heart broken .......trigger
 

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Hi,
Yesterday I learned that one of my cousins died. He was walking across a street with a headset and got hit by a car.

Tonight I google searched for the news report of his accident. He got hit by two vehicles: a truck and then an SUV. He was two blocks from where he lived.

He was troubled, but at the time of his death he was apparently pulling himself together after fighting demons and street drugs. I read comments on the web site from a a couple of his neighbors who had good things to say about him.

I sent a link to the article to my sis and an aunt.
I'm sad that he seemed to have been struggling for a long time.
Years ago, someone should have taken him to a hospital and gotten him some help. He had double bad genes from his mother and father. Then his father died when he was a child (perhaps drug related) and he and his siblings were raised by their nutty mother.
He struggled to stay sane in the insane family he was born into.

My mother doesn't want to talk about it (he was her brother's son).


I miss him even though I have not seen him since his father was alive and we were both children.
I hate the craziness that runs in my mother's family.
Hate it.
Sad and angry right now.

Mari

he no longer has to fight his demons. he is free. it is great that he was no longer spiraling downward so he must have started to feel good about himself. Nobody living can understand death. I like to think that when our mission is accomplished, we are freed to move onto something better.
Why are some of us chosen to be mentally disabled and have to struggle to exist with its accompanying pain? I can understand why this is so painful for you. What a shock! Try to be kinder to yourself and gentle for the next while. I am afraid it will stir up more conflict about being bipolar besides the grief you are now carrying.
Bobby

Dear Mari;
I am so sorry.
You are completely entitled to feel sad and angry.
I hate that children have to pay for the mistakes of their parents as well.
I'm glad he knew a little peace before he passed away.
:hug:
Bobi

oh this is a sad story.
It is sad jsut to read about it when it happens to a family member makes it much worse.
I am sorry that you are having to go thru these extra emotions.
It is a fact that crazyness runs thru families.
I am sorry that your mother doesn't want to talk about him.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi:hug:
The other day I saw a bike rider with headsets on and talking on cell phone all at the same time riding on a very dangerous road.
sigh

:hug: Mari :hug:

befuddled2

Oh Mari! I am so terribly sorry to hear this, what an awful tragic unexpected loss. :( :hug:

I hope your family heals from this, how simply awful. :(

Thank you everyone.

I woke up crying and sick.
I hate that I process my emotions through my body.

My aunt forwarded to me an email from his younger sister. She had good things to say about her brother of course.

My family is sooo messed up. I heard about his death 2 weeks after it happened.


Mari

that is a long time....
((((HUGS))))
bizi

No words, just big (((Mari))) for you and your family.

Mari I am so sorry. I know how you feel. Lots of rest and be good to yourself. {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

Mari
 

I'm so sorry to hear this. Such a tragic event,being hit by two vehicles,after going through such a hard,and painful life. It doesn't make sense. It never does. Time. Family problems. More time,and suffering. More time. He may be up there in a better place where there is no suffering,and no pain. He may be listening to another kind of music,and who he is may be at total peace,and loved. Brokenfriend:hug::hug::hug:

A hug from me to you
 

Mari,
I am so sorry and can relate to something you said. About the friends that posted the nice things about your cousin. He touched their lives. I know forst hand how much these post help, maybe not heal so much as help.
I have the online guest book for my daughter still posted and I still find great comfort reading the supportive comments.

One day when I can handle having it in 3-D I will have it printed, memorialized forever.
I had a bad day missing De yesterday when I ran across a smiling picture of her in old mail I sorted.
So I stayed up crying, woke emotional, but I could not hold it in. I guess we need to let the grief flow out instead of letting eat us up inside.

I say a prayer for your family, and perhaps because of our connection, maybe our loved ones have met and watch over us together. :hug:
Di

DeMarie
 

I am also very sorry for your loss DeMarie. How long has it been? I'm sorry for your grief. I'm sure it's deep,and I hope that people are soothing your heartache. I'm sending hugs your way. Brokenfriend :hug::hug::hug:

Hi,
I appreciate your replies.
It's probably normal that when someone dies, people re-mourn the others who have died too. My mother is going through a lot of mourning.

When she does that she gets protective about family secrets -- some are about dark and ugly things that even now she says never happened -- others are harmless and common knowledge but not allowed to be discussed.
Did I tell you my mom is a total nutcase and that sometimes I am amazed that my siblings and I are more or less functioning on an almost normal level every few days???????!!!!!!!!!

And it is confusing to keep track of the freaking secrets because the family is huge and who the heck can keep track of who knows which secret and who doesn't??

Today I started to feel sorry for the people in the vehicles who hit my cousin. It wasn't their fault he walked out into traffic.
Crap. That probably messed up their day too.

I cried a lot. Then hubby drove to the park and I walked while he jogged. The exercise helped.


Mari

Dear Di,
Thank you.
I say a prayer for you and your family too.

I'm sorry you are grieving. I believe it is good to let it out when we need to like you say.

Mari

Hi Mari,
I thought about the other drivers last night, I can't even imagine how I would feel if it happened to me. I am always looking for darting kids and the elderly.
I am glad the walk gave you some lightening of the heart.

BF,
My DeAnne passed away a year ago January from a medication, a Duregesic patch leaked causing instant release. There was a recall two weeks later on the patches.

But the forum friends and support help me through my days. :grouphug:
di

Sending more hugs.

Donna

No words, just hugs Mari :hug:

That's so sad
 

I'm so sorry to hear that DeAnne died from that Duregesic patch. That's such a tragedy. I'm sending hugs your way. BF:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

My mother
 

Hi,

I don't know if this happens in other families but a death in my mother's family brings out everyone's worst crazy side.

My sis picked a fight with my parents last night. She was tired of their secrets and denials and kept pushing them until my mom cried. My sis is distressed too I guess.

And somehow my dad is mad at me. He thinks that I pushed my sis to hassle them.

Mari

Dear Mari:
Let him be as mad as he wants to be. It doesn't have to affect you. Just remember its the nutty coming out. And also be thankful that he doesn't live within walking distance. :rolleyes:
How are you doing asside from the family drama?
:hug:

I'm sad.

I am thankful I can come here and talk.

I don't know why I am sad. I think I function about one iota away from being depressed and it doesn't take much to put me back there and keep me there for awhile.

I spoke to my father on the phone just now. He wasn't drunk (for a change) because he was at work but he was p!ssy about this stuff going on in my mother's family.
After all these years of being married to her, he has developed her same issues.
Acutally, I'd rather talk to her. At least she is nice about the craziness. My father gets bossy, mean, judgmental . . .

And you are right, Bobi. I am far away from them.

Mari

Mari
 

When some people get mad,they are venting. The last time I talked to my dad on the phone,he started ranting,and raving,and jabbing at me with his anger. This anger was my dads crazy side,and I should not be upset by it.

Mari. Please don't be upset by your dads anger. He's just venting at everyone it sounds like. Peace to you. BF:hug::hug::hug:

OK. Friend,
I'll try to see it as venting. No one else wants to hear what he has to say anyway -- so maybe you are right.
Thanks.
M.

Mari

I can totally relate to the venting.

When things go wrong, I vent or yell
at the people that are selling me things.

Like my son Devin ordered a book from Amazon
online, using my credit card.

It wasn't to be delivered till Friday,
they decided to deliver a day early.

Its missing, its needed for school.

Well it was looking like, we will investigate
and if we can't find then we will do something.

Not acceptable, got a earful from me.

Don't want him to flunk his class

Donna