Stuck...
 

I feel like I am stuck in a large iron cube with a tornado inside....:eek:

I can't get out the words I need to say... tdoc laughed this week because I kept changing the subject.... I didn't mean to... didn't even realize I was doing it... guess I'm just not ready to deal with the tough stuff.

If anyone has any ideas how I can break out of this cube or calm the tornado in my head I would greatly appreciate any and all ideas.

:thud:
Abbie

oh abby,
I am sorry that you are having this tornado in your head.
Maybe you could journal what it is that you are going to talk about ahead of time to practice saying it...
I don't know.
Do you think your meds are working for you?
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

hi Abbie
 

I don't think you were here when i had been posting time ago. Pleased to meet you. :)

I know what you mean. I have all kinds of behaviours - including but not limited to the derailment of conversation you mention - to avoid the hard core get down to the nitty gritty grisly....

this year i have been ... i won't say formally "journalling" ... but writing. i haven't been recently due to being holed up with anxiety/depression, and indeed my sessions are haywire right now.

ok but what i found was, when i would go out... to a cafe - or a park - or your home - or wherever you feel "ok" ... keep a notebook. sometimes, i like unlined paper or squares... it doesn't really matter. the thing is... write the date, and start writing something of the topic you would like to cover - the present is best, how are you feeling about it in the NOW...

DERAIL AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE!!! First, you are not likely to derail as much (chit chat, small talk, etc... tho feel free.) thing is you can read back to yourself and... then come back to business. i have found that i usually do comeback to business. i have also found that certain derailments take me interesting places, therapeutically.

in general, through writing i have found i often end up, in my mind, with some synthesis of the long thought process that did the writing. the synthesis i can then take to therapy and be a step ahead... so i'm doing therapy outside of therapy essentially.

before therapy i try to spend a few minutes just making a check-list/reminder of anything i've conjured up through writing... feelings, patterns, behaviors, connections, whatever. then i bring my notebook to therapy and we start from there, thus skipping any and all written derailment, and who cares if there's pages of it! ;) i occasionally read excerpts from my notes, where, say i might have a certain concept or "revelation" expressed concisely... why flounder... i can just read it off without........ derailing or risking not getting it across right.

well, so this between session note-making has helped me a lot, and when i asked for my pdoc's feedback on our progress, he said he was pleased and that our sessions are much more productive and less "scattered" since i started doing that.

i will add that i have made tangible progress in therapy this year. i think this writing, tho not the only factor, has contributed. i actually moved past one nasty issue which i now feel much "lighter" about. Furthermore, some of the writing during that process also brought to light more general issues and we are now working on those, oh joy.:eek::rolleyes:

Well, good luck to you!

~ waves ~

Abbie,

One of my therapists asked me if I've ever been tested for ADDA or whatever for adults. She told me that attention deficit will cause some one to talk off subject.

Waves, I like the advice you gave. I am glad to see you posting again.

befuddled2

Thank you...
 

Thank you all!!

I haven't journaled in quite a while... since my old computer caught fire...

I have tried but I get stuck and it just doesn't make any sense...not to me anyway. Right now my Tdoc doesn't want me to journal as she is afraid that I will open up something that I just can't work through on my own and she's a bit afraid that it may send me over the edge.

I won't journal but maybe I can write down some "concerns" and "thoughts" so I can maybe stay on track...:confused:

I think my meds are working... I don't go from zero to freak out as much as I used to... my tdoc did mention rapid cycling... she asked if I had ever heard of it... I said I had heard of it. She thinks I may be rapid cycling.:confused:

I have been having to take 1.5mg Klonopin 3 times a day just to stay at a lesser anxiety/panic level for the past week and a half. I've been taking my Cymbalta and Seroquel in before going to bed... I wonder if I should spread them apart a bit???:confused:

Lots of emotions are mixed up in this tornado... I can't talk about the MAJOR thing my tdoc is trying to work me through... I've had it buried for 24 yrs... I never wanted to ever think of it again let alone talk about it... I don't know how it spilled out of my mouth but it did... now I have to deal with it and I really don't want to... I want to bury it again.

