My feelings are hurt.
 

I just bought my mom a sweater vest as an early Xmas present. Brought it home, showed it to my dad first, and we gave it to her.

She was nice about it at first...it's not exactly a Xmas vest, it's more "Winter" (snowmen, robins, and it's red. I got one for myself, and it's got Xmas trees on it, but it has similar snowmen on it)

She was about to try it on, and all of a sudden, she's yelling at me that it's "cheap, and smells". (I sniffed it...it smells like brand new clothing usually smells...clean, but with a hint of "store" to it...not offensive at all to me...she is on steroids for some allergy problems, maybe that's what makes her think that it smells?)

ARGH!!! I cant stand it! I bought it for her, because I thought she'd like it, and then while she was about to try it on, she screams at me. Screw it. She's just turned me into Scrooge when it comes to buying anything nice for her ever again. (she's done this before...when I've crocheted her stuff...which actually hurts my feelings a lot more)

My head hurts, my legs are lead weights (stupid MS crap) and my brain has this weird fog following it around.

At least I'll save money, time and energy not buying my mom anything else for Christmas. I think I'll go return the vest I got her and the one I bought for myself...(thankfully not matching)

Yikes...........Im sorry your mom hurt your feelings.:hug: Do you think
she could be feeling a little "roid rage"???? I dont know...I just wanted
you to know Im sorry you are feeling bad.:hug:

sorry Erin does sound a bit like roid rage, I tend to get a wee bit snappy oh my on steroids. Sorry your feelings got hurt

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt, Erin :hug:, and I know this is not the first time she's done something like this.

She has brain damage though, and even if she wasn't on steroids, she's very unpredictable. Well, she is actually quite predictable :rolleyes: . . . just not in a "normal" sort of way. :(

The only thing you can change is your reaction to her behavior. She is not going to EVER get better, and will likely only get worse as she ages . . . so try not to let it upset you too much.

Cherie

I'm sorry your mom hurt your feelings (again). Sending hugs. :hug::hug:

Cherie always makes so much sense. Seriously.

I'm only beginning to know you Erin, so I am less familiar with the past situations, but that must be really tough to deal with. :hug:

She's always been kind of "ragey". You know when someone says that things are getting on their "last nerves". I dont think she has any "last nerves". Stuff sets her off if she's in just the right mood.

I cant exactly tell if it's 'roid rage, or if it's her normal kvetchiness. I do kind of think that she throws things across the room a bit more since she's started the steroids. (watching her rollator go flying is kind of funny tho...since she'll usually need it back to stomp out of the room)

I'm too tired to take the sweater back. My dad said that he'd deal with it. I decided to keep my sweater, and I think my dad is going to probably convince my mom to keep her sweater. (she did finally try it on while I was shopping for Wii games for my nieces on Amazon)

It's just irritating that I cant keep up with her rapid cycling bad/good moods anymore. Seems like everything can set her off. Things she likes make her mad. ("here Mom, I brought you some coffee..." "You did what?!?!" ~anger~)

I'm starting to discover the "joys" of MS fatigue this week....which I think is why I cant keep up with her changing moods. I havent been sleeping well (again) and it's starting to affect me physically now, rather than just the normal mental fatigue. My legs are sooooooooo tired. At least they dont feel the painful burning anymore...they still burn, but it's weird...it kind of feels good sometimes. (that sounds like a slightly masochistic statement...doesnt it?)

At least I'm getting my Xmas shopping done a lot earlier...usually I wait till the second week of December. Instead I started yesterday. I just have to order all the fun stuff for my dad from Amazon, and then take my mom shopping (oh...please no! she'll just say no to any of my suggestions and then tell me that I wouldnt let her look at stuff...at least I can buy some stuff and then tell her she was with me when I bought it...she probably wont remember)

I think later this week, I'm taking my mom to WalMart, put her on one of the electric scooters and let her loose with her credit cards. If I can get her in the right mood, she'll buy half the store for my dad.

((Erin)) That must be really hard. Was she like this when you were little or is this a more recent thing? I'm glad you came here to vent and get some support from your friends. For your own peace/piece of mind, have you ever considered moving out of her home? In any event hang in there and do what you need to protect your self.

:hug:

Erin, I learned a long long time ago that money cannot be returned and is loved by all. Get her a gift card and if she complains tell her why you bought it. :hug:

You raise a good point, Sandy.

I have a sister who HATES getting gifts and is always miserable when she gets one. Her b/f used to buy her flowers, and she'd get mad because they were "cut one's and will just die". If he bought her diamond earings, they were "a waste of money when the cheap one's look just as nice".

She scoffs whenever a friend tries to buy something original, and says "what a weird present, etc.". If you give her money or a gift certificate, she says "that didn't take much thought", and if you take her shopping to let her pick, she says "now I have no surprises".

There is NO winning with her!! :mad:

The ONLY thing that works is if she picks things throughout the year, and you PAY ATTENTION to what she says. That's the only way you can get something she likes, AND it will be a surprise. Of course she has very expensive tastes too . . . so I could never afford what she wanted anyway. That seems to work for her husband though. :D

I just stopped buying for her.

Cherie

She's always been like this, at least for as long as I've known my mom. She may have been a bit more...pleasant before the stupid drunk driver hit the car she was in when she was a teenager and caused her accident.

When I was younger, my dad did a pretty good job at hiding some of her weirdness from us. (he was able to talk to her and keep her from going off on us. She still had a few "last nerves" left then)

She DID just apologize to me this morning. (freaked me out...she's never apologized to me before! Dad must have talked to her)

Oh, I've considered moving out of my parents house, but I cant afford it. Several years back, I probably could have attempted to move, but I had a dog at the time. (a very large dog) and couldnt move to an apartment with such a giant furball following me around.

The dog died, and my first (obvious to me) MS exacerbation began a couple of weeks later (numbness in right leg and thigh that slowly moved to my other leg. Went to doctor and was told it was a "sprain". several months later, I got optic neuritis and they said "guess the numbness wasnt a sprain after all")

I've been wanting to get a job, but all the jobs that I've probably got a chance of getting, I dont think I would last long doing. For the past 6 months, I've been noticing that my back and my legs will start to feel weak if I'm moving around too much...like at home, if I'm moving things around the house (not even heavy stuff) I have to stop frequently and rest for a half hour or more before I can do things again.

I put up our Xmas tree the other night. I got the artificial tree up, but that's as far as I got before I couldnt do anything. So, it's standing there now, naked, no lights, no ornaments (there are two presents under it already tho) I just get so tired lately doing anything.

It's kind of scaring me. When I was at the store last night, getting the sweater for my mom, I got so tired in the store that I had to stop and rest (and this store had no where to sit down at all, unless I wanted to sit on the floor) Bumped into my aunt there last night, and she seemed a lot worried about me. She must have noticed how exhausted I looked.

I'm going to the movies later today with the boyfriend, and I think I'm actually going to dust off the cane my dad bought me last year that I use occasionally when I'm dizzy to take with me to the movies. I've noticed that sometimes when I'm standing my knees will give out and my leg will give out, kind of like the movement you'd make to sit down, except there's no chair behind me.

I used the cane last time I went out with the boyfriend, but that was for some mild vertigo, and it seemed like he was a little weirded out by the cane, and his room mate that went to the movies with us that day couldnt stop staring at the cane. I got into the car and the room mate picked up the cane and was looking at it. I was like "give me that!". (was he showing bad manners by doing that, or was I a bit "sensitive" about him touching my stick??)

I hope I'm not too exhausted today like I was last night. I feel tired today. Had insomnia last night, didnt fall asleep till after 5am...and then kept waking up this morning, starting around 8am. I gave up getting any more sleep around 10am. Just trying now to get the energy up to take a shower.

I'm tired of all the drugs I keep getting Rx-ed for the weird MS symptoms. (the C isnt a big deal, but the baclofen, the neurontin, the flexeril, and the sleeping pills are not really helping me much) I'm not sure I want to tell the neuro about the exhaustion and leg weakness, mostly because I dont want another prescription that's going to cause me weird side effects and wont really help me much.

My mom actually seems to like getting presents at Christmas time. I have noticed that if I give her something I've made (crocheted her a shawl she never uses) she just puts it away...except for the scarf that I knitted for her. She's actually been wearing that.

It's just weird the things she'll get excited about. Give her a hand held solitaire game, and she'll carry that around for years. But give her something that took a bit more thought and it's hit or miss on something she'll like...

My dad told me this morning that my mom was not feeling good at all yesterday. (I think her steroids are making her sick) She doesnt have the greatest control over her temper (what control?) and went off...my dad said he could tell she was going to go off on something, he was just waiting to see what would set her off, which can usually be anything. (the weather sets her off. It's snowing right now, so she's upstairs, showing off how many swear words she knows. She HATES snow)


My boyfriend on the other hand...he doesnt seem to like Christmas or getting "Christmas" presents. He works in retail, so I think he just cant stand the season because he's on the wrong side of the cash register leading up to it, and getting kvetched at by all the people who get a bit...snippy...about their shopping. (I telemarketed at a place that takes calls for all the seen-on-tv crap for four years. I can relate to him a bit on that)

I hope he likes the present I bought him last night. I'm not calling it a Christmas present. I told him I bought him a Haunakah present instead. (neither of us are Jewish, and I'm not exactly sure when Haunakah is this year) I figured if I didnt call it a Christmas present, then he might like it better. I'm giving him his present today when we go out. I bought him bandannas. Four of them. He's ALWAYS got at least one bandanna with him. This is something he will really use. I didnt even get him any new exciting colors. (Kmart only had 3 colors anyways)

I usually buy him a knife of some sort (like I do with my dad...my dad either gets a knife, or a flashlight from me, or both) I hope he doesnt mind me getting him bandannas. (he didnt want anything at all, except to go out with me more often than we get to) I still wanted to give him something. Hopefully he'll like them.

Is it just me or is that incredibly rude? :eek: You are a better sister than I am. She'd have gotten dumped from my list long ago along with a lecture on being gracious.

I don't know, I was raised fairly poor so presents were a big deal no matter what they were. In any event I can not imagine not making a fuss over whatever gift I were to get no matter how weird. Then again I have been proud to wear macaroni necklaces made for me by my nephew.

One year when my sister was in her late teens (and at college) she asked for things that were incredibly expensive. My dad, the nice guy that he is would buy them for her. She'd open her presents on Christmas morning, be appropriately thankful for them.

Then she'd ask my dad for the receipts.

That's right...she took EVERYTHING back that she could return for the cash. (this was in the mid-to-late-80/early-90's before stores started to regularly give store credits instead of cash)

My dad was ticked. (I'd use a stronger word, but I think I'd get censored for it) If all she wanted was money, all she probably had to do was ask.

Oh, and she didnt just do this with stuff my parents bought her. Everything that she got at the family Christmas at my grandmother's house was returned too. Family members were not happy about it either. (she asked for the receipts right after opening the presents)

That was about the time my aunt's and uncle's stopped buying my sister and I presents. (we were the oldest of all the kids, but I was irritated that they quit getting me presents too. I was never rude and returned things. I kept all my presents! I even wore the things they gave me! But, I was happy when we started to exchange names, and would only have to buy one person a present a few years after that)

There have only been a few times where I returned something, or didnt use it, and that's been when someone has given me something I'm allergic to (potpourri, angora sweaters, perfume) I try to never let on that I cant use something I'm allergic to. It just gets regifted to someone that I know for certain will like it.

i am so sorry that your mom didn't live by the philosophy of "it's the thought that counts" ... i know it hurts ... you just have to remember and tell yourself ... it's not you ... you are a very kind and thoughtful person ... its a loving person who, even with the treatment you receive you are still willing to take her shopping ... bigs hugs

We were raised poor too, Jules.

She's ALWAYS been weird about birthdays, gifts and hair cuts ~ there's no pleasing her. When it comes to buying gifts, she is very generous and thoughtful, so it's not that she is the selfish type either. It must that these things dredge up some unresolved childhood issues or something. :p:confused:

We all know this about her . . . so like I said to Erin, all we can do is change our reaction (or quit buying :D).

Cherie

Arrrgh yes,those unresolved childhood things are the worst.


:Thats-Funneh: Glad I don't have any.

(Hopefully the above is clearly taken as tongue in cheek!)