Whiners, wimps, and sissies.
 

These are people I have always avoided--you know, people that trudge around like a cloud of doom, dragging you down with them as they "woe, woe, woe".

However. Sometimes I get equally frustrated when I'm surrounded by the other extreme.

I'm not talkin' about those wonderful souls who manage to stay upbeat and maintain an attitude of grace despite their afflictions.

I'm talking about (dare I say it?) the martyrs. The guy who just HAS to mention that, although he is 80 years old and crippled with arthritis, SOMEBODY has to get up there and fix the roof.

The woman who has two migraines per day and is still wearing a walking cast, but she's managed to bake and decorate seven hundred halloween cupcakes for school and hand-wash all of her curtains. "Oh, I'll be fine, I'm getting used to it."

The person who has been up since 4 a.m. and worked a twelve hour shift, but wouldn't DREAM of missing the meeting! "I'll just have to do the laundry and vacuuming when I get home! You're going, aren't you?"

I look at these people and I think, How can I say I'm too tired to do whatever-it-is?

While they're going on about how they just can't let stuff get them down and they just have to keep working through it, blah blah blah, I want to say "Well, isn't that SPECIAL."

They can be heroes if they want. I'll get in my recliner and read a book.

Sometimes I just want to whine and wimp and siss.

LOL B2Y!

The one about the meeting got me. I get that all the time, after working a 10 hour overnight shift, traveling 1/2 hour each way, doing a doc and dentist appt. when I get OUT of work, and then being asked why I wasn't at that 10 a.m. meeting even though I had to work that night too. :eek:

I can't post what I say, but it's relevant to the situation...:p

Everyone has a different definition of "whiners, wimps, and sissies".

You define them as someone who "trudges around like a cloud of doom, dragging you down with them as they "woe, woe, woe" . . . whereas someone else's definition might include "someone who can't climb on that roof, bake those cupcakes, or attend that meeting".

That doesn't necessarily make them "martyrs" either (according to your definition) . . . from their perspective, they just put on their big girl panties and deal with what needs to get done.

You don't have to try to live up to anyone else's expectations, B2Y. If you are happy with YOU, that's all that matters. :hug:

Cherie

I think this is often a form of passive aggressiveness. Doing things that make a martyr but don't neccassaryily do anyone real good (real deeds usually go as unnoticed as possible and that's really how the doer wants it, and these deeds are done for another's good, not to make the doer look good, a martyr, a saint. "Oh look at me, how good I am. What a GOOD person I am".

BTY,
I read your entry, I know those people, but see no one else benefitting from their actions. I've known the "Unsung heroes" whose energies went to real positive things for others, but no one ever knows what they did. They don't do it for others to see.

((hugs))

just wanted to send you a hug :hug: it sounds like you had a bad day or two.

Hate to tell you, but I am one of those people that MUST get up. I have been that way since I was a kid. I would work 12 hours, go to school, and was raising a kid, while doing chemo as a single parent. its a HARD thing to do, and just because they make it look easy, doesnt mean that it is. I cant count the hours that I drove home in tears because I was so exhausted, spent, and worn out. It was important to my child that I go see his play, or football game, so...i went. it was important to my career that I take this class. it meant a huge pay bump, so...i went. If I didnt wipe up the spilled milk, there was no one else behind me begging to get to it, so...it became my job to keep a clean house. I to this day have NO clue how I did all the things I did, and I am not even sure I thought myself capable. I took ONE event at a time, sometimes one part of an event at a time. Sometimes there are things we MUST do, for ourselves, our families, our careers that while our bodies are screaming, and kicking to go lay down, we know to do so would mean I was going to pull the covers over my head and not come out for weeks. If I cant come out for weeks, then I am not going to go there to start with. yes! i would have loved to sit and read a book, but the path that I chose wouldnt allow that. If someone asked "why are you here?" I wasnt going to give the whiney, "you cant believe the day I have had and I dont want to be here, but feel I will be fired or left behind if i didnt come." its just socially polite to say "i wouldnt have missed it!" so, sometimes behind those shiney smiley faces, is another human being in pain, and struggling. I know. I was one of them.

I hope you feel better. :hug:

as I write my list of crap I have to do today: pile some wood, clean the apartment for visitors to come, vac the house, wash the kitchen floor, sweep the porch of the leaves that have piled up, catch up on book-work for the business, (all brain work that I hate) give the dogs a bath so they are clean for the visitors that are coming, take care of the dishes, and do some laundry.

I read your post.....

I don't want to do all those things, I want to sit on the couch, read my book, do some crocheting and look at my beautiful rocks I got in the mail :D:D cause my body is tired and sore...... woe is me! :D

Great Post B2U!!! you always know how to put your thoughts into words very nicely! :hug:

equal-opportunity enjoyer
 

I enjoy the best of both worlds.

Some days I simply kick back and enjoy watching the world go by, oblivious to the gathering dust bunnies and the dishes in the sink. It is on days like this - when I feel like an old lady with MS (which is exactly what I am) - that I go to feed the ducks, and I usually bring my camera. People watching is such a wonderful pastime, and it takes no effort at all on my part. I have to admit that on days like this, I secretly pity the go-getters of this world.

Then again, there are times that I almost feel driven, and I mean that in a good way. There are days that I can hardly wait for the mailman to come. I can see the mailbox some 200 yards across the cow pasture (no actual cows involved) from my bedroom window. I wait in anticipation of the moment when I will walk out my front door, and walk across that cowless cow pasture to my mailbox, unaided by my walker or even my cane. The pasture is mostly lawn these days, but the footing is uneven and it is a real challenge to my agility. Sometimes, when the going is particularly rough, I play the theme from Rocky in my head as I approach my front door, mail in hand.

I’ll take my yucks where and whenever I can. I am an equal-opportunity enjoyer.

I totally can't take the whiners, wimps and sissies either but it looks like I am a martyr! Probably because I am so afraid to slow down in fear that it will all come crashing down around me.

I actually admire the ones that manage to make the rest of us look bad in comparison despite numerous obstacles. :D

When I crash, I crash very, very hard. When I'm up and going, I can get tons done--if I stop, I'm dead in the water however.

But yeah, I am another whiner, wimp, and sissies person and can ID with your definitions. I understand the need some people have to do those things, but it sure makes YOU feel inadequate at times and wonder why you can't seem to make it look easy too.

I'm not "not responding", I'm just thinking about all your replies!

OK, for the record: I don't think people who are sick, depressed, discouraged, or need to share their burdens are whiners, wimps, or sissies.

And I don't think that people who put on their big girl panties and do what has to get done are martyrs. God bless them! When my Dad (who had MS) stopped driving, he WALKED the mile and a half each way to work, summer and winter, and never took a sick day, because you do what you have to do. But he didn't take an attitude about it.

The "martyrs" I'm talking about make a not-so-subtle point with their attitudes that "....and so would YOU, if you weren't a whiner wimp sissy."

You know, like Ida Morgenstern on TV: "No, no, you all go and have a good time, I'll be fine here alone scrubbing the ceiling with a toothbrush. If it flares up again (cough, cough, wince) I'll just call an ambulance or something."

There's a huge difference between the people I admire who just keep plugging along with a cheerful (or at least philosophical) attitude, and those who paste on a phony smile, heave a pathetic little sigh, and say "No, no, don't feel bad about not helping. You just stay home and...rest. The swelling has almost gone down around my incision anyway."

You just described my MIL to a "T"!!! Heaven forbid you should have something to be happy about.....she'll find a way to crush it!

She doesn't even know (that I am aware of) that I have MS. We don't communicate often.....hardly ever, actually.

But I do know what you mean, B2Y. I try really hard not to be the martyr. And I did a really good job two days ago when I got totally fed up with the bathroom the boys use looking like a football locker room. I started to just go clean it myself. But then I thought about it and told both boys, together, that they were more than capable of doing it themselves and I had better things to do with my time (not sure what....but it sounded good :rolleyes:). Instead of acting all "woe is me" and sighing loudly while scrubbing the tub, I just told them that they better keep it clean or I would hire someone to do it and they would pay for it!! Money talks!! It's so clean now you could eat off the floor!! :D

OH! now that is a horse of a different color. :o

I know folks like that, and its more about the sympathy vote, then getting their job done. They need to be the center of attention, and have folks dancing around them to tell them how brave they are. Have a neighbor like that now. ONE day after coming home from a complete hyst, she INSISTED on going on the boat ride that was planned by the neighbors. She was nauseous and in pain, yet insisted on a boat ride on a choppy lake. it was cold that day, and several couples were going to the lil island to have a light lunch. She made this big dramatic display of hanging onto the railings, and singing the OMG song all the way over. instead of the rest of us relaxing, enjoying the trip, and the event, we spent the afternoon comforting her. We offered several times to turn back and walk her back home, but "no no! I will forge onward. I dont want to ruin the good time. Truly, I am just fine." as she grabs the rail, and whines OMG. OMG OMG. So, YES! she ruined the day for the rest of us. "can you come help me unwrap my sandwhich?" Like the saran wrap was complicated or something.

I completely agree. If you are sucking it up, doing what you have to do, and moving forward. you go girl! if you are just coming out to seek pats on the back for being brave, and asking the rest of us to carry you through the event, because you shouldnt be here....please go back to bed!

Thanks for clearning it up!

Probably passive-aggressive people . . . they don't know how to stand up and say what they really think when it matters, so they use every opportunity to get attention in other ways.

I kinda feel sorry for them, because they can't just say what they want to. It's frustrating (and confusing) being on the recieving end of that, but they are so afraid of rejection, they don't confront the real issues as they happen.

Does that make sense?

Cherie

Yep, agree totally with you B2B. Those types get to you after a while. And truly, that's the type I thought you meant when you wrote what you did. :)


I have a SIL like that. She's great to your face, makes everything feel like it's a burden on her if she does something (and makes you feel bad for even being around), and to your back.... well, she's a first class #@^@!

The woman said to me at my MIL's funeral luncheon, "Thank you for coming." I actually said, "Thank you for inviting me" to her before I realized what I was doing--it was MY MIL and my H's stepmom since he was 18 mos old. I'd known my MIL for 23 years. Why was I thanking her for inviting me????? Geez, we were FAMILY......... ugh.......

My two SILs and I had a good crack up about that. Let my other SIL play the martyr one more time if it made her feel better.....

I don't think I am, per say, any of the above, but I have my share of (by myself) pity parties..:rolleyes:

What do you call a person who needs a cheering section?.. My DH was my cheering section and when I was able to do something I hadn't been able to do or just forced myself to do something anyway.....He Cheered..:yahoo: .. I loved that man...he never nagged, only cheered.

Sometimes I'll call my DD or a Friend to brag about something I was able to do and wait for a cheer..:D .. The only place I get any cheers now, is when I come here and tell you,,:grouphug:

You ask, "What do you call a person who needs a cheering section?" I would call that person "human".

Can I be both?
 

Sep 16 I was martyr, doing what I had to so I could speak at a conference for women in pain... pushing myself, doing too much, totally exhausted. For several days after, I hardly moved. And even now, I am recovering. If you are blessed enough to be ABLE to be a martyr, there are times when you will inevitably pay. I've not the martyr too much, but geez, when I am, I often wonder what in the hell possessed me to do so?!? I am 75% or more the girl who takes it easy, and doesn't push herself. Why? Because I prize the advances I've made in my health too much to hurt myself and backslide completely... :) Heather

Welcome to NeuroTalk, Heather..:):hug:

AT first I thought your name was Horace..:D

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE IT - and your sense of humor shines through clearly on this post. Whine and wimp out all you want. I don't think for a moment that you've had a bad day; quite the contrary!

Someone else used the term "passive-aggressive", and I think they may have a point. If all of this is a contest and the winner is the one who does the most in spite of it all, then I concede before the contest even gets started!

I'll join you on the Lazy-Boy and share a beer with you while we watch the winner knock him/herself out!:winky: