Update on my friend
 

I called my friend's husband last night to see if there was any news. (The one who was in the car accident) He's a mess. We talked till both our phones died.

They had been thinking that she was not coherent due to the drugs ( alot for pain, something for alcoholism). They are now worried she suffered some head trauma - that was my first guess.

Although she remained conscious from the start, she is *there* and then *out there*. The only time I've seen anybody talk that kind of crazy was after brain swelling a a few days in a coma, so this really scared me.

Today is 8 days after the crash so if there is swelling soon it should peak and start to receed.

We had been told (by drs) that she had broken her leg - among other things. But her dh let curiosity get the better of him and stayed to watch the nurses change the dressings. I was curious too, as to why after surgery they had not yet put a hard cast on her leg.

Her dh had to leave he said, it was worse than he could have imagined. It was not just broken.

The drs are now saying she might lose the leg, and it's a wonder she didn't lose it in the crash.

I think a lot of what they initially said to the family/friends was very toned-down, so as not to upset anyone. They knew we'd learn what was going on as things unfolded.

Her condition was down graded from critical - to what I don't know. And she was moved from Surgical Trauma ICU to Neurological Trauma ICU.

What the drs are still not saying, but what I fear, is that while the trauma would not have been that serious to a healthy, intact head, it was too much for her already-damaged brain (she has ms and I read her MRI report, there was some other damage prior to the accident).

It looks like she'll live, but she may never be right again. She may never walk again.

When she is more stable - and they think sometime within the next week - they're going to move her to a hospital with a physical rehab, where she might have to stay for 6 months, maybe more. Good news is, it's this side of town, 1/2 drive for me, 15 min for her dh. At least he can spend the time with her and not on the road.


It's going to be a long, long road. She has some hard days ahead and it's gonna be tough to watch. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

Any prayers appreciated.

One more thing - take care of yourselves. Be careful. Drive safely. I don't want anything to happen to any of you, you hear?

:grouphug:

Oh wow, I'm so sorry about what a mess things are for your friend. I'll add her to my prayers.

Brain,
prayers are going out for your friend...what a difficult situation. It's hard enough that she has MS, but to have all of the complications...well, I hope that the doctors can save her leg, and that she recovers as completely as possible...:hug:

Prayers going out for your friend BGB. I am sorry. :hug:

Prayers sent. So sorry to hear this is happening to a friend of yours :hug:

Adding my prayers too. :hug:

i am so sorry to hear about the condition of your friend and of course i will keep you and her in my thoughts and prayers ...

Hey Cath~ So sorry to hear of your friend's accident. I have been offline for a while, but just wanted to let you know that I will say a prayer for your friend and her DH.

take care Cathy!

wow and hugssss... sorry about the accident...hugss,sarah

aw.... Brain...... that's not good news interspersed with some good news.

One step at a time. Let's see how it goes. Any improvement is a good thing.

:hug:For you and for her family/friends too.

Keep us posted.

No news today. She has a mitten on her *good* hand because she's trying to pull her IVs out and (it's tied to the bed rail), but she's eating - her dh is feeding her. And she's complaining about the hospital food - which is a good sign. You worry a lot if they don't notice how bad that stuff is.

But otherwise, still the same.

Thank you all kindly for the hugs and prayers. I feel like a real ***** for being so mad at her when this first happened. Now I'm so mad at myself.

Prayers being sent out to your friend and DH.

Don't be so hard on yourself. It is only natural to feel anger when
something like this happens. You always seem to feel that you should
have been able to do something.

We are all only human and can do just so much.


Jappy :hug::hug:

Cathy
Sorry about your friend but sounds like she is making some good progress. I hope for the best for her. Don't be so hard on yourself. Just be there for her and her dh...you can only do what you can. :hug:

I'm so sorry about your DF, Brain..:(

Prayers are on the way, for Her, her DH and for You.:hug:

BGB, :hug:

Why? You have every right to be angry at her. She did a stupid thing. She's paying the price for it, granted, but SHE did a stupid thing. Thank God she didn't take anyone's life. She could have. So yes, you have a right to be angry at her. And don't you DARE be angry at yourself.

Jappy's right.

You gonna be angry at her if she goes back to drinking? OR are you going to be angry at yourself for not trying to intervene? Or are you going to intervene if that happens? And if you get shot down, you gonna be angry at her? At you? At who????

Cathy, you only get ONE life here. And people have choices. You can respect their choices, you can choose to ignore their choices, or you can choose to TRY to do something about them. But you can't make them make choices. They have to make them on their own. To WANT to make them.

Be there for her and her DH. But don't you DARE be angry at yourself. You didn't DO anything wrong.

:hug::hug::hug:

Sweetie, I walked the guilt walk for years. I'm a veteran of it. Wavering between anger directed at the person and at myself...it's all very familiar.

don't feel guilty about being mad brain.
it's just because you care so much.

con't prayers out for your friend, and her family.

Gazellel said it all. Now listen to your sis and let go of the guilt! You can't put this on yourself.

Wow Cathy:(.............she has alot to overcome. sending prayers up for
her now. :hug::hug:s to you , you are a good friend.

Brain,

I'm so sorry about your friend. I hope she'll recover eventually. What a tragedy. Saying a prayer for your friend, DH and you. :hug:

Dang, that bites.:( Caribou made some important points, Cathy. I appreciate your candor because I am watching a close friend surrender to drinking and I am very angry with her. I know that I can't install self-worth in her, I just wish I could.

I'll be praying for all of you as you go through this thing. I'm gonna call my friend to remind her of how much I care abot her.:hug:

Well, she has been moved to an Acute rehab facility. That's good. It means she is stable enough for the transport, will begin to recover, and also be closer to all of us who visit.

She has started working with both physical and speach therapists. Finally too she has a room so I'm running off to order flowers.

They are worried - as I have been - because she is still talking about stuff that is not real. Also some concern of organ function, internal damage, and that bad leg is still iffy.

All this is just second hand I heard form her family though. I'll know more when I see her myself, and I hope to go up there tomorrow.



You are just the kick in the pants I need. Thank you.

I have thought about that - what do I do?

You can't change what was, all you can do is act now.

Well, half the reason she drinks is - I can now see, after talking to her family - her family. Self absorbed, self-pitying, ugh... And she's like that too.


But still right now she does not need or deserve them to give hger attititude becuase of the mess she has caused - the mess itself is punishment enough for now, and all their browbeating is uneccesarily cruel at a time when she needs to be calm and heal.

For example, she was quite upset today when they showed her pix of her car and told her how much legal trouble she was in - she got so mad she threw them all out of her room.

I figure as a friend the best I can do is support her in recovery without being judgemental - she's got enough people giving her that.

I can let her talk. I can listen. I can be there.


And I can be a good role model as she tries to stay sober. I can help her help herself - for herself, not for me or anyone else.

I can not turn a blind eye this time if she slides back into drinking like I did last time, and she has to know that. She'll know why; because I want her to be okay. Not because it (drinking) makes me mad or sad or I don't approve, but because she deserves better. For her.

Thing is, she has a roomful of people saying "You could lose your job. What about your house? See what you did?"

Not one of them saying "Thank God you're alive."

Makes me so glad I have a family like mine. It would be a cold day if they were more worried I was going to lose my job than my leg - even if I did something really stupid.

Somebody has to be there for her.

You ARE a good friend! :hug:

You can support her without enabling her. You can let her know that you hate what she did to herself and others when she is recovered enough to understand and remember. You can let her know that you love her and that you are worried for her and how much you would miss her if something worse had happened. You can let her know that this is her wake up call for both her and for you, if that's how you feel.

You cannot make her stop. She has to want to stop and put in the work to stop on her own. You can ask if there is AA available at the rehab center and let her know that it is available if there is, but you can't make her go.

Right now all you can do is love her and stand beside her and hold her hand. Don't blame yourself for her actions. Just let her know that you are there and willing to help her if she helps herself. She's going to have a lot of time to think about what has happened.

Bless you for being there for her.:hug::hug::hug:

You're a good friend, Brain. Sounds like she needs you, too. Gazelle said it best.....I can't add anything to that. Just be kind to yourself. :hug: God bless you for being there for her.

Prayers being said for the whole family (and you!).

(((((Brain)))))

you're such a good friend brain.
just con't doing what you're doing, and thinking.

you're right.
i wish the best for your friend.

Ah Brain, what a good friend you are, We used to have workshops wheb I taught and I remember the woman who talked about teens (our area) making mistakes (some huge) and dealing with the aftermath. Your friend knows what she did and what happened, there's no reason to make her feel bad, beat dead horses, to make her be better now. That doesn't work. Being a good friend, you're showing support, you all know what happened already, on to next steps. You know you are not the center, it's up to her what comes next. Nobody can choose but her.

When DS goes along with friends and does bad things, I always tell him, I don't like the behaviour but I love him. He's pretty good. It might work. Kids are pretty centered, we have more years to get through but hope we all make it. It can be a dark road.

Hang in there, Brain. You have a good heart and a good head on you.

You're right, she doesn't need attitude. There's nothing that can harden someone's resolve to do the opposite thing than attitude from others.

If she's willing to move forward in sobriety, that's a great and wonderful thing. Support her as much as you can. Be there to catch her if she wavers. Just don't get sucked into a world that's out of control. I'm watching and worrying about ya, my friend. But I trust you to do what's right. :hug:

I went thru something like this with my bff recently Cathy. She didnt
have an accident(thank god) but she got stinkin drunk while her dd7 was
in her care.(she is going thru a NASTY divorce). She has 6 months
sobriety now and it looks like she will get custoday of her dd.

She is doing so well now that I am extremely proud. The only thing Ive
done is listen, listen and more listening.:D well, okay.........sox has
given a leetle advice here and there but mostly just listening.

I hope your dear friend can overcome everything and live a healthy
happy life. Im telling you right now, if my friend can do it so can yours.:hug: