Don't Like This!!!
 

I don't know what's wrong with me....okay, yeah, I'm good at giving the pep talks...not so good at listening to myself, I guess. I HATE this season...everything about it. I'm crying almost non-stop lately and I don't like it because usually I can hold it all in; it's just that right now, for some reason, I can't seem to. I hate the whole "family" thing....I'm looking backwards over life rather than forward because I don't see anything in front of me. I mean, the past wasn't great, but I just wish for a couple of things and 1 person; how simple is that??? There's just too much to think about and I try my best to not think. Hubby and I went to his big family dinner for Thanksgiving and that day was ok; I didn't go out of the house for the rest of the weekend. Yesterday I started taking meds which make me sleep just so I don't have to think anymore. I just think that it'll maybe be better if I can hang on until the middle of January and then all this family junk can be behind me. Why can't I just get on with things and cherish this time that I have rather than waste it like this? I mean, I know it isn't fair to hubby and that makes me sad because he deserves the world. Our son and dil have very little communication with us, for some reason. They keep our grandkids away and that has, more than once, torn my heart out. I don't let myself get close to them anymore. I love them to death, but I won't get close. I love our son but don't understand anything anymore....I can't even write anymore because this probably isn't making any sense and I can't stop crying. Sorry to be such a downer tonight.

I'm so sorry, hippiechick. Just thought I'd leave you some hugs. Hope things get better for you. :hug::hug::hug:

dear hip chick,

there is nothing wrong with you...

I think you are speaking for a lot of folks that might feel what you are feeling...

the holidays are supposed to be fun and festive and to bring us all together...

somehow, along the way, the true meanings behind it have become lost and then it has became an "excuse" for folks to not to be somewhere...

sometimes, those excuses could be legitimate, such as pains or emergencies...

what I've learned throughout the years is that communication is always the key...there always seems to be some sort of misunderstanding that always seem to escalate especially around the holidays or people using the holidays as "revenge time" so they can get back at the ones they love that they may felt have wronged them...

I know it might be hard to open up and talk about your feelings, but perhaps that IS what you might need to do get the "ghost" out and discuss that elephant/gorilla in the room...

you deserve to enjoy this holiday especially with all that you are going through...and your hubby as well...and it is OK to have your walls and your fears....

you have family in us...

if you don't feel up to talking or discussing it out with your family, please know that it is your right to do so...

if you DO feel up to discussing it out with your family, that may have unexpected results than you might anticipate...
either way, I hope you will be able to find some peace...

and please don't ever forget that we are here for you and that we wish you nothing but painfree and happiness...

I am so tired tonight and I am rambling, I may not be making any sense..I hope I had not offended you...

(((((BIG HUGS)))))

Sorry you are feeling in the dumps...

All I can say right now, is love and appreciate your husband and show that love to him.
Enjoy each other and forget about the "holiday" productions & issues".

((hippiechick))
 

((hippiechick)) You always make perfect sense to me:hug: I think with all you are facing in your future, looking upon your past is only natural. The good ol' days... it is a gift to be able to look back, cherish and remember. I think the key is that while doing so, we don't forget to live in the here and now. I'm guilty of doing that now too. Again I think it is a natural reaction.

I am glad you posted tonight :hug: This holiday season is unlike anything I have ever experienced. I was so bummed over Thanksgiving, that I didn't even have to say anything, my family could clearly see what I wasn't putting a voice to. We skipped the big family gathering, but we had dinner here for the kids sake. I made it, but it is odd, I STILL feel like I have the worst hangover. I can only assume it is emotion overload.

Now Christmas, has always been "my" holiday. I am one of those obnoxious people who decorate their whole yard, trees in every room, decorations galore. I flourished and glowed, it has always been truly magical to me.

Dad, now he hated all holidays, and Christmas was the worst. I never completely understood how that could be. I knew he lost his mom the day before Thanksgiving, I knew he was watching his brother die through Christmas, and I knew he died on New Years day............

Though I knew his pain was great, I didn't fully understand how the loss of those loved ones, could take all the happiness out of the holidays. He did still have so many who loved him, and whom he loved. I never understood how he couldn't miss them, but still treasure the season with all of us.

Now, now I do. The magic, it all gone now. I have lost others I loved, but none as close as Dad. I know many daughters are closer to their moms, but me, I was Daddy's little girl through and through. I have never lived more than 20 mins from him. He was simply everything to me. So, it only make sense that all the magic I have always felt, died with him. He has been a part of every single holiday I have ever had, HE was part of that magic. I am aware enough of my emotions to know the way he died plays a huge roll in this.

So ((Hippiechick)) I think you make perfect sense! I too wish to skip over the whole damn season. BAH HUMBUG !!!! I haven't cried since Thanksgiving morning. Not even when we went to get a tree........ I can only assume I can't cry, because I am going through another one of my "numb" periods.

I wish I had some words of wisdom regarding your son and grandchildren, but I have never had to deal with anything like this. I guess the best advice I could give is to always speak with your heart. I am so sorry you are in so much pain right now, if it helps at all.... you DO have family right here who care greatly. Big cyber ((HUGS)) and much love my friend:hug: Nikki

There are so many things that can come together to get us down.

But, sometimes our bodies are worn out in certain ways and that makes us feel depressed. If you have ridges on your fingernails or are losing your moons you may be feeling down because you are low on vitamin B12.

B12 gets used up quickly by stress. So if you're sad about not seeing your grandkids, that could be stressful enough to deplete your B12. Lots of things can be stressful, and it's not the same for everyone.

If you do have ridges or have lost your moons, take a look at a list of symptoms of low B12 and see if any are familiar. It's easy to get Methylcobalamin and replenish your body's supplies. I use the 5mg lozenges now, rather than B12 shots because it is so soooooooooo much nicer than the inch and a half long B12 needles.

(((((((((Hippiechick))))))))))))

hippiechick
 

I understand allot of what you are going through. At one time in my life,I felt like a book that was ripped in half. The second half of that book was my future. I felt like It was lost. It was a strange feeling,and it's hard to explain. I lost all perception of the future. I could see all of my past,and remembered the past. This caused me turmoil when it first happened. The future will unfold day,by day,so don't be troubled.

I also have been alone because of the way I perceive that other people are thinking about me. My condition was not understood when I was growing up. I was mistreated in many situations. Because of that I feel uncomfortable around other people also.

This time of the year is also cold,gray,and the dark comes so early. Many people feel depressed this time of year.

I asked another friend on the forum to please read Isaiah chapters 41-46. These chapters in the Bible talk about our future,and many other comforting words. Please read those chapters. I believe it will ease your pain a bit. BF:hug::hug::hug:

(((HippieChick))) Families make strange bedfellows at times. The same people who are "supposed" to love and support us when we are flat on our faces...suprise us by walking on us. I think the Holidays are especially hard because it isn't about the "reason for the season" it's about the hustle and bustle and $$$$ or the lack of it. And it's about longing for that elusive "something"....that's always been there, we just don't see it.

You really aren't alone because you are a part of this forum family and we are here to listen, to really hear with our hearts and to help you to your feet. :hug:

dear Hippiechick:hug:

There is an old saying in England that is so true.

'There's nought as queer as folk'

I am a true believer that as young children we inherit all our parents frailties, misgivings, and worst of all hang ups...............along with habits.


Saying that ...i only quote my own experience, as a child i recall a reasonably happy first hour of the day... then my dad crying in the kitchen..because he felt he had provided enough.......by lunch time a row would have developed...and by mid afternoon mmum went to bed......[i hated christmas]

As an adult i get stresed out over christmas and the cost of it all..financial and emotional..........i have worked over many christmas periods..which has added to family stress..[off c/eve and/c/day though this year in new year]

i think as the year draws to an end subconciously we reflect and ponder over the year past, and also tend to see repeated issues...we then find that the time of year is a huge barrier to inner happiness...

i have a plan i use every year ...on january 2nd we have another nice dinner...and have a playful day.........i like to see it as a preparing for a better year but not steeped in all the hustle and bustle of xmas and new year.

David

I remember you doing that last year David...a playful day..a fresh beginning. I like that! :hug:

I like that too ((David))

We never have had the burden many seem to have over expenses. Since I was old enough to work, we have drawn names. Each person only buys (or makes) a gift for one person. I of course do buy for the children, but it is never expected or "required". I am thankful my family never "commercialized" Christmas.

We use to have our huge family gathering on Christmas Day. As the family continued to grow making it harder to get the little ones up and away from their Santa gifts, about 10 years ago we decided to all get together on Christmas Eve instead.

Not being able to have children of my own, I would get up very early on Christmas day and go to my siblings houses to see their children open their gifts. After that Lynn and I would have our traditional Christmas breakfast, then we would head up to Dad's for dinner. It was just the four of us, Dad and Mom (step mom, but she IS my mom too) Lynn and I.

This was always my favorite part of Christmas. We didn't exchange gifts, we exchanged love. We were able to spend quiet, peaceful, time together -enjoying what we felt was the true meaning of Christmas. I will miss that most of all........

Today I took Moi's advice and talked to my DIL because she'd called early in the a.m. and left a very disturbing message about my grandson. I, eventually told her how the times they'd taken the kids away from us had hurt and she started screaming at me....I hung up. Later the son called and said that he hates us, his wife hates us, and the kids want NOTHING to do with us - ever. We will NEVER see the kids again, we are not his parents, he wants nothing from us - take him out of the will, etc. My heart is not only broken, I'm not even certain it's there anymore. The last time they took the kids away it was over 6 months and it was horrible. He said that, if we tried to contact them at Christmas, the presents would be thrown away. Grandson's birthday is a week after Christmas and I'm sure he'll wonder why we aren't coming to take him to dinner and to let him pick his present. The DIL has a habit of turning things around to her benefit and lies constantly so I have no idea what she told the son. At this point all I want to do is die and I feel incredibly trapped. On the one hand, I "need" to be here for hubby....but I just don't want to be here. I'm going to die anyway, what's the big deal? So I speed things up and I don't really see anything wrong with that. Yeah, the kid knows that the diagnosis was made a few years ago but he never believed it because I never let him see the "bad side" of the disease....I always managed to be around him when it was the rare good day. Now I don't care. I just feel so trapped and tired and I don't want to do this anymore. I don't see anything wrong with speeding up the process a little. At this point I think - know - that even God hates me. How can you argue with that???? I don't want to think anymore after today. There just doesn't seem like there's much left to say.

Hi Hippiechick, I don't post here very often but I have to respond to your last post. One of the reasons I do not post is I am often afraid of saying the wrong thing.

I know you feel that God hates you right now but I can with the most certainty tell you that He does not. God loves you, always will. Cry out to him at this most desperate time of need.

Your hubby needs you, your grandkids need you and yes even your son needs you. He may be a butthead right now but he still needs you. Please Please Please know that you are needed in this world. You never know when you can impact the life of another. Just as you have impacted me tonight.

For you...

http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com...=Poem/Poem.php

Let Him carry you...Sue:hug:

Hippiechick (((Hugs))) to you. God is right there with you. He loves you with a everlasting love. BF:hug::hug::hug:

oh no...

hip chick...I am so sorry that this happened to you...you did NOT deserve that...

I hope I can be blunt...

I still think you did the right thing...you have let out your feelings that has been bottled inside of you. You needed to let it out.

Maybe the timing wasn't the greatest but you did it and I hope that at least got the "vent" opened on your end...

Your son reacted badly and that is unacceptable. But I think it'll make him think. And I KNOW that he'll regret having said what he's said. I am not sure what all has happened before up to this point...but please give him some time to cool off and think about his actions...

please take this from a person who spent years hating his father, moi...

at least I thought I did...I said a lot of things that I shouldn't have said, and I have regretted a lot of them...

I wish I could take them all back now...a lot of the times, I was blindsided by things or other people...I was influenced by other forces and I didn't give my father enough chances nor did I tried hard enough when I thought I had tried my best...

I find myself thinking that I wish I had taken the time to back off instead of being in his face when I didn't needed to.

He and my mother had an arranged marriage and they were both miserable...I was just too influenced to butt out...it's hard...

I know your situation is different but perhaps there are many other factors or influences or things he's heard from others that aren't true about you and your hubby and the miscommunications happened way before this...

please don't give up...

like many have said, your husband needs you...and believe it or not, WE here have come to need you as well...you may not feel like it because you might feel like you are "new" here...

but when you posted, you have touched so many hearts with your post(s).

I know you touched me deeply...for you to tough it out even though every fiber in your being is telling you to give up...

and yet, you are here, you are fighting and you are sharing a part of you that is so deep...that I ache for you...

we need you here, selfishly...

but your family needs you more...every second that you are alive you are creating something for them...

each second is a footprint of you...and those footprints will be there forever for them...for your family...

you have opened the door...and I truly believe that if you leave it open, your son will come and walk through that door...right now, he is on the other side of the door and is afraid to walk through it...

don't try to reach over the door now to him, let him come to you...I believe in my heart that he will...

as for God...

you know, I am not an authority on God nor do I have the right to talk about God...

but in my heart, I believe that he does not hate..

there was a time when our daughter would call everyday and threaten that she wanted to kill herself...

she kept on saying that is what GOD told her...that God said it was OK for her to kill herself...she was telling us about the proof that she found, the four leaf clovers or some sort of sign or whatever...

and she used those "signs" as the "LOVE" of God...

I told her that she overlooked the most important thing...

when Jesus died for her on the cross...he showed her the greatest love...

he sacraficed himself for her...and that was LOVE that he showed...

not through four leaf clovers or some stupid signs...

I told her that because she told me of how deep her "faith" is...

I think it sank finally...

my point is IF we need proof of God and if we believe in the scripture....we don't need the proof anymore...

it said so right there in the passages...He loves you, he sent someone here to die for you...he loves all...

I totally believe in my heart that he loves you...

and you know what? Based on the replies that you've received...I believe it

He is saying that he loves you through each one of these angels (I am not an angel yet you are one of mine, now, hip chick) how much he loves you...

he's reaching out to you in this fashion...

you found this forum through a divine reason...you are here for a reason...you posted for a reason...

I am sorry that you took my stupid advice but for me, personally...I think that it is OK, cause you've opened some doors...

please don't give up yet, not on yourself, not on him,not on your hubby and your family...

stay with us, as long as you are able to...stay with us...

(((((BIG BIG HUGS)))))

much love,

moi

Take my hand..........
 

((hippiechick)) I have so much I want to say to you, but like Sue I worry sometimes that I will say the wrong thing... so the best I can do is follow the advice I gave you and speak from my heart :hug:

I am very sorry you were treated so badly by your son and DIL. I can't begin to understand how he could have said those things to you. Moi's reply was excellent and I agree with everything he said.. the only thing I can add is that in the future I would not talk to the DIL without your son also being there, this would put a stop to the manipulation and misunderstandings. I am so sorry you are hurting so badly, I can only imagine how painful this must be for you.:hug::hug:

What troubled me the most in your post was this
Firstly, I can't possibly know what you must feel having your diagnoses and having once felt the same way you do now.... I can't and wont judge you. while I can not know how you feel, I can relate to your husband.

My husband Lynn is also terminal, he has less time than you. Not only is Alzheimer's terminal, it has also robbed him of his memories, his identity and his very essence. It has been truly heartbreaking over the years watching the love of my life slip away from me inch by inch...... I know what lies ahead will be even harder....

Knowing this, does not change the fact that I love him and want him here with me as long as God will allow. Without knowing your husband, I can safely assure you, he feels the same way about you. Without a doubt! I know from your past posts the time line you were given..... ask yourself this.........if it were your husband who was ill, would you not want ALL the time you could have with him? Would you not want him to fight to stay with you? You have both been blessed to find each other and the love you have is a gift many long for. When it get too hard and it feels like you can't fight for yourself, fight for him.

I have typed and erased for almost two hours now............. this is very hard for me to reply to. I truly hope I have shown you how much I have come to care for you :hug: Please don't give up on yourself, don't let that "perfect storm" over take you. Remember you ARE loved, I love you :hug: when it seems like it is too much , Come here, talk with us... KEEP TALKING!!! Let us help you through this. :grouphug:

Hippiechick
 

Your life is precious. I love you. Your in the cradle of the palms of Gods hands. I'm sorry for your heartache. BF:hug::hug::hug:

Wow!! The love shown in this room is almost overwhelming! I can't add much to what the others have said HippieChick but a very wise woman, on another forum, recently said to many of us who are struggling,

We are not responsible for our adult childrens decisions!!

I couldn't respond to that immediately and still have a little problem with it because my adult son killed himself at age 31 and I have residual guilt about it....because I'm his mom...and moms' always feel responsible, we are just stuck with it.

You are an "easy" target because of that love..your son knows that you love him even when he's being such an idiot. He'll have to live with his poor choices and own them. And remember that time is a great healer. :hug:

You aren't alone....we all love you and are here for you.

Hippiechick... you are not alone in your feelings about this season.

I can't wait until its over.

You're not alone when it comes to estrangement in your family.
I walk a parallel path and no matter how much I try to figure it out, I can't.

:hug:

((hippiechick)) I keep thinking of you today:hug: I hope you check in, I do worry about you. I know it isn't "just" the season that has you so down, but I also know the season DOES exasperate these feelings. As ((Addy)) said you are not alone in this........ many of us here are struggling right now, me included. We can help each other :hug: Keep talking, we are here for you. I am here for you:hug:

I just need to add something I kept erasing earlier.... I was not blessed to be a parent, so I truly do not know how it feels to have your own child hurt you so, but I can imagine.:(

I am a product of a "broken home" so broken, I had to spend over two years in foster care. I know parents do things that can and do hurt their children. But, I also know, nobody wins when grudges and resentments are held onto. It takes work on both sides, trust is rebuilt, love is reborn. For me, even stronger than before. Family to me, is the single most important thing in this world. It will hurt to heal, it always does, but it soooooo worth fighting for. IMHO

Much MUCH love :hug: Nikki

I'd like to say that I'm going to be a "survivor" but at this moment I'm not sure I can. I left out last night that the son also asked why I don't just die and get it over with because the world will be a much better place without me in it. And he asked if I had dementia....well, no, I don't exactly....it's just with the MSA, nothing works quite right....that really hurt as much as the rest, I think. So, I'm awake right now, after a day of taking meds and sleeping, waking up, taking more and sleeping, waking up, taking more and sleeping....now I'm ready to go back to sleep. Makes it a little easier, I think; who knows? Yes, I appreciate that you think you care, but if someone who has known me all his life hates me, I don't believe that anyone else can. And right now I don't really think I want anyone to love me. I went through the same thing as a teen and it was about 10 years before I would even like anyone, much less love them. Maybe it's just where I am right now because I had a friend tell me that she loved me earlier today and that made me throw up....go figure that. I don't understand anything at this point except that I do not want to be here. And I'm stuck.

I'm so glad you've decided to be a survivor however temporary that might be HippieChick...as demonstrated here, a lot of people worry about you, care about what you are going though and are sending prayers and positive thoughts to hopefully help you.

I'm sorry your son has chosen to hurt you in this way...he sounds very immature and hurting himself. And we will continue to love you here...I'm afraid you're stuck with us! :grouphug:

...I have posted replys on your personal page, for now...:hug:

OK, enough of this crap....I've slept for 2 days and even that's boring!!!!! I guess I have to pull myself out of this somehow and go on. I mean, if Alffe says that I'm stuck with you, then so be it! Guess you're stuck with me, too. I do have to say, though, that this has totally thrown me for a loop and my heart truly doesn't feel like it's there. It's not so much that I even care about the son and definitely the dil - just the grandkids. I have no idea what she could have made out of the conversation and told them. That's the hardest part. But I have a lot of nieces and nephews and even two great nieces. (That part comes from having been born an "oops" baby with MUCH older brothers and sister) so I guess they can "take over".....no, it's not the same, but it will have to do. Anyway, today is better, although I'm totally wiped out. Tomorrow will be better than today, I trust and, eventualy, it'll be over. Hubby and I are going out of town the day after Christmas because, of course, we will have Christmas day with his family. His dad turned 80 this week and he's our big papa.......his birthday party is this weekend. These are going to be hard to go to but it will be good, too, that life goes on, even if some people choose not to be a part of it anymore. Thanks for sticking by me when I've been so awful the last couple of days or so. Yes, I do love you, all, too. Why can total strangers stick by a person when your own blood can't? I've never understood that, yet I've found that all my life. Just proves that water's thicker than blood!

Oh I'm just wild about you HippieChick! soooo glad it's some better and there is "stuff" to look forward to. :hug: :grouphug:

((hippiechick)) I wanted to reply earlier to your other post, but found I couldn't. I am soooo grateful to see your post today :hug: I'm wild about you too :D You ARE a fighter through and through, no doubt about it! I am happy that you were able to fight the dark, and yourself ,to make it to some light.:hug:

I like being stuck with you :hug: And hey, there are worse things to throw up from than being told you are loved ;) Having said that, I do hope you don't toss your cookies when I say I am glad to see you today and that I love you:hug: Nikki

Hey, Alffe, isn't an "young senior elder" member an oxymoron?????? And I'm just wild about you, too. Of course, I tend to run to the wild side anyway, I guess. At least lately.... It's been a really rough time the last couple of days but, since I really don't know what said dil said and I don't know what I'm fighting against, I guess I just have to let it go. Tomorrow my hubby is off work and I'm getting out of the house, hopefully. Not buying Christmas except for my FIL whom I adore. And hubby's only sis (we're the same age) is off work for the rest of the year...and I are making plans to take the train to see the Christmas lights, do lunches, etc. So, I'm not wasting time over something I can't change.....so there...boo-ya!

Sorry, I forgot to write to Nik...cookies are totally tossed. I could possibly take a chance on love, oh, alright, I love you, too. There, it's out, I'm a softie.....I can't stay down for that long. Who's the heavy duty pray-er out there, cause I'm thinking I must be surrounded by something! I tried and tried to sleep today and couldn't sleep. I still can't eat, but that's okay, I know it's coming sooner or later. I ate about 3 or 4 bites on Thanksgiving; I just have no appetite....I think I'm hibernating!!! It's like this every now and then. But yes I am a total fighter....have the gloves and everything to prove it...except that it's too cold for the shorts right now so I'm gonna have to fight in longjohns or something really heavy. I really hope you start feeling better. And I hope Lynn doesn't get sick. Did you get him to go for a walk with you? I remember when I used to work at the convent and took my 3 little nuns out for a walk....so funny. They had such a good time - they had no idea of what was going on out in the real world but they prayed constantly while we were walking. At least they kept me safe. I have to believe that all 11 of them who died while I was there are looking over me now. I loved them to pieces. They were like my best friends and absolutely hilarious. I probably have never laughed harder in my life and have nothing but the very best memories of them. I miss them so much because they became so much a part of me, and the sisters at the convent now are still a very big part of our lives. I don't see them that often, but they call and come out now and then and one of them and I have birthdays close together that we celebrate every year. Oops, ramblling. Penalty....sorry. More later. Anyway, I guess you know I'm better. Hugs

boo-ya? LOL...my life is maybe is an oxymoran. *grin..it's late and I'm off to bed...you have really made my day Hippie.. have fun tomorrow and you need to know that I LOVE trains!!

hippiechick, I was thinking of you and another board member last night.

My son phoned us and said that my DH and I had offended him and his wife. We talked a long time, hung up and then called back later and DH talked some more.

I said to my son that I know folks who have problems getting to visit their grandchildren b/c of bad feelings amongst the adults. I praised him for the phone call, rather than withdrawing. He didn't say anything ugly (thank goodness), and I think we mended the hurt feelings.

I think in his heart he knew that we would never intentionally exclude their cute little daughter from anything. But it appeared that we had, hence the phone call.

I hope that things improve with your family, hippiechick. Isn't it nice to have a supportive family here at NT? :) So happy that you are feeling better. You GO, girl!!! :D

Hi, everyone...there is no way in the world I could ever remember everyone's names, so rather than exclude anyone, you're all included in this: today was the BEST day!!!! Yup, I got outta the house, can you even believe that????? It was so cold...but fun. And, I decided that, rather than be sad about anything (here it comes, Alffe......) I'm joining "kick butt gym class".....hahahaha!!!!! If you can't join 'em, beat 'em. Oh, that's bad....I think I got that backwards. Did I really say that out loud???? Shame on me - and at Christmas time! Ooops....guess Santa won't leave anything under my tree. Twink, I'm really glad that you were able to mend fences with your son. That's a good thing. I'm glad that a beautiful little girl wasn't put in the middle and hurt by everything. That's really good and I'm very happy for you. I am so very, very blessed to have family here, there, and everywhere by just being here. We all are. For some reason, we're all here, at this time, in this place, at this stage in our lives....now, how cool is THAT?????

((Hippiechick)) You either having me crying or laughing my butt off! :D I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy that you had such a great day!! It IS good to get out of the house every now and then isn't it!! Back when Lynn was able to work and I was here all alone, my sis use to come down and DRAG me out. I was bummed out and didn't want to, but she use to say, NIK!!! even the rugs get taken out every once in a while, now don't make me beat you, like I do them! LOL

:hug:Love you too, and so glad to see you more upbeat. We are always here for you. I know all too soon, we could be down again, if you feel it coming on, come here, or IM me!!!:hug: That is the fighter in you that wont let you stay down too long!!

That is very cool!! You have me grinning here HippieChick....:D
Is that 80th birthday party today??? :hug:

...love you bunches hipchick....stay warm....:hug:

(((Hippiechick))) Your higher power loves you and is right there guiding you even when you think not. Just keep loving and living each day as it comes to you the best that you can and all else will fall into place. Much love and hugs. :hug:

Why do you think God would hate you?

Hmmmm...this is an older post Consider when Hippie was having a bad day and hurting. She's feeling much better and is surrounded by our love. :grouphug:

How are you....aside from a B12 answer. *grin I hope you are well. :hug:

Yes, Alffe, the party was today....5 (12"x15") pans of chicken pot pies made by sis in law # 4 and a huge cake. It was lots of fun and, of course, my FIL just loved it. We do it every year for him. My saintly MIL started it when all of their kids were small and know they all have their own kids and some of them have grandkids. But it was a houseful - again! Same house as Thanksgiving! I have done more shopping in the past 3 days than I've done in a long time and yet I've not bought a thing, well, except for my FIL. He's very hard to buy for because he has everything he says he wants and gives NO clues. We always buy close captioned movies because he's completely lost his hearing from working in the plant for 42 years; same place hubby works. His hearing just happens to be "selective" - for instance, when we're in the car and he's the driver and I'm the passenger - just happens to affect his right ear at that particular moment!!!! Go figure. Seems a bit suspicious to me. Im a thinking he's trying to pull something over on me already and it's not working. I wasn't born yesterday, unfortunately. To Doody: I know my higher power is looking out for me and I am praying constantly for a forgiving heart. I know the grandkids will be okay. I just need to be back to myself and not become hardened by this because that would be easy to do. I keep praying every time I feel myself start to think about it....I have to forgive. And to Consider This: My nails are fine and, as far as I know, my CBC is fine, too. Or as much as can be expected at this point. I don't go to the doc too often because I tend to get admitted to the hospital very often and I try to avoid that as much as possible. I'd prefer home health or hospice to take care of me at home. Hospitals are too sterile and cold. And to Mistiis and Nik: Love you bunches, bunches, bunches, too!!!!!!!!!

Ummmmmm, Hippiechick...what are the chances of getting that chicken pot pie recipe.........:D I love chicken pot pie. Ok...off to bed..long hard day but sil is here and loved the chocolate icebox cake...her moms recipe.
Hugs for the room...:grouphug: Especially our Abbie...:hug: