I really need your input!!
 

Okay!!!! Back again.

Friend is still drinking. Her son is still drinking. blah blah.

However, something new happened on Saturday.

We live in different states so I couldn't be there.

They did an intervention on my friend. She's 58. Who did the intervention? He husband, the alcoholic son, and some other friends.

She phoned me later in the evening and said "I just had my intervention".

I had no idea what she was talking about.

Then she said her son "gave it to her in spades". I replied "but he's an alcoholic, HE CAN DO INTERVENTIONS??"

She said "apparently so".

So she explained how everybody told her they were concerned and about her behavior when she drinks, etc. etc.

Then she told me "I really learned something tonight, I learned that they really care for me, and I'm going to do something about this".

I said "are you going to go into detox and then into rehab?" and she said "Yes, I defninitely will do this".

Tonight she called me and we were talking and I said "so what's up? are you doing what you said you were going to do?"

And she hits me with "well, I never said I would do it, only I would do it when I felt I was ready to do it'.

I knew immediately that IT WAS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

She then said "oh for god's sake, what's wrong with a couple of belts at night?"

I gave it to her (didn't lose my temper), but I reminded her of the intervention and what everybody said, and what SHE HERSELF told me.

The she hit me with "well, when you were fat, no one could talk to you" "you weren't ready".

I then replied "this has nothing to do with me".

She then gave all sorts of excuses, so I said "I have to go now".


then she tried calling me two more times (I was on another phone call), and I then returned her call.

She was crying and pleading for me not to abandon her.

I said 'You have got to be kidding, you make promises, you say things, then you rationalize what you do". She then got defensive and I put it simply.

"People cared enough about you to stage an intervention. You said you understood that you have a problem, and that you are going for help, then you turn the whole thing around and try and blame everyone else".

I then said "I have to go and cook".

Here's my dilemma.

I know where she is going with this. She's NOT GOING TO GET HELP.

She drank last night. She told me so. I knew she would.

She is now saying things like "so what's the big deal if I do a couple of belts at night"???

Would someone please tell me how I am supposed to react to this? Because I haven't got a clue.

If she calls me, I'm not going to bring up anything. But if she starts slurring and is obviously plastered, I'm going to say "I have to go".

And if she is NOT PLASTERED, do I just continue to maintain a normal friendship with her?

Because this is not NORMAL.

I really don't know what to do. Her family got involved, the alcoholic son got involved (I'm still trying to wrap my head around this).

Please, I need to know the correct thing to do when she calls me.

Am I to say "sorry can't speak to you until you get clean and sober".

I don't know if I have the right to do this, (would being a good friend call for me to do this?")

What happened tonight has never happened before.

It's like a cross roads.

Anyone else ever have this happen? I'm sure it has happened to some of you.

I'd like to know what YOU think a friend should do.

Thanks much

Melody

Melody, what a predicament you are in!

I'll pass along the best advice I was ever given.

My son was going to get arrested and have to go to jail if I didn't DO something. I cornered my clergyman and waah waahed to him nonstop for about 20 min. When I finally ran outta things to say, I asked, "So what should I do?"

He smiled and calmly said, "Just love'em." He didn't elaborate and he didn't need to. I knew it wasn't up to ME to bail the kid out, and that he needed to suffer the consequences so he could learn from his mistakes.

That's been a lot of years ago. My dear clergyman has since passed away, but I've always remembered that good advice.

Mel, you don't have to save your friend. Just love her.

Twinks:

I've been "loving" her for 3 years. Including all the times her son has been hospitalized for pancreatitis, and all the fights.

It's not easy being on the phone every single night with someone who cries constantly and then drinks themselves into oblivion.

I know about "not rescuing" anyone. Believe me, I KNOW!!!

No one can help her.

But I just want a simple reply to give her when she calls me and she's belligerant, starts blaming me for her woes, starts bringing up my former obesity and says stuff like 'well, you wouldn't listen to anyone, you took your sweet time to lose your weight". blah blah.

I know that when people are active in their addiction, that they say these things. I know this.

I also know that at my age, I really don't want to go through this.

I'm in a good peaceful place. Took me a long time to get where I am.

I care about myself, about Alan and we take care of each other.

I grow my sprouts, I take excellent care of us.

I really don't want to hear ranting and raving any more.

I just need a good "reply" for when she calls and says: "don't abandon me'.

By the way, she called two times tonight and she'll continue to do this "leave crying messages on the phone". Alan said quietly to me "I heard her" I did return one phone call.

I just can't keep doing this any more.

Puleeeeze.

Melody

Hmmmmm....

What if you said, "Honey, you know I love you. I'll be glad to help you when you begin helping yourself. Call me back when you're ready to take this seriously -- your family does."

I dunno. Just the first thing that popped in my head.

Hey, CayoKay? Where are you?

Mel, Kay had a very very needy friend for several months. I'll bet she could enlighten you. :hug:

"sorry, but I'm not going to talk with you when you are in this state of mind"
or
"oh someone is at the door , I'll call you when i have time"

or
" I'll only talk with you when You are not drunk"

screen your calls - and if she keeps calling - turn off your ringer for awhile

eventually she will give up
sometimes you have to let old friendships slide by the wayside , esp if they are negative and stressful

I hope she doesn't drive while drunk...
if she isn't ready to stop drinking ....she is an adult & it's her choice

If she won't dry out for her family then there's nothing much anyone can do

Oh my god, how sad is this?

She's going to lose EVERYBODY!!

She told me the other day. "There is no happiness in this house, no one is nice to me, no one cares for me, I just want peace"

I said "We've been dancing to this tune for over 3 years. I know you went through hell, but your coping mechanism is NOT going to work for you.

You need to dry out, get help and face the new day. And there will be a new day. You can meet new people (in exactly the same situation you are now in).

She has numbers of rehab places (for her son), and he won't go.

I said "your son has to clean up his own act, THIS IS YOU WE ARE TALKING ABOUT'.

Then she asks me "do you think I can do this, I don't want to face the pain, I don't want to do it cold turkey, I am weak".

I simply say "who said you need to do this cold turkey". "There are people who will help you, but you need to make the first move, THEN I SAID"

"Now stop talking about it, because all this is just noise (I read that once).

"Get yourself clean and sober, and take back your health".

"Nothing tastes great like the taste of good health".

She just says "But I'm afraid, I'm afraid".



.........I'm going to say what either Twinks or Jo-mar suggested.

I'm copying and pasting and printing it out.

Hard to do (I've known her over 35 years.)

Thanks much my friends.

Melody

I have no words of wisdom.

I have no pithy sayings, for when they call drunk and pleading.

all I have is a hole in my heart, because I decided NEVER to be a co-dependent again.

I decided to STOP being a listening post, constantly absorbing their pain, and tolerating their verbal abuse, while offering sympathy and understanding.

I decided that I must take care of myself and my children first.

painful, but necessary, with my MS, but it had to be done.

and now I regret it, because my brother is dead.

two years ago, Daniel drank himself into a coma, swallowed his own vomit, and asphyxiated.

by then, I hadn't spoken to him for several years.

I did everything I could, interventions, letting him (and his 2 kids) stay with us, untold thousands of hours of phone calls, helped him through two divorces, babysat for days at a time, helped him move house, bought hiim food, paid his bills, until I was so frazzled I couldn't see straight.

I'm a good co-dependent.

my ten-year relationship with Mark went down the toilet because he couldn't stop drinking beer... and I'm not talking a little, this is two to four six packs a NIGHT !!

Mark blamed his drinking on me, saying that he felt helpless watching the MS eat away at my body, my brain, and my life... and almost had me convinced it was all my fault.... so I finally left him, in 1996.

my sister Karen was a junkie, and now calls herself "clean" because now she only abuses Rx meds and booze (*sigh*)

I bailed her out of jail, let her stay with me, until she overdosed on my meds (what kind of sister STEALS your medicines?), then I tossed her into the hospital, and have never spoken to her again...

Karen knows that I am here for her, and that I LOVE her always, but I just cannot DO any more for her, she has to help herself.

my mother was a boozer for 20 years... MOM pulled herself out of it, with her own bootstraps, and the help of AA... and went on to have a good life, free from the albatross of alcohol.

Mom became my best friend, guiding me through all the MRIs and med decisions, and became my pillar of strength.

Mom passed away from lung cancer in 1998... so, after all that work to get clean and sober, she succumbs to another addiction, cigarettes.

:(

so, you can SEE why I have no words of wisdom, only confusion, pain, loss, and heartbreak.

prayers for you Melody, and your friend... that's all I can offer.

Hi there:

First of all, I'd like to give you a hug!! Several hugs because we all need hugs from time to time.

:hug::hug::hug::hug:

You've certainly have had your share of family and friends with addictive personalities haven't you.

I'd like to share my story with you.

I had a verbally abusive mother and a really loving father. I once wondered "why on earth does he stay with her"?

I always thought EVERY 12 YEAR OLD KID COMES HOME FROM SCHOOL TO FIND THEIR MOTHER WITH A GLASS OF SCOTCH SITTING AT THE KITCHEN TABLE, RIGHT?"

That was what I grew up thinking. I really didn't know anything about alcoholism, co-dependancy, etc.

I never liked the taste of alcohol so I never drank. I DID EAT!!! Blew up to 300 lbs by the time I was 40. Killed my knees and got diabetes.

Didn't get the light bulb moment until years later, but I got it and it took!!

I've lost friends to lung cancer, anorexia, obesity, you name it, they all had their THINGS!!

Oddly enough, I'm the only one of them who GOT IT!!! They resented me for it, but I understood. I never preached. I knew enough not to. They had to find their own way.

I got tired of going to funerals.

My own mom, drank herself silly until she was 79 (and looked 100). She got emphasema from the 5 pack a day habit). When I went to see her, she asked me to go and buy her a pack of cigarettes. I opened her handbag and told her 'you have 28 packs (I counted them". She said 'oh".

I asked her doctor and he said "the nicotine is in her brain, she can't quit now". I said 'oh , I know this".

But what really got me, was when I visited her (we lived in different states, in the nursing home where she and my dad resided (they actually allowed them to reside in the same room in the nursing home), UNTIL, my father could not take my mother's abuse any more, and they shipped her to The Sunshine Home, where they promptly lost her.

And here was I, in Brooklyn, NY, flat on my back with sciatica, trying to hunt down my,...then 78 year old, mom.

I finally found her. Got her on the phone and she blasted me saying "Get me out of here".

We had to put her back with my father. She passed away from her various woes, and THAT'S WHEN MY FATHER BLOSSOMED. Never saw a man get better so fast. He had congestive heart failure, but after she passed away, they made him the nursing home mailman and he scooted around in his scooter thing. They actually took him off of hospice because he did so well. He was 80.

I visited him whenever I could.

He died a good death (so they tell me). On Christmas Eve, in 1995, he simply got up off of his scooter thing, sat down in a chair and passed away. A nurse promptly called me and said "I know this is hard to hear, but if a person has to pass away, THIS IS THE WAY TO DO IT." i understood.

Addictions, no matter what they are, rob us and everyone else of various qualities of life.

I am grateful (to whoever is in charge), that I found the strength to stop eating what I was eating and turn myself around. My husband (who never cooked a darn thing in his life), well, he had no choice. He's healthier too.

We try and find something to laugh about every day.

But when I get these phone calls and hear what she says, well, it brings me to a place where I really don't want to be.

I am so sorry for the losses you have endured. You mother sounded like a real sweetheart and I'm glad she was there for you.

I understand your regrets about your brother.

I had regrets about not being able to help my son. But I've talked to professionals and I can't let it kill me. My son is still alive, but has no family values, no family contact, and exists only in virtual reality worlds. THIS IS PROBABLY THE NEW ADDICTION THAT IS GOING AROUND. It's affecting quite a bit of our young people. Mostly young men.

I can either hit myself in the head over this, or I can move on.

I chose to move on. My husband is having more difficulty with this, but we'll get through it. Holidays are the hardest. Judgemental friends and family are even harder. They should walk in my shoes for 5 minutes, then they can tell me what to do.

We can't rescue people. I know this. Sometimes the heart doesn't fully understand but after a while, the head kicks in and I am better.

I can't look at any photographs of my son. They are all turned downward in drawers, and such. My husband had to go through them all so I could get other photos I wanted to see. I took down photos that were on the wall. I put up others.

It's the way my mind works to detach myself form his various addictions. He's a controlling personality with various diagnoses.

Nothing I can do. I gave it 28 years.

Now I have to find my own happiness.

Otherwise I would be dead.

And I DON'T WANT TO BE DEAD!!!

So my dear, I appreciate that you took the time to write to me and share your information.

Here's another hug.

:hug:

Love Melody

oh, I left off the one Rochelle wanted me to write about!

my friend discovered at the beginning of last fall that her husband had moved a young chippie into their home and bed, while she was working here in Belize.

she flew north to confront him, that didn't go well, and on her way back, she was assaulted at knife-point, robbed, and nearly raped before help arrived.

she came to us a total MESS, and I let her stay here (in our tiny cabana guesthouse) for 9 weeks.

I kept making excuses for her inconsiderate behaviour (she needs help. she needs time, she's hurting) she drank up the cases of beer I keep on hand for guests... (we rarely imbibe) and so, it went on and on and on.

then, she began saying she didn't want to LIVE anymore, and I finally had to lay it on the line, as my physical and mental health was at stake.

she wasn't picking up after herself, nor assisting with the farm, nor contributing to overhead (power, water, etc.) and all she was was a DRAIN.

yet she always had money for eating out, travelling, and partying... and it got so I built up a resentment mountain in my heart.

there was no way in Hades I could deal with a crying miserable suicidal friend any longer, so I had to show her the gate.

"Goodbye, we love you, but you need PROFESSIONAL HELP, and we can't give it to you here!"

she's off now sailing the Caribbean, as crew on a ship, and I'm pretty sure she'll "forget" to ever pay us back for her 9 weeks of meals and lodging.

:sigh:

that's the last time anyone will ever take advantage of my generosity.

:(

good though, Melody... to hear how your Dad blossomed, that's amazing.

:hug:

Where do I start?

I know nothing was going to sober me up until something like The Wreck happened. (pics on my myspace). No matter what I lost; my wife and sons, job, our home, it didn't make me snap me out of it. Those bad things helped create the Eeyore in me. Liquor became my favorite crutch. And I couldn't recognize the cycle until I was in the hospital for 10 weeks; I didn't have what I wanted so I drank. And because I drank, I didn't get what I wanted.

I tried AA before the wreck. Used to go there drunk or start drinking shortly after I left the meeting. I was too far gone for an intervention, my wife leaving and taking our sons hurt but I still drank... because of the hurt.

Addicts and alcoholics and those damned rationalizations. Making excuses for our actions is what keeps us in the hole.

I had to hit my own rock bottom to start digging out. Your friend (and anyone else in the pit) have different 'bottoms'. I even had friends and family 'cut me off'. Still wasn't enough.

So! As far as your friend goes, I offer only two choices:

1. Cut her off. It doen't have to be soap opera dramatic and you don't even have to tell her until she asks. No more communications between you two. You don't need people around you like her.

Redefine "friend". It isn't all take and no give on one persons part. I try to be "friendly" -an adverb- to everyone, but I have few "friends" -a noun. I've had to give that speech to everybody 10 years younger than me when I was in management at different jobs. But this ain't about me.

2 Make the decision for her. If #1 doesn't sit well with you, go the opposite direction. Put her in a car and take her to be admitted to get dried out in a rehab center.

Talk doesn't fix all problems. Action is needed.

Moose:

I read everything you said.

As far as No. 2 is concerned "put her in a car and drive her to rehab".

I don't drive, and we live in different states. We see each other from time to time but she won't drive long distances and it's her husband who takes her evrywhere. So that option is not going to happen.

And get this.

Two minutes ago, she called me all hysterical.

Her son has been admitted YET AGAIN, to the hospital for pancreatitis. He's been drinking since he's 18 and he's now 31. He might also have pneumonia.

She called me from the lawyer's office because she's involved in a dispute over a will, and this dispute involves her family.

Her family won't let her be with them when they testify and accused her of threatening them this morning (when she was in the hospital with her son). Her husband was with her.

Her family ARE PIECES OF WORK, believe me on this. They are after money and they'll go right over her.

So, in HER mind, she has no supportive family, her son is an alcoholic and is AGAIN hospitalized, she is in an unhappy marriage, blah blah blah.

I wasn't prepared for the phone call this morning. I knew she was going to see her mother and other family members but she was not prepared for them to accuse her of what they did. And no one thought the son would have the crisis he had.

A family member died two years ago and EVERYBODY wants a piece of the will and everybody is suing everybody and they are all accusing each other of this and that. This goes on all the time when it comes to estates, trusts, wills, etc. This I know.

But she cries and says "but she was my mother, what kind of a mother does that". I would say "When it comes to fighting over money, the greed comes out in everybody, so just get clean and sober and stop focusing on YOUR MOTHER, because you can't do anything about YOUR MOTHER but you can DO SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF.

Doesn't work, because her coping mechanism is alcohol. I know that after the court case is over by this afternoon, she'll visit her son in the hospital, then she'll go home and get plastered. She absolutely is not up to getting clean and sober. that much is obvious.

It's very hard to walk away from someone when their son is in the hospital and she HAS ABSOLUTELY NO FAMILY MEMBERS to talk to her (whether on the phone or in person).

No one is a winner in this case. I fear for her sanity.

Her voice was trembling. She was sober (because she was in the courthouse in a stairwell).

I told her "you must stop crying, comport yourself, and stand up, go back in the court room and face your mother and family. Don't break down.

I have no idea what's going to happen.

Good Lord, it's hard enough having an addiction problem, but then your son's in the hospital, (because he's an alcoholic), and now your mother is in the court room accusing you left and right.

I never heard of so much drama in one day in all my life.

I know I gave her good support over the phone.

This woman WILL NEVER GO FOR HELP. Not on her own merit. She will probably have a breakdown, be hospitalized and then she'll be FORCED TO GO TO REHAB. At least I think that's what happens.

I might be wrong.

Her husband is so embarassed by all of this all he does is get mad, calls me up and says;

"why can't she stop drinking"??? He is from another country and they drink socially all the time.

I just calmly said "she has a disease, she needs to go into rehab".

His response" "that's ridiculous, I can have a drink now and then, why can't she".

Oh, and you'll love this. Last year, they did an intervention on the son.

All the father's family came over to do the intervention. What did they bring with them? A bottle of vodka.

I just stared at the phone and said "what???"

Someone had the wisdom to say: "put that away, he's coming down to the kitchen".

Good Lord.

Melody

well, I never thought my mom would get help, much less succeed, and get a TEN YEAR PIN !!

but, she did... people's inner strength to kick the bottle amazes me, and she's proof that programs and support WORK.

like our Moosie, it took a car wreck to make her see the light.

raised to be a good Catholic girl, my mom endured the utter degradation and humiliation of being ARRESTED, handcuffed, and jailed.

luckily, nobody was hurt in the accident, but that was enough of a wake-up call.

SHAME WORKS !!

my mom was so ashamed that she actually HID the gin bottles from the GARBAGEMAN (when we cleaned her room, we found dozens, and dozens, in the closet, under the bed, under the bathroom sink, in boxes on the shelves, BLEH !!

Melody, in order for shaming to work, the person already has to have a sense of shame.

is your friend ashamed of what she's doing?

or perhaps, you can convince her that she won't get a "slice of the pie" if she doesn't sober up... to handle the legal details.

and then, she won't ENJOY "eating the pie" unless she's sober, she'll just fritter it away.

good luck, and keep us posted on how your friend's doing, Melody.

:grouphug::hug::grouphug:

Hitting bottom
 

Melody, I don't know if this helps, but alcoholics don't quit [because it's too HARD] until they hit bottom or lose everything, including friends. Tell her your her friend, but that she has a problem which is killing her, and you don't want to support her in this. Say you will be there when she has completed treatment and started regular AA meetings. And then hang up. For even better advice, attend an Alynon meeting. Don't know where one is? Call your local AA chapter. Been there done that billie bluecat

Hi Billie:

Well, she still drinks every night. I don't talk to her at night anymore. I don't even phone her. She phones me. She is very lonely since her son moved out. And yes, he is still drinking. Even with his pancreas problems.

And she is still drinking her wine. Every evening.

But a very odd thing happened yesterday. I have been busy for two days and I didn't know my phone was off the hook. So if anyone phoned me it went directly to my Verizon voicemail.

Last night around 6 p.m. I noticed that my phone was indeed off the hook and I said "Alan, I bet people have been trying to get me". I picked up the receiver, heard the beep beep beep (that tells me I have voice mail messages) and sure enough there were 4 or 5 messages from her with a worry in her voice saying "Melody, are you all right, where are you, I'm calling a friend and we are coming over, I don't know what to do, WHERE ARE YOU?"" She lives in another state like I said in previous posts.

I looked at Alan and said "Oh my goodness, what is wrong with her, why is she so dependant and worried, can't I have my own life for 2 days??"

He said "you better have a talk with her".

I had to go out and I told him "If she calls (and I knew she would), just pick up the phone and say "Hi, the phone was off the hook, we didn't know it, she went out for a bit, she'll call you back".

(Oh, 3 or so years ago), she couldn't get me (phone off the hook again), and when she finally got me, she was crying and said "I called the police, and told them that I can't reach my two elderly friends". I looked at the phone and said: "ELDERLY???ELDERLY???"

Then (this is 3 years ago), while I was on the phone with her, I could hear helicopter noises on her end of the phone and I said "what on earth is that?" and she said: "oh my god, the cops made a mistake and they are circling MY house instead of yours".

I said "Don't you ever do this again, don't send any cops to my house, are you crazy?" And this never happened again.

WELL!!! when I came home last night at 7:30 p.m. I phoned her and said "What is wrong with you, I'm fine, why are you so worried".

She kept saying "I was thinking of you all day long, I was so worried, I called my friend Shirley and we were going to drive into New York and go in front of your apartment until we saw you".

I said "Didn't you stop and think that MAYBE my phone was off the hook again, AND WHY DIDN'T YOU EMAIL ME? (She doesn't like to use her computer).

She said 'That's what Shirley told me, and I was going to have Shirley email you and if we didn't hear from you one more day, I was going to get her to drive me to your house in Brooklyn".

I see where this is all going. She is extremely needy and dependant on me. I get that. But I can't stand having to account for my whereabouts TO ANYONE.

I guess I should be happy that someone cares if I live or die, But honestly, to have her call her friends, and have her think of calling the cops, and have someone drive her to my home to check on me ...simply because she hasn't spoken to me for one day and one half, is absolutely ridiculous.

I have no idea if this behavior is linked to her drinking.

Can someone please clarify this for me.?

Much appreciated.

Melody

P.S. And I know about ALANON and all the other programs because I went to Gamanon meetings when we found out my son was a gambler.

Saved my sanity.

Never gave him a dime after that. I knew not to enable.

Linked to many things
 

Melody - I feel that t he dependency behavior as well as the compusive behavior are linked to the drinking, but that is not to say that one caused the other. The same personality characteristics of excessive dependency and compulsive behaviors, also depression, anxiety, paranoia, ect. have some tendency to concur together with alcohol/drug abuse. Also, they say that when a person with a predisposition for alcoholism begins to drink, their emotional maturity stops. For most of us [I'm 19 years sober], this began in adolescence, and even after sobering up, I'm still trying to grow up and to stop calling the police when I can't locate my aging Dad. But he's 85 and usually at home, so there is some basis. Besides in his small town, the only officer knows Dad and the usual places to search, but still. I recall that I started drinking to ease my childhood depression and anxiety. She probably has little control over what she is doing, rediculous or otherwise. How is her husband connected? Is she dependent on him, too. Sounds like it's his place to inact an intervention. Is she intoxicated or drinking when she talks to you? You might try, "I love you and I'm fine but I'm going to stop talking to you when you're drinking. Even if she calls the police, they'll get used to it. They deal with such things all the time. Try Alonon. I'm been basically homebound since I retired. [After I quit drinking, I substituted workaholism], so Alynon might still be able to offer the best answers. :hug: billie

Billie:

Funny you should mention the word INTERVENTION.

Quite some time ago, she phoned me and said "I had my intervention today"

She has other friends who live closer and who drive and who she is friends with for over 40 years, and they got together with HER SON, WHO IS A RAGING ALCOHOLIC, and they did an intervention on her.

When she told me that she walked into her living room to see ALL OF THEM SITTING ON CHAIRS, and then HER SON SPOKE UP, and said "Mom we are worried about you, you are falling down dead drunk, passing out, we are all worried, you must stop". (well I just sat there looking at the phone because an alcohlic gave her an intervention???

So I just replied "So what happened"?> And she just told me what everybody said and I said "so what are you going to do?"

And she said :

"I'm not ready but I'll think about it'.

The very next day she phoned me and said:

"I am mad as hell, I just spoke to my therapist and she said "HOW DARE HE GIVE YOU AN INTERVENTION, HE'S AN ALCOHOLIC".

I said: "Let me ask you a question, "Your therapist doesn't think you should go into rehab??" She said 'my therapist always says I will go when I'm ready"

That was probably a year ago, and nothing changed.

Billie, you wrote:

"Is she intoxicated or drinking when she talks to you? You might try, "I love you and I'm fine but I'm going to stop talking to you when you're drinking. Even if she calls the police, they'll get used to it."

I have done this MANY TIMES. By the time she comes home from work, she hits the wine, and by 6 p.m. she calls me and she's slurring like crazy.

The other night I said "oh my god, you're drinking already, how many have you had?" She said 'no, I'm not drinking". She couldn't put two sentences together by the way. I then repeated "how many have you had"?
And she said: "Only 2"

I do not enjoy having conversations with her because she never remembers anything we speak about.

I guess I must be the most uncompassionate person in the world (I sound like I am don't I).

I guess I've been through so much with my son, I am absolutely numb.

But I thank for your advice and much congratulations on being sober for 19 years.

I think the bravest people in the whole world are the people in recovery.

Melody