Having a hard time....
 

I didn't want to do this but I'm having a hard time and need support from my online family.

I feel like I'm being pulled to pieces from all my family members. I'm only one person. How can I do this...?

I also need to start to come down from my higher dose of pain meds. They gave me something less powerful but it doesn’t seem to be working as well and I’m a bit impatient. I'm trying but I'm in so much pain. My OBGYN used to say when having my kids…” bite a bullet Tammy”.

I do have a lot more fibro and arthritis pain this year than usual. I'm not on anything for them...taking Aleve. I do take Neurontin but I can't use it during a day when I need to be functional...drive...take care which is almost all the time.

I hate to start a thread like this because I know you all have better things to do. I'm not trying to pull a poor old me...I just am having a hard time.

I love you all and the support you give the Olhipie and me. Take a Xanax he says…guess I will…:hug:

Hugs to you all!
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Oh, Tammi, it takes so much strength to ask for help and support, and I am so glad that you did. We love you so much. And pain is a terrible animal to live with constantly. And, unfortunately, the meds like neurontin, do interfere with our ability to function. And when you have a lot of people depending on you, that becomes a factor. But, there does have to be a balance. Or you will eventually go down, and not be able to help anyone anymore. Yes, take a Xanac when you need to. I know its hard to do, and that you don't want to, but, sometimes, it is just necessary. The stress levels just get to be toooooo much!!!! And we need some extra help and the emotional rest that can come with it. I don't know what meds you are on, so I can't really help there, but please feel free to pm me anytime, and I will offer what I can. I do have some ideas on some natural things that may help you, that I use. Just let me know and we can pm each other about it. Hang in there, and I am sure you will get some more support from your loving family here... leaving you lots and lots of :hug::hug::hug:ssss and prayers. BTW, I deal with fibro and arthritis too, as well as back and spine problems, so I do have some understanding of it. luv u bunches dear friend.

Absolutely tammi...listen to Mistiis...take a xanax...we are here for you. :hug: Pain is such a constant companion at times..who needs that kind of companion?!!

Biting the bullet all the time sucks!! :grouphug:

(((Tamiloo)))

Sounds as if you've got too many things happening at once there. Is there some way that you can postpone decreasing your pain meds at this time... even for a week, so that you aren't feeling edgy and yukky while you're dealing with what's going on with your family members and other things there.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain and sorry you're feeling so low. I hope that you're feeling stronger soon. Rest assured also, that around here no one is going to think you're "trying to pull a poor old me." (quoting yourself ;) ) Naughty tamiloo for thinking we might! LOL You need some rest by the sound of it... any chance of some of that? :sunchair:

Tami

Who decided you needed to come down from your higher doses of pain meds? You or your Doc??

Don't reduce too quickly. You will get sick! I know from experience. I was sick of taking pain meds all the time and decided to stop cold turkey! BIG MISTAKE.

You really need to do a gradual taper. I'm sure you know all this, I just hate to see anyne suffer like I did because I didn't know any better.

I understand wanting to reduce pain meds, however if you are in pain you still need them. Give yourself time to get better. Pain will hamper healing!

Dottie:hug:

Oh (((Ms. Loo))), I am holding you close in my heart. And yes, I have no doubt that fibro has gone mad. Any kind of surgery flares that stuff up like fire. Every time I've had surgery my primary doc always warns me to be prepared for a flare. It's such a shock to your body.

And yes, I wonder too about tapering off those meds! It's true, our bodies get addicted to those narcotics, as wonderful as they are for the intense pain.

I love you. Now take good care of yourself and rest as much as possible! :hug:

Listen to dear Doody Tammi, what you need is some more of that 'me' time. You are always doing for everybody else. You need to do something fun for yourself, whatever that is. I know its hard to do sometimes, and guilt can keep us from it, but it is absolutely necessary. So, please get some 'me' time. You help others in the long run by doing that, because then you will be stronger. You have a lot of emotional stuff pulling on you right now and that can also increase the fibro and physical pain cycle. Maybe you could get some extra help at home? more :hug::hug::hug:ssss for you.

Tamiloo, I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time, it sucks, I know. Also fibro, ewww. I am a chronic pain person too, fell on my head and blew out a bunch of disks in my cervical spine and my C-spine has a slight reverse curve. Just another hic-up in this journey called life.

Sounds like you have one hectic life..I remember that, and I cringe as I type this, but I miss it. I was married, raising my 2 grand-buddies, worked full time. Well you know the story, a bunch of work. You do need to take some time out for you though. hard as it may be sometimes.

Im here to listen if you ever need an ear, but hopefully you are just realxing and the day has gotten easier and tomorrow looks brighter.

Sorry you're having a tough time Tami! :hug::hug::hug: I hope you can get a handle on the pain... :(

Maybe when the weather warms a bit it will let up?

Also, I hope your family will give you a break. :hug:

Yea Xanax! It can be a life saver. Don't be a hero!

Tamiloo....."you cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside" Dr.Wayne Dyer....

don't know if that helped any...:Dunno:

will think of you, and send postive energy your way

Gentle hugs of support coming your way dear Tammy :hug:

Awwww, so sorry Tammiloo. :(

I've often wondered how you do that whole Superwoman thang day after day. I've been having to lift my Dad and can feel it in my lower back. I wonder how you do it with spina bifida? :confused:

Keeping you and the Olhipie in my prayers. Take care of yourself and be well, my friend. :hug:

My thanks to all of you for your support. You have know idea...yes you all know how much it helps to have support from those who may feel the same way or at least understand.

Don't know what I would do without my online fam!!:grouphug:
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Tamiloo - prayed for you last night and got up hoping you were feeling better. :hug: The prayers will continue

I feeling better than I did earlier today...wait a minute its tomorrow.

I have been having problems with falling asleep but once I get there I have a hard time waking up...:wink:

Thanks so much for the prayers...I do know they are working my dear!!:)

Yes (((Ms. Loo))), stuff like that make the fibro berry berry mad, for sure.

I also know now for certainty that the weather is playing a major role here with me. With the horrible cold snap and up and down weather patterns this last month, it's been misery!

Stock up on some epsom salts and really soak in some nice hot baths. Give yourself 15-20 minutes per soak.

Aren't the NT people amazing?

:hug:

Yes the NT family is fantastic. I do know that weather does play a part with fibro pain. I can feel a storm as it is creeping over Nevada...

I haven't been up long enough to know how I'm going to feel. Need to medicate now...:hug:

:hug: for Tamiloo...

everyone's right... a *slow* withdrawal from pain medication, or lowering of dosage, or you risk worse, and probably right now isn't such a good time to be trying big reductions. if you're still hurting bdly, you clearly still need the medicine.

:hug:

(((((Tammy))))) Got that overwhelming feeling eh? Zanax does help. Go ahead, I'll pop one with you. :hug:

hey hun, missed this one...but wanted to catch up and send you HUGSSSSSSS

hugss dear, sorry about the pain, neurontin works for me, daily and still functional...maybe something else would work better for you. I had tried lyrica, and wow...high as a kite and not functional easily on it, even after giving it time...so got off that...now on neurontin and helps a LOT.

hugssss,sarah

Tammy :hug: I could have written that. Care giving is the single hardest job I have ever had to do. Caring for Mom is easier than caring for Lynn in many ways, the most important being that she doesn't have Alzheimer's and knows who I am. She is being grumpy and a bit difficult, but as I keep telling my family, how would you feel if you knew you were dying? Cut her some damn slack.

I was wondering the other day, when I hurt my back lifting her, do you have to do this with your DH? :eek: I sure hope not! I can't remember do you have any help coming in to aid you? Mom is being just as stubborn as Lynn about not allowing "out siders" to come in and help her. It makes it so hard on the family, but I imagine they just can't see that. I sure can!

You know I had to smile at your post.... I am thinking you are frustrated with your pain in much the same way I am. It gets in the way of your care giving. I have to laugh when people tell me to take a break, go on vacation, make time for me. In a dream world, this would work... but reality is when you are needed 24/7 there is no room for you. There just isn't.

My baths are my only escape. ((BMW)) sent me some calgon and other goodies... you should have heard me laugh when I opened that box!!! Such a perfect gifty :hug: Do you have any thing like you can do to "escape" for a little bit each day? It is such a simple thing, but it does help. I keep waiting for calgon, or a cowboy to take me away :D

Thinking of you Tammy :hug:

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People tell me this all the time but it's not a reality for me either. First, Jim requires 24/7 care and leaving him for a hour just to get a haircut or get groceries is stressful because I am always worried what if something happens. Plus, I enjoy his company so much that going places without him feels strange. Going out with the girls as I am always told I should do doesn't appeal to me either. I did that back in the day and I guess getting older changes one's perspective about things. Maybe the fact that I almost lost him once plays a part in my thinking, who knows. All I do know is I am OK with the way things are. It is stressful but honestly, sometimes it's all the other family members who stress me more than taking care of Jim. lol There are days I want to just scream "Leave us alone!" :p

Well, I guess I was one who suggested some rest or time out. People who suggest those thoughts of things mean well. I don't believe it's totally unrealistic. I think that sometimes people can see the weight being carried and if they put themselves in the other person's shoes then they feel they might not be able to manage. :Sinking:

I actually don't know everyone's personal situation or whether there are other relatives or friends or support networks available to each and every one of you all. I do know though that when I was in situations where I did urgently need some rest there was no-one available to give it and to complicate matters I didn't know where to look for it or ask for it plus I'm not good at asking for help anyway. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

It might sound unrealistic to suggest that a person who is giving 100% of themselves to care for another or others gets some rest or 'me' time, but sometimes we just have to. In a situation that I was in, I figure I would have died otherwise from physical and emotional fatigue, ill health and burnout.

Taking a bath is excellent 'me' time (although some people might only have a shower). Try some epsom salts in the bath and it'll be very relaxing. Light a candle even... Try essential oil burners. Try Rescue Remedy.

There are also some excellent relaxation cds available these days and of course there's the old relaxation exercize where you lie down and close your eyes and tense then release the muscles starting at the tippy toes and going allll the way slowly but surely through each muscle group until you get to the head. Can be done really slowly or can be done faster, but after it's done then it's a re-charge for a bit longer. All of those things can be restful or 'me time'. Doesn't have to be for hours... can just be for 10 minutes. The benefits last much longer though I've found.

:grouphug:

((Lara)) I certainly didn't mean that as slam to you! You are right! Rest and me time are the only tools we have to help cope. I was more laughing at my doctors, friends and family who keep telling me I need a vacation. Me time, a bath, listening to a song as loud as I can and singing along just as loud, reading a book while he sleeps... those are my -me times. A vacation? It IS what I truly need... but it isn't going to happen. When these people say you need a vacation!! I say ok! You watch Lynn and I will go! LOL yeah that is not going to happen, and that is why I have to laugh.

Sandy and Tammy... sigh....... I am so far from where you are now. I USE to enjoy caring for Lynn in the same way you both care for your dear husbands. I considered it an honor and I did it with love in my heart. The difference is you still have your DH's minds. Mine no longer knows who I am..... he is abusive.... and this stranger who has taken over my husband.. I do not love. My husband is truly dead to me....:Sob: I am a married widow, married to a ghost... facing this was among the hardest thing I have ever done.... sigh. Hang on tightly to them :hug: :hug: Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers:hug: Nikki

(((Lara))) I knew what you meant and saw what you saw, but see!...the written word can be misleading.

Of course we all mean well. And yes, we all have to take time for ourselves or we simply would fall apart at the seams.

I keep my bathroom stocked with epsom salts and candles. :) :hug:

(((Everyone)))

So...how was the pizza Doody. :D

Tammi...hope you are calling the dr. today.

Lara...love that titanic icon! :p

((((Lara)))) I am sorry too. I only meant that "getting away physically" is not an option. You should see me in the car when no one is looking and I become the latest greatest singer! lol

Nik-key, ((((Nik-key)))) I am so sorry your in that position. I too am praying for you as well. :hug:

Oh gosh. Hey everyone, I didn't feel it was directed at me personally at all. I was just writing my thoughts. I've not been in the same exact situation as you all but I sure have been a full time carer and had people including doctors suggesting I do this and do that... like go for a walk or run for an hour or so before breakfast.

Heck, I couldn't even get to go to the toilet alone, let alone leave the flipping house!!! lol I needed to go to emergency after I had a terrible fall one time and couldn't even go because I had 2 young children (one of them on autism spectrum), I was a single mother , and had absolutely no-one to care for them just to look after myself. Gosh, I understand alrightie.

I totally hear you all. I do think that sometimes people say things with the best intentions and I do think there are others (often family or professionals sadly) who just don't think when they say it and without really understanding that there is only 1 of you.

It would be nice though if there were 2 of us and that way 1 could stay behind while the other went and got their hair done, or whatever. ;)

You all shouldn't worry so much. Try not to read into things that which doesn't exist LOL ;) I didn't take anything that was said before I posted as if directed personally. Believe me.

:grouphug:

Good! And I believe :D

It is so hard isn't it? I remember when I had my first TIA stroke, I checked myself out of the hospital as I HAD to be home with my husband. I grabbed his hand and said lets go hun and we left. Security caught up with me in the parking lot trying to convince me I had to stay. They were sweet, but they just didn't get it.

The next morning I got a call from social services :eek: I know their hearts were in the right place, but at the time I was offended. Now, I am extremely grateful for the assistance they have offered. After my mom became ill, I had another TIA....It is scary when you are on the floor stroking out and your DH can't use the phone, and even if he could.. what good would it do? Who would care for him? I have to say, this is what made me finally see that I had to consider placing him. I can't leave him alone for 2 minutes say nothing about an hour.. so yeah LOVE your idea of two of us giving each other breaks. Now that would work!!! :hug:

We went to a lawyer today, his guardian ad litem.. for the guardianship hearing. Poor bugger, thought it was some time in the 50's- thought Roosevelt was president- I was his mother- he was 19- he had no children.... acccccccccck!!!!

You're doing hard stuff Lara. It sure does seem like life isn't always fair.

Thinking of you Tammy :hug: Broken any plates lately? :D

hi Tammilulu sis

hoping things are better for you today...I love seeing how everyone came and posted and supported you and it just just just warms my heart...

news lately have been really getting me down as I am sure others...but coming here and seeing that you are surrounded by love, touches me deeply...

I'll add my two cents...

I think life is such a thing that it is never dull thus never the same...

there might be times in your life that you will be pulled from all directions...

during that time, you may only want to vent but NOT get away from the pulls because you feel you can't...

there might be times that all you WANT to do is get away...and run away from it all...but you can't because you just can't...

and of course there are many other variables and equations and well, there just is...

I can see things from all sides, and your current situation is what will dictate you and let you decide what you want to do and listen to. And there will be advices that you may not want to hear at this point but that will be OK...

because it has been said and there will be a time that when things settle that what was true then will now be a false and what was said then that you didn't agree with will now be the truth...

life's funny that way....

I can remember when my father was so sick and my mom and I were both working multiple jobs and taking care of him and it just felt like the world was going to end...

I can remember all I wanted to do was just vent and not hearing what others have to say..I simply just wanted to vent...

nevertheless, advices were given that I really didn't wanted to hear at the time and at times it would kind of get on my nerves...but deep inside,I knew it came from a good perspective and from the point of good will..

and later on, when things calmed down and he passed away, those advices became true...

You have a love that is grand and you are a wonderful person. I think the people that are pulling you knows that and they KNOW that you will take care of them...

perhaps, there will be a time when you will be able to say "NO" to them...

maybe it won't be now...maybe it won't be ever...but maybe keep that "NO" in the back of your mind and know that it's OK to say "NO" to them and know that they'll get over it...

((((BIG HUGS))))

Oh, thank you all so much for your support…I don’t usually try to give thanks all in one post but here goes…hang on…and slap me up the side of my head if I have forgotten anyone!!

Nikki, I haven’t broken plates yet…not today anyway. You are always in my heart and prayers. I’m so sorry that your husband isn’t present in your life. Craig has moments…that’s, all I’ll call them. His short-term memory is getting worse, nothing at all like your husbands.

Barbo, I have a Xanax on broad and also one PK…killer of pain…ha!! Need more…walking to night stand, looking at my options….hmmm…crying pain or just taking care of me pain…the big guns, crying pain. Take one and a muscle relaxer…gulp!! Now let’s see what happens.

Drea, thanks for positive energy! Its helps!:hug:

Mistiis, my spiritual sister, thank you for all you love and caring…

Twink…thanks!! Can’t wait to go to the little couple’s workshop with you and your main squeeze…:yahoo:

Wren, thank you for your prayers…I do feel all the prayers or I would be stumbling all the time.:thud:

Doody, thanks for the info on fibro. I have always wondered about the cold…I have this huge tub…takes a long time to fill…we could all get in together. I think I have used it maybe five times since we built the home…10 years…I’ll work on it…http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/j...s/36_2_711.gif

Addy, thank you for your gentle hugs…:hug:

Ewizbeth, I’m so waiting for the weather to warm up…I know it will help. My daughter has taken it upon herself to do my house work…she says he can’t believe how many plates we use…:Hum:

Xienite, we do have a lot in common…except my grandchildren are my daughters dogs…Daisy Mae and Brody…a Pit and a Boxer…they are so wonderful…talk about long tongues…good face washes every time they are here! By the way Pits get a bad rap because their owners have made them angry. Brody, the pit will hide in my closet when we have a thunder storm or fireworks. Enough about the Grandpups.

Jaded2nite, my doc made the disicion to come down on the meds. He is giving me three months to be totally be of my, what I call…the killer of pain. He did give me the drug that he would rather me be on so I can’t try to make the transition over. But how do I do it….:Ponder:

Sandy, thanks for popping a Xanax with me…Sandy getting away for us 24/7 care-partners is going to the bathroom with as Craig calls it, the intellectual section of the paper…the funnies. http://i275.photobucket.com/albums/j...ys/10_4_61.gif

Sabimax, I know that the Neurontin helps however I guess I need to titrate up slowly. My system is sometime very overly sensitive to meds. The Olhipie tells me that I would have been a cheap date…one beer and I would have been out…lol

Alffe, I did call the doc and I won’t be able to get in until maybe April…well guess who is looking for a new Rhumo doc? My hands were hurting so badly last night I warmed up what I call my rice bag and just wrapped my hands up in it until it went cold and then warmed it again.

Lara, I do get to go to the toilet alone…most of the time. My kids think it is the conference room…teehee. Who gets to be first to go for the hair done stuff? Pick me…:trampoline:

CayoKay, thank for the advise on withdrawal of my meds…so how do you do that? Please let me know how to go about? I’m serious…my dear friend.:hug:

My lil bro…the other day my Olhipie asked me if I wanted to drive a couple counties away and stay in a hotel. I told him the same thing you did…Quote Moi…”there might be times that all you WANT to do is get away...and run away from it all...but you can't because you just can't...” I used to be able to say no to those asking for a favor…what happened to me? :confused:

I have never done this before…trying to put all your thoughts that helped me on page before because I don’t want to forget anyone…let me know if I forget you??

I love and appreciate all my SOS family…:grouphug:

((((Tammy)))) Love ya!

Now tell me the truth Tammi...you worked off a list! Right??? :D :hug: