....getting ready for somebody to tell me I am NVTS....LOL

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

i wonder if i can send me love to all? :grouphug:

ike has me busy 24/7. i'll post when i can.

I wonder that sometimes people really need to get away...for whatever reasons, and that should be respected.

Because...I wonder that if/when they 'lurk' to keep up on the goings on, and see that people keep posting about their absence, do they feel guilty...like they've done something wrong? Possibly.

I wonder that...if I stray from forums, it's because I have a good reason and I'm smart enough to figure out what I need to do to get 'back to the flock' if that's what I choose to do.

I wonder that...at my own private forum, how I worried and wondered why a certain person would not post, or even sign up and only found out very recently why. I whined about it for awhile and shouldn't have.

I wonder that silence can be better than publicly blowing up.

I wonder that I just discovered that my fly is down.

I wonder if (((Nikki))) needs more hugs, and again...if she knows how brave I think she is.

I wonder if (((BMW's))) plate is getting cleared off.

I wonder how ((Moi's)) appt went.

I wonder that for awhile now I've felt like I'm standing on an edge and my brain wants me to jump and say, oh to he!! with it all.

I wonder that...even though I'm only 59, I'm tired and don't want to do it anymore. I'd like to sleep for awhile and wake up to a new life or...none at all. But, wait until tomorrow, that might change.

I wonder about that 'ideation'.

I wonder when g-moss' might show up. Haven't had any updates on that so I'm guessing there are none.

I wonder if I should contact certain friends to tell them that no...I'm not mad at them or ignoring them. Well, maybe ignoring because I haven't felt like talking about feelings.

I wonder if duck knows I am still stalking her for introducing me to the new addictive bingo game at Pogo.

I wonder that wasn't my intention when I was mentioning names, I was just speaking from a general perspective on how I feel when I see someone's name, lurking or not...

I wonder if I understand the need to get away and the need to lurk and that no pressure was applied...it was simply a grateful post of seeing names around....

I wonder that my pdoc appt went well. I really like him. :)

(((((:grouphug:))))))

Just stopping by to say hello! I am in London tonight! How is everyone doing?!!! :hug:

I wonder if ((Moi)) understands I know that was not his intention in this thread. I'm a dingaling but not stoopid. Written words, what they can do...

I wonder that I'm very glad that the pdoc appt went well. It helps to like your therapist.

I wonder if ((mystiic)) knows that I understand her concerns about 'world peace'. And I wonder if she knows that we're all affected by those concerns and to please not feel alone in her thinking.

I wonder at all the people here who are fragile to one degree or another and that the written word can be taken so very many ways.

I wonder if you could tell Piccadilly Circus and Trafalgar Square hello for me. Oh, and the pigeons at the fountain near the royal palace. And oh, take a ride on the tube for me too.

I wonder if BMW will know that the lights are ready to be shut down?

I wonder that I was pretty emotional after my pdoc appt and that I also was in a rush to go and that I am a very very not good reader...

wonder if doody knows that I understand about misunderstandings and that I misunderstood and I am going to say that I did and *thumps to moi head...

wonder that we all are just too much in the low point right now and that it's good to lift eachother up...

((((((((((((everybody)))))))))))))

wonder if Av8rgil is having a great time! :D

I wonder how great it was to see Flygirl, hope you are having a fantastic time! :hug:

I wonder if I can say I respect and agree with ((Doody)) that everyone
wants or needs breaks from time to time. Many of us have even told you all
we did. There are many reasons for wanting to take a break..

I wonder if along that line, I also think when someone mentions others names
when they are on said break it is not to make them feel "guilty", but to
remember them, and let them know they are on our minds. I truly DO miss
them, what a shame if I didn't let them know that:hug:

I do agree the written words can be misconstrued. It is hard when you can't
hear the infliction in ones voice, see the expression on their face. But, that is
what's great about a conversation, even in writing... it can clear up any
misunderstandings. As for me, yep, I am fragile at the moment.. but, I just
take for granted that no one here would ever intentionally try to hurt me
:hug::hug:

I wonder how after I read Moi's post.. I got to thinking of that story DMACK
wrote about all of us. That was really good! Going to have to go look for it
so I can read it again!:D

I wonder how relieved I was to hear Moi's appointment went so well today
:hug: Must be a huge relief for you. I am glad you made a connection with
him and liked him to boot! No small feat... keep me posted ((MOI))

I wonder how goofy and her family are, keeping you all in my thoughts
and prayers:hug:

I wonder .......... Hugs for the room :hug: :hug:

http://i330.photobucket.com/albums/l...i1of7/ps-1.jpg

((Doody)) I wonder if I can express that I understand the feeling well,
and am sorry you are feeling this way today. I wonder if some extra
hugs would help? :hug::hug:

I wonder if I can tell Doody, I too am a pogo member :D

:yikes:

So is ducky. :winky:

And thanks. :hug:

I wonder at how down I was last night .... scary

I wonder at how hard I had to struggle with myself ..
will myself ..to stop thinking of the bad, and concentrate
instead on what I do still have. Today, I decided.. was
going to be a good day after all!

I wonder that I didn't have to look too hard to find joy
in my life. That on this blustery September day, I was
able to coax Lynn out of bed, to come outside and
enjoy a picnic with me.

I wonder that my convictions are once again as strong
as ever, that I will not waste one moment we have
together. I wonder if my Dad is proud that I was able
to set aside my grief over his loss... to enjoy today.

I wonder how it continually amazes me how we all seem
to be able to put our own pain aside to help our friends here.
((BMW)) thinking of you Angel friend:hug:

I wonder if I can shut the lights out on this wonder thread
for our ((BMW)).... But leave a healing candle burning....

http://i292.photobucket.com/albums/m..._CANDLE1-1.gif