I see the Pdoc on Monday...another new one...I think it's just for a medicine check..make sure I have enough and see how things are going.

I see the Tdoc on Wednesday....

I'm still open to any suggestions on how to beat or calm this tornado...

Thank you all for your help... As you all know...I'm only 3 months into the officially diagnosed BP world... it's scary.

:hug:for all,
Abbie

Abby,

How much Seroquel?
Yes, that could be something along the lines of rapid cycling.
What you describe sounds close to what I call racing thoughts (I have no idea what racing thoughts really mean). . . or maybe something close to a mixed state. (that's another phrase that I am probably misusing -- my pdocs did not talk technical terminology with me so I did not learn them except from reading.)

I'm soooooo out of it tonight (can't think straight) but I have some thoughts.

When I can't deal with what is going on in my head, sometimes I have to take it out of my head -- go physical.

I apologize for not remembering your physical status -- I do remember that it is difficult.

Having said that, it used to help me to DO something different. . . . make a change . . . . take a different route in the car . . . buy a new fruit at the store. . try a new recipe. . . see an Imax movie or some other movie that completely overwhelms me for 2 hours.

Also,
-Meditation:
Just sit still and focus on a spot in the garden or on the wall and sit quietly and listen to yourself breathe.

-Self-talk:
You already do this. Keep doing this. Talk yourself into feeling better eventually.

-Talking it out:
I used to borrow my friend's dog and go have a chat with the dog.

-Giving yourself a pedicure or manicure

-Foot massage

-Acupuncture as you noted in a different thread

-I took a pottery class a few summers ago and benefitted greatly from it. My pieces looked like crap. I think I only kept one. But I was working with my hands (not in my head) and focusing. And it was more about process than results. It helped me slow down and be patient.
This reminds me that I used to love to bake bread.
I was a good cure for anxiety.


Some of these don't work for me any more.
We change.
You'll find your "tool box" -- in some therapy practices patients are encouraged to actually put together a box of stuff that they can pull out when they need it -- pictures, CDs, card, fabric swatches with texture, small gifts from earlier days. ----anything that helps make them ok.

Walking and then Yoga saved my life.

I used to keep a journal different from the journal that others are talking about here.
I felt it important to record my day. I would write what happened. Sometimes I would only write a few sentences about what I had done, where I had gone, what had come up. Other times I would write more. I guess the journals were kind of like Star Trek "ship's log." I wanted a record of my day.
I'm not sure of what the purpose was but I felt that they were very important and have saved them (a rough guess makes me think that I might have 15+ years of journals -- don't feel like looking in the closet and looking at dates -- I started this in the old days before computers and even after computers kept up the handwriting.)
I was an almost daily habit I felt good about.

Mari

You are a very wise woman Mari,
I thank you for your suggestions they help me too.
:Thanx:

Abbie, some part of you must feel ready to deal with this issue of long ago. and that is why it slipped out.
but you are the master of yourself and therapy and get to decide what you work on in therapy and what you don't.
remember the therapist is working for you.
bizi

forget what I said
 

Dear Abbie,

I'm not sure what I posted last night.
I should have stayed away from the computer.
That last post doesn't make sense to me now.

Those things I wrote worked occasionally for depression -- not for racing thoughts / rapid cycling / or any similiar variation.

For a sitatuation that you describe, here is what worked.

--very loud angry music on old fashioned speakers -- not the ear bud junk.
I liked early Mellissa Etheridge and Guns and Roses. The others I cannot remember

--sleep

--perhaps exercise


That's it. Meds help.

So, I am sorry I wasted your time if you read any of that.
Find what works for you, get better, then if you wish you can report on what works.



p!ssed off lyrics from Mellissa Etheridge:
The words to all Guns and Roses songs are awful -- but I was playing the album loud in order to drown out the sounds in my head . . . .did not pay any attention to the words.


Abbie, I wish I had some actual help for you.
What you describe is difficult and my heart goes out to you.



Mari

I don't have anything to add except that I hope you'll feel more comfortable.

befuddled2

((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))) )))))
bizi:hug::hug::hug:

Sorry all.... I've been a little stuck in this tornado... I've read everything here... Oh and Mari... NO WORRIES!!!

I take 400mg of Seroquel daily...at bedtime.

I am having major anxiety/panic tonight... I have a phone interview in the morning... FSSA---they call it a redetermination interview... This is my foodstamps but could also be for Medicaid or even the State Insurance Program for which I applied.

My tdoc called this week to find out what it was about but the guy she talked to said he didn't see any reason for the redetermination that everything looked good!!

I'm scared... If they take my food stamps then I have no food...I have no $$. If it's for the medicaid or state insurance program I wish they would have stated that....

Please if you have an extra moment and an extra prayer.... please send one up for me... I really need to keep the foodstamps and I really need insurance. I'm afraid that my RSD and Bi-Polar--depression are winning right now.

Thanks everyone for all of the input... I love it and am trying to impliment...Mari---music I love! I saw Melissa Etheridge in Berlin, Germany several years ago...wonderful concert! Great Music!

I will also ask tdoc about ADD.... what's one more thing :)...BP, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety/Panic, Social Phobia w/borderline Agoraphobia.

Bizi... your right...some part of me wanted to get the terribles out...I just wasn't ready to deal with it on a concious level....

Hi Waves...nice to meet you!!! Thank you for the input... I found a small notebook to carry with me... I'll give that a go...jot small thoughts down as they happen...

Hugs to all!!!
Love ya's!!
Abbie

Dear Abby,
I want to take those fears away from you....
give them to me...(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))
bizi

Abby,
'Sending prayers and good energy and lots of light.

Mari

Hi Abbie
 

You sound more together than you perhaps feel. Funny how that is sometimes... i read my own posts back at times and go, gosh, i sound ok, but i'm not.

i'm sorry you are in a panic... sending you soothing thoughts, and will keep you in my prayers. yes just jot down little thoughts if things pop into your head... sometimes that helps just so you don't have to "remember" it. that sounds better for where you are than sitting and writing. also, i didn't mention, but i myself write impromptu only when i want... it's just that i'm longwinded (if you hadn't noticed ;))

You do sound like perhaps, beyond the anxiety, you might be having some racing thoughts. the seroquel should help with that, but if you are still having them, you might ask your pdoc if an increase would be in order. i used to take 600 when i took seroquel. when i was at 400, i used to wake up in the night, sometimes hallucinate in the dark even after getting up, if not getting up just waking up and having episodes of sleep paralysis with hypnagogic hallucinations, and just generally not sleep well. the only problem was that 600 was very sedating daytime too - after 14 hours of rock solid sleep, but if you are very activated, that may not be a problem with you. report and describe your tornado, and ask about the seroquel.

what you describe in therapy... jumping from topic to topic and that your therapist noticed but you hadn't... corresponds well with racing thoughts, be there an anxious component or not. i had at first interpreted it as an anxious reaction which can cause confusion and disorganization in the head. but it sounds as though your tdoc is perceiving "flight of ideas" ... that is the technical term for the outside observation of when one's thoughts race. when it gets bad enough, we get the sense of not being able to get things out at all... "pressured speech" almost like 100 ppl trying to all squeeze through a door at the same time.

i had wanted to post this sooner but i was not doing so well. anyway. so there you have it.

do what you can. do what works to keep you grounded. one night when i was sooooo agitated and my thoughts nuts and probably bordering on psychotic (i saw my gp for some scripts, and he was alarmed and wanted to send me to hospital!) well, i found that doing simple things, like drinking water was good. sipping it. focusing on the wetness of the water. even talking to myself. saying, water. water. maybe this sounds really stupid. that night i also took a massive dose of zyprexa and made my bed in all pale-blue sheets a kind of obsession/fixation thing that got on me... i didn't want patterns. my big thing is LOW STIMULUS. but Mari's experience was different. so ... try things and do what works.

best wishes for you interview, and serenity before during, and after.... and continuing.

:hug:

~ waves ~

Hey Abs! Just wanted to send some hugs and positive healing thoughts and prayers your way. I hope you are doing better soon. take care my friend.

http://dl.glitter-graphics.net/pub/1...wyiyv6inha.gif

Oh I change the topic all the time a like a gazillion times when I am around people with out realizing it and trust me when I am in public it is embarrassing! People look at me like I am nuts! But it is something we can not help sometimes. I have to worked on it however and I am doing a little better. I have to tell you though focusing on one subject at a time in my opinion is just plain BORING. LOL
One thing that helped me if you can, I did my ABC's back wards slowing visualizing each letter. or spelling out a slow song I know. twinkle twinkle little stars. Like spell each word out visualizing each letter you in each word. I also used to sing a slow song and then go upside down on my bed. I listen to zen meditation or baby lulabye music. I hope this helps.

Sharla
oh try writing these thoughts. in a book. I write a lot if there are things on my mind. I think what would be helpful for this forum is to have a blog. So when we have these thoughts that are too much we can just put them out by writing. I am not sure if it will work. But it is worth a try?

:hug:

I saw new Pdoc today... she's really nice but she's only staying through December... sigh....

She was a little frazzled and had someone else's folder when we started... confused me but she found my folder then things fell into place.

She's not happy about one of my meds...said two of them shouldn't be mixed... she ordered a bunch of blood tests but told me to wait until my insurance came through... I hope it comes through soon. :smileypray::smileypray:

I have appt with Tdoc on Wednesday... at least my brain has calmed down a bit today....so we'll see what happens....

:hug: for all!!
Abbie

she is paying attention!
great!
thanks for checking in.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Abbie Which medications is she saying shouldn't be mixed?:hug::hug:

Abbie Is the large iron cube like isolation,and the tornado like torment. If so,I have the same thing. We will make it through this. BF:hug::hug::hug:

She said that Seroquel and Cymbalta should not be mixed...but the other two doctors said they should be fine... I don't know... I feel better than I did and really not seeing any bad side effects... I don't think.

I guess we wait until the blood tests are ran to see if anything is wrong then go from there.... :confused:

I'll let you know what I find out....
:o
Abbie
:hug::hug::hug:

Cymbalta (duloxetine)
Seroquel (quetiapine)



Interactions between your selected drugs...

http://www.drugs.com/images/s2.jpg Seroquel (quetiapine) and Cymbalta (duloxetine) (Moderate Drug-Drug)

MONITOR: Central nervous system- and/or respiratory-depressant effects may be additively or synergistically increased in patients taking multiple drugs that cause these effects, especially in elderly or debilitated patients.

MANAGEMENT: During concomitant use of these drugs, patients should be monitored for potentially excessive or prolonged CNS and respiratory depression. Ambulatory patients should be counseled to avoid hazardous activities requiring complete mental alertness and motor coordination until they know how these agents affect them, and to notify their physician if they experience excessive or prolonged CNS effects that interfere with their normal activities.

abbie
 

I see. Keep me posted. My Nurse Practitioner scared me last week,and said that my triglycerides are high,and it may be from the seroquel. She said they are not high enough to be medicated. There is no diabetes in my family on both sides. It still scared me. I don't want to get sick from a medication that is suppose to help me. My Eye's turn pinkish an hour after I take the seroquel. I hope that this doesn't worry you. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Wow...great way to put it... yes, that's part of it...

The other part of is---my brain is the cube and the tornado is the swirling, racing thoughts that I just can't get into any sort of order... nothing really makes sense and I jump from topic to topic and nothing is holding my attention for very long.

:hug:
Abbie

Seroquel side effects...
 

What are the possible side effects of quetiapine (seroquel)?


Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction:</B> hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat.

Call your doctor at once if you have any new or worsening symptoms such as: mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more depressed, or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself.

Other serious side effects include:

• fever, stiff muscles, confusion, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats;
• jerky muscle movements you cannot control;
• sudden numbness or weakness, especially on one side of the body;
• sudden headache, confusion, problems with vision, speech, or balance;
• increased thirst, frequent urination, excessive hunger, or weakness;
• feeling like you might pass out; or
• urinating less than usual or not at all.

Less serious side effects may include:

• dizziness, drowsiness, or weakness;
• dry mouth, runny nose, sore throat;
• nausea, vomiting, stomach pain, constipation;
• blurred vision, headache, anxiety, agitation;
• breast swelling or discharge;
• missed menstrual periods; or
• weight gain.

Quetiapine may cause you to have high blood sugar (hyperglycemia). Talk to your doctor if you have any signs of hyperglycemia such as increased thirst or urination, excessive hunger, or weakness. If you are diabetic, check your blood sugar levels on a regular basis while you are taking quetiapine.

I've had that too. Racing thoughts,and heavy burdens at the same time. Sometimes I think that I need to write these things down. No fun.:eek: Sometimes a thought will aggrandize,and lock into my thoughts for a period of time. Sometimes when that thought stops,another will follow. This sometimes inters my feelings,and sometimes I feel these strange impulses that are contrary to who I am. I just suffer with it,and ignore it till it passes.

I have a whole bunch of other problems that interfere with those things. It's hard to explain. BF:hug::hug: PS Also thought distortions...

The Pdoc wants a fasting glucose, cholesterol, ast/alt, ldl, hdl, & triglycerides... she said these need to be monitored while on Seroquel as Seroquel can cause these to go up.

This med is helping me so I really hope it's not hurting me too...:confused:

:o
Abbie

your pdoc sounds like she is really trying to look out for your best interests and she is paying attention.
Does the seroquel help with the swirling thoughts?
bizi

Abbie They forgot the pink eye's. LOL I'm trying to keep a sense of humor.:):hug:

Bizi
 

Thank you for your comment's,and concerns. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Yes... it seems to be helping... she said that at 400mg I am at a low/moderate level and if blood work comes back ok... it may be upped a litte to help more.

bet you look good in pink!! :D:D

my eyes did that at first...but don't any more...

abbie
 

That's good to know. I'm sort of self conscious about it.:o I put sun glasses on like Elvis did.:cool: LOL It usually goes away by late afternoon.:) Then I feel better seeing the whites of my eyes again. LOL BF:hug::hug:

Thank you very much!!!!!!!!! BF:circlelove:

Dear Friend,

http://bipolar-disorder.emedtv.com/s...e-effects.html

Apparently high triglycerides can be a side effect Seroquel.

A diabetic friend of mine was told by her doc to take fish oil to lower her tryclycerides and it seems to help. I wonder if fish oil helps when one is taking Seroquel.

Check with your doc first.
Any maybe because it is borderline, it is not a huge problem -- just something to be watched.

Mari

Thank you Mari. That's what she think's that it is. A side affect.

Thank you for the Omega 3 recommendation. I've been thinking about supplementing my diet with that. BF:hug::hug:

serotonin syndrome??
 

Dear Abbie,

Perhaps the doc is thinking of the possibility of Cymbalta and Seroquel together causing serotonin syndrome since they both have something to do with serotonin. But I can't find lots of inforamation on in my little google search. The pdoc has plenty of information available to her.

She might prescribe Seroquel a lot in her practice and knows what to look for. Running tests is good. She wants a sort of baseline to compare to future blood draws.

She sounds like a thorough pdoc.

Mari

I didn't mean to worry anyone in any way,shape,or form,in my messages about seroquel. If I caused any anxiety in anyone,I apologize. BF:hug::hug::grouphug::hug::hug